A confederacy of dunces

Can you spot the irony?

Look closer (while considering that the name of this fine establishment is FreedomUSA):

Ah, the Confederacy lives! In FreedomUSA...in...Jersey? Having grown up in Jersey, I've come to expect anti-foreign language sentiment. But rebel flag swag? Really?

Maybe I was too immersed in reality TV to notice New Jersey's secession some 200 years late? Because, I ask, like apparently so few have before me: if your state was never part of the Confederacy, why in the blue fuck would you want to wear something with a rebel flag on it?

And, if you're a thinking person, why would you want to wear such a flag at all? Really, I'm curious. I can't offer you answers, but I can offer you options if you're convinced that the Battle Jack is the new black.

Good ole Jersey.

It all started so innocently, too, my immersion in, what seems to me, nostalgia for the days when black people weren't considered people. In New Jersey.

When we saw this undoubted future Daisy Duke early into our South Jersey vacation, the bf and I had no idea what we were in for.

We started catching on the next day, when we saw this:

Because, like most things, the way to show pride of your "heritage" is to immortalize it on foam that you're gonna end up rubbing your tits and/or genitals all over as you careen through God's brown ocean.

"Where do you even buy something like that?" the bf asked me. I didn't know.

But I would learn!

We visited Wildwood the next day. Wildwood is a body louse clinging to a sweaty shaft of hair in the Armpit of America that is New Jersey. This is, of course, its charm. Wildwood, like many costal resort towns in South Jersey, is home to a tourist-bating boardwalk. But Wildwood's boardwalk is unlike many of its neighboring counterparts. It's a massive, 38-block stretch that sports no fewer than five amusement parks and hundreds of crooked, carnival-type games (knock bottles over, get the ball in the basket, fill the clown's mouth with water to pop the balloon, etc.) complete with managing foreigners who harass anyone who walks by (and, no doubt, annoy everyone with those damn accents). Food is everywhere -- literally. It's being sold everywhere you look, it's on the boardwalk attracting seagulls, it's stuffed in the patrons' mouths. Perhaps the only source of commerce that's more present is that of the junky, "sundry"-cum-T-shirt shop. As a rough estimate, we'll say that there are an average of three of such places per block. If there are around 100 places to buy T-shirts (or 75, or 50 or whatever), I'd say that at least half of them have prominent displays like this:

We'll get to the actual content of the shirts in a bit (but really, "You wear your X...?" How fucking 15 years ago!). The point here is that this shit is everywhere.

Aggressively everywhere.

Incredibly, though I've visited Wildwood many times throughout my life, I'd never really noticed it before. I guess I was just walking around blindfolded, perhaps with one of these over my eyes:

Oh but there's more rebel-flag merchandise to be had in Wildwood. Things like...

...keychains...

...suncatchers...

...skateboards...

and, my personal favorite...

...hermit crab shells. I mean, why should hermit crabs be denied the chance to express their Confederate pride? That would just be cruel. I'm glad that someone's thinking about the crustaceans.

Besides, it looks great in its natural habitat, right?

I know that my pearl clutching may come off as overly politically correct. You know how I know this? A T-shirt told me.

I mean, what the fuck does that even mean? Historically accurate when? While playing dress up? While spouting off antiquated ideas? Historically accurate where? In the ass that you're talking out of? Isn't one of the main goals of studying history to learn about the mistakes of the past so that we don't repeat them?

I know those who are the type to wear T-shirts like the one above or those who put rebel-flag mudflaps on their 4X4s will defend the flag as not a symbol of slavery, but of heritage. But even if the Civil War was more about commerce than slavery, doesn't the effect of the South's intended outcome provoke the slightest bit of embarrassment in people? Big ideas of struggle aside, isn't the practical implication of such heritage to deny rights to blacks?

And really, to anyone who does fly the rebel flag with pride, I ask: do you willfully associate with black people and if so, what do they think of your expression or heritage? Do you care about black culture? How many albums by black people do you own? How many movies by black directors have you seen? How many books by black authors have you read? And, for that matter, how many books have you read, period?

Regardless of how the case for rebel-flag waving can be cooked to seem benign and neutral, many of these T-shirts aren't so fiddle-dee-dee about the old days. No, they're out to offend.

Is anyone surprised that "its" is missing an apostrophe?

You can check the displays above to revisit the whole "You wear your X, I'll wear my X," thing, the unabashed racialism of "Smart Ass White Boy" and the implied white supremacist statement of "If You Ain't Redneck, You Ain't Sheeit." Oh, and then there's this one, which I don't even think I have the capacity to fully understand:

It's just plain bizarro.

