Kara's infinite wisdom strikes again! And she's right -- all these people are crazy (can you imagine how boring the show would be if they weren't?). However, maybe they aren't crazy as someone who, say, gives himself the task of recapping what is essentially a recap (if you ever want to feel completely pointless, have I got a job for you!).
No matter -- this week's clips-filled reunion show wasn't just the season's hands-down best dramatic spectacle. It was also a learning experience. What follows are but a few of the lessons offered to us by Heidi, public servant that she is, and, y'know, everyone else.
Lesson 1: Heidi is aware of how stupid she sounds.
I had no clue that she has a clue! But she really does!
"They went like bagels," she said about the limited-edition My Scene Barbie that Nick designed (and she wasn't kidding -- have you seen how much those shits go for on eBay?). After she was corrected (she meant "hotcakes," dammitt!), Heidi offered an excuse for her failed cliché: "See how would I know? I'm German." Hee! She's totally excused.
Oh, and speaking of Heidi's speech patterns, I would really love it if this could be the announcement before every commercial break of every show from now on. Can someone make that happen?
2. Daniel Franco is straight.
Not that that's good for much -- I don't expect him to be getting any as long as he keeps his hair unwashed (take it to Bedford Ave., emoface). But really, color me as surprised as Raymundo once was.
Isn't Raymundo just a mop away from being a Hank Azaria caricature, name and all?
Oh, and Daniel F., may be nominally straight, but something tells me that he knows little of the female anatomy.
3. Nick is capable of butching it up.
He got himself a full (albeit meticulously trimmed) beard and ditched the camp mugging. Seriously, this is the best I could grab:
Kind of a letdown. Nick, I know you can do better. I've seen you do better, frame after frame after frame.
4. John lost weight.
And gained no allure. Funny, that.
5. Heidi S. was eliminated too soon.
Seriously, she is all I want in comic relief:
Actually, her genius is not a new revelation -- I knew it from the moment I laid eyes on her.
6. Jay is an even bigger pigfuck than you would have imagined.
The unaired, extended exchange between he and Kara was like a sneak preview for Project I'm Going To Annoy the Shit Out of You. I think that probably sums up his life's work (try not to vomit when he interrupts Kara with the "HEY!"). He is insufferable. Period.
7. The "Santino effect" goes way beyond ruffles and embellishments.
It has everything to do with the way he gets under people's skin. The man is not a man but a chigger.
Check the reactions of those he talks shit about when confronted with his words.
"Kara's really having trouble in her head."
"Zulema's dress was really, pretty, pretty bad."
"Daniel Franco, I think, is seriously...um, I think he seriously has some mental defects."
"I think Daniel's full of shit."
"I can't stand the sound of her voice!"
"Nick will be upset with the fact that I will be showing at Olympus Fashion Week, and he will not."
"I defecated on Chloe's fabric."
Yes, indeed, the Santino effect gets its victims right in the face. And, yeah, he's an ass, but some of these are funny (he's totally right about Daniel Franco, and you know it). And every once in a while, he'll pull out an "eat my ass" that makes me totally love him.
8. The show cheated us out of some excellent music.
Seriously, "Lighten Up, It's Just Fashion" was just the overture to the wonderful Project Runway: The Musical. Here are a few potential hits from the vault:
Santino's "Happiness Is a Warm Gunn"
He gets all hymnal on the last, beautiful line. Way to take it to church, bloodsucker!
Andraé's "Swing Low, Sweet Sewing Machine"
Did you have any idea he could get that deep? Andraé is the man of 1,000 voices (and one pair of orange shorts).
Santino and Nick's "The Ballad of Daniel Franco"
Utter brilliance -- I like this one even more than "Lighten Up, It's Just Fashion." For once, Santino's embellishments are perfect ("Auf wiedersehen, muthafucka!"). I really think that he and Nick could make a killing if they took their show on the road.
9. Andraé's runway tantrum lasted almost 10 minutes.
That's a lotta pussy. Oh, and seeing it again made Chloe cry.
Lighten up, it's just Andraé.
10. There is a fine line between hipster and housewife when it comes to hair.
11. Zuzu has some weird alter ego named "Shatenge."
I totally didn't get this shit, though any internal force that propels someone to exclaim, "To my horror..." at the top of a sentence is a force of good, not evil.
12. Lupe is a wonderful, wonderful person.
How much ass did she kick in that psilocybic haze? So much. She was kicking her face off.
Listen to her first stroke of genius.
Tim: Did you feel that your elimination was fair, even though Marla had plagiarized a dress Nicky Hilton had worn before?
Lupe: Honestly, I can only give him a personal critique. Nobody would ever know, unless they personally respond to me, would know what my personal response is. And that is of me. And, personally, I believe you can't, like, push the boundaries, and, like Johnny Cash, walk the line, and...
If Diana's alter ego is "Dirty Diana," I think we can call this one "Loopy Lupe" from now on.
Here is her masterpiece.
Tim (trying again): Do you feel your elimination was fair given that Marla plagiarized the Nicky Hilton dress -- yes or no?
