Heidi is my homegirl

Here's where I finally get around to talking about Project Runway. Like the post-gimmick (Crying Count, Bug-O-Meter, Tyraism) part of my weekly ANTM recap, my Project Runway rundowns are going to be scattered notes -- more companion pieces than recaps (and I use the word "pieces" loosely). This means that if you don't watch the show or if you happen to miss an episode, I'm probably not going to be much help. On top of that, don't expect the (serpentine) exhaustiveness of my writing about ANTM -- I like Project Runway but because it's a competition of actual talent (talent that goes beyond serving and fierceness, that is), it's just not as campy. This show isn't exactly a ridiculous, loveable sham.

I'm aiming to have these up on Thursdays, while the week's episode is fresh in everyone's head. But even though I'm planning to keep things looser and briefer than the ANTM coverage, I might not be able to restrain myself and may need more time. I don't know, we'll see.

Anyway, enough of this babble and onto the, uh, babble...

1. Question: How do you make a blond German supermodel with a very unique take on English and pronunciation more kitschy?

Answer: Knock her up!

It's gonna be a lot of fun watching the adventures of that belly button.

2. The first hour of the somewhat exhausting two-hour premiere spotlighted not only a "semifinal" round (which contained only two more contestants than the regular competition ended up housing, but whatever), but went back even further to showcase audition footage. The freaks come out, not at night as you might expect, but early.

This lady showed off the children's clothing she designs by slapping it on a mannequin and bringing it in.

Way to scare yourself out of the competition!

Speaking of a scare . . .

. . . it's hard to tell, but I'm pretty sure that this is the increasingly visible Matthew Fashion. Homophobes, have I got a friend for you!

A total crazy that made it through this round to the "semifinal" round was this lovely Alabama native:

Unfortunately, she put little effort into the first challenge and was booted before the post-semifinal competition. ANTM would have never booted her low-functioning ass that early! When Heidi K. sent her off with her reliable, "Auf wiedersehen," Heidi S., responded, "Hmm, I don't know what that means, but bye!" Genius. Gone too soon.

4. A few contestants from last season showed up to help select those from the audition round. Say hi to Austin Scarlett . . .

. . . which is a lot like saying hi to Hildegarde.

4. As far as the real contestants go, so far, my early favorite is self-professed nerd Diana.

She's into infusing technology with fashion, and I really hope that we'll be seeing at least one of her outfits go totally haywire on its model. She doesn't read fashion magazines, though you'd never be able to tell by looking at her.

I've got my eye on Zulema as a potential shit stirrer.

I'm hoping she pulls through.

I may regret saying this, but Nick looks kinda good.

Though he might be kinda sexy in that fuck-him-three-times-and-then-ew kinda way . . .

. . . see?

But, then again . . .

. . . he looks about eight years younger than his actual age (38).

Youthful!

Inviting!

He's no Bre, but I'm open to starting something.

Finally, Santino's cockiness is infectious and, thus far, justified. He's owning the competition.

. . . even if he resembles Sid Haig's Captain Spaulding character from Rob Zombie's House of 1,000 Corpses and The Devil's Rejects.

I hope he does something depraved and derivative of The Texas Chain Saw Massacre soon.

5. Dixie Carter's now designing clothes?

6. I forgot how impossibly dry and awesome Tim Gunn is (he's the Chair of the Department of Fashion Design at Parsons The New School for Design who advises the designers as they toil away).

During the auditions, he told someone that the judges were "responding very, very well" to them. Uh, responding well? Does approval ever get more clinical? Do androids dream of woolen sheep?

7. Let's talk about this chick for a sec . . .

She's one of the models competing for a spread in Elle magazine (sadly, not shot by world-renowned photographer Gilles Bensimon). You may recognize her from the Neighborhoodies ads that have taken the Internet by storm. You may also recognize her from Cycle 3 of ANTM:

She made it to, but not past, the semifinals round. Most notably, she was terrorized by Tyra.

Nice to see her. Not nice to see her ass.

8. Speaking of models, I saw this girl spaz out and embrace her foolishness on the runway . . .

. . . and I felt like I was home. Danyelle, please call Tyra. I want to see more of what your mental deficiency has to offer.

Also, the sadistic challenge that spawned her outfit, in which the contestants had to hack up their own, prized clothing to make new pieces, just felt right, too.

Make them cry slowly, Heidi!

9. The episode highlight was was Andraé's inexplicable breakdown during the final judging.

Was he happy or sad? No one could tell -- not even Heidi. She was confused (please listen to that clip at least a dozen times successively -- please).

Andraé kept it up, blubbering with a British accent and going as far as to use the word "bedraggled."

Uh, who's a douchebag?

That's all for now. Like Andraé, I must flail go away.

Comments

[pesky808]

Will Heidi really hand out 4 Auf wiedersehen's? The suspense is KILLING ME!

Gotta show some yellow pride - two asian girls cast!! Yessss!

Nina Garcia is an effing biatch & I love it!

Oh Rich, thank you for doing this!

[Mr. Prince]

Lol. I do miss Heidi, she was genius; and the other guy that got eliminated was basically A younger Jay. Can you believe Daniel Franco is back? can you Believe he's actually good?

Zumela is the new Wendy; she made this obvious when she was talking about the closet situation and said that she doesn't Believe in fair.

Nick seems cool, Santiago is too good for his own good, and I'm pulling for....Chloe! her dress was fierce and she's so tiny!

Diana's ok, I suppose and her dress was good.

[rO1]

Nina Garcia is the tame version of Janice (who can never be replaced DARN IT!!!). LUV them both!!!

Michael Kors is sooo wanna-be Janice.......

Heidi can never be Tyra.

Heidi-ism of the week??!!! Nothing she says will ever be memorable........so there goes that.

I am sooo happy that u r doing recaps on PR!!! I luv it just as much as ANTM!!!

SMOOCHES!!!

[sean]

Andrae's shirt needs another LA.

[courtney]

How did I only just now discover your blog & Project Runway recaps?? No matter: it meant that I got to gorge myself on all of them at once (two seasons!!), and I think I categorized 9 different kinds of laughs while scrolling through them all. I won't bore you with descriptions of the different types of laughing they inspired. The point is, OH! It's funny. Thanks!

[frank N Berry]

when your gone there will be no one

[Polycarbonate greenhouse]

I think children, especially younger ones, are sensitive to the presence of other folk much like animals are. Would tend to conclude that whatever might be around, if baby isn't re/acting unusually, it's friendly.

[cable lock]

This was so beautiful. What happened on the bus made me tear up reading it. It's wonderful that you still think about and honor your grandmother. Happy Dia de los Muertos and thank you for sharing this story.

[Polycarbonate panels]

That was beautiful and made me use up at least 4 tissues. Your Grandma would be so proud of you, obviously the seeds she planted have flourished.