Here's one for the "love hangover" file:
Some people have a public battle with substances; I have one with Janice Dickinson. Ever since she abandoned me left ANTM, only to make a complete fool of herself on The Surreal Life, my opinion of her has swung back and forth with the ferocity of Tyra's weave on the runway. Yeah, she was always an embarrassment, but The Surreal Life showed her as a consistent embarrassment. A tantrum-throwing, hypocritical, unlikable embarrassment.
I know that Janice is kind of a de facto love of gays, and like Showgirls is kind of over. Someone said it awesomely a few months ago in a comment they left on this blog (not sure which post): "Trainwrecks are sooooo '04," which I'd agree with entirely if Being Bobby Brown wasn't the best thing to happen to pop culture in '05. But whatever. The point is that Showgirls is still awesome, no matter how clichéd it's become for homos to drool over it. And so is Janice. Besides, her appeal is almost entirely that of the I'm-still-here variety.
First!
These shots are from an episode of The Tyra Banks Show last week, in which Janice guested on to help judge Tyra's predictably pointless search for America's Next Top Tranny, or whatever she called it.
Janice rekindled the fires in my heart with her top-form performance. It should be no secret that the most obvious of obviousness appeals to me. I like broad strokes, and that's probably why I keep coming back to Janice (you must realize how difficult it is for me not to talk about not being able to "quit" her, but really, the nature of this post is already cli-gayed enough).
You never don't know exactly how the woman is feeling. She is a triumph of high camp over Botox. Check the three moods of Janice:
1. Dissheveled approval
2. Utter disgust (this one's the most prominent, of course)
3. Euphoric acceptance
The beauty of Janice is that it's always clear how the meds (in whatever cocktail they were ingested) are hitting her.
I do wish that instead of gawking over Kevin Aviance's outfit . . .
. . . she would have snarled and said, "It looks like a sex-change operation gone wrong. Your constructed vagina is looking way too puffy." But it's cool -- I'm here to make observations, too.
And she was otherwise deliciously, absurdly un-PC. Like when she told Helen, "Sayonara," after eliminating her.
Or when she referred to this . . .
. . . as "Tyra's Pakistani achievement." It all just reminded me of the Janice that I knew and loved.
The Janice who'd tell a girl to hide her face, even though that girl was trying to be, y'know, a model.
The Janice who tackled Tyra in a faux-make-out session, required pixelation and then chalked the whole incident up to "two girls having fun."
I mean, helluh! The woman is capable of genius.
Anyway, so I'm now looking forward to that reality show she's working on for Oxygen, even though I just want her on ANTM again (and, while we're at it, I just want fucking ANTM back -- is March 8 ever going to get here?!?). Janice doing a different show about modeling is like when your drinking buddy all the sudden switches to hard drugs. I'm not really into that, but I'll try it, I suppose.
Because really, she's at her best when she's acting as Tyra's foil.
Not that it's hard work or anything.
How could they replace Janice with beige, boring, mop water Twiggy?
Posted by: | February 15, 2006 at 10:19 AM
I'm looking forward to Janice Dickinson Models, personally. As much as ANTM owns me with its campy-gayness and crap, at least I can trust Janice to find at least one (1) female who actually fits modern modeling standards, instead of going on and on and on and ON about herself...and nothing else. Can you tell that I'm not a fan of the Tyra show? (And can somebody show the sister how to talk about something OTHER than ANTM?!)
Posted by: jujubee | February 15, 2006 at 10:21 AM
Amen Sistah! I LOVE Janice D. Beyond the plastic exoskeleton she's built (physical and emotional) there is a fantabulous woman in there who really cared for the young ladies on ANTM. Yeah she was a bitch - but HELLOOO - it don't take two seconds for any experienced model (much less the WORLD'S FIRST TOP MODEL) to look over fifty girls and tell which one (or two) will maybe make it onto a runway, and which one might be good enough for a gentleman's magazine like Maxim.
Her *schtick* (was it an act?) did grow tiresome on Surreal Life. I think she was at her best on ANTM when she was away from the judging desk. At her worst when obvi shot down by Tyra and others and resorting to her goofy, diva stuff.
I'm still bummed by Twiggy's ascension to Janice's seat. I'd rather have seen Empress Minnie up there.
Posted by: gayest neil | February 15, 2006 at 10:23 AM
Jujubee: I honestly don't think Tyra HAS anything other than ANTM to talk about. Kind of sad.
Posted by: gayest neil | February 15, 2006 at 10:25 AM
How is Tyra doing that with her hands?
I just tried it and I hurt myself.
