fourfour: Doomed, we're all doomed

Kara_shock

I think Kara said it best (week after week after week): Everyone here is crazy. Of all the possible outcomes for this week's episode, seeing her go was the one what I wanted to happen the least. It's not just that I've grown fond of her cracky facade. Whether or not you were in love with her (decoy) Fashion Week collection, you can't argue that it was at least surprising, that it at least would have shaken things up and made the final show truly exciting. With Kara booted, I really think Daniel V. is going to win this. That means from here on out, the show sleepwalks. Boring.

The funny thing is that of all weeks to abandon that (more or less) non-cumulative, short-term-memory judging ethic that Heidi & Co. so love, this would have been the best to do it. Forget that Kara up till now hasn't impressed much, that Daniel V. is the clear frontrunner with Chloe nipping at his heels and with Santino way out there, sucking his own penis. Forget all that and see that Kara's blandness . . .

E10_design_kara

. . . was no worse than Chloe's . . .

E10_design_chloe

. . . and underwhelmed only slightly more than Daniel's winning piece . . .

E10_design_daniel

As for Santino's made-to-accompany-jazz-hands travesty . . .

E10_design_santino

. . .I'll let Michael Kors handle the rest of the commentary on that one.

I guess maybe that's what Kara gets for designing through osmosis.

Kara_osmosis

1. Another possible reason for Kara's elimination: the show is homophobic. How else to explain Nick's elimination last week and then that of Kara, the heir to his fag-out throne.

Kara_fagout

Give me a recount, or I'll slap you silly, Heidi.

2. Or maybe Kara's substance abuse had TPTB worried. Check her getting her guzzle on:

Kara_drink

And surely, this was a product of a few hits from the bong:

Kara_sizzle

"We kind of like sizzled down with a little sizzler, you know?"

No, Kara, I don't know. I have no idea what the fuck that could possibly mean (she said it about the "party" the designers were forced to attend in the middle of completing their dresses, which totally seemed sadistic, and hence was really an anti-party, but whatever).

3. I promise I'll stop mourning Kara after this one last item:

Kara_dick

Can you even say that on TV? Whatever. It's awesome. Kara's awesome. The show was better because of her. I think I'm going to go fill my head with clouds of smoke and forget about the loss.

4. Or maybe I'll just distract myself with some meat.

Know why?

Guess who's back in the hmm hmm house.

E10_makeupguy1

I said: guess who's back in the muthafuckin' house!

E10_makeupguy2

God, I missed him. I missed him so much, I didn't even know how much I missed him:

E10_makeupguy3

New development: that fucking arm! I had no idea he was that serious.

I'm serious, too. I wonder if he knows how special he is. I wonder if he knows how much I love him.

5. You know who I didn't need to see, though?

Iman_icon

I mean, she's hot and her accent is funny and all. But seriously, enough with the shilling.

Heidi_book

I'm not offering her any commercial space, just like I didn't last time she tried to sell her boring-ass book on a show that I love.

Iman_opportunist

Take it to Survivor or Starting Over or something, Immie.

6. With makeup guy back, I can't say this really did much for me.

Daniel_shirtless

Eat a donut or 24, Slim. But I'm not trying to totally knock Daniel's physique.

Impressive package:

Daniel_package

All signs point to hung.

Daniel_wellinever

Outrageous, I know.

7. Similarly:

Santino_jo

What? Wait. I don't want to know. I don't want to think. I don't want to think that I ever thought about what he could possibly be doing but probably isn't. My balls just dried up and fell off.

8. So who does whom best?

Here's Santino doing Michael:

Santino_korsimitation

"I don't know where you guys live, but it's like, it's like you guys live in a Renaissance fair."

And here's Michael doing Santino:

Michael_santinoimitation

"It's almost like you're saying to us, 'I'm smarter than all of you. I know you're all gonna say there's too much shit all over this dress, but I'm gonna do it anyway and prove my point.' "

The answer, of course, is Kara!

Kara_sleeve

Her Santino is the best Santino. It's not necessarily accurate, but it really works the demonic angle. And there's nothing wrong with channeling Pazuzu every once in a while, as we know well by now.

9. The night's best quote, however, came from Tim Gunn. Good old, reliable, somewhat potty-mouthed Tim Gunn.

Chloe_assdress

"You just have to say all these things on the runway. 'Nina, I wanted her to look like she had a big, fat ass.'" He said that about Chloe's dress. I really wanted to throw that "big, fat ass" as a sample into a ghetto-tech track (a la "Ass n Titties"), but, y'know, there are only so many hours in the day. But really, it's begging to be used.

Tim_bigfatass_1