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April 21, 2006



I love you! Your reviews are what I look forward to the most.

Did anyone think ANTM was gonna take a very bizarre spin when Jade said her mom was a fluffer? This just makes me believe that she doesn't understand any words over 5 letters. Facade Fiasco anyone?

Nevertheless, whoever did Tyra's hair should be awarded a prize because she was looking pretty fly. Loved her fabric wrapped with a belt dress too!

Just little me

I know I shouldn't but I felt a little bad for Nnenna's bf. Sure, he is a K-Fed clone and ultimately unbearable and possibly a psycho, but that reunion footage was cringe-inducing. He had that look, "Oh, my Nnenna, how much you obviously miss me! How much you love me!", and Nnnenna had that look, "Oh God, why couldn't they have invited my sis to be with me? Why did they invite this guy?!". All very obvious to everybody but John. The poor John has to learn how to read people's attitudes. And the poor Nnenna has to get a restraining order PRONTO!


Rich muy excellente recap! I stopped eating for fear of choking. Lord! Danielle should close the gap a bit but also should insist on a cap. Madonna and Lauren both have one. ji-ji! Um...Rich the Euro-model has nothing on you, return the exercise toy immediately....cue the music.

"you can do sidebends or situps but please don't lose that chunk..."


Vagina arms? Did you make that up? Too funny. I can't stand Tyra. Maybe I should try to ignore her so I can watch the show. But your recaps are much more amusing.


Hilarious. Hilarious.

Me, I'm thinking that the judges' referring to Brooke as lacking "intensity" is just a kind way of saying "dumb." I know she's young, but compared to, say, Sara, she's on an intellectual par with patio furniture.

Sara needs to get serious, but on this show a beautiful girl will never, ever win. Two words - Eva PIGford. Egad. But Sara's commercial, mitakes and all, was one of the only ones that actually LOOKED like a Covergirl commercial. But the judges wouldn't want that, becuase then the model would be too commercial for the commercial...whaaaaa??!

Nnenah is exquisite, and Danielle is as well; I thought her support of Joanie was really sweet. Jade, on the other hand...well, sumpin' tells me she's gonna be movin' into the trailer next door to washed-up pseudo-model/actress/fluffer Deprise on clamydia lane in cuntville. Man, what a broke-down drag queen she is.

Joanie, bless her heart, is just too average and too short and too old. Sigh.


I must say, it was the Glycerine reference that broke me. I'm going to go dig that CD out of my basement and take it on back to 1994. Mmmm...1994 Gavin Rossdale...Also, did anyone else think Tyra looked like Pebbles (BamBam?)with that sackcloth for a "dress" and the big fake candy rocks (like they used to put on dinosaur cakes when we were kids) for a necklace? Where was the bone for her hair? Additionally, screw Tyra(nt) for that crap about the gap. What a beast.


JOANIE- I have now reached the point where if she DOESN'T win, I will run around for several weeks claiming, "I will never watch ANTM again!" (all the while knowing that this is a physical impossibility.) I love everything about Joanie from her attitude to her humor to GORGEOUS, EFFORTLESS PICTURES. Possibly the best ANTM girl they've ever had.

DANIELLE- I guess I'm in the minority here. I kind of agree with the panel that she should have the gap closed. Maybe not ALL the way but something does need to be done. The combination of her hick accent (don't throw stones, I love Danny) and the gap mouth doesn't make for a very classy or glamorous vision on camera.

FURONDA- I concede she takes beautiful pictures and has been improving, but if she wins I might actually run around screaming "I'll never watch ANTM again!" and mean it. She is not pleasant to look at on camera and she is waaaaaaay to eager to please.

JADE- I've never been so happy with Miss Tyra. This bitch is F-A-K-E, as we all know, and I don't think she has gay man's chance in Brokeback of winning the whole shebang. I can't wait to see her axed.

NNENNA- Its like...she's this enigma. She's absolutely gorgeous, and most of the time takes beautiful pictures, but I don't know if she's MODELING in them. You know? She definitely lacks a certain spark and creativity in front of the camera that Joanie, Danielle, and even Furugly possess.

SARA- I really like her, and I do think she's beautiful. But sometimes she bores me and at the end of the day, some of the other girls just have more to offer.


I love that Danielle is fine with her gap and refused to fix it, although Im sure it will come back to bite her in the ass as Tyra will be all "you could be a great model but with that gap you are just not commercial enough" Im sure Tyra is very aware of something called photoshop, Covergirl could easily fill in that gap if they wanted.


i'm with everyone else, the gap should stay. tyra, shut the fuck up with this nonsense. isn't she the bitch that's always taking about individuality, and transforming people's perceptions of beauty?


Don't you think it's going to come down to Joanie and Danielle?


