Me and you and everyone: We blow

Oh, that wacky Miranda July and her zany (but serious!) directorial debut, Me and You and Everyone We Know.

I know, I know: I'm late on this one. It's been out on DVD for almost two months, for Christ's sake. And yet, I'm compelled to share my loathing. Hate like this comes once or maybe twice a year. It's like Christmas with mouth foaming!

How much did I hate this movie? Enough to stew in my hatred until it felt good. Enough to want to talk about it with everyone I encounter (it is, after all an award-winning critics' favorite -- the repeated head scratching feels even better than the warmth of the stew!). Enough to watch it twice and take screencaps.

The film is virtually plotless, which isn't a fault in itself -- it's that its plotlessness forces all the weight on the film's sooooooo unusual characters. Characters who:

. . . light their own hands on fire . . .

. . . and become distraught over a goldfish that's soon to die.

Characters who . . .

. . . are white, teen Cody Chestnutt fans . . .

. . . are art curators with ironic mugs . . .

. . . are grade-school girls with appliance fixations.

Characters who . . .

. . . write on shoes . . .

. . . exchange scatological IMs . . .

. . . repeatedly . . .

. . . and leave solicitations on their windows for flirtatious jail bait . . .

If I ever have to endure this much indiescum quirkiness, I'm going to choke myself with a Mr. Furley scarf. Or a set of white earbud headphones. Or the L train.

The examples above of how fucking false and grating July's characters are ripped from context to highlight the all-too-self-aware eccentricities of her script. This, however, falls in line with her writing (or, at least, editing) method, which is to create as many scenic non sequiturs as possible, so that punchlines become straight pummeling.

Example:

Sylvie (the appliance-loving child): (referring to a Braun hand mixer) Is it a classic instrument?
Kitchen department clerk: What?
Sylvie: Is it timeless or is it likely to go out of style in the next 20 years?
Clerk: I would say it's a new classic, but 20 years is a long time. I think everything's going to be computerized in 20 years.
Sylvie: Soup won't be computerized.
Clerk: Why not?
Sylvie: It's a liquid.
(End scene)

If the preciousness and obviousness (from the mouths of tech-savvy babes!) of that exchange doesn't make you want to enlist Braun products for a mass homicidal endeavor, Me and You and Everyone We Know could be the film for you! It's the most beautiful motion picture since The Flower That Drank the Moon!

I'm happy to report, that Me and You is not for me -- I don't know any of those empty-tongued people, and I'm thankful for it. Maybe I don't "get" July's tremblingly cheerful, willfully alterna outlook on life, just like I don't "get" her primary medium (before this, that is), performance art.

You know how fucking annoying it is when someone (particularly someone you're meeting for the first time) describes themselves as weird? You know how it gets even more infuriating as they go to lengths describing or even proving their weirdness? Me and You is an hour and a half of that.

It's masturbatory . . .

. . . but in a completely, y'know, different way.

Comments

[moss]

ughhhhhhhh performance "art".. gah...

[kaja]

and to think i actually considered watching that movie. thank you!

[brandy]

I once knew a guy who applied for art school and got in with no portfolio because he convinced the school he was a "performance artist"
He was a bit famous for awhile for puking on things.

I puke on things and Ive never been famous.

and is pooing back and forth even possible?

Have you seen the "Aristocrats" yet...(not to be confused with the AristoCATS a very delightful tail/tale of some cats)

[katie]

ha ha. That movie was lame, but my sister and I ALWAYS make fun of the pooping in each others butt. ))<>(( ha ha dumb movie.

[Kimmy]

I loved this movie so much, I mean come on... the little kid was halarious.

[jordan]

i totally agree...i saw this movie on a date (worst date movie ever!) and felt like the dumbest person alive when all the artists i live with explained that it wasn't a bad movie, i just didn't get what a perfect portrayal of love in a modern world this movie signified. i'd like to poop in the butt of the person who made this, and not in a good way.

