Larger than life

Have you met Dianne?

If you haven't, you're in for a treat. Dianne is one of a handful of teens profiled in MTV's instant-classic documentary Fat Camp, which premiered last week. A recap of the entire thing would be a monumental task, with all the XXX-sized drama and romantic subplots (a funny thing about fat kids: they hook up, too). Instead of doing that, I'm just going to focus on the genius of Dianne, since she's at least half the reason why Fat Camp is so great, anyway.

Television is full of annoying people, but none hit the spot quite like Dianne. Really, give me Project Dianne over Project RunJay any day.

There's no one like her.

Well, maybe Selma.

She's 14ish, home-schooled, diabetic . . .

. . . she's got one leg . . . OK, that's a lie. But she might as well for as active as she is. See, fat camp, as you may have guessed, requires its attendees to both diet and exercise (a revolutionary combination, really). Dianne is sort of forced into going to fat camp (her mother, who seems nothing but saintly, is a nurse at the camp profiled in the film). Dianne's less than enthusiastic about participating in activities. Like, this, for example, is as close as she gets to playing dodgeball:

See, no one does lazy like Dianne does lazy. I mean, she's cool, inside . . .

. . . and out. She's all hands-free with the cell phone while she "chills out" in the air conditioning.

What's she doing here?

Oh, of course: involving herself in the exhausting sport of video gaming.

She has to move her fingers, y'all. Can you blame her for needing to lie down to do so?

Truth be told, she's kind of a brat.

"I'm ready to go hang out with my friends and get away from my bitchy-ass roommates," she says. But who's going to hold brattiness against her when she uses a phrase like "bitchy ass?" Not me, for sure. For that one, I forgive her tantrums. Like the one she throws when one fellow camper tries to help her up from her chair, but effectively tosses her on the ground.

And here is the resulting fit.

And here is the resulting trip to see her mom in the infirmary:

"I've fallen three times and twisted my ankle four. I decided it was time to come see you," she announces. She twisted her ankle four times and still can walk. She's practically bionic. She just doesn't know it.

She also pitches a massive freak-out over her bitchy-ass roommates telling her she needs to shower. This is just the intro to the wailing (and towel-dropping exposure) that ensues.

But whatever. She's awesome and extremely crafty, especially when it comes to weight loss.

"I think I'm getting down to the lowest weight my body wants to be at. Is that weird? I've been working harder than I did when I came here, and I was losing more weight when I didn't work as hard. Maybe if I don't do anything this week, I'll lose, like, 10 lbs." Maybe! As long as you keep sharing that twisty, twisty logic with us, you can do whatever you want.

My favorite thing about Dianne, however, is her love of music. She's rarely without her headphones, but get her around live music and she flips out.

I'm not being remotely sarcastic when I say that there's something truly beautiful and enviable in her simplicity here. The band she's responding to isn't particularly accomplished, obviously:

But just the fact that it's music, just the fact that it's live, is enough for Dianne. She's truly inspiring. In a way, I'm jealous that she can get off so easily.

She's so wound up after the show that she feels the need to continue it.

Repeatedly.

Oh yes they are.

Besides weight-loss (Dianne ends up dropping 16 lbs., which is kind of great, considering her insistence on loafing), Fat Camp follows Dianne's social trajectory. See, she's been home-schooled and thus has a hard time connecting with kids. By the end, she's at least enduring human contact.

Hugs and happiness. Seriously, get her a sticker book or some puppies or a fuzzy pen or something.

Totally thrilled.

And what did she get out of the social experience? A lot!

"Camp has helped me get along with kids a lil' better. I still don't understand 'em too well. Just how, how they could be so stupid."

She's come so far to find herself. It's really touching. But really, Fat Camp is a triumph for Dianne. Despite her steadfast social awkwardness, despite her tendency to annoy mercilessly, she's the most compelling character in the whole film. It wouldn't be the same without her, and for hanging onto her individuality so foolishly, Dianne will forever be a patron saint of fourfour. This is my ode to her.