Isn't a little cruel that they filed almost all of Joanie's teeth down? Couldn't they just have removed the snaggletooth without ruining her natural teeth? Those veneers will have to be replaced, and she might not be able to pay for them by stripping.


it will come down to joanie and someone else, and joanie will lose.

but don't get me started on mollie sue being booted in favor of jade....

Gayest Neil

Agreed. Tyra's obsession with manipulating the girl's physical appearances has reached a new low previously bottomed out by her insistence on last season's Mia Farrow haircut.

Joanie's snaggletooth can be understood. Joanie was in favor of it, whatever.

But filling Furonda's gap is ridiculous. So stupid.

Anyways - Hopefully this Nnenna and her Oyfriend has finally come to an anticlimactic end. I was totally hoping the male model and Nnenna were going to get all oiled up on each other and the producers would SURPRISE! "invite" John to show up at the shoot.

But no such luck. I get the feeling they really didn't have much to broadcast this season - except Jade.


I also think it'll be Joanie and Danielle, unless Sara starts to really rock for no apparent reason.

What, no mockery of Jade's fake-ass whimpering at the judging panel? I loved that the judges called her out on that.

I was just starting to like her because of how she cried when her mom popped out of the present box (though I thought it would be male strippers--sorely disappointed there), when she went and did that slam poetry thing to the confessional camera. Thank you, Jade, for saving me from the horrible fate of actually thinking you're a human being.

I'm getting a little sick of all the product placement. "Payless Shoes are really hip!" "Pantene gives you perfect hair!" "The Twirler Twins Are Available For Birthdays and Bar Mitzvahs!" But I guess whatever it takes to keep this show on the air is all right with me. I just wish they'd be more subtle about it, instead of essentially forcing us to, for instance, watch 7 different iterations of a Cover Girl commercial, hello?


#1- Each season Nigel becomes hornier and thus, the girls become less safe.
#2- It's unfortunate that Twiggy didn't have a chance to get what I call "all old lady" on the girls. I believe last week she scored huge with "Klumping".
#3- It's completely ridic to force Danielle to close the gap. I was so proud of her for declining the offer. She looked so sad knowing she would have to give in. She should just shove a tic tac in there for the time being to please the Tyrant.
#4- Joanie is the sh*t!
#5- Jay liked dolls because they have perfect hair? WTF?


i know, i know, lauren hutton what??? jesus.
also, does anyone else feel like maybe (and i am super bad for thinking this) john sort of fetishizes nnenna and the concept of african women? it makes me want to fucking puke.
nice use of suckfish art, rich.

raging indie

Brilliant. Ahhh. My Friday is complete.

While I agree with everyone that Danielle should stick to her, uh, gums if she feels the gap is a part of her personality...the Photoshopped photo with it closed makes her look flawless. I have never been able to get past the gap, that mofo is HUGE.

Joanie is the Absolut Shit.


"#5- Jay liked dolls because they have perfect hair? WTF?"

yeah, what a laaaaaaaaaame (and i don't mean the fabric) way to seque into product placement number #427.


Rich, you got it all wrong this week. Brooke was absolutely stunning. She had the best body & those dark sad eyes just makes you want to comfort her. GO NIGEL!

Your comic strip sucked this week, as did your imagine that! I knew you would have you on OVERLOAD on the Tear Factor! Way to go ANTM for Stumping you dude.

Which one was JAY?? That was the best, though! I'd say the one in the bikini!


haha! vagina arms! I can make a vagina on my leg, in the knee area, but I have to work at it. I'm jealous that she has a "natural" limb vagina.


The Mr Jay part was just pee-on-the-floor funny.

Joanie rox my sox. Love love love love her. And to believe at the beginning of the season I was thinking this season is gonna suck.

The judges calling Jade out on her fakeness was so awesome. Glad they tell it like it is.

My only problem ? Furonda IS taking good pictures and God is she ugly. I dont like the contradiction. This is supposed to be a simple brainless show. If we cant rely on looks to judge *models* then what is the world going to ? How much u bet they will suddenly forget how much she progressed and turn around and boot her coz she doesnt look like a model - which they've known for weeks obviously - in a few weeks ?


btw, did anyone else hear that joanie used to be a stripper?

Gayest Neil

Oh snap. I meant Danielle's gap!


I was sooooo happy that they called out Jade on her bullshit tears- that was the highlight of the show for me. And I thought Sarah looked really good in this one. My favs are still Joanie and Danielle-they MUST win! btw, i still miss Kari


I don't know why, because I didn't laugh as hard last time, but this time I did some weird heavy quick breathing type laugh. My eyes are still watery.

And somehow you made the most heart wrenching part of the show (Joanie and her tooth) so funny.

I feel so cool. I've been reading these recaps (and even your blog unconditionally) since Kyle was eliminated last cycle and never commented. But this and the last episode's recaps were so funny I just had to comment.

Does this make me a stalker?

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