Heidi is my homegirl

Here's where I finally get around to talking about Project Runway. Like the post-gimmick (Crying Count, Bug-O-Meter, Tyraism) part of my weekly ANTM recap, my Project Runway rundowns are going to be scattered notes -- more companion pieces than recaps (and I use the word "pieces" loosely). This means that if you don't watch the show or if you happen to miss an episode, I'm probably not going to be much help. On top of that, don't expect the (serpentine) exhaustiveness of my writing about ANTM -- I like Project Runway but because it's a competition of actual talent (talent that goes beyond serving and fierceness, that is), it's just not as campy. This show isn't exactly a ridiculous, loveable sham.

I'm aiming to have these up on Thursdays, while the week's episode is fresh in everyone's head. But even though I'm planning to keep things looser and briefer than the ANTM coverage, I might not be able to restrain myself and may need more time. I don't know, we'll see.

Anyway, enough of this babble and onto the, uh, babble...

1. Question: How do you make a blond German supermodel with a very unique take on English and pronunciation more kitschy?

Answer: Knock her up!

It's gonna be a lot of fun watching the adventures of that belly button.

2. The first hour of the somewhat exhausting two-hour premiere spotlighted not only a "semifinal" round (which contained only two more contestants than the regular competition ended up housing, but whatever), but went back even further to showcase audition footage. The freaks come out, not at night as you might expect, but early.

This lady showed off the children's clothing she designs by slapping it on a mannequin and bringing it in.

Way to scare yourself out of the competition!

Speaking of a scare . . .

. . . it's hard to tell, but I'm pretty sure that this is the increasingly visible Matthew Fashion. Homophobes, have I got a friend for you!

A total crazy that made it through this round to the "semifinal" round was this lovely Alabama native:

Unfortunately, she put little effort into the first challenge and was booted before the post-semifinal competition. ANTM would have never booted her low-functioning ass that early! When Heidi K. sent her off with her reliable, "Auf wiedersehen," Heidi S., responded, "Hmm, I don't know what that means, but bye!" Genius. Gone too soon.

4. A few contestants from last season showed up to help select those from the audition round. Say hi to Austin Scarlett . . .

. . . which is a lot like saying hi to Hildegarde.

4. As far as the real contestants go, so far, my early favorite is self-professed nerd Diana.

She's into infusing technology with fashion, and I really hope that we'll be seeing at least one of her outfits go totally haywire on its model. She doesn't read fashion magazines, though you'd never be able to tell by looking at her.

I've got my eye on Zulema as a potential shit stirrer.

I'm hoping she pulls through.

I may regret saying this, but Nick looks kinda good.

Though he might be kinda sexy in that fuck-him-three-times-and-then-ew kinda way . . .

. . . see?

But, then again . . .

. . . he looks about eight years younger than his actual age (38).

Youthful!

Inviting!

He's no Bre, but I'm open to starting something.

Finally, Santino's cockiness is infectious and, thus far, justified. He's owning the competition.

. . . even if he resembles Sid Haig's Captain Spaulding character from Rob Zombie's House of 1,000 Corpses and The Devil's Rejects.

I hope he does something depraved and derivative of The Texas Chain Saw Massacre soon.

5. Dixie Carter's now designing clothes?

6. I forgot how impossibly dry and awesome Tim Gunn is (he's the Chair of the Department of Fashion Design at Parsons The New School for Design who advises the designers as they toil away).

During the auditions, he told someone that the judges were "responding very, very well" to them. Uh, responding well? Does approval ever get more clinical? Do androids dream of woolen sheep?

7. Let's talk about this chick for a sec . . .

She's one of the models competing for a spread in Elle magazine (sadly, not shot by world-renowned photographer Gilles Bensimon). You may recognize her from the Neighborhoodies ads that have taken the Internet by storm. You may also recognize her from Cycle 3 of ANTM:

She made it to, but not past, the semifinals round. Most notably, she was terrorized by Tyra.

Nice to see her. Not nice to see her ass.

8. Speaking of models, I saw this girl spaz out and embrace her foolishness on the runway . . .

. . . and I felt like I was home. Danyelle, please call Tyra. I want to see more of what your mental deficiency has to offer.

Also, the sadistic challenge that spawned her outfit, in which the contestants had to hack up their own, prized clothing to make new pieces, just felt right, too.

Make them cry slowly, Heidi!

9. The episode highlight was was Andraé's inexplicable breakdown during the final judging.

Was he happy or sad? No one could tell -- not even Heidi. She was confused (please listen to that clip at least a dozen times successively -- please).

Andraé kept it up, blubbering with a British accent and going as far as to use the word "bedraggled."

Uh, who's a douchebag?

That's all for now. Like Andraé, I must flail go away.

Comments

[AJH]

When Andrae flailed, I died a little inside from laughter. He embodied everything about a ten year old girl who doesn't get her way in about 2 minutes time. I totally dug that dress though...hot;)

And am I crazy, or does Santino kinda look like Fagan from Oliver Twist? Granted it's a fashion forward and super talented version, but a little off kilter nonetheless.

I watched for most of last season (Austin was my fave followed closely by Jay) and am already mad impressed. The talent level is rather superior this time around, so it should prove to be a great show.

I must say, I already love Nick. His comments about Lupe going around and critiquing others...classic! "Well that's NERRRVY..."

[mariska]

Santino is so shoe in to win. I KISS THE GROUND THAT 44 WALKS ON...

[sbrainb]

That ass dress that Zulema or whoever designed was so shitty.. I could have made that.

GREAT "re-cap?"!!!! Santino's designs are great so far, But, so are Daniel Franco's (if he doesn't SELF DISTRUCT).

The ASS model has a pretty JIGGLY ASS for a 20'something year old.

I am looking forward to following the "Adventures of that belly button".

