« January 2006 | Main | March 2006 »
The way people responded to Fat Camp's Dianne clogs my heart with joy that feels a lot like chloesterol. Really -- I want to sing "Sweet Home Alabama" from the mountains of...Brooklyn.
Anyway, a few people in the comments section noted Dianne's similarity to Winston. You people are so smart. And to prove it, here's a side-by-side comparison sent in from Erica H.:
Uncanny, no?
Totally obsessed.
Kara's infinite wisdom strikes again! And she's right -- all these people are crazy (can you imagine how boring the show would be if they weren't?). However, maybe they aren't crazy as someone who, say, gives himself the task of recapping what is essentially a recap (if you ever want to feel completely pointless, have I got a job for you!).
No matter -- this week's clips-filled reunion show wasn't just the season's hands-down best dramatic spectacle. It was also a learning experience. What follows are but a few of the lessons offered to us by Heidi, public servant that she is, and, y'know, everyone else.
Have you met Dianne?
If you haven't, you're in for a treat. Dianne is one of a handful of teens profiled in MTV's instant-classic documentary Fat Camp, which premiered last week. A recap of the entire thing would be a monumental task, with all the XXX-sized drama and romantic subplots (a funny thing about fat kids: they hook up, too). Instead of doing that, I'm just going to focus on the genius of Dianne, since she's at least half the reason why Fat Camp is so great, anyway.
Here's a picture of Whit performing at Sunday's Olympic medal ceremony in Turin:
Not bad, right? It's a little blurry, but there are no discernible stains on or holes in her coat and her hair is at least contained. She's looking relatively composed, I think.
Expressive, even!
Now, here's some audio from her performance (which will probably never surface on video, btw, because I don't think NBC bought broadcast rights to the performances that are being put on every night, if they're even being officially taped in the first place):
"I Will Always Love You (clip)"
Yikes. Just yikes. How is that love supposed to last forever when it sounds D.O.A.? She seriously sounds like Anne Ramsey.
Why does she even bother? Is it the money? She probably just broke even, considering what she had to spend on that fur.
Seriously, girl, get it together. Learn when to say, "I'm not doing this todaaaaaay."
(Images and audio are from the Classic Whitney forum.)
Edit: Here is a news report on the event. My favorite section:
Starting off with Greatest Love of All, Whitney "coughed, sniffled and talked her way through the song." She motioned a cough attack and, struggling, asked the audience, "Why did they choose to do this outdoors? I don't sing in the cold. It makes my voice funny," and then made the international hand-gesture for "crazy."
I really, really, really, really hope video footage surfaces. Crazy!
What's up, sluts?
ANTM's return is looming like Mr. Jay's orange glow. Last week the new crop of young women who foolishly think they're signing up for a modeling competition was announced, thus once again making that March 8 premiere/semi-finals episode irrelevant (Will Joanie make it to the Top 13? Um, yes. Does this competition really have a place for someone who goes by the name of Mollie Sue? Absolutely. Will there be any Asians this time around? Why, certainly!).
I kind of love that the show announces the Top 13 weeks in advance, only to devote the first hour of the "cycle" to the process of weeding down the applicants to that very group. It's as though Tyra Banks and Ken Mok are saying, "You are ours. You will watch this regardless of our suspense demolition in the name of pre-season promotion. You are ours." And we are. Or at least, I am. Really: they could announce the winner tomorrow and I'd still ride this shit out to the end and love it.
So, I guess, as a sign of my devotion to ANTM (because I'm sure many doubt my commitment), I'm seeing the inherent shallowness of this pretty parade and raising it by judging these girls before I've really seen them in action. That's right, we're talking exponential superficiality.
I think Kara said it best (week after week after week): Everyone here is crazy. Of all the possible outcomes for this week's episode, seeing her go was the one what I wanted to happen the least. It's not just that I've grown fond of her cracky facade. Whether or not you were in love with her (decoy) Fashion Week collection, you can't argue that it was at least surprising, that it at least would have shaken things up and made the final show truly exciting. With Kara booted, I really think Daniel V. is going to win this. That means from here on out, the show sleepwalks. Boring.
Here's one for the "love hangover" file:
Some people have a public battle with substances; I have one with Janice Dickinson. Ever since she abandoned me left ANTM, only to make a complete fool of herself on The Surreal Life, my opinion of her has swung back and forth with the ferocity of Tyra's weave on the runway. Yeah, she was always an embarrassment, but The Surreal Life showed her as a consistent embarrassment. A tantrum-throwing, hypocritical, unlikable embarrassment.
I know that Janice is kind of a de facto love of gays, and like Showgirls is kind of over. Someone said it awesomely a few months ago in a comment they left on this blog (not sure which post): "Trainwrecks are sooooo '04," which I'd agree with entirely if Being Bobby Brown wasn't the best thing to happen to pop culture in '05. But whatever. The point is that Showgirls is still awesome, no matter how clichéd it's become for homos to drool over it. And so is Janice. Besides, her appeal is almost entirely that of the I'm-still-here variety.
Very special:
Happy Valentine's Day. Today is probably the only day I could get away with posting such gratuitous cuteness (although, on second thought, who am I kidding?). See, Winston and Rudy's relationship has progressed into the mutual grooming stage. I swear, they're this close to getting gay married (and if they want Deee-Lite's "Pussycat Meow" as their wedding song, I'm seriously all about it).
Sorry again that the recap is coming late. Thanks for your patience. The absolute truth is that I had to take time to collect myself in dealing with the loss of Nick. Here's how I'd like to remember him:
I should be crying but I just can't let it show.
