Quickly...

I know that there's a new crop of ANTM girls that need my prejudiced, uninformed barbs -- hopefully I'll get that post up before the weekend. Before that, though, I just want to mention a few things because if I don't then, uh...I won't.

- The rash of Cassie hate combined with my almost irrational love of her album had me inspired to turn out something on her, a post I'd title "In defense of Cassie" that probably would have run today. And then, I saw this, a post called..."In Defense of Cassie" on Tom Breihan's Village Voice blog, Status Ain't Hood. Crazy! And now I don't have to write it at all because Breihan says just about everything that I would have and he says it extremely well. I might have emphasized the fact that all the "Cassie can't sing" rumbling is bizarre considering the pop landscape of the past 10 years -- we're well past the time when people like Boyz II Men and En Vogue and Whitney Houston and bold-voiced Mariah dominated the charts. Who cares about harmony and singing anymore, really? But, also and much to Breihan's credit, I would have neglected to mention YouTube's amazing power in getting the word out on those sucky performances. Those minor points aside, reading this piece was like looking in the mirror. It was some Milhouse-meets-Milhouse-this-is-what-it-sounds-like-when-doves-cry shit.

- I was going to go into some depth on the Paris Hilton album in my next pop-music odds-and-ends post, but you know what? Fuck it. Paris is so outrageously atrocious and self-serving that it doesn't even deserve a blog blurb. This album is just Paris Hilton looking for a new avenue for fame because her major function, being an heiress and all, is to acquire things. She has to keep on moving, but her hedonic treadmill is NOT MY PROBLEM. Paris is the aural equivalent of a Madonna movie.

However, the first 20 seconds are truly hilarious ([Baby voice] "Uh...yeah...that's hot...ugh...yeah...Scott Storch...yaw"). So funny is this intro to "Turn It Up," that I think a loop of that played for the song's running time is way more entertaining than the song itself.

- I love Stevie Ryan so much. In the captivating compost heap that is YouTube blogging, it makes sense that someone who's actually talented would rise to the top. I really feel like Stevie's gonna be a star, and it's cool to catch her on the way up. Get to know her (though I should warn you that if you don't know the self-reflexive ways of YouTube, you'll probably be lost on the genius of this). Also? She's ravishing enough to make Gwen Stefani's annoyingisms endearing:

I have a genuine crush on this girl.

- I also have a crush on Beauty N The Beat -- it's eclipsed Delfino-inc to become my favorite all-current R&B MP3 blog (Delfino just doesn't update enough). On BNTB, the writing is sharp, the posts are frequent and the exposure to new, great stuff is constant. If you care about R&B, start caring about BNTB.

- Rounding out my current crushes is a new Justus Köhncke track, "Overhead." The choppiness says, "Re-editing and loving it," while the Frankie Valli "Oh What a Night" sample says, "I can spin shit to gold." This is yet another one that Michael Gill tipped me off to. He really just needs to start an MP3 blog and do the world a favor, already.

Comments

wow. she's gorgeous! now why can't girls look like her on ANTM? haha.
And...yeah. I like the Cassie song, against all of my little indie kid sensibilities. *le sigh*

[inothernews]

I think Cassie is absolutely gorgeous. But that stupid hook with those boom boom synth sounds keeps bubbling up in my brain--I don't know the song well enough to sing along so its annoying to hear it in my head.

And I am very happy that she is half-Filipina! YAY for (part-)Asian pop stars!

[Anna]

I LOVE!!! Stevie Ryan. She's hysterical and her satirical "Little Loca" is genius. She's gonna be the next self made internet phenom (with actual talent). She needs her own show...seriously.

[Anna]

BTW...You should have your own show too Rich!! (I'm envisioning something like'Talk Soup" but way hotter since you'd be there!) What about like a Stevie Ryan, Four Four collabo ???? I say YAAAY!

[brandy]

Thank you for clearing up what Paris Hilton's major function is.
She should do a remake of Chatterbox as her next project.

[Bill]

Tom Breihan is a tool. The fact that he's a Voice sanctioned writer is proof positive that the periodical's best days are long in the past.

[Rich]

But the piece is good!

[xnowhereboyx]

Oh, no, I can't believe you actually paid money for Paris's album. (Or did you? Enquiring minds want to know. Before reading you further about it.)

[Rich]

Well, you know, the Paris album doesn't come out till Tuesday, so...