Loopy Lupe: Understand that Marla has an aesthetic that I cannot duplicate. But Marla has an aesthetic that she cannot duplicate. And Ariyan, on national television, if you can get this, you fuckin' rock . . .
. . . because you believe in what is true. Period. (Tongue cluck.)
And the cherry on top?
Tim: This is the biggest bunch of bullshit I think I've heard in weeks. Sorry.
LL: I agree as well.
She is so Björky. And so, it follows that . . .
13. All is full of love.
Seriously, the reunion was an outpouring of affection.
"I love Santino!" shrieked LL, for no real reason. Amazingly, she's not the only one.
What the fuck is up with how close Chloe and Santino were sitting? I mean, they look like they've been rolling around in the silk charmeuse together for months.
And finally, in the bizarre night's single most bizarre exchange, we learned...
...Daniel Franco loves Heidi. And what does Heidi have to say about that?
Nothing!
I think it's because she's already sprung on Tim's gunn.
I feel really bad for 'Lupe. Inevitably, those two clips will be running over and over again at her intervention.
Posted by: Kevin | February 26, 2006 at 10:37 AM
Santino is nothing short of comic genius.
Posted by: Withers Hurley | February 26, 2006 at 02:39 PM
Oh my. I had to watch the episode on the Tivo just so I could read your recap. I think I'm going to be crying for a little while from all the laughter.
Really, I think we all have an inner She-tangay! ;)
Posted by: Christine | February 26, 2006 at 02:49 PM
I just have to say Tim Gunn is the most awesome person to ever live. If you've been watching his video blogs on the Bravo website, his comments on bitch slapping Zulema is f'n genius.
Posted by: Michael | February 26, 2006 at 10:53 PM
It's one thing to have an alter ego that you introvertedly recognize but don't publicly acknowledge, and it's a completely different thing to discuss it -- and name it -- on national television. Then again, I just don't like Zulema.
As for Kitten's ProjRun - The Musical cast, that's fucking brilliant. ON-J is the perfect lead. Then again, I've loved that Aussie bitch since the 4th grade.
I was so embarrassed to watch Lupe, mainly because I know what it's like to act that way, and I always wake up the next day with stomach-cramping feelings of regret and a refusal to get out of bed. Poor girl; she'll never live it down.
Posted by: NV | February 27, 2006 at 12:03 AM
A truly fabulous show!.....Do you suppose they all used F.A.G? before appearing on the reunion special?
Posted by: David Christian Hamblin | February 27, 2006 at 09:22 AM
The big question is -- will you by covering TOP CHEF? I'm thinking of watching, but only if you'll share your screencaps and commentary!
Posted by: April | February 27, 2006 at 02:54 PM
No way -- ANTM starts the night that ProjRun ends, so that'll be taking up my time. Also, the Lil' Kim show debuts that week (maybe that night, also), and while I'm not saying I'm recapping that too, I plan on at least obsessing over it.
Posted by: Rich | February 27, 2006 at 06:24 PM
I think since Top Model is at 9 and Top Chef is later, I'll probably follow both. I'm just a sucker that way, but still, it would be nice if every single thing I chose to watch had your stamp of approval (or at least screencaps)
Posted by: April | March 01, 2006 at 12:23 PM
You make my nights complete. Love this.
Posted by: Nick | March 01, 2006 at 10:36 PM
So glad I found this blog just hopping around through Project Runway cyberspace. Hilarious! Glad to read Daniel Franco's explanation. Editing can really change a scene.
Sorry I didn't find you sooner..great recap. Bravo!
Can't believe I've turned in to such a Santino fan. He really won me over with his humor. Go Santino!
Posted by: katie | March 02, 2006 at 02:49 PM
To quote reality show finalist Moana of The Bachelor: Paris, you rock me to my core. You are a master of delicious wit, wordplay, smack talk and sound bites. Your Project Runway posts should be included on the DVD extras.
I don't know if you've seen Flava Flav's dating show, but I saw these clips and thought of you:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=lJVz5eQvoIc
http://www.salon.com/ent/video_dog/realitytv/2006/03/02/evilmom/index.html
Posted by: nictate | March 02, 2006 at 06:56 PM
Does anyone know where to see Guadalupe Vidal's designs? I cannot find anything online, but something inspired by here called Plain Lucid and not her own stuff.
Posted by: Clara | March 05, 2006 at 02:03 AM
I love Daniel Franco, I just do.
THE BEST part of the show was Andrae's little vignette with the arms flailing behind him. loves it.
Posted by: lee | March 05, 2006 at 12:35 PM
I never thought i'd be intersted in a show like this, but it was fanastic; i became addicted to watching the episodes a million times. I never watched the first one; not sure what i'll think of next seasons. Andrae, Santino and Nick definitely made the show. I hope to hear updates of how they all made out.
