The woman above is named Jazz. She has been growing her nails for 22 years. Her longest measures two feet. She was profiled on My Strange Addiction last night, and while being addicted to nail-growing strikes me as being addicted to the slowest release capsule imaginable, I am not complaining. I got to learn all about how she does things (including wipe her ladyparts – see below) and how she regards her nails ("precious to the heart" and a "girl's best friend"). I wrote about her for work, and I also made her my hero, but nothing captures curled and gnarled nails like seeing them in action, so I made a bunch of gifs of her below. I think you'll find that this puts my gif wall of Coko to shame.
I love that the show put Jazz in situations that maximized her ridiculousness, like eating lobster and crab, which she had never done before. Even better: while at lunch, she told her eating companion (her…niece maybe?) that someone in the mall had come up to her and told her that she thought Jazz's nails were nasty. "They're just jealous," was the companion's response. I know that's often the right thing to say, but something tells me that was not the case in this particular confrontation.
Jazz has a bunch of words printed on her nails, to varying degrees of hilarity:
Here's the best (though "Escalade" is a strong second):
I like to think that these are her nails' names – it's not far off as she refers to them with the same amount of pride and concern as her children. And pork chops, I guess.
And just in case you were worried about Jazz overcoming her addiction:
What do you think this is, Intervention?