Doomed, we're all doomed

I think Kara said it best (week after week after week): Everyone here is crazy. Of all the possible outcomes for this week's episode, seeing her go was the one what I wanted to happen the least. It's not just that I've grown fond of her cracky facade. Whether or not you were in love with her (decoy) Fashion Week collection, you can't argue that it was at least surprising, that it at least would have shaken things up and made the final show truly exciting. With Kara booted, I really think Daniel V. is going to win this. That means from here on out, the show sleepwalks. Boring.

The funny thing is that of all weeks to abandon that (more or less) non-cumulative, short-term-memory judging ethic that Heidi & Co. so love, this would have been the best to do it. Forget that Kara up till now hasn't impressed much, that Daniel V. is the clear frontrunner with Chloe nipping at his heels and with Santino way out there, sucking his own penis. Forget all that and see that Kara's blandness . . .

. . . was no worse than Chloe's . . .

. . . and underwhelmed only slightly more than Daniel's winning piece . . .

As for Santino's made-to-accompany-jazz-hands travesty . . .

. . .I'll let Michael Kors handle the rest of the commentary on that one.

I guess maybe that's what Kara gets for designing through osmosis.

1. Another possible reason for Kara's elimination: the show is homophobic. How else to explain Nick's elimination last week and then that of Kara, the heir to his fag-out throne.

Give me a recount, or I'll slap you silly, Heidi.

2. Or maybe Kara's substance abuse had TPTB worried. Check her getting her guzzle on:

And surely, this was a product of a few hits from the bong:

"We kind of like sizzled down with a little sizzler, you know?"

No, Kara, I don't know. I have no idea what the fuck that could possibly mean (she said it about the "party" the designers were forced to attend in the middle of completing their dresses, which totally seemed sadistic, and hence was really an anti-party, but whatever).

3. I promise I'll stop mourning Kara after this one last item:

Can you even say that on TV? Whatever. It's awesome. Kara's awesome. The show was better because of her. I think I'm going to go fill my head with clouds of smoke and forget about the loss.

4. Or maybe I'll just distract myself with some meat.

Know why?

Guess who's back in the hmm hmm house.

I said: guess who's back in the muthafuckin' house!

God, I missed him. I missed him so much, I didn't even know how much I missed him:

New development: that fucking arm! I had no idea he was that serious.

I'm serious, too. I wonder if he knows how special he is. I wonder if he knows how much I love him.

5. You know who I didn't need to see, though?

I mean, she's hot and her accent is funny and all. But seriously, enough with the shilling.

I'm not offering her any commercial space, just like I didn't last time she tried to sell her boring-ass book on a show that I love.

Take it to Survivor or Starting Over or something, Immie.

6. With makeup guy back, I can't say this really did much for me.

Eat a donut or 24, Slim. But I'm not trying to totally knock Daniel's physique.

Impressive package:

All signs point to hung.

Outrageous, I know.

7. Similarly:

What? Wait. I don't want to know. I don't want to think. I don't want to think that I ever thought about what he could possibly be doing but probably isn't. My balls just dried up and fell off.

8. So who does whom best?

Here's Santino doing Michael:

"I don't know where you guys live, but it's like, it's like you guys live in a Renaissance fair."

And here's Michael doing Santino:

"It's almost like you're saying to us, 'I'm smarter than all of you. I know you're all gonna say there's too much shit all over this dress, but I'm gonna do it anyway and prove my point.' "

The answer, of course, is Kara!

Her Santino is the best Santino. It's not necessarily accurate, but it really works the demonic angle. And there's nothing wrong with channeling Pazuzu every once in a while, as we know well by now.

9. The night's best quote, however, came from Tim Gunn. Good old, reliable, somewhat potty-mouthed Tim Gunn.

"You just have to say all these things on the runway. 'Nina, I wanted her to look like she had a big, fat ass.'" He said that about Chloe's dress. I really wanted to throw that "big, fat ass" as a sample into a ghetto-tech track (a la "Ass n Titties"), but, y'know, there are only so many hours in the day. But really, it's begging to be used.

10. Speaking of quotes, how's this for one?

"It's the Super Bowl of American fashion," he said about Fashion Week. Oooh, combining butch football with femme fashion. That is sooooo bi.

I guess that would make sequined fabric like this the ball?

And what are the goal posts, Heidi's ears?

Get it between them to score.

That shot, by the way, is from the party. Heidi is the hostess with the mostess nonsense.

"Mingle, mingle, mingle, everybody," she told them. Well, since you put it like that...

11. And speaking of that party, attendee Austin Scarlett is transgendered, right?

I'm not saying that to be funny or mean. I'm in no way out to put that down.

But, I mean, he's gotta be, right?

Totally on the road to Vaginaville.

12. Not that I'm going to watch it, but I really wish that Project Jay . . .

. . . were called Project RunJay. Is that a Bedazzler in the top left?