The end of Dianne's story is bittersweet:

But really, if she'd kept it off, how rock and roll would that be?

Such promise, such hope.

Some people see Dianne and say, "Why?" I see her and say, "Why not?"

Comments

[lenny colometo, dean delacruz, tony richards]

i just wanna like frolick through the jungle naked with dianne

[-e-]

Dianne is the reason for me watching this particular MTV special each and every time that it is on!

[Danielle]

hey, where can i get the show from? i am so desperate to see it! i just searched for it on piratebay.org and it wasnt there! eeeeek!

[Danielle]

hey, where can i get the show from? i am so desperate to see it! i just searched for it on piratebay.org and it wasnt there! eeeeek!

[Danielle]

hey, where can i get the show from? i am so desperate to see it! i just searched for it on piratebay.org and it wasnt there! eeeeek!

[billy]

<3 dianne

[pyachexjt oxbkp]

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[Brett]

where did you get all these picturesss do you have the file of the show I AM DIEING FOR THIS

[Kelila]

Sorry. See things as they are and write about them. Don?t waste your creative energy trying to make things up. Even if you are writing fiction, write the things you see and know. Help me! There is an urgent need for sites: Dark tanning bed lotion. I found only this - benefits of tanning beds. Staying tan year round it really doesn't matter how great of a tan you can get with the natural sun if you live in an area with four distinct seasons. Someone who believes smokers should just die because they won't quit should not be able to dictate to health care that they should be denied any treatment for anything. Thank you very much :eek:. Kelila from Belize.

[dfh]

YOUR A HUGE FAT BITCH AND YOUR AS FUCKING RETARTED AS YOU ARE FAT! NO BUDDY GIVES A SHIT WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU BECAUSE EVERYTHING THAT IS WORNG WITH YOU, IS BECAUSE YOUR FUCKIN HUGE!

[sara]

This is still one of my favorite posts of all time.

[Chase]

mmm i am so horny

[Cynthia]

I seriously love Dianne, she is my idol. If not for her inspiring ways on fat camp I would have never been able to build up the courage to get back at my housemates by ripping off my towel in the middle of the living room...truly an inspiring woman.

I think we should keep track of Dianne's weight loss throughout the year, thoughts?

xox

[Girls Camps]

Camp for girls offers the best training to the girls. These summer camps are recognized camps and all age group girls can come to these training centers in order to make their summer holidays pleasurable and stimulating. These summer training centers are helpful and caring and they take care of each camper. Primary aim of these summer camps is to develop self-confidence in each camper. These Certified camps for girls are recommend various recreational activities to develop learners behavior and develop the qualities of teem building in students. Environment of these camps are very attractive.

[Girls Camps]

Oh, I'm really so happy that someone else saw this show and loved Dianne as much as I do! I hope and dream that mtv gives her her own show.

[Girls Camp]

Camp for girls offers the best training to the girls. These summer camps are recognized camps and all age group girls can come to these training centers in order to make their summer holidays pleasurable and stimulating. These summer training centers are helpful and caring and they take care of each camper. Primary aim of these summer camps is to develop self-confidence in each camper. These camps for girls are recommend various recreational activities to develop learners behavior and develop the qualities of teem building in students. Environment of these camps are very attractive.

[Kirsti]

This was on TV today! (Unemployment has it's perks!)I immediately thought of this blog and had to come back to this post and read it again. :D

[Missmarblemouth]

This is probably my all time favorite blog post on the internet. I came across it years ago when google searching for info on Fat Camp. Every time I'm fortunate enough to catch it on MTV, I am compelled to come back here because I can't seem to get enough Dianne in my life, to the chagrin of my bitchy-ass husband.

[Mike Mizanion]

First off, Dianne isn't the issue here.

Why in the hell didn't you put a screen of muffin top on here? Those jelly rolls were fun lovin. The muffin top counselor is actually a plus size model.

How about Justin from Return to Fat Camp. A modern day Fatty Arbuckle.