My boyfriend recently bought a Mac. Being a PC loyalist coping with the discovery that a loved one is a Mac person is, I imagine, like being a kind-hearted but circumstantially ignorant straight person who discovers that someone close to them is gay: you're supportive but concerned about the bigger picture. It's a cold world back there in our makeshift office, and I just don't want that Mac to mistreat him, is all. I gently suggested that he try not being a Mac person, but apparently things don't work that way. Oh well. All I know is what I hear on Oprah.
Anyway, one great thing about this new Mac is its built-in webcam. Frankly, I cannot wait to start masturbating furiously for all of the Xtube community to enjoy. Just kidding -- I want Winston to masturbate furiously on Xtube. Then he'll really be a star. Until he learns how, though, here's the next best thing: distorted shots of his face via Mac's insanely addictive Photo Booth program.
Like his face isn't fucked up as it is, right?
You can click on many (but not all) of these, to enlarge them, by the way. All captions are under the picture they're describing (I tend to mix things up normally in that respect, but I'm keeping them uniform in this post for the sake of clarity).
What is he, fuckin' Burmese or something?
Mean bunny rabbit.
Meaner bunny rabbit.
Ever since Gizmo died, I've wanted another guinea pig. Thank you, Easter Bunny!
Doesn't the shot above look like a super-magnified closeup of an insect? He'll eat you after you mate with him.
If you look at his two little duplicate noses as one big nose, he begins to look like Patti LaBelle. It's as though he knows I'm gay!
Winston wasn't like the other orangutans. No opposable thumbs, for one thing...
"Please sir, will you help me solve my Encyclopedia Brown mystery? Verrrrrry curious!"
"Anyone else smell something funny?"
A sign of intelligent life, perhaps?
Who will edit The Paris Review when he dies?
Here, he looks like my paternal grandfather.
And here, he looks like my paternal grandfather exasperated, as he inevitably would be every time he watched Jeopardy! or went through the McDonald's drive thru.
Here, he's saying, as freaks of nature often do to whomever happens to be near them, "Kill me."
He really means it, too.
and then the mac said to rich, rich, love me. and so he did.
Posted by: acolyte | March 01, 2007 at 09:00 AM
that has made it to the top of my favourite winston posts. amazing!
Posted by: la mannanista | March 01, 2007 at 10:35 AM
"Who will edit The Paris Review when he dies?"
hee!
Posted by: kiita | March 01, 2007 at 12:12 PM
HAHAHA!
Poor Winston!
Posted by: Mike V. | March 01, 2007 at 12:29 PM
LOL. Great program, um cat.
Posted by: MJ | March 01, 2007 at 12:33 PM
holy shit i was actually laughing out loud. i would love to do that to my kitties... but i hate macs, too.
ps glad to know you're still doing ANTM recaps! they make mondays brighter. thanks!
Posted by: Julia | March 01, 2007 at 01:16 PM
Holy crap- I loove it. When I got my new macbook about a month ago, my bestie and i drank a bottle of wine and played with Photobooth for 2 hours. We forced my cats to endure many sessions as well. I especially love the squarehead cats.
Posted by: Barba boosh | March 01, 2007 at 01:25 PM
i love winston!
Posted by: fan | March 01, 2007 at 02:18 PM
That was fucking hilarious - thanks for sharing!
And I thought that I was the only one who said "masturbates furiously", so I was extra excited to see it used TWICE! You gained even more cool points.
Posted by: Lawanda | March 01, 2007 at 04:31 PM
I was so sad I had to miss ANTM... i had rugby practice till 10. Rerun soon? Or Youtube maybe...
OMG i love Winston. I also want that program. Poor kitty.
Posted by: gemma | March 01, 2007 at 06:07 PM
i laughed so hard at meaner bunny rabbit that i almost got fired from my new job, congrats, rich, for making tea come out of my nose yet again. will you marry me a little?
Posted by: stellakowalski | March 01, 2007 at 10:32 PM
{comment for pic !} "come towards the light...." if i saw this face at the end of the tunnel i would go!!
Posted by: lexi | March 02, 2007 at 05:12 AM
This made not just my day, not just my week, not even just my month, but probably my entire YEAR. This series of Winston pictures should be nominated for some award. A big award. A MAJOR award even. I love it.
Posted by: Hope | March 02, 2007 at 09:22 AM
New developments have occured. Winston is magic. I'm sure of it.
Posted by: Hope | March 02, 2007 at 11:47 AM
hahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahha
im doing this to my cat when im back home in ny. hahahahahahahahah
thank you
Posted by: | March 02, 2007 at 12:57 PM
Things like these are precisely why computers were invented.
Winston seems very complacent; my cats wouldn't tolerate this at all. If he only knew...
Posted by: Zanna | March 02, 2007 at 03:49 PM
finally a device that can capture the exponential quality of Winston's cuteness. <3
Posted by: Aubrey | March 02, 2007 at 06:53 PM
HAHAHAHAH!!!!! I see you've joined the ranks of those of us addicted to Photo Booth.
I expect more where this came from.
Posted by: theidlereceptionist | March 03, 2007 at 09:32 PM
I've got some bad news for you.
Posted by: rod | March 04, 2007 at 09:14 AM
Heehee. A couple of the shots with the nose and mouth doubled look WAY too much like pussy.
And I'm spent.
Posted by: KP | March 05, 2007 at 07:07 PM
Macintosh is run by Xenu.
That floppy, non-threatening "Accepted" man-child is an agent of L. Ron.
Only Apple people will be saved when they send for us. The psychedelic screen-saver is counting down the days.
Posted by: E-mac Priestess | March 06, 2007 at 08:10 AM
He's such a looker!
Posted by: Marcy | March 06, 2007 at 03:29 PM
You should do a Warhol Winston with PhotoBooth. And a 19th Century sepia-tone Winston!
Posted by: JR | March 08, 2007 at 03:26 PM
HAHAHAHAAAAAAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAHAA!\
Help. Can't. Catch. Breath..
Posted by: Gyn | March 08, 2007 at 08:37 PM
Welcome to the Mac world. I just choked on my lunch from laughing so hard. That photobooth program is the bomb.
Posted by: Gary | March 09, 2007 at 02:02 PM