Somebody needs to give Andrae a pill or he'll be found hanging somewhere, unfortunately no one will know if it was from happiness or sadness.

[Sumati]

OMG thank you for doing PR!!! I love love LOVE that show.. and I LOVE your recaps.. so perfect combo!!!

I'm rooting for Santino, Chloe, and Diana.. Santino is awesome but his diva-tude is probably going to get on my nerves.. I think if Kara Saun and Jay of last season had a love child.. it's be Santino. LOL

Diana is just too cute for words! Her designs on her blog are super cute, so if she continues to crank things out like that.. she has a change of winning..

speaking of their blogs.. just thought you might get a laugh at Santino's blog (http://santinorice.com/) and his myspace (http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=554336). The pictures on there are hilarious!

Also, Diana's blog (http://home.comcast.net/~populartransit/poptrans/newframeset.htm) is very cool and intersting.

[Sumati]

and i cant spell this morning, so please ignore that

[Takeitoutside]

lol..I thought Andrae was going to pull out some sewing scissors and attack the judges.

How 'bout crazy Daniel Franco? I'm convinced they let him come back for the drama factor. He's fucking nuts...I was gonna recap but I'm totally lazy.

And is it just me or does Zulema look like Celie from The Color Purple--You sho' is ugly

[Chris]

Awesome recap except for "he looks good for 38". 38 isn't THAT old!!!! ;0

[Rich]

You're right -- that came out wrong. I fixed it (however awkwardly).

[duane]

I love you Rich. LOVE YOU! I wasn't even going to watch this show, but alas, I needed something to fill the void that was ANTM in my heart, and low and behold, I tivoed it. And loved it!!! I am with you... Nick's pretty cute. But I LOVE the stuff that Santino has designed. All of that stuff is awesome. I think that I may *gasp* even like this show as much as ANTM!!! I look forward to your "bits" about it!

[Chris]

All of us 38 year olds thank you!!! :)

[stroll]

Nick *does* look good. I'm rooting for him, not just cause he's cute though.

[katie]

I can't even tell you how happy I am that you're recapping Project Runway. I lived off your ANTM recaps; and am so very thrilled that we get to spend another 12 or so weeks together.

Meanwhile - Daniel Franco is just weird; Andrae is a total nutbag; and Diana is this year's Star.

Good call on the model - I love spotting ANTM rejects all around the web.
THANKS!

[carlos]

very nice, rich, thanks! another laff-riot and right on as usual... tim gunn is like martha stewart as a man: so dry, so rigid, so clenched ... my pick to win: miguel adrover wannabe, santino

[bethanne]

thank you rich! thank you thank you thank you!!!!!!!!!!

i'm on team santino. i love his designs, i love that he's an asshole and he's unapologetic about it. oh man, i know he's destined for good things.

i, however, do not want daniel franco to win at all. he was rejected the first time around for a reason and he shouldn't even be back for the second time and let others who are more deserving have their chance.

this season is going to be great! (and i don't mind if your recaps for project runway isn't going to be up to the usual ANTM stuff, but it's all good.)

[ChiliGurl]

*sigh* For some reason, I want to see much more of Austin Scarlett.

[KiKi]

Randomness..what kind of digi cam do you have?

And I love Santino!

[Raechel]

Hi. Um. I made a blog mostly about PR inspired by your ANTM posts. Except it doesn't have any screen caps, and, it's less witty. So. Uh. Yeah. Your Project Runway... thing, was better than mine. I like you. Whoever you are.

[jessica]

i am so fucking excited, i pissed my pants.

a couple of my girls and i have committed to being PR buddies, which may end up somewhere on the internet, but you better believe i am going to be word of mouthing your recaps all over the playground.

seriously, pissed my pants.

[jessica]

oh ps, diana is my favorite too, along with nick and emmett mccarthy, who makes me wish i was a hot young gay boy almost as much as tim gunn does.

and i dig santino but he laughed when andrae was melting down on the runway, and even though i did too i thought that was mean.

and raymundo! yay!

i am seriously excited for this season. yay!!!

[asshat]

wow, what a waste of time. yours and mine.

[a.]

This season is going to be sooooo good!

[AJH]

I just wanted to comment on what bethanne said about Daniel Franco. Last season he was booted after the first challenge, which had the contestants making an outfit out of items only found in a grocery store. He used butcher paper and trash bags...not the usual fabric's one is used to.

Now, while his design for that challenge was AWFUL I'm sort of glad they brought him back, because he's been doing some really incredible things with fabrics so far. I've been impressed at least. I don't think he'll make it to the end, but the exposure can't hurt and I'm rather interested to see how he does under the pressure as the show goes on.

I understand how it's not fair to bring him back, but from what was shown on the auditions, he was better then most of the people they saw. Just my thoughts.

I also just wanted to add that I used to be in fashion design in college (it will literally drive you crazy) and have worked with a LOT of muslin. The things that some of the designers did with it in the first challenge (Santino, Raymundo, Nick, and Emmett especially) were incredible. Muslin is basically a step up from a burlap sack and it's hideous looking. It's rough and mainly used for draping and pattern making. I think that it was a much better first challenge and shows a lot about the designers.

[t kitty]

rich, rich, rich. i don't know you, but i already love you. thanks to your insights into ANTM and now PR, i am at peace with continuing to make an ass of myself at work blathering on about these shows, because my co-workers are too evolved to, you know, watch television.

thank you for understanding that we watch for the trainwrecks (like andraé), not the talent!

p.s. i know it could never really work between us, since i'm fairly certain my cat would hate yours.

[jyesika]

Here's Diana's webpage http://home.comcast.net/~populartransit/poptrans/newframeset.htm

I think she seems like a doll. I'm frightened of Andrea, he's rather tacky.