Give it up for Swan Brooner

This week's banner is a shrine to Swan Brooner, one of my favorite people that ever existed and the central subject of one of my favorite movies, Living Dolls (Edit: It's down, but you can still view the banner here). The documentary utterly satisfies my affinity for alternate-reality trainwrecks (this one's set in the world of Southern child beauty pageants). A lot of sad stuff has happened to people who appeared in the movie since it first aired in 2001 (both of Swan's parents died, among things that you can read about on the IMDb forums). But I love that Swan's pseudo-happiness is forever frozen in time, thanks to this Living Dolls.

Since there really aren't enough shots of Swan available in full, 4-year-old whorey pageant glory, I'm posting the screenshots I grabbed to use on the banner. I'm not providing commentary, or anything (Swan's eyes say more than I ever could), so if you haven't seen Living Dolls, I'm sure at least some of the humor will be lost (in fact, the following pictures may come across as really sad). Regardless, I'm just doing my best to be a public service.

Love her. I think she now lives in Alaska and no longer competes, but she'll always be the Grand National Star Grand Supreme of my world.

I also have to give a shout to my man, Reed.

I totally ripped off his hobbies on my About page.

Here's his mom:

She wore him like wet underwear.

Comments

[Honey]

Rich this is disturbing.....parents living vicariously through their kids..sad

[elb]

Christ, this is fucking amazing. I've seen so many of these documentaries, they all run together. Is this one the one where the faggy dude is pro-aming his ASS off while Swan, or some other girl, sits in a tiny lawn chair? Maybe that was the one that was all about a girl named Asia. And there might have been a third one about a girl with cystic fibrosis.

Fuck, I love these things. Bless you. Bless you.

[Marie]

OMG, when was this on? I looooooooove kiddy pageant documentaries. Elb, are you talking about the one where they had the dads put on a talent competition and the one who's married to the evil compulsive pageant coach just nailed the pro-am? I nearly killed myself laughing.

[Rich]

Living Dolls debuted in 2001 on HBO and continues to run from time to time (even on HBO Family, despite the fact that Robin Browne, Swan's [deceased] ashtray of a mother says, "Julia Child would shit herself if she saw this," while cooking, I don't know, sloppy joes or something).

Elb, you got it right the first time. I don't think I've seen the cystic fibrosis or Asia ones.

[brian w]

We need to start a petition to get this out on DVD. IMMEDIATELY.

[Erin]

Sadly enough, I've seen this. Numerous times! Swan comes from the most white trash family I ever had the pleasure to lay eyes upon. Hopefully, she'll escape the fat ho syndrome her mother and sister fell victim to. And did you catch the poor step-dad? I felt so bad for him! :(

[Erin]

Oh, and just so you know, when I saw your banner, I thought it was Jon Benet! I was like, how wrong is that. Then I read the entry and realized my error...

[elb]

I'm pretty sure the Asia and CF ones are two different programs entirely. Fuck, or not, I can't remember. Anyway, the CF girl is older, like 12, and she comes from a different pageanting school where they DO pro am and the talent is a little more flashy.

There was kind of a scandal when she lost because the woman who was in charge of this certain, like, Miss Universal Gingerbread Princess or whatever, not only owned the pageant training school, but her assistant had a kid in the pageant and that kid won, but CF Pro Am didn't.

Then she dies of CF. Hm, now she gets to be Miss Gingerbread Angel in Heaven Princess for all eternity.

[Jeff]

WHOA -- look at the range of emotions on that little girl's face!!!

ANTM bitches take note....

[rita]

I saw this documentary and hated the mother and cried a little. What a pretty little girl.

[Michael]

Never has a mascara wand appeared so threatening! Reed, I feel for you and your vacant eyes, buddy.

I keep listening to that audio over and over. And I laugh and laugh. I love how he really punches 'MYS-teries'.

[Brian]

I thought it was Jon Benet too. It just shows that the poor things are made into miniature cookie-cutter barbies. How sad. Her eyes do say everything; she looked happiest in the mini-Jeep.

[Emily]

In high school my friends and I had plans to start a band called "Swan and the Other Children" based on a quote from that movie that went something like: "We've just worked so hard for Swan...and the other children."

[Penny Woods]

I so need to get HBO again to see this and Def Poetry Jam.

[Audra]

I have seen it about 100 times and it never, ever gets old. Especially the part where Swans beanie baby boyfriend slips and busts his cute little ass on the ground. I would be the first in line to get this on DVD.

what did swans rents die of?

[Quel]

I would love to see a "Where are they now?" special on pageant kids...and their parents. I'd like to know if and when they step out of the twilight zone.

[voodoochild]

I LOVE this documentary. It's totally disturbing and cracked out that you can't believe that's real, then you look at some of the douchebag girls you went to college with and say, "now it all makes sense."

Richie boy i LOVE you!

[Gillan]

I wish I could remember what her mom looked like!

[Kia]

But what about Miss Leslie Butler and her gay daddies!!!!!!!!!!

[whatwouldjanicedickinsondo]

yeah, i saw this documentary. the girls all looked the same to me though--was Swan the one whose dad was really old?

[Nat]

Rich, it is scary how much we enjoy the same programs. You rock my world, and so do Rudy and Winston. Keep it comin!!!

Miss Leslie Butler's gay daddy's website, for the morbidly curious:

http://www.mrmichaelbutler.com/

Swan's daddy died in 2003 :(

[littletarsier]

what's really creepy? the last post on this page (http://boards.hbo.com/thread.jspa?threadID=300001135&tstart=0&start=-1) from "panto" asking where Swan and Devon are so they can represent "those 2 real special children of God in the industry they belong in".

shudder.

[Danielle]

Rich-this just confirms why you are my hero. I thought I was the only one who carried a torch for Swan and Living Dolls. I lost my VHS tape of it and have never emotionally recovered. Please, please, please someone bring this GEW to DVD.

XO