As I've been saying for a while now (recapping be damned), I'm over America's Next Top Model. In confirmation, I thought last night's Cycle 18 premiere was fucking dreadful. I wrote about it for work, and a tweet I sent out with a link to that piece turned into an extremely unpleasant interaction:
I know people like that person from her past appearances on reality TV (I'm not much familiar with much beyond her name and occupation), but I think on ANTM, she is on some sub-Twiggy level shit. So dull. Here's the commentary on her that appeared in my review:
The biggest alteration arrives late in the premiere, when it is announced that fashion PR and reality TV vet Kelly Cutrone has replaced André Leon Talley on the judges’ panel. While Talley brought cloaks, his own vocabulary (“Dreckitude!”) and a sense of absurd performance (“I feel like I’m in a cinematic moment of something wonderful!”), Cutrone’s sole flash of color comes when she pronounces “aristocracy” as “UH-ris-to-crasy.” She is virtually lifeless, delivering flat line after flat line in a chat forum that demands animation (“It’s an unfortunate picture,” “The clothes are wearing her, she’s not wearing the clothes”). At one point, she describes her PR work by saying, “It’s my job to make them think they want things they don’t need.” If she’s trying to convince us that she’s what Top Model needs, she’s doing a terrible job.
A bit later, I recieved this reply:
There are many lessons to learn from this:
1. Kelly Cutrone does not know how to or care about using Twitter, because she relies on tmi.me to complete her thoughts. Here is her tweet in full:
2. Kelly Cutrone has some kind of a search on her name that allows her to see whenever anyone has mentioned her (you'll note that I wrote out her name, and didn't @ her in my original tweet). She, like much of our population and virtually all of it that is on television, is a narcissist.
3. Kelly Cutrone equates bad writing with saying bad things about her.
4. Kelly Cutrone equates being a faker with saying bad things about her.
5. Kelly Cutrone thinks that hating involves saying anything negative, no matter how much (obviously subjective) support is provided for that opinion.
6. Kelly Cutrone thinks that a writer says things in reviews to make careers. Please. Like I care. If I had the power to make or break careers with my writing, I would abscond my post. If anything, I perversely enjoy having people like Cutrone around because they give me something to complain about.
7. Kelly Cutrone cares way more than she says she does by virtue of her addressing my writing in the first place.
Her transparency is depressing. Everything about this is! You'd think that someone who's been on reality TV for years (as an older, often dowdy female -- a subset that is treated horribly by the world and particularly by those into schadenfreude) would know that people will say things about her that aren't very nice. And if these bother her, as they clearly do, she shouldn't be looking at them, much less seeking them out. If you don't like seeing the insides of people, avoid porn and/or rotten.com. If you don't like reading potentially negative things about yourself, don't put a fucking alert/customized Twitter search on your name. What a damn fool. Her critique was baseless and thus inoffensive to me:
At this point, I had also retweeted her initial tweet, treating the world to a level of interpersonal nonsense that so often plays out on glowing screens. Cutrone replied soon after:
Here we learn that Kelly Cutrone not only cares about her amount of Twitter followers, she openly cares about them to the point of shaming someone for having fewer than she does. I thought that she fancied herself some tough-talking, New York Times bestselling broad. Where's the debating here? Where's the intellect? She did the equivalent of calling me ugly after I turned down her advances. If I have so little reach, why even dignify it with a response and then twist it into mocking charity? That doesn't even make sense. Also, she has about 130,000 Twitter followers and since we're ruminating on numbers, that seems like a low number to someone who once had a show with her name in the title, not that I usually think about such petty bullshit.
I'm almost tempted to call her a hypocrite, but I think hypocrisy describes a conflict of principles (through words or actions) and Kelly Cutrone's sole discernible stance in this whole stupid thing is, "You wrote a bad thing about me and so you suck." What a baby. What an unseasoned clod. Why haven't her years in PR prepared her for dealing with criticism? She must really hate herself to be so affected by what some yahoo said about her on Twitter. As infuriating as her masochism is (and irritating when it became my problem), I felt sad for her, and tweeted as much:
Great, more status-shaming (and not even accurate, at that). I know and work with plenty of people in PR, who are not only good people but great at their jobs, but she must be aware that a certain segment of the population totally looks down on her chosen profession, right? There are a lot of people to whom "publicist" is synonymous with "joke." We're all aware that any snootiness coming from a flack is put on and absurd performance, right? And we know that someone who openly admits on television that, "It’s my job to make them think they want things they don’t need," is admitting that she is wasting her life, right? Her pride in being soulless is embarrassing and her resulting condescension makes it despicable. Someone who makes people want things they don't need when she isn't slumming it on a CW show that was already getting to be unbearable five fucking years ago is superior to whom?
You know when you say something that isn't entirely nice and then you regret it because, hey, your subject is a person with actual feelings and everyone deals with their shit (especially women, who deal with so much shit) and it's terrible to add to it and be reminded of adding to it by their clear display of woundedness? But then their reaction is dozens of times less humane then yours and it completely justifies your ill feelings about that person in the first place? That's what happened here. I'm sad for Kelly Cutrone, but not sad enough to refrain from pointing out how awful she is.