A confederacy of dunces

Can you spot the irony?

Look closer (while considering that the name of this fine establishment is FreedomUSA):

Ah, the Confederacy lives! In FreedomUSA...in...Jersey? Having grown up in Jersey, I've come to expect anti-foreign language sentiment. But rebel flag swag? Really?

Maybe I was too immersed in reality TV to notice New Jersey's secession some 200 years late? Because, I ask, like apparently so few have before me: if your state was never part of the Confederacy, why in the blue fuck would you want to wear something with a rebel flag on it?

And, if you're a thinking person, why would you want to wear such a flag at all? Really, I'm curious. I can't offer you answers, but I can offer you options if you're convinced that the Battle Jack is the new black.

Good ole Jersey.

It all started so innocently, too, my immersion in, what seems to me, nostalgia for the days when black people weren't considered people. In New Jersey.

When we saw this undoubted future Daisy Duke early into our South Jersey vacation, the bf and I had no idea what we were in for.

We started catching on the next day, when we saw this:

Because, like most things, the way to show pride of your "heritage" is to immortalize it on foam that you're gonna end up rubbing your tits and/or genitals all over as you careen through God's brown ocean.

"Where do you even buy something like that?" the bf asked me. I didn't know.

But I would learn!

We visited Wildwood the next day. Wildwood is a body louse clinging to a sweaty shaft of hair in the Armpit of America that is New Jersey. This is, of course, its charm. Wildwood, like many costal resort towns in South Jersey, is home to a tourist-bating boardwalk. But Wildwood's boardwalk is unlike many of its neighboring counterparts. It's a massive, 38-block stretch that sports no fewer than five amusement parks and hundreds of crooked, carnival-type games (knock bottles over, get the ball in the basket, fill the clown's mouth with water to pop the balloon, etc.) complete with managing foreigners who harass anyone who walks by (and, no doubt, annoy everyone with those damn accents). Food is everywhere -- literally. It's being sold everywhere you look, it's on the boardwalk attracting seagulls, it's stuffed in the patrons' mouths. Perhaps the only source of commerce that's more present is that of the junky, "sundry"-cum-T-shirt shop. As a rough estimate, we'll say that there are an average of three of such places per block. If there are around 100 places to buy T-shirts (or 75, or 50 or whatever), I'd say that at least half of them have prominent displays like this:

We'll get to the actual content of the shirts in a bit (but really, "You wear your X...?" How fucking 15 years ago!). The point here is that this shit is everywhere.

Aggressively everywhere.

Incredibly, though I've visited Wildwood many times throughout my life, I'd never really noticed it before. I guess I was just walking around blindfolded, perhaps with one of these over my eyes:

Oh but there's more rebel-flag merchandise to be had in Wildwood. Things like...

...keychains...

...suncatchers...

...skateboards...

and, my personal favorite...

...hermit crab shells. I mean, why should hermit crabs be denied the chance to express their Confederate pride? That would just be cruel. I'm glad that someone's thinking about the crustaceans.

Besides, it looks great in its natural habitat, right?

I know that my pearl clutching may come off as overly politically correct. You know how I know this? A T-shirt told me.

I mean, what the fuck does that even mean? Historically accurate when? While playing dress up? While spouting off antiquated ideas? Historically accurate where? In the ass that you're talking out of? Isn't one of the main goals of studying history to learn about the mistakes of the past so that we don't repeat them?

I know those who are the type to wear T-shirts like the one above or those who put rebel-flag mudflaps on their 4X4s will defend the flag as not a symbol of slavery, but of heritage. But even if the Civil War was more about commerce than slavery, doesn't the effect of the South's intended outcome provoke the slightest bit of embarrassment in people? Big ideas of struggle aside, isn't the practical implication of such heritage to deny rights to blacks?

And really, to anyone who does fly the rebel flag with pride, I ask: do you willfully associate with black people and if so, what do they think of your expression or heritage? Do you care about black culture? How many albums by black people do you own? How many movies by black directors have you seen? How many books by black authors have you read? And, for that matter, how many books have you read, period?

Regardless of how the case for rebel-flag waving can be cooked to seem benign and neutral, many of these T-shirts aren't so fiddle-dee-dee about the old days. No, they're out to offend.

Is anyone surprised that "its" is missing an apostrophe?

You can check the displays above to revisit the whole "You wear your X, I'll wear my X," thing, the unabashed racialism of "Smart Ass White Boy" and the implied white supremacist statement of "If You Ain't Redneck, You Ain't Sheeit." Oh, and then there's this one, which I don't even think I have the capacity to fully understand:

It's just plain bizarro.

But what could the kid learn from his parents that a hermit crab couldn't teach him?

I should note that besides the two girls up top with the towel and boogie board, I didn't see anyone actually rocking any of this stuff. The fact that it's so available for purchase makes me assume that there's some sort of demand for it. But then again, maybe not. Any manager of a store who'd say, "Hmmmm, you know what residents and visitors of the once-UNION state of NEW JERSEY need? Rebel flag gear!" probably can't be counted on to understand something as complex as the law of supply and demand.

As potentially offensive as this stuff is in both nonchalant ("Oooh, look at how nice the red looks as the light goes through the suncatcher! Like blood!") and overt forms, the ubiquity of it is, in a way, hilarious to me. Certainly, if you view this material in the most offensive light -- as an endorsement of the dehumanization of black people -- it comes from a place of such ignorance and stupidity and ultimate powerlessness that it's hard to take seriously. There's very, very little weight behind it all. In this desperate, pitiful nostalgia, this willful ignorance, there's just a larger-than-life caricature of real human emotion. It is, then, kitsch.

But maybe I'm mistaken. Maybe I'm the ignorant one.

OK, fine. Give me one. Explain to me how this doesn't turn its back on humanity and progress. I'm all ears. Really.

Comments

[R. McMahan]

I'm going to be the shiny red flag of opposition here. I wear a stars and bars patch on my jacket (just underneath a US flag patch). Whenever someone asks me if I'm racist, I'm more than happy to explain why I wear it. (And it's not "heritage not Hate" or any other BS slogan.)

I wear it as a reminder that (whether right or wrong) the southern states were willing to defend their rights. They were unhappy with the direction the US was going and they attempted secession, which today would be considered an act of treason. Even when faced with political, financial, and physical loss they didn't back down from those beliefs (no matter how wrong those beliefs were).

Yes, you can point out the antiquated beliefs of southerners 150 years ago. You can point out the idiots of today spouting their own beliefs of "white power". It's to be expected.

But, there are those of us that wear it to remind us of a much different reason. Even if no one agrees with you, never be afraid to stand up and defend your beliefs.

[Bill Magnet]

What the Confederate flag represents is not up to you to decide. Racism and treason? Do please get a life.

What do you represent then?
Let's see.

Democracy and racial integration by busing at the point of bayonets.

Political Correctness and "Racism". Both invented by Trotsky, a communist and self-declared hater of the white race.

Exclusively materialistic outlook on the world. Money is everything. Thought out by Karl Marx, another communist.

Listen you little creep. The United States of America will fall asunder into smaller, ethnic, entities. You can then settle in Dumbfuckistan.

The South will rise again.

[costaricainvestment]

The lingerie is sexy, especially to attract men by their delicacy and the variety of styles, colors and beautiful scenery.

[blahblahblah]

Yall don't come back now you hear!

;-)

[blahblahblah]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YUxGQPAF9KY

We have alot of fun. Yall are welcome to join us if you are kind & respectful.

But, yes we are tired of being culturally oppressed by you lot of deranged imbeciles.

The south is rising. Go ahead, put your boot heel down on our red necks. It wont be anything new. We will continue to endeavor to persevere despite your arrogance.

[Rick James]

That girl can rub her tits and genitals all over me anytime. Well maybe not a few days of the month but the rest of the time...

[Lauren]

i think you are a little fucking ridiculous. it's a flag that only has underlying meanings because people like you read so much into it. the historically accurate thing means that we're not going to ignore that fact that this happend in history. that would be like germans ignoring the holocaust. and black people even fought for the south in the war...and i believe the civil war was more about not having fucking yankees tell us southerners what to do more than it was about slavery. i wish assholes like you would get off white peoples asses. and just so you know northerners hated blacks alot more than southerners and more black were enslaved along the northern east coast than in the south. there was a total of about 100 families in all of alabama, where im from, that had slaves. god do you really think people would actually enslave people today besides that sick fucks who do it to women. or that peoeple actually believe that blacks shousld be slaves because thay sport a confederate flag. you my friend are ridiculous....the flag was never even carried in war battles. you are very ignorant and don't know much history.

[A. J. class of '97]

I went to T.F. South, too. It was 1994, my freshman year, when the confedrate flag was removed. It was the right thing to do but was handeled in the worst way. I left school 6 weeks into my Senior year mostly because of the atmosphere of hatred from both sides. It was a lose/lose situation. Either I was called "cracker" while I was with only white friends or I was called "nig**r lover" when I was with blcck friends. On my last day at TF South I was attacked by a black girl in the hallway. She was a trouble maker, plain and simple. About 50 pepole were in the hallway and saw it. Even one of my favorite teachers. I was told to "just deal" or go to the police and then suffer retaliaion. I quit school that day, went on to get a G.E.D. and never looked back. There should have been something done by the school to ease the tention. Maybe if they had pointed out our similarities as human beings instead of running scared things would hve been much better. I believe South would be a better place today if the leaders of the past had stepped up.

[h]

I grew up in South Jersey. I have to explain to everyone that it's the Red Neck capital of the North. In fact, a fair amount of it is technically below the northern edge of the Mason-Dixon line (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mason-Dixon_Line). It's kind of a rallying point for mis-guided "facts".

Piney pride is probably stronger than Hill Billy, Red Neck and all the other White Trash pride combined.

[Rodrigo]

RELAX MORON...I AM A MEXICAN AND LOVE THE CONFEDERATE FLAG...COS I USE TO WATCH THE DUKE OF HAZZARD TV SHOW!

WHAT A SYMBOL ITS TO YOU ITS MEAN A COMPLETE DIFFERENT THING TO ANOTHER HUMAN BEING!

[China ear thermometer]

What a frightening song.
No snow just lots of sunshine! Should be a beautiful Halloween night~

[reflective material]

Thanks Mary! I remember that night like yesterday when they were all sitting in the dark with flashlights. Some how our kids turned out okay! Hahaha!

[High Refractive Glass Beads]

What a great post, and I love Sleepy Hallow. I also learned some things I did not know, thank you!

[High Refractive Index Glass Beads]

When you have a black cat, every day is Halloween. I enjoyed this and I have to admit I would not miss the holiday if it disappeared in the states, too. It lost its charm when the litte fun size candy bars appeared. Cheap!

[children cars]

Thank you for this. I trust various internet sources, including reporters like you who post at OS, more than I do mainstream media to report an accurate picture of what is happening with this movement. Rated.

[tricycle?for?adults]

What an inspiring life story. Congratulations on making your dream come true.

[tricycle adult]

The best piece of fatherly advice about making your mark I think I have ever heard. Thanks for noticing me and providing a friendly hand when I first got to posting here.

[Cindy]

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