[Chris]

I must see this for the mentally ill little girl. Not the one with the sweet little nipples.

[Nilblogette]

I've heard many conflicting reviews, having been at Sundance last year where it was all the rage, and having an IFC employed friend who loathes it. I knew I sure as hell didn't want to see it, but your pics are everything I feared it would be and so much more.

[Candice]

"i'd like to poop in the butt of the person who made this, and not in a good way."

Haaaaa! Well said. No more indie bullshit, PLEASE. And yes, "Garden State," I'm glancing in your direction too.

[Iris]

It's movies like this that make me boycott Angelika.

Choke yourself with the L train? Dang, I love this blog.

[friend]

It seems as though Miranda July wrote down the funniest things she had ever heard, and put it all in one hodge-podge movie. I'll give you that. However, it did actually make me laugh out loud in some parts, which few movies do. And two of the scenes I found touching, and some of it, refreshing. It was definitely overpraised. However, I don't think it's a movie worth hating. I'm surprised you cared so much. Why did you watch it twice?! Go see The Dying Gaul.

[B.]

Since you love Top Model and I love Top Model, you are my guiding light in matters of entertainment. And to think, this was near the top of my Netflix queue. Thank you for allowing me more space for the new "24" DVDs. Maybe you should do a monthly "Movies to Avoid" posting. If only you could have saved me from renting and watching "Melinda and Melinda" too (although that rental was really the fault of a Woody Allen-loving friend so maybe there was no hope of rescue there).

[Nick]

IF YOU HAD A LIFE, YOU WOULD BE DEAD TO ME.

Seriously, though, I loved this movie and cried, cried, cried, but I think you know what they say about guys with big hearts!

[annie]

How weird.. I JUST saw this movie for the first time yesterday too! I laughed at the back and forth part of course, but overall I didn't get it. Not because I'm an idiot like some pretentious art students would lead you to believe, but because it didn't make any goddamned sense. Thank you.

[annie]

PS. I love Winston!

[Meany]

I have not seen this movie, but your hateful review made me chortle anyway, so mad propz to you. Also, the Ghost World reference = HA!

[candycorn]

i had the same reaction to "i (heart) huckabees" ... as soon as marky mark started philosophizing, i was gone ... britney spears apparently auditioned for the role naomi watts had in that movie; that might have made me stick around - for sheer comic value/drinking game potential alone.

[Grace]

I have to tell you that I think your cat Winston looks like Dwight from American version, The Office.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v79/Chasezy/Misc/dwight.jpg

[Lucycat]

Like B, I had this high up in my Netflix queue so thanks for the heads up.

[jeremy]

you could do a lot worse than this movie.
por ejemplo:
http://imdb.com/title/tt0084314/
miranda july is as sweet as cupcakes and if you hate things that are cloying, then i say stay away.

[Lena]

Wow....Winston really does look like Dwight.....

But now I might have to watch this movie just so I can watch it and then justifiably hate it.

[Quel]

Bummer! I've been looking forward to seeing this movie for so long. Never got around to seeing it inthe theater, but I've heard so many good thins about it. I trust your recaps so much. Now I'm afraid I won't like it. I'm still hopeful though. It couldn't have been that bad. The poop thing is a little disturbing though.

[Eliot]

))<>((

I can't remember a movie ever making me as angry as this one.

What a rip-roaring joke of a film. As "quirky" as she'd like his film to appear, I think this cinematic attempt at hip, subversive performance art is as calculated as her outfits.

How dare she imply a love for ugly orthopedic shoes ("substance") while wearing vintage jeans and little boy tee shirts ("style"). What a douchebag.

She's a poor man's Todd Solondz, and I don't even like his movies.

[markus]

i agree with eliot! she so wants to hang with the cool kids but she's an obvious imposter.

[Hethz]

Happiness was better.

Oh, Eliot beat me to it.