Posted by: Karmzilla | February 15, 2006 at 10:47 AM
Have you all checked out the ANTM site? It looks like they have tall skinny girls this year. I'm shocked.
Posted by: FingerBang Joe | February 15, 2006 at 11:02 AM
This is the most romantic of the Valentine's postings I've seen, even if it is a day late. Come back to us, JD, we're beggin you please...
Posted by: Foxy | February 15, 2006 at 11:30 AM
damn, it's episodes like this that make me wish the Tyra show aired here. And of course it's all the other episodes that make me glad it doesn't. Unless she starts doing paternity tests, Maury-style.
anyways, did you see Janice's E! True Hollywood Story? Die, Motherfucker! indeed.
Posted by: whatwouldjanicedickinsondo | February 15, 2006 at 11:45 AM
Im currently watching Austrailias NTM...the first photo was the naked photo!
Oh and their were pictures of Naima(looking horrid with giant puss filled zits on her face and a lady beard) and Lisa (two different events) on a website called Last nights party.
Did Naima blackmale them into winning? She is just not attractive.
Posted by: brandy | February 15, 2006 at 11:47 AM
thy time has come-
Posted by: angelofdeath | February 15, 2006 at 11:48 AM
Brandy--
I think those photos are actually of Naima's identical twin sister (no, i'm not kidding). Naima is bland bland bland, but never had any acne problems on the show (i'm looking in your general direction, YaYa)
Posted by: whatwouldjanicedickinsondo | February 15, 2006 at 12:11 PM
rich did you see the look tyra gave janice when janice said something about high wasted bikinis being very 1992 and very Heidi Klum? tyra shot her the look of death, DAGGERS, it was pricless. please gif that.
Posted by: bobo | February 15, 2006 at 12:38 PM
Totally saw that -- I'll see if I have some time to grab it tonight. I loved Janice's Klum comment, though.
Posted by: Rich | February 15, 2006 at 12:43 PM
Awesome! I'm sure her Klum comment was planned. She was probably looking for any way to slip (stab) in mention of the Anti-TyTy.
Posted by: gayest neil | February 15, 2006 at 02:22 PM
UPN has pictures of all of the new girls up. What do you think? My vote goes to Mollie Sue.
Posted by: Andrea | February 15, 2006 at 02:27 PM
All will be revealed tomorrow.
Posted by: Rich | February 15, 2006 at 02:34 PM
ooh, Rich!!!! I had no idea ANTM started again on March 8! That's my birthday. I will think of this season's show as a fabulous birthday gift from Miss Tyra.
Posted by: Patrice | February 15, 2006 at 02:53 PM
Have you read Janice's books? They will definitely make you love her more than ever.
Posted by: Katie | February 15, 2006 at 03:01 PM
OMG Kevin Aviance. "Bang on the drum while I am riding you!"
Damn, Janice looks more plastique than ever - LOVESIT!
I just saw the Tyra last night where she confronts her fear of dolphins and has another girl on who is deathly afraid of pennies. Tyra made her dig through an aquarium full of the copper coins to find a $6000 watch. It was fucking amazing. The bitch was totally over it after she picked up the prize.
Posted by: Brandon | February 15, 2006 at 03:07 PM
Saying "Showgirls" is over is like saying, I dunno, oxygen or water or shoes or something else essential for life is over.
Posted by: johnny | February 15, 2006 at 03:12 PM
HELL TO THE YES!
Maybe a weekly revisit to the glory days of ANTM featuring Janice will help us get to March 8th.
She's just a star, a trainwreck, a diva, she is all she says she is and more. I am at the point with JD that I would watch her in anything, even the lobotomizing surreal life.
Posted by: Jacquie | February 15, 2006 at 04:24 PM
WWJDD- I hope it was Naima's twin because she just looked horrid, it was at some party thing though so who knows....
On an other note...
HOW CAN SOMEONE BE AFRAID OF PENNIES? SERIOUSLY...HOW DO YOU ACCEPT CHANGE IF YOUR AFRAID OF PENNIES?
was the show named "people who are afraid of stupid stuff?"
I hate not having cable(everything is downloaded...)
Posted by: brandy | February 15, 2006 at 04:40 PM
Oh, I can't wait until tomorrow!
Thank you RIch, my life has been empty without ANTM :(
Posted by: Szig | February 15, 2006 at 04:42 PM
RICH- make sure you get over to the top model website! They released actual info about the new models!!
Posted by: Molly | February 15, 2006 at 05:11 PM
Janice is god.
Posted by: dalicia | February 15, 2006 at 06:01 PM