Actually, no.
The title of this recap is a total lie. My bad!
So tell me please, did anyone, anyone at all in the world with a brain and a set of eyes, really think that Vincent deserved to win over Uli?
Vincent's:
Uli's:
I mean, I love a comeback. I love a surprising story arc. And really, I kind of love Vincent, what with his who-me?-ing after he won the challenge.
Seriously adorable. Not in a sexual way, of course, but in a pat-him-on-the-head-and-fill-his-tummy-with-Marshmallow-Neuroses kinda way. That said, all I could see when I looked at his outfit was:
(BTW, I think Vincent and Uli's mom might be getting serious.)
Meanwhile, Robert's really was the worst. Beyond unflattering.
I mean, this shot...
...made me think only of curtains.
Curtains for Robert!
Anyway:
1. Jeffrey: what an asshole.
Seriously, the whole thing between him and Angela's mother was totally ridiculous. Here's a quick reenactment:
It pretty much culminated with him calling her a "crazy bitch," which is just beyond inappropriate, especially because she's the mother of someone in the vicinity and double especially because he was being filmed. He has no self control, or at least, very poor judgment (both of which would explain the bulk of his design work).
Although maybe he's the product of biased editing as every once in a while, he'll bust out something truly awesome and hilarious. Before the blow-up with Darlene, he commented, "I ended up with Angela's mom because, I think, God got drunk today." Ha! That totally needs to be the name of his autobiography.
Also, did we know that he's a former junkie? More importantly, did we know that he has feelings beyond disdain?
So weird! It's like he's a real boy!
Also that Salvation Army/Red Cross mix-up was as hilarious as it was painful. He's so complex!
2. Similarly, did we know that Laura has feelings?
Oh wait. No she doesn't. Nevermind, it was just a temporary lapse...
"I don't think anybody's really ready for their sixth child, but five, six, seven, it doesn't make that big of a difference. I'll just throw it on the pile with the other ones." Ha! That's the spirit! But for real, when's the last time you heard a pregnant woman say she was sick of her pregnancy being talked about? I mean, I understand that when you have a person growing inside of you, it's regularly notable, but Laura's no-frills, just-poppin'-'em-out attitude is decidedly refreshing.
Love her.
3. So, unlike Jeffrey, I pledged to myself not to make fun of the moms in this recap. However, Joan Kors tests my limits.
I mean, she refers to herself as this week's celebrity judge. Uh, special guest, yes. Celebrity, no. Look, lady, if you don't have a Wikipedia entry, you aren't a celebrity. It's that simple. (You know Michael's tap-a-tap-a-tapping away at his keyboard right now...) [Uh, nevermind...for now.]
But really, I think to mock Joan is to mock Michael. They're virtually the same person. At least, their heads are interchangeable.
Which is real, which is Photoshopped? Will you ever be truly certain?
4. Oh yeah, and let's just get the childhood pictures out of the way.
Predictably adorable.
Predictably unpredictable.
Sizzlin'.
In response to awesome mom's unveiling of these, Kayne says that "sometime [sic] the past needs to stay in the past." True. And the same could probably be said about aqua crystal chokers.
5. I know I'm tough on Kayne, but I swear it's all for fun (and to save your pearls from erosion as a result of clutching, I won't imply that he's a "fairy" this time around). Plus, he exhibited a flash of self-awareness this week that was utterly endearing.
"I ended up choosing Michael's mom. She had on the brightest outfit onstage and she had rhinestones on her shoes. So, I knew already, we're gonna get along great." The man knows what he likes. Cute.
But just to prove to you that I haven't gone totally soft, here's a pit stain:
6. And speaking of changing perceptions, what in the lobotomy was up with Vincent this week?
"People felt uncomfortable with this challenge, because they like to dress beautiful, lean models that have perfect, 25-inch waists. You have to be able to compensate and deliver to real women because these are the people that wear your clothes." How's that for even-keeled? Seriously, it's like the voices have taken a break (they probably went to a gay, old party or something). I mean, yes, he bizarrely called Uli "Yooli." Yes, he sorta got manic around Uli's English-challenged mother (hee!). Yes, he even invoked, "Make it work." But still, he exhibited rationality I thought he was incapable of. Especially when he commented on the Jeffrey situation.
So, why the change? It's probably just editing -- it makes sense that Vincent would be presented as crazily as possible generally because, frankly, it's riveting. It also makes sense that there's more to him than that. However, I want to offer an alternate theory on his mood elevation:
Just throwin' it out there!
7. This makes me grin myself a headache:
No further comment.
8. And speaking of that, how hot is it that Daniel V. trolls the piers for inspiration?
You know, when you just want to kick back, relax, blow off some steam ("steam"), sketch, whatever, there's no better place to be.
Funny that his sketches keep turning out like this, though:
9. So, now I feel like the show's hiding Hot Makeup Guy from me. This week, he was only visible via mirror...
It took a while, but I was all kinds of Lisa Stansfield-esque in my determination ("I don't know where he can be, my baby / But I'm gonna find him"). Anyway, it's kind of fun, like Where's Waldo but with someone actually worth looking at.
10. Michael Kors described Jeffrey's design as "Commes de Garcon goes to the Amish country."
Nice try, Mike. We all know that you pulled that out of your ass. Everyone knows that this is really what's going on in your head:
Meanwhile, Joan Kors was thinking...
11. And finally, this episode was a hotbed of hot.
Laura's mom?
Hot at 60 (or so).
Heidi and Uli's mom?
Hot in any language.
Kayne's mom?
Diabolically hot. (I seriously love this woman.)
Sweet Cheeks Garcia?
Hot in repetition. I could seriously listen to her repeat, "pearl, coral," all day long. Maybe I'm just happy that she's given me a reason to comment on her again. The drought is over!
hot!
Posted by: Alex | August 28, 2006 at 10:07 AM
The show is getting rediculously fixed. And freaking Tim Gunn on the Emmy pre show. Tim's getting a little over exposed.
Posted by: | August 28, 2006 at 10:12 AM
I've. NEVER. Yelled. at. a. television. set. like I did this week. I was rooting for him, we were all rooting for him...
okay, not really. I'm not talking robert, I'm talking Jeffrey who really made me angry...
Posted by: inothernews | August 28, 2006 at 10:13 AM
I think Vincent won because the warlords from his planet had mind control over the judges.
I have 4 kids. Laura's right. It's just one more. Good news? More little bartenders.
Posted by: Lisa V | August 28, 2006 at 10:18 AM
Oh Rich, you're right on the money once again...I seriously wanted to smack Jeffrey for how he was treating Angela's mom. Yeah, Angela's a weirdo, but SERIOUSLY, his attitude was so unprofessional! He shoulda been auf'ed just for that. [Not to mention the fact that his outfit was WRETCHED!]
Also, I think I am falling in love with Laura. I hated her at first, but dammit if she ain't growing on me! Her view on kids is just precious!
Posted by: killerkittycat | August 28, 2006 at 10:26 AM
Great recap! Esp. with Jeffrey's Pinocchio reference. But what an asshole! And his mom is so sweet. And Uli's mom's dress? Uli was robbed. They judges were on crack or smokin that ish
As for Laura, I think she is just weary at this point to be excited about a 6th kid. I love her but seriously Laura-get yo' ass on the pill!!!
Posted by: trick please | August 28, 2006 at 10:30 AM
Uli. Was. Robbed.
The fact that Uli was given a plus-plus-plus-size model and made her look great, and Vincent was loaned Uli's svelte mother and put her in a dress with some serious waistline issues -- and the judges gave Vincent the win -- was mind-boggling. The PR producers are goading us. They'd really like us to believe we've slipped into some alternate universe where Joan Kors is a celebrity and Nina Garcia woduld allow you to pop by to borrow a cup of sugar and anyone can win this crazy contest. It's like the second season of "The Apprentice," where it became grossly apparent these shows are TV shows first and talent shows for the marginally attractive with venal personalities second.
Speaking of alternate universes, I picked up a copy of Elle recently and was treated to a brief paragraph by none other than Ms. Nina Garcia herself, and lemme tell ya -- there ain't no faster way to draw the foul-smelling air outta someone's critical sails than to read the kind of breezy, fash-mag prose that makes Vincent's usual pronouncement seem like Kierkegaard. I ain't scared of her no more. I could take her.
Posted by: MRKinLA | August 28, 2006 at 10:31 AM
I think Jeffrey is the most irritating person EVER on that show. Santino made nasty comments but they were dead on. Jeffrey's comments are so childish and ridiculous, and his clothes are ugly. I feel sorry for his mom - at a certain level of conscience she is aware that she opened her legs and a total dick head came out of her vagina.
Posted by: Crazy about the girl | August 28, 2006 at 10:33 AM
I love Laura a little more each week. And after meeting her mother, you know how fabulous she's going to be when she's older.
And I have to admit, I was taken aback by Vincent's level-headed assessment of the situation this week. Where did that come from? Someone is controlling his crazy this week. But he still shouldn't have won.
Posted by: Jess | August 28, 2006 at 10:33 AM
MK looked like he had bigger boobs than his mother in that screenshot.
I never thought I'd hate an aufing more than I hated the Daniel Franco verses the deranged reindeer lingerie fiasco, but this week outdid itself. But at least now I can laugh. Thanks, Rich!
Posted by: klishis | August 28, 2006 at 10:33 AM
If I was Angela I would have torn Jeffery a brand new fleurchon.
Posted by: brandy | August 28, 2006 at 10:40 AM
True, it was wrong for Jeffrey to be so cold to Angela's mother. BUT, was he really all that terrible to her? The woman was seriously annoying - even more so than her daughter. Maybe it's the hardened New Yorker in me that can empathize with Jeffrey's lack of patience with those crybaby housemom types. I mean, look at how sexy and confident his own mother is. I know, I know - I'm a bitch.
