I was singing for you! We were all singing for you!

It is a -- how you say? -- fierce week to be a fan of America's Next Top Model, a show so cultish, it seems increasingly unpretentious about its status as solely a means to an end of good television, not flourishing careers (Work it, Naima . . . what's that? You can't find work?). Tonight, UPN will air the special Return to the Runway. I have no idea what it's about, but I'm guessing it'll be a clue-in on how far the Cycle 4 hoes have not proceeded on the great runway ahead. Then, and maybe most excitingly, Wednesday's The Tyra Banks Show will reunite 14 past contestants of all four cycles for no good reason, except to promote the ANTM premiere (beware, though -- if you clicked the link you can see that Jay "The Real Miss" Manuel will be appearing, too -- he's seriously like a fucking annoying relative or co-worker that you have no chance of ever shaking). Then the Cycle 5, two-hour premiere happens tomorrow night.

So that's four hours of ANTM-related viewing (not counting the endless bonus footage UPN throws on its site -- the digital equivalent of spiked Kool-Aid). I'll be watching all of it and commenting on most of it. Yeah, it's gonna be that kind of a week.

To kick things off, I want to share one of my favorite things about ANTM -- singing along to its supposed-to-be-wordless theme song (wordless except for the "You wanna be on top?" interjections of the beginning). Anyway, here, listen to it. Hear how after a few bars, it starts in with the main, high-pitched melody? I like to sing, "Top model-model-model" along to that. It works! (A similar insert-title-here effect can be had via the DUH-DUH-DUH-DUH-DUH-DUH-DUH-DUUUHHHHHHH of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire -- it's all about working the show's title or a variation into a given amount of notes). Anyway, I realize this may sound confusing and, truth be told, is more stupid than Jay Manuel's reasoning that he should always look as orange as possible. If this isn't clear and you're feeling brave, here's a more detailed example of how it should go: ANTM theme sing-along.

You'll notice that besides the obligatory ANTM one, I've added a new category to my bar on the right: Dumbness. Now that ANTM is back in session, there's going to be a lot of that. Can't wait!

Comments

[Carly]

Please tell me you're blogging tonight's festivities, as I will be lost in Nip/Tuck land. That's the only show that takes precedence over ANTM in my books, but I ain't missing tomorrow's premiere for all the foundation in a Cover Girl factory.

[Rich]

Congratulations, Carly, you're still in the running towards becoming Rich's Next Favorite Person.

Yeah, I'll do something on the we're-all-losers special. At the very least, I'll show you what they look like.

[Artie James]

I usually do interpretive dance to the opening theme music of ANTM or make my friends "model walk" with household cleaning supplies around my abode while I play Ms. Jay. So thanks for adding lyrics which gives a whole 'nother layer to this madness. Unfortunately, I'm gonna miss tonites special episode (only Ro & Harvey playing the Fiddle on Broadway could keep me away!) but I will promptly check for your comments manana. You.are.genius. :-)

[onenami1lion]

I thought I was the only one that that would sing along w/ the theme song, "You wanna be on top?" lol the first time I heard that, i was like wtf but I never let it go. That song totally preps me for the show. It makes me feel bitchy and superficial in zero to five seconds.

Is sounds like you're sing "Money, Money, Money", which is also completely appropriate.

[emily]

hey, love your site. i was laughing so much seeing the speech bubble for the tyrasaurus - "shake ya model-model". i'm hooked on the theme tune too! i'm from england and i love the Top Model show. keep making me laugh!

[Vee]

have you heard the new theme song i love it! You wanna be on top, A NA na na na naoohah X 2 this time i'm making it HOT Model with a burning passion ohh na na na na na na oooh na na na na na na oooh na na na na na na ooh nananananana i wanna bee on top! I'm not sure thats the real lyrics but thats all i can make out.

[Jazzie]

Happy, gongradulations your still in the running twards becoming SNOW WHITE'S NEXT FAVORITE DWARF
The next photos
Dashful,
Sneezy,
Doc, Congradulations
Dopey, Congradulations your still in the running twards SNOW WHITE'S NEXT FAVORITE DWARF
Will Grumpy and Sleepy please step forward
Grumpy, you had a terrible attitude and i didn't like that
and Sleepy, you seemed to have, well umm, you seemed to have slep through the photo shoot, and you ten to sleep walk so while you did that you knocked over the camera and the whole entire set! So, uhhh, anyway, I, Snow White only have one photo in my hands and that photo represents the dwarf that will still be in the running twards becoming SNOW WHITE's FAV......ahhhh you get the point! So the person who is staying is..........Sleepy! Thanks Grumpy but you were just really too grumpy! "Whateva I'm out" said Grumpy. Toon in next time to see who gets eliminated next!!!!!!!!!!!

[aa]

hey. do u noe the the song for antm, its like...''

ta na na na na na, wanna be on top''
lmao, seriously

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