Comments

[Jen]

I was equally upset to see Kara go. But, I think I'm inclined to agree with the judges here. They totally played it safe. True, Santino doesn't know how to use a sewing machine, but he definately knows how to play the game. He knew he would be kept in just for standing out.

I loved Kara and Daniel's dresses, safe as they were. But my favorite was the one Kara was wearing - one she made herself! I loved it! Do you hear me Kara Janx? I want that dress you were wearing!

[NV]

Rich, I love that you do these screencaps when people look their absolute worst and/or retarded. It makes me adore you all the more.

[gorjus]

I know. The screencaps and the fantastic mp3's--your recaps make the show that much better to me. It's almost like I get a second show, which is even more delicious.

[lucea]

you have made me so happy today.
you are a laugh and are my absolute favorite.
thank u!

[PV]

Austin Scarlett.. I believe he would fall in the intersexed category.

[Chris]

Hahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!! This has got to be one of your best PR blogs ever! Especially Vaginaville! Thanks for the early morning laughs.

[jen]

congrats on the mention in 'time out new york' this week!

[is]

I love you man....Don't EVER go away!!

[Carly]

Curious - do you not think there's an outside chance Santino will take this whole thing out from under Daniel V. and crushing Chloe under his feet as he goes?

[lovejoy]

My comments to some of the remaining PR contestants:

To Santino, I say, "That dress was fucking Auful."

To Santino's model, Heather, I say, "What's up with that navel? Get Santino to spackle that shit over next time he puts you in a dress that tight."

To Wednesday's cuttee, for talking that GirlPower shit and turning on Chloe, suggesting she should be out...For talking more of that GirlPower shit and asking a man to help you carry a dress form that you immediately hoist up and trot away with, requiring no effort from your perfectly- powerful girly muscles....To you, Kara, I say, "Boop boop, bitch." Go pop that coochie elsewhere.

But, that ass, though. Popozao!

[Sammie]

I cannot even explain the many levels of funny your blog presents to me... SIGH! So good, so random. You rock my socks off completely! P.S: do you think that Micheal K. would come to my house and deliver fashion commentary every day? Just figured I'd put that out there... Can't wait till the next installment!

[aj]

All signs point to hung.

LMAO! I need to never read these at work...brilliant as always!

On another note, can I commandeer some of these screen caps for my re-cap? Yours are always way better then bravos...

[Rich]

Carly -- Of the remaining contestants, Santino's line is the best. I won't be surprised if he takes it all, but somehow I think Daniel V. is the safe bet.

AJ -- Take what you like, just be sure to respectfully link back.

[aj]

Naturally! Thanks babe!

And keep up the hilarious work:)

Rumor has it, Santino's collection wasn't made really well, so that might automatically give DV the win...

[brandy]

Im running out of things to say each week about your never ending genius...I am going to make it my goal to use "vaginaville" in atleast one sentance a day.

You are my favorite.

HEY! DIDNT YOU SAY YOU WERE GOING TO TALK ABOUT THE NEW PHOTOS OF CYCLE 6?
Dont keep me hangin!

[Kel de Texas]

You had me at "Daniel V is hung" right there, that's where you had me.

Yum.

[sbrainb]

Check THIS shit out!!!

http://cgi.ebay.com/Andrae-Gonzalo-orange-short-shorts_W0QQitemZ8385161420QQcategoryZ15689QQssPageNameZWDVWQQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem

[Lizzy]

I love you. Seriously for real this time. AWESOME recap.
I love that you love make-up guy. I love that you like some meat.
I love that you agree Kara was more interesting too. She was my favorite from the start.
And Daniel V's stuff is overated.
And I'm glad I wasn't the only one that was surprised by Austin's ensom. I mean, gentleman/dandy/frilly is one thing, older sociality lady is another.

[pesky808]

Chloe's gonna win.

[Dibley]

Rich you are hilarious. I shouldn't read you at work but your posts about prorun are one of the highlights of my week. 5 pm on Friday is the other one. :-D Love your kittys too.

[manhattan offender]

ZUZU!
Um, Zuzu?
Oh.
Pazuzu.
Pawhowho?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pazuzu
Oh.
Stupid me.
Stupid, stupid me.

[Carl!]

All signs point to hung, indeed! One thing I can say from my years of experience: tall skinny boys with big noses pack quite a wallop!

GOD, I love that guy. Almost as much as I love you, Rich. *Almost.*

[angela]

i wish i could wrap up makeup guy and give him to you and winston and his gay feline partner. because you give me everything i need to be happy.

[Cote]

OMG! I totally think the makeup guy is hot too!

Oh, and I think it's a Beat dazzler in the Jay pic!

http://www.atomfilms.com/landing/landingIndex.jsp?id=leslie_beat_dazzler

[aquaz1]

Another great recap! Too bad Kara got sent home. Can you post a picture of Heidi at the judging? That pregnant bitch looked the hottest she ever has.

Yay, hot makeup guy!