But what could the kid learn from his parents that a hermit crab couldn't teach him?

I should note that besides the two girls up top with the towel and boogie board, I didn't see anyone actually rocking any of this stuff. The fact that it's so available for purchase makes me assume that there's some sort of demand for it. But then again, maybe not. Any manager of a store who'd say, "Hmmmm, you know what residents and visitors of the once-UNION state of NEW JERSEY need? Rebel flag gear!" probably can't be counted on to understand something as complex as the law of supply and demand.

As potentially offensive as this stuff is in both nonchalant ("Oooh, look at how nice the red looks as the light goes through the suncatcher! Like blood!") and overt forms, the ubiquity of it is, in a way, hilarious to me. Certainly, if you view this material in the most offensive light -- as an endorsement of the dehumanization of black people -- it comes from a place of such ignorance and stupidity and ultimate powerlessness that it's hard to take seriously. There's very, very little weight behind it all. In this desperate, pitiful nostalgia, this willful ignorance, there's just a larger-than-life caricature of real human emotion. It is, then, kitsch.

But maybe I'm mistaken. Maybe I'm the ignorant one.

OK, fine. Give me one. Explain to me how this doesn't turn its back on humanity and progress. I'm all ears. Really.

Comments

[chloe]

"Wildwood is a body louse clinging to a sweaty shaft of hair in the Armpit of America that is New Jersey" - LOL. sad, but true

[Tipsy McStaggers]

The other great addition to the confederate flag is the ever encouraging "Get er Done", the hopeful "the South will rise again" and the reverant number 3 (or 31) with a halo over it.

[nicole]

Right now captitalism, as North America knows it, is swallowing itself. the middle class will soon be erased, the poor will increase in numbers and instead on thinking constructively and being honest with onself (oh my president and gov are fucking me over) people will always employ racism, sexism & homophobia. For them the answer always the fault of one of those target groups.

[sarah]

aside from being in complete agreement, i'd like to applaud the way you've worked in "fiddle dee dee"

[Arthur James]

This makes me sad.

(deep sigh).

[Meri]

The South will rise again!!!!

aaahahahahaha, rediculous.

It is ALL ignorant bullshit.

[summer]

how are you so enlightened? no really. seriously. who raised you? i mean you discuss incredibly racially-sensitive topics minus any of the liberal "i'm on your side" bs. but in a way that is like "wow, he gets it." and even just the music you discuss and include on playlists.

who are you, rich? perhaps again it's my down South upbringing, but i've never "met" anyone non-black like you.

[Mara]

this is disgusting...i mean, i always saw flags on pick-up trucks in florida, and they pissed me the hell off, but some of those t-shirts?? and in jersey of all places?? maybe this is why people always talk shit about jersey...

i've always known the north is just as racist as the south, and very racially divided, but i never expected to see shit like that up here...it really shouldn't be anywhere--that whole "southern pride" excuse is bullshit.

unless we are aware of the problem, and speak out against it more, nothing will ever change. nice post, rich.

[momo]

I'd like to throw in "aggressive stupidity" as a twist on Anika's suggestion. One of my old profs used it to describe the undergrads at my university and it seems to describe this union jack mentality nicely too.

[GC]

It's a double edged sword. At one time, the American flag, the good ol' Stars and Stripes, was the flag of a country in which slavery was legal. Does that make the American flag racist? Maybe, but probably no.

The Confederate flag represented the soldiers while they were fighting. The Confederate States of America had a different flag flying over their capitol in Richmond. The blue X on a red background was the battle flag only.

That said, the only people who actually end up WEARING the Confederate battle flag are ignorant racists. So, no, the Confederate battle flag is not historically racist, but by wearing it, you are racist.

Make sense? I didn't think so. Sorry for wasting your time.......

[rod]

I'm not sure who is holding that keychain, but I can't imagine a gayer way to do so. Well done, sirrah.

[Bobby]

I live in Virginia. I have always had friends from various ethnic backgrounds, grew up listening to hip-hop, and attended a predominately/historically black college. I'm not at all religious and believe in the equitable treatment of people from all races, belief systems, and sexual lifestyles. I also hold the Confederacy dear to my heart. The basic idea of freedom has been altered since the Union won the Civil War, to the point where there is basically no real choice left in America. When people bemoan the two-party system and the choice between two evils that they're forced to make every four years, they ought to understand that it began when the C.S.A. was defeated. It's unfortunate that the source of the conflict was slavery, because it clouds the issues of personal freedom and of the rights of the States. Slavery is indefensible, but this country was founded with an allowance for the freedom of each individual State, and that war destroyed this freedom and led to the death of many others.

