A hole in her soul

Tyra Banks, who's currently sitting on 161 lbs. of ribs and ass, is sad that people call her fat (like, for example, these people). Even though this is totally absurd, seeing as she's the mommy of a show that, in concept, exists to judge women on superficial criteria and expose their flaws (such as, you know, being overweight), and, in practice, has also served as a documentary of her own steady weight gain since 2003, I still feel for her.

As a consolation, I offer this bit information that struck me when I recently watched Kenneth Anger's Fireworks (via this gift to the world): even muscle men of the 1940s suffered from vagina arms.

Like whoa, right?

Not that Tyra cares or even knows about the shit I talk. Still, if I were feeling blue, news like this would definitely make me (not to mention my vagina arms!) perk up.

(Thanks, Paul and Michelle.)

Comments

[Jude]

"this is totally absurd, seeing as she's the mommy of a show that, in concept, exists to judge women on superficial criteria and expose their flaws (such as, you know, being overweight)"

You are so right on, and this brilliance is exactly the reason I keep coming back to your blog, over and over again.

That, and Winston.

Also, the vagina arms.

[Paul]

You're welcome. Vagina arms forever!

(Because you gotsta be fierce.)

[matt]

Oh Mama Tyra knows. She knows that there are thousands of people logging onto the "I Hate Tyra Banks Fanclub" right now.

[The Goo]

Maybe it's just me, but I think she looks a lot better now- less sharp and angular. She's still pretty damn thin- 161 definitely isn't out of range for her. And the legs are as gorgeous as ever, if not more so.

["Gayest" Neil]

Oh Lord...

Mama "Cass" Banks is simply (perhaps unconciously?) following in the swollen feet of Grandmama Winfrey.

Weight fluctuations will certainly factor into her I-am-Oprah! delusions in the coming year.

Expect to see even more episodes about dieting, women's body issues and phat-grrl fashion, especially in light of all the recent hullabaloo regarding minimum body weight for models in the fashion industry.

I hope the body issues don't dribble over to ANTM, like the rich, brown gravy trickling from Tyra's country fried steak onto her bib.

Luckily, fat people are allowed to be fat so long as they recognize their fatness to everyone else. Tyra seems pretty aware of it; so it's ok!

And for the record, I love Tyra and TyraXXL and would happily treat her to a breakfast buffet at any mall Shoneys, any day of the week - even Sunday with the super fancy roast beef carving station.

[Dr. Grissom]

I don't think Tyra's issue is even that she's "fat." I think her issue is that she has gained some weight (which--by the way--I think actually looks kind of good) but still insists on DRESSING like a size 2. There are many normal/plus sized stars who dress beautifully--Tyra could take a hint from them...Queen Latifah, Kate Winslet, Camryn Manheim--these ladies have curvy figures and almost always manage to dress in a classy and beautiful way.

[shannon]

rich, you know who else has vag arms? my girl new york. my bff and i were watching this week's show last night and he pointed them out. i didn't notice since i fixate on her miss piggy fake lashes throughout the show. i'm on my to celebreality right now to look for new posts. you are so funny, and as i've said before if i didn't already have a gay boy friend and you didnt already have a straight girl friend, i might move to brooklyn and lobby for the position. but not in a stalker-y kind of way.

[Jude]

Unfortunately, vagina arms don't seem to have that much to do with, uh, fatness. I'm 5'3" and 95 pounds, my BMI is apparently 16.8, which is underweight (no, I'm not bragging, I'm eating like a pig trying to *gain* weight, for God's sake), but despite being "underweight" by NIH standards, in the wrong tops, I *still* get vagina arms!!!

I've come to love vagina arms. I think they're going to be the new toe cleavage (which was, of course, the new coin-slot butt cleavage, which was, in turn, the new cleavage cleavage). If I can't get rid of them, I'm just gonna rock the vagina arms.

Vagina arms are the shit.

I cannot wait until the very special Top Model episode where one of the contestants calls Tyra a fattie. I will be dead on the floor.

But really, if Tyra is fat then I am morbidly obese.

[Rocco]

My vagina belongs to you slut.

[Lisa]

"Gayest" Neil, country fried steak comes with cream gravy, not the brown.

[Wilson]

God, I love "Puce Moment" so much. Alison from Goldfrapp = Total Puce homage.

Kenneth Anger should win an award for reviving sexy satanists & their goofy S&M costumes back!

[Wilson]

P.S. -- Please put Winston in "Scorpio Rising"-esque costume ! :D

[e.i.]

Tyra Banks is the queen of mixed messages. She spends most of the time on her talk show doing damage control, trying to justify and rationalize all the demoralizing antics over at "America's Next Top Model". I think she's one confused girl.

[rod]

you ...
you ...
oh my god ...
holy ...

you just tied Tyra freaking Banks to Kenneth Anger's first film? to Fireworks???

you are either satan or god.

[rod]

you ...
you ...
oh my god ...
holy ...

you just tied Tyra freaking Banks to Kenneth Anger's first film? to Fireworks???

you are either satan or god.

[rod]

you ...
you ...
oh my god ...
holy ...

you just tied Tyra freaking Banks to Kenneth Anger's first film? to Fireworks???

you are either satan or god.

[rod]

that wasn't for effect. typepad got all crafty on my.

[archi]

there is NO WAY she weighs 161.
I'm 5'7" and 155 and dont have a gut or look like a whale in a one piece. I'm not saying im not 20 from where I should be (quit smoking now need to lose the weight ;) ) but not like her...
I would bet good money that she's 180 or more. Remember when kirstie lied about her weight when she was easily close to 300 or more?
I have lost any faith in her being a "role model" now that she's lied. Chubby girls are gonna think "damn im so much worse...." when they arent really....

Ugh.

[Anne]

She is sort of on the plump side...

[Meg]

Wait? Tyra is fat? Are those people on crack? If she's fat I'm the size of a freaking elephant.

[mer]

Jude, I'm with you...vagina arms do not discriminate against weight, age, or race. Ty Ty Baby just makes hers worse by squeezing into a sausage casing every week. I still love her though. Maybe more.

[Jenne]

Vagina arms are everywhere. I went to see Smokin' Aces and Darwin Tremor has a naked lady tattoo that uses his vagina arms as her, well, you know... I blame you for making me notice them.

[Ian]

Of course, she's not upset for herself, but 'for the children'.

For reals:

Supermodel Tyra Banks was stunned when she read the mean-spirited coverage regarding her recent weight gain in the tabloid media. The 33-year-old was enjoying a recent holiday in Australia when she was photographed in a bathing suit on the beach with a fuller frame. She tells American publication People, "It was such a strange meanness and rejoicing that people had." Banks insists the photos were taken from an unflattering angle and that the catty coverage might harm her fans. She explains, "I get so much mail from young girls who say, 'I look up to you... I think you're beautiful.' So when they say my body is 'ugly' and 'disgusting', what does that make those girls feel like?" Banks has put on 30 pounds since her modeling career began and now weighs a healthy 161 pounds.

http://www.imdb.com/news/wenn/2007-01-29/

[Jenn]

Just saw a commercial for Thursdays Tyra...most dramatic commercial ever. "You've seen the photos...now hear what she has to say"...cut to Tyra in tears. Should be interesting to see what she has to say about her vagina arms. It's an entire show devoted to convincing people she's not fat.