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Better than Beau Sia. Better than anything.



Best testimonial ever. Change "Danielle Steel" to fourfour and put it on your banner.


Seriously this is the funniest thing i have ever heard! Woman in the night is my personal favorite! "who am i to pass up a bargain?"! hee hee! Happy Valentine's Day!!


So funny!
Have you ever read the poetry of Ms. Suzanne Somers? Here is a little tidbit:

Touch Me
Not Like A Cat


Sometimes I wear my furry sweater
and I smile.

No kidding


long time reader, first time commenter...

you have brought so much joy into my life and so much soda into the cracks of my keyboard...
i really do not know how to thank you. not just for this post, but for all of the them.

if i had a lot of money, i would give you some, i like you, and those poems, and the fact that you knew there was a DS book of poetry, that much. seriously.


I drooled, that's how hard I laughed. I shit you not.


just...thank you.


OMG! I love that you referenced Beau Sia! I have a signed copy of that book and had dinner with him once after he preformed at my university like 6 years ago. You always mention some crazy thing that I think NO one else knows about. I love you more than words can say. Happy V-Day to you and yours.

"stop singing "Hung Up" because it isn't even playing right now"


oy vey rich and tp - i just meant it is kind of lame to make blanket statements like poetry is stupid or pretentious. I mean, anti-intellectualism is running strong these days, people. but i can take a joke and i know people are capable of personal opinions. this one's mine and it is obviously not appropriate here! sorry, carry on...


Oh Rich, my love for you is deep indeed, even more so with this beautiful post. For many years, my friends and I have brought a copy of Love (poems) by Danielle Steel to parties, waited until the unsuspecting were too drunk to resist, and then read it dramatically (and most often in a thick southern accent) to them. It is a guaranteed party pleaser. Our particular favorite? "The Inside of My Arm".

Have you ever seen Tina Fey's reading Danielle's poems on Conan O'Brien? Sheer glory. (Crap, just went looking for a clip, but couldn't find one. Grrr... Well, it aired years ago -- 5/7/02 Worth the time, if you ever find it.)

And how could you forget Danielle's best poetic talent? Her extremely creative--and dare I say innovative?--use of ellipses and exclamation points. When my friends and I read her poems aloud every ellipses would be read as "ellipses...exclamation point...fuckers!" It adds so much to the experience, it really does.


What does "pissing on midgets" have to do with gay sex? This just reinforces the idea that gays are perverts. Yes I realize this is satire but it would be just as funny if yoy said "The Joy of Bondage" or S&M or something. Gay sex isn't necessarily all slings and urine.

Scott Free

Fucking brilliant, Rich!

Scott Free

P.S. - Gay sex isn't necessarily all slings and urine, but it mostly is.


Johnny, I'm assuming that you haven't looked at The Joy of Gay Sex (it's a book, see), which notoriously reinforces those stereotypes.

But I do appreciate you pointing out what gay sex isn't, as I've never had it or anything and don't really know what it's all about. And seriously, if you want to get on my ass for stereotyping, why not take on my "Sunshine Dancing?"


Funniest thing I've read all day. Especially "Are You Comfortable?" And DS does love her return key, doesn't she?

She of the Socks

Your bear poem... it made my asshole positively spasm with delight because, while I am a straight woman, I would trade places with a gay man for at least one night for the chance of letting a bear have his way with my honey pot.

Hope your Valentine's Day was wonderful.


HAAAAAAAAA....those made me cry with laughter. Especially the "Uncomfortable" one and this line:

"and my night vision is poor because I'm afraid of carrots."

I don't know why that struck me as so hilarious but it did.



You really need to do the whole book, doll. I keep coming back to these for a lil' pick-me-up and they never disappoint.

Also, "Now make me a sandwich" has entered into my daily vernacular.


"Sunshine Dancing" is my favorite.



Bless you, Rich. You made me double over with laughter. At the risk of sounding like a pathetic loser, I still have to thank you giving me the greatest gift on this day.

My favurite is also "and my night vision is poor because Im afraid of carrots.

Hey, anytime you want to travel to this part of the world, remember that you gotta a friend here.

Poets are such narcasists. (spelling) At best it feels like you are hearing a piece of someone's soul but at worst it is narcasistic drivel and if you don't get it , you aren't "deep". Danielle Steele is a bit of crazy freak. she married some rapist of killer she met in prison in her younger years.


Ha! I enjoyed them all, especially "Year of the Bears" and "Woman Laughing in the Night". I totally agree with your thoughts on poetry (I have no reverence for it, remember nothing about what little I've studied of it and have no desire to start now), but think that in a poetry-off between you and Danielle Steel, you'd win hands down. Kudos!

Rita Brinkerhoff

Dear Rich,

I was googling "Year Of The Bears" because it cracks me up, and you will be pleased to know that this blog entry is THE place to find the poems of Love by Danielle Steele. I already read you before, but... THANK YOU!!!


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