[Brandon]

How do you enjoy being lumped into the "celebrity gossip" section of that Beauty & the Beat?

[Rich]

It kinda hurts, but whatever.

[Katybeth]

How random is it that lastnight I came across StevieRyan myself and i also have a girlcrush on her. I even tried adding her on myspace. She blows all those other youtubers out of the water and makes me wish I hadn't been jumped so I could make more videos for my page.

[xnowhereboyx]

Oh, so you bought the bootleg copy from HMG on the 6. That makes more sense.

[Angel]

So glad to be among with Stevie fans outside of YouTube. Steve and I are currently working on a short film and I can honestly say she's as nice as she is talented and even more beautiful in person.

Thanks for the link to my online article!

[Jaime]

Yeah... that's hot.... yeah.... Scott Storch...

Too fucking funny! I'm sitting here at work listening to your loop of that and I'm laughing out loud at every uhhh yeah.....

[Derrick]

Ditto on the state of pop music. This is an age where I've heard people equate Beyonce with Diana Ross, and Beyonce wouldn't have gotten an audition as the back-up singer to the Supremes. Cassie obviously is no singer, but R&B and pop music is littered with the Ashley Simpsons, Ashantis and Fergies who could crap on record and go platinum. Quite frankly, I think that the problem might be that Cassie might be a little to pretty to have a strong base of support from her teen girl audience. It seems that its ok to make a crappy record just because your an actress or your sister is a pop star, but to get one because of your looks is obviously below the line.

[Beauty]

HA! Rich? Thank you so much!! I appreciate the love.

Cassie, gorgeous girl but..it's not even *just* the fact that she can't sing, it's the fact that she brings nothing to the table. She doesn't even bring energy on stage (I don't buy the stage fright, she's been performing for a year overseas, she just doesn't have it). Ryan produces cool beats for her, and to me the best tracks of the album feature his (sexy) voice. Good beats are not enough, she's not the first "non-singing singer" but you have to have *something*. I never cared for Ashanti, but at least she could songwrite and her voice was better. Fergie sounds stupid, but she is a vocalist, you have to see her performances as part of Wild Orchid to know, and she brings the HEAT on stage. Nicole from PCD can SANG which is rare in pop music. Cassie? She bring nothing. I blame Diddy and Ryan not her though, it was an opportunity and she took it like 99% of people would if they were in her shoes.

Paris Hilton? I avoid her useless ass. I still can't believe Scott Storch, one of the producers I respect(ed??) the most, worked with that craptastic celebrity.

[mariaaaaa]

Do you remember the Hellraiser movies?

I was on some website and saw the "listen to Paris' album" link. I figured, oh what the hell. I know I will hate it, but it might be a fun kinda hate. I got through 4 or 5 songs and felt so dirty and weighted by the toxic mediocrity/cynicism that I had to turn it off. Luckily, unlike the cenobytes, I was able to make it all go away with a click of my mouse. Phew.

Life is too short to have to endure Paris Hilton.

[mama]

Stevie took my breath away I love her and was totally captivated. Paris is the "aural equivalent of a Madonna movie". Perfectly stated. Hey, if it looks like smells like, sounds like it-it must be crap! I however am not a fan of crap.

[Tam]

Cassie is not comparable to ANYONE out there today, except maybe Paris Hilton, and I honestly prefer Paris' album over Cassie's. Ciara, Ashanti, Janet, Ashlee Simpson, Lohan, even... none of those girls are completely tone-deaf and sing in a flat monotone all the way through an album the way Cassie does. She has no energy, no presence, and she doesn't even have any dance moves to stand on like Ciara or Janet. Cassie is pure rubbish and 100% worthy of all the flack that she gets.

[malatron]

goddamn that *overheard* track is smokin. thanks for that one.

[Genesis]

The new Top Model girls are really Mutants made by Tyra.

I totally want to read your opinion about the twins. Its a bad idea. I bet $20 that tyra will put them in the bottom 2.They will always compare them. Imagine one wins, akwardness for the other one.

[ezra]

I have never even seen BOH3M3's vids but i LMFAO to that parody.

[ezra]

Also what about when Fat Joe says the words "Paris Hilton" in his faux gangsta voice on the intro to "Fighting Over Me" ? Surreal.

[pops]

Stevie Ryan is bomb-bay! I love litleloca, ooolalaa and all the others. I am so glad to see her on her way. She is a genius, and I think thats what makes me that much more ga-ga for the girl.