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cam crush -
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in the vip -
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public invasion -
reality pass plus -
see her squirt -
taylor bow -
we live together -
xxx proposal -
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Posted by: aitchison | October 24, 2007 at 06:55 AM
Can Lesley, some fourth-year doctoral scholar found in religion, stay tuned if your Violet execute Arizona for a recognize inside the Great 18 upon Saturday? "Absolutely. Thinking of kidding around myself?Inches he explained about Ending friday morning, per day following Ivy Nfl winners troubled this third-seeded plus greatly recommended Lobos 68-62 on Salt Beach Place. "I consider this mental attitude was first, 'We'll notice how are you affected,'" explained Lesley, just who observed the response to the online game on Facebook or twitter. "To see every body smoke cigars, it is actually inspiring.Half inch Harvard undergraduates take presctiption springbreak today, to be sure the dorm room windows ringing a Back yard were definitely lack of on the advertisements very often herald, say, a sizable football adventure to protect against Yale or possibly a primarily avant-garde college student production of your Samuel Beckett perform. One day after the Crimson's freakish NCAA succeed in, Louis Vuitton Borse the centuries-old quad had been busy with the help of taken organized tours inside Speech, Asia Louis Vuitton Outlet ose and even Learning to speak spanish though essentially gone of students on their way to make sure you category. That did not end the particular Harvard city via celebrating typically the triumph. "They have an excellent work, husband, We're happy in their mind," Austin Rockets place protect Jeremy Lin, the largest ball movie star to come out of Harvard, mentioned right after the Basketball team's shootaround in Wednesday early morning. "It's a great be successful. They provided track record.Centimeter Harvard Director Attracted Gilpin Faust is at Seoul imparting a delivery during the recreation, and yet the spokesperson claimed your lady adhered to cost-free 50 % accurately plus identified as private coach Tommy Amaker to make sure you congratulate the c's and require individuals success next past. Man or woman Molly Stansik, who was simply flagged off in their your dorm courtyard, suggested your woman have missed the experience mainly because the girl zooming backside from your summer journey to Puerto Rico about Sunday night time. But there has been 8 or perhaps in search of many other Harvard learners on the airplane, and something advisors was able to steady stream all of the basketball game at an individual's home computer. "I may perceive him round the airplanes,Ins Stansik claimed. "Everyone has been loud and then re-acting as necessary.Within Even though the college was first muted, Lesley monitored to be the university students fused across social. "Everyone's as an alternative ecstatic, he stated. "At a region such as this, men and women are sharing the initial win within 377 years, just like baseball has existed for as long,Inch Lesley proclaimed using Louis Vuitton Borse a chuckle. "There's only a great deal of out of the blue pleasure.Inches Your oldest along with perhaps by far the most impressive collage through the region, Harvard seems to have built several Louis Vuitton Sito Ufficiale U.S. presidents, a wide selection of Nobel Laureates and additionally plenty of bankers, legal representatives and politicians (as well as humorous freelance writers) to be able to quick that Harvard Lampoon to be able to twitter update right after the game: "America, we are i am sorry meant for messing up your current brackets and your overall economy as well as areas." Typically the Yellow football workforce gained your Went up Bowl within the leather-helmet times together with famously hooked Yale on 68, plus the Harvard rowers is capable of holding their own unique towards Oxford and even Cambridge while in the Henley Regatta. The faculty has got applied first of all in your annually Ough.S. Information & Globe Statement helpful ranks designed for four sequential many. Nonetheless, until such time as most recently, Harvard has small to make sure you talk regarding with hockey. Subsequently Lin came about as being a definite Basketball take the leading role next year, when the Magenta moreover gained an important publish of their total first-ever Ivy Nfl gents field hockey distinction. And, 2009, many people gained that meeting tournament overall to successfully produce a place through the NCAA event now since 1946. (Individuals missing that will Vanderbilt 79-70.) The chances of a good reiterate was meant to be bound if Harvard's individual co-captains withdrew from soccer practice last fall season in the awaken of one's plagiarism inquiry. Although individual Stacee Webster, who exactly tried minor not too long ago, plus freshman Siyani Compartments come about to guide the actual A purple pallette to your lastly directly Ivy concept. Harvard was basically this underdog of which merely 4.5 percent within the in excess of About three thousand mounting brackets built-up simply by Msn Sports activities harvested Harvard to overcome Boise state broncos. However the A purple pallette achieved the biggest amaze of the tournament's to start with maximum time, going from Off-road To the west winners in addition to getting this university's first-ever wining more than a power team sitting in The Similar Touch Best. "They was built with a hard year, losing both power team captains plus relying very much on the subject of freshmen and additionally sophomore players,Ins claimed Lin, who finished common but not went to this In Louis Vuitton Sito Ufficiale CAAs. "It's solely rather interesting.Within As well as right now Harvard might be, at the same time. "You could quite possibly notify, in fact a week ago, solely every body just saying 'nerd, dork, everything, no matter what, whatsoever,'" Lin said. "All of which goods, these continue to say the item along with, yep, this is a trick. Nonetheless assume subsequently individuals will understand that although you check out Harvard, you're able to even now baskeball hoop. ___ Comply with Jimmy Golen about Twitting by http://twitter.com/jgolen ___ Elp Sporting Copy writer John Duncan contributed to it account with Austin. Trademark 2013 Any Relevant Touch. Virtually all the law earmarked. This fabric is quite possibly not written and published, transmission, rewritten or possibly redistributed.
Posted by: tomscva | June 21, 2013 at 11:04 PM