I wouldn't rock any of that paraphernalia around, but it doesn't mean that I don't believe in (at least one of) the basic principles that it represented. I really am a fan of your blog, Rich, not just some joker who Googles "confederate flag" and posts his rant everywhere he can. I wanted to offer a dissenting view fron a non-redneck, though I doubt it will change your mind.

[Ann]

Why is it so offensive that the South can use part of their histry & have fun with it, yet we are suppossed to put up with Asian, Indian, African, etc. cultures being brought over here & used? I'd rather see a law that if you live here, at least speak English. People can keep their own cultures--and that includes US citizens.

[stacy]

so what is this history lesson that should make us not offended by that last shirt? Anyone know?

[Sarah]

south jersey is a totally different world!

[Wendy]

You know, I live in Georgia, and it's retarded HERE to run around with that crap on your shirt/bumpersticker/vanity plate/etc. But if you're in NEW JERSEY and think it's funny/cute to have it, said person possessing it needs to be slapped. I don't care how "PC" Jeff Foxworthy makes it look (he's not celebrated as a hero here, btw; most people either think he's stupid, or a racist), it's still not a proud moment in American history.

And another thing, about the "historically accurate" shirt...do I need to mention again that it's NEW JERSEY!!!!???

p.s. you know the most popular thing on the Georgia coast, lately? Puerto Rican or Mexican flags!

[brandy]

Ann-

I'm just wondering what part of promoting hatred is fun?

[Nikos]

I'm from Pennsylvania, also a Union state, yet every junk shop in town has tons of confederate ummm...shall we call it "memorabilia"...? I had a black friend named Suzy who often wore the confederate flag and I would consistantly yell at her for being a weird ass ho.

I think the biggest defense of the flag is that people call it the "rebel" flag so if you're a "rebel" you should wear it proudly. And if you're a "rebel" who feels like seceding our nation, then you should wear it proudly times two.

My favorite shirt is one that they sell at a local flea market that says "PRIDE! NOT PREJUDICE!" Which is almost reasonable, until you realize that they're being proud of being part of a movement built around prejudice. And then you remember that you're in Pennsylvania and there's clearly no pride in the South up here. I'm not even going to into the thought of it being for White pride and not prejudice. I just love the fact that rednecks are wearing a Jane Austen reference to spread their hatred.

As a PC liberal white boy, I often found the flag offensive, and now I think of it as a blessing. If one is wearing it, as they often do in PA, I then know who I should be avoiding at all costs.

Bobby, you wrote:

Slavery is indefensible, but this country was founded with an allowance for the freedom of each individual State, and that war destroyed this freedom and led to the death of many others.

When the State has taken away the rights and lives of entire groups of citizens, they lose their right to make laws. It is no surprise that the south was the home of Jim Crow laws and the stars and bars. The freedoms of native born blacks were destroyed for years in this country, leading to the deaths of many of those friends from "various ethnic backgrounds" you hold so dear.

And while you claim to be so inclusive, I bet you didn't hang the Confederate flag from your dorm room at that "historically black college" or wear it out to bars on a Saturday night while dancing to hip-hop.

To give this a modern day implication, these southern states are at the forefront of legistlation to deny women the right to choose, deny gays their rights, and, surprise surprise, employ a poll tax so poor blacks can't vote. So much for freedom.

[Lizzy]

"But what could the kid learn from his parents that a hermit crab couldn't teach him?"
I laughed so hard at that. But then, it may have been because everything else was so depressing.

[marlys]

I'm never going to Wildwood or Jersey. Ew, that Rebel crap is gross.

[Ted]

Hey! I came across this post and thought I would toss in my 2 cents.
I've lived in North Jersey my whole life, and have never been to Wildwood, the closest I've come is Seaside Hights, which is the same idea, only smaller. These shops are only open for a couple months out of the year, most are only open from Memorial Day till Labor Day. Any jackass with a few grand can rent out one of these booths and set up shop. Who are these jackasses? mostly carnies from the south trying to make a few bucks. When they get here, they try to unload all of the garbage that they sell at county fairs.
So, please, don't view this as a New Jersey thing...It's a carnie thing...

[Me]

I went to T.F. North...how funny is that?

[Vanessa]

That is well...Jesus Christ, what the hell is wrong with those vendors? I can't believe this stuff actually gets sold. Maybe it's because I usually stick to North Jersey and haven't been to Wildwood in ages, but I have honestly never seen anything like that in this state. It's just mind-boggling.

[Bill Barbera]

Ugh. I think you could probably find this kind of retarded hillbilly shit in every state in the country, sadly.

Kill Hillbilly scum.