I couldn't be prouder if I had assisted in her creation

Jade takes up Page 5 of the January issue of Vibe:

I'm so happy for her that I'm willing to forgive the Sister Patterson hairline. Entirely! I don't know where Apple Bottoms fall on the cool scale, as my bottom is no apple and I am, you know, male, but I think that this has to be a positive thing for her. Yay, Happy Positive Jade Thing!

A few other ANTM-oriented things are after the jump. But first an update: What follows is a spoiler, according to many disgruntled people in the comments who, apparently, don't agree with the general truth that the Internet waits for no one. I consider reality show eliminations to be events, not plot points, per se, and I have no problem discussing them as they happen, without warning. I understand that TiVo has changed our viewing habits, but really, once something has happened, it's happened, and if you need to keep yourself pure, you should probably avoid places that could defile you. Like this blog.

I moved the additional items of this post to under the jump because I'm not a dick, and I don't want to spoil things for people. But if I already did earlier, you should be at least as mad at yourself for checking this blog as you are at me for revealing last night's eliminated contestant.

Not that this is a big deal or anything, but damn.

1. I'm sad that Heather is gone. Even though her departure was predictable and even warranted, it's still sad.

Oh, and I know that this isn't sooo important that it warrants a pre-recap mention, but I thought it was weird to talk about Jade and not talk about the most recent pseudo-significant ANTM update.

2. Speaking of, per E News' article on Twiggy leaving the show: the Cycle 9 finale will air in January (?!?), live (!?!?!?!). Also, the article reveals that ANTM has been renewed through 2009-10. That makes at least five more cycles that we're in for. Can you stand it?

3. I posted that Twiggy article in my temporary retainer post that ran in lieu of a recap, but I haven't mentioned it since then. I think it's a good thing. As much as I think Twiggy seems nice, I figure anyone, anyone, anyone (even my flapping lion friend) will serve more purpose on the judging panel. But I think her replacement, Paulina Porizkova may be a few steps up, actually.

I knew virtually nothing of her before Monday, besides the Ric Ocasek stuff. I never paid attention to Dancing With the Stars when she was on it, or before or since, for that matter. I always forget that that show isn't regarded as the joke it clearly is, and that people are into it and watch the fuck out of it. Anyway, I found this video in which she talks about the novel she released earlier this year, and why she got into writing: "I'm fat and old for a model, and I'm old and too foreign for an actress, but as an author, I'm pretty young and hot." I love someone who can so bravely overcome adversity and find her path in the world. Welcome home, baby.

I also love that A Model Summer took five years to write. Five more years and she coulda had a Dune on her hands.

Comments

[yggy]

Heather's gone?! Bianca was a total happy bitch, wasn't she?

Oh well, probably for the best but hopefully she (Heather) will get better work down the line. I have to go find my download now, so I can see all the dull details. This season has been a bit of a drag.

Paulina should prove to be the only intelligent person on the panel. She's always struck me as a smart woman. Thank god for the change. Maybe she'll even be helpful to the youngin's...?

[deedee]

Yeah ... we have seen that coming since last episode but it's still very sad to see Heather gone. Physically, she really is one of the closest to become a top model from all the cycles. And with Nigel's critics that complete speak to Heather’s disability, it really makes me feel like she will have no chance making it.

[kathryn]

Aww man wtf why'd you talk about this past ANTM episode, I missed it and now it's spoiled ahhh

[Tsai]

Aw my god. I can't believe you spoiled the 11th elimination! Aw man :(

[jordan]

I think paulina will prove to be the most beautiful person to ever grace the ANTM world, therefore tyra will kick her out within 3 cycles.

[yggy]

LOL, jordan, that sounds about right, along with the most intelligