Wow

Keeping all four contestants in the competition is supposed to make us feel like this:

However, I am not tickled pink. My reaction is more along the lines of::

Because really what is up with telling them, "You all suck! See you at Bryant Park!"? This being a reality show, emphasis on the show, I'd rather a good plot point (Fan fav Michael gets the boot in 11th-hour screw-up! Dragon finally slain as Heidi administers emergency beheading to Jeffrey during panel!) than something as fair and rational as the chance for all the real people involved to get to show off what they can do. I'm too piss-and-vinegary for this shit!

Out of protest and just because I've been manipulated into hating him for the past 11 episodes, I am officially rooting for Jeffrey to win. Suck it, show!

(Also: did you see the pictures of Michael's collection? So, he wasn't the decoy who had a considerably smaller budget and thus turned out shit that even Bang Bang buyers would shoot down? The gum fell out of my mouth when I realized that one. As it fell it yelled, "Too tacky!")

In addition to their design know...how (?), the designers got a chance to show off their linguistic skills when they were asked to choose three words that described what they created. The simplistic nature of many of the chosen words had me wondering if if there's any cutting-room-floor footage of someone asking, "Does 'the' count as one of our words?"

Anyway, I have my own words that I'm just dying to share!

Uli:

Uli's words: Fun, life, adventure
My words: It's tropical, bitch.

Laura:

Laura's: Confidence, elegance, glamor
My words: Nips don't mind

Also, it would seem that Laura has taken to designing for herself again.

Jeffrey:

Jeffrey's words: Romance, irreverence, provocation
My words: Betsy Ross weeps

Michael:

Michael's words: Sexiness, sensuality, sultry
My words: La, la, la...

...sagna.

And I know it's pedantic, but why isn't it "sultriness?" He's clearly aware of how to change an adjective into a noun. And, ugh, way to choose three words that mean the exact same trite thing. "Stupid!" says Jeffrey. I can't argue. Uli, meanwhile, says of Michael's hoe-ish design: "To me, it looks like one of these ads in a magazine, you know, 'I'm a lone at home, please call me at 1-800...whatever.' You know, these sex ads." Wow, I'm getting all steamed up just thinking about something so hot and smutty. Do I dare hypothesize what an Uli sex ad would look like?

Also: what magazines is she reading?

And now for the minutae:

1. This episode's secret word is...

Now, you all know what to do when someone says the secret word, right? Well, I know what to do at least -- combine 15 times the word was uttered into a seven-second file. The episode was kinda dull -- this is pretty much all you need to know about it. I give you: the ProjRun 'Wow' megamix. Try to contain yourself, though, obviously that'll be difficult. It's OK if you need to scream.

2. How 'bout that model shake-up?

Uli's taking of Nazri is exactly the type of deviousness that I want to watch. I also like seeing the models get all upset.

Later, Linds.

Assalamu 'Alaikum, Amanda.

C. U. next Tuesday, Clarissa.

Er, Wednesday. Er, in two Wednesdays, if then. Whatever.

I actually love that Clarissa, whom I'm deciding here and now to affectionately refer to as Clar-pissa, gets to stay. With just a flick of the eyebrow, she serves bitch. I admire that.

She can also be called Clar-titsa:

Seriously, who pissed in her Jimmy Choos? Maybe she's plotting to take over as the H.B.I.C. of ProjRun? She could seriously give Nina a run for her money.

3.

Hi, damage control. Hi, "Just in case he wins, here's proof that he has a heart."

What a romantic.

But also: what a good sport.

And I thought it was really endearing when he sort of stumbled on, "You're either in or you're out." Well, either endearing or a sign of Heidi's mind-control skills. And who can forget the classic "mothballs and chicken soup"?

What a guy!

4. I want to revisit Michael's "sexiness, sensuality, sultry" trio for just a sec...

It's such a letdown because he's usually capable of such vivid description. Take, for example, his words on his pre-runway show nervousness: "My insides are like porridge right now..." I mean, who says that? Is his middle name Hansel or something? For that nugget alone, I think someone needs to reward him with his own line of instant porridge.

Oh, fine. I'll do it.

The source for the picture of Michael above, isn't one of my own screenshots, but one that Rod grabbed this summer. It is my favorite picture of Michael ever. Well, that's not actually true. It's a toss-up between that and this:

And, nice thighs:

For real: they are.

5. When Uli eats peacock-flavored water ice, her tongue turns the craziest of colors!

Also, while she was going on about "guidelines," I couldn't keep my eyes off her tanlines.

Here's your new ringtone.

Ules rules.

6. Like I said before:

Laura needs to hook up with Adrian Lyne. She's already practicing for the inevitable elevator scene...

..."Fuck," and all.

And really, after 11 episodes, it was nice to see her making good on that "fabulously" glamorous claim.

Michael, too.

7. I'm still pissed off about the decision not to cut anyone this week (must...have...carnage), so I'm not going to talk much about the judges, who made the lameness possible. I can't resist, though, touching on Nina's classification of Jeffrey's style as "hard rock or whatever." I'd figure her to be more clued-in than Kors My Goth, but I wonder what "hard rock" means exactly in her head. It's probably something along the lines of this:

That's some rock for you. And here's how she dances to the theme:

Feel that bass line!

And that's it for this week. The everyone-wins mentality is just too cuddly for me. I have to go use some fabric sheers to cut paper to get out my aggression. Again, I refer you to Jeffrey.

Ooooh! I hope there's a four-way tie and all of the remaining designers will band together for a mega-design company! They can call themselves As Snore.

Comments

[Hateraid]

All of the designs sucked this week. Snore.
I agree. Uli's dress was cute but still "a flowy, beachy printed chiffon". Isn't that what Uli's been doing since the first episode?????

[Dean]

I'm elated that there's a recap today! Yay! Perfect as usual... but I was sure you were going to include when Uli said something like "Tune in to watch Uli not finish her dress. Project Runway, watch what happens."

[david]

great recap...lame show.

for a second there at the end, i thought she was going to auf jeffrey AND michael, and make it a battle of the bitches.

disappointing to say the least.

[tia]

did anyone else notice that laura is actually wearing that very dress in one of the promo spots?

i didn't like michael's final collection and have lost all hope that he will win. which is really neither here nor there because they'll all get work regardless of who wins.

plus, wasn't chloe supposed to be the only one with that saturn car? then we see kara janx and daniel v in *their* saturns galavanting about the city. so is there really an advantage for winning the whole thing?

Yay surprise recap! That totally made my morning fabulously glamourous, or something like it. thanks! <3

[Jacquie]

Disappointing week, but I really enjoyed your Fraggle Rock reference!

[Y.U.B.]

Wow, awesome Friday surprise! Thanks for the fabulous recap!

Is it wrong for me to admit that I loved Jeffrey's design?

[Jacquie]

Edit - disappointing - the show - not your recaps which always entertain. Loved your new products especially the depressing phone sex line..very funny.

[gina]

As snore! i love it. i always hated those assholes.

[Real Girl]

Tastes like insides!

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

[Desmon]

Wonderful recap, Rich...because this episode was wiggity whack in my opinion. Although I didn't like Jeffrey and Michael's designs, I will give them credit for at least stepping outside of their norms and designing different garments. Uli had her hippie dress (just shorter!) and Laura had her circa 1920s, The Great Gatsby, flapper dress come down the runway. My roommate and I felt that Uli should have been auf'd on Wednesday.

But look how different Uli's OFW designs are. I love Uli!

[Desmon]

Oh yeah, I forgot: I love the Knight Porridge pic. Too funny!

Jeffrey should have been cut. Look at his betsy ross design and check out the hem at the bottom of the skirt...it's so not straight. I love Laura. She is fabulously glamourous and her designs are amazing. Go Laura!

[Honey]

Rich, you aren't going to speak on the accusation that Jeffrey cheated in creating his final collection??

Laura's designs are ho-hum..Michael is going to do well regardless...I bet his does well regardless of whether he wins or loses. By the way..what are the past winners doing now??

I'm rooting for the brother!!! ATL stand up!

[janine]

HBIC? I think interviewing those FoL ladies is beginning to affect your vocab (and thirst for bloodlust).

I think Michael's design this week, as those for the runway show, should put the gay rumors to rest. It's all "I want to see some titties," and "I made a white girl look like she has an ass." At the end of the day, it's as tasteful as Versace.

[janine]

Oh, and I'm not surprised that the last time Jeffrey made a dress like that someone cried though I'm not sure it was because the dress was so "beautiful."

[Leanne]

I completely spit my lunch out looking at the porridge box. Rich, your deadpan makes me snicker out loud at work. I look like I have schizophrenia and it's all your fault! Keep up the good work!

[acolyte]

isn't it funny when the recaps are way better than the shows? you (fraggle) rock, rich.

[shuzluva]

Fantastic recap, Rich! Reading this makes my day.

Now for my shameful admission: I love Uli's clothes. I want to own one of her dresses so badly I can taste it! I thought her OFW collection was fantastic. While I adore Michael (and actually thought his dress this week was HOT, which only my hubby apparently agreed with), I was sorely disappointed by his OFW collection.

I seriously hope Keith provides some fireworks next week. Can't wait for that recap now *rubbing hands manically*!

[E.I.]

Hee-hee, Laura's kind of bopping her head along to Nina's dance.

I'm glad you've come over to the Jeffrey-side.

I thought his dress was cool, very French Revolutionary; which is ahead of the trends, since "Marie Antoinette" isn't even out yet.

[ian]

did anyone else notice that Bravo showed the phone number of Jeffrey's girlfriend when she sent over that video message of their son? i had to send a text to her! unfortunately, no reply.

[blair]

Love Love Love the Betsy Ross analogy.

Love Love Love Four Four!

[thefashionist]

As Snore and the Bang Bang allusion made me guffaw. Boring episode, top-notch recap (as always).

[E.I.]

On a random note, I just notieced that Michael Showalter (from "Stella") has a couple of Project Runway blogs in his September archives (the 10th and the 16th). Cute.
http://blog.myspace.com/michaelshowalter

Loose end comments...
Clarissa scares me. She reminds me of the Wicked Witch. She and Nazri have some serious undereye issues ( but so do I, so I love them all the more). Amanda looked like a slack-jawed yokel.

"Betsy Ross Weeps". Remember Jeffrey was talking about how he'd made a similar dress that made people cry? I wonder what that was all about.