I agree that Uli deserved to win, but I'm glad they finally gave Robert the boot!
Posted by: JenKatz | August 28, 2006 at 10:41 AM
Kayne's old school photo is now my new screensaver!
Posted by: Abrego | August 28, 2006 at 10:43 AM
too funny, as always. LOVED the joan/micahael kors photoshop switch. i almost spit my coffee on my computer. and jeffrey is an @$$hole! i don't care how bad she was, you don't talk to a momma like that!
Posted by: mdizzy | August 28, 2006 at 10:52 AM
my favorite part of the episode was when jeffrey cried as robert was eliminated. what was it... "robert was a really good person, and there are some really bad people here that should have been eliminated..." something like that.
i just found it amusing how he would have the gall to insult the other contestants' characters after he ripped into a guest and mother. i'm just saying, pshaw, jeffrey, pshaw.
Posted by: david | August 28, 2006 at 10:55 AM
Yes, Uli should have won. And Robert - hon, what on Earth were you thinking? It's like you gave up on the whole thing, big guy.
As for Jeffrey, he's just a dick. I've thought so from the beginning.
Great recap, as usual.
Side note - did anyone see Tim on Larry King when they mentioned Vincent? He could barely contain his loathing.
Posted by: Swede And Czech | August 28, 2006 at 11:01 AM
I'm not saying Jeffrey should have behaved that way, but come on... Angela's mom is a passive-aggressive asshole. She would bring about that reaction in anybody.
Posted by: price | August 28, 2006 at 11:01 AM
I love it that Vincent droned on and on about how all the designers need to know how to make clothes for real women, and then notice the order that the moms & sisters were picked by the designers; smallest to largest, Vincent included. Hypocritical.
To be fair, Angela's mom IS matronly. Not that that excuses Jeffrey from being a cock on wheels. Seems that he really felt he had to lash out at Angela's mom because he hates hates hates Angela. Shit even came to a head on the runway, so the judges can't feign ignorance of the Jeff/Angela drama from here on out. You can be sure those two will make it to the Top 4 if not the Top 3.
Jeffrey = The Male Wendy "Harlan" Pepper.
Posted by: Greg | August 28, 2006 at 11:07 AM
I know Jeffery is annoying and conceited for some reason that has yet to be made visible (maybe he is acting so confident to hide his many insecurities... blah blah psychology blah.)... but I have to agree with JenKatz, Angela's mom was obnoxious. She has no right to get on the show and tell Jeffery off... it's HIS competition and not hers. If he wants to make her a big huge dress with a school bus on the front - it's his choice. He is digging his own grave. If he makes something that the average woman would not wear - that's his own fault. She had no right telling him what to make. She clearly just wanted her daughter to win. Speaking of Angela - WTF was she taaaalking about when Heidi asked her 'Angela what do you think of your mom?' (great coincidence ONLY asking Angela about her mom and no other contestant because of the drama that went down... eye roll!) and Angela replying, 'It's just embarrassing.' Angela, your dress looked like a sofa cover with tassels. Anyway, I don't think Jeffery was so wrong and probably was edited to look jerkier than he was. Angela's mom didn't really need to sob in the other room over what was said to her. Ugh. Don't be mean to Mom but Mom, don't be a backseat driver. PR don't get cheesier and cheesier pleeeease?
Posted by: i miss alison | August 28, 2006 at 11:12 AM
Looks like someone made up a Joan Kors wiki entry after all. Michael Kors, was that you? XD
Posted by: Jen | August 28, 2006 at 11:25 AM
I wanted to tear Jeffrey a new one this week. You do NOT treat clients like this, no matter how you may feel about them, their family, anything. If you're not able to make something because of time or buget constraints, you say that, you don't say "Uh, no, we're doing it this way, the end." Because then your design is nothing more than a masturbatory exercise. Design is about pleasing the client as well as yourself. Sex, Jeffrey, not masturbation.
Posted by: Julie H. | August 28, 2006 at 11:26 AM
Hey fourfour, check out Wikipedia now...
Posted by: Joshua Loke | August 28, 2006 at 11:32 AM
i'm willing to bet that every designer was asked how s/he felt about their mothers' fashion. angela's response was shown for drama's sake.
and, fwiw, the mothers had no idea that they'd be modelling during their visit. the producers sprung it on them at the last minute. that's foul. these women didn't sign up for the show; they shouldn't be treated as props. terrible episode all around.
Posted by: exotic biracial butterfly | August 28, 2006 at 11:36 AM
Sweet cheeks Garcia!!!! LMAO!!! I love the Kors head switch thing, hilarious.
Posted by: | August 28, 2006 at 11:42 AM
I'm no Jeffrey fan, and he certainly could have handled the situation much better, but I know people just like Angela's mom. Passive-aggressive bitch.
Posted by: Michael | August 28, 2006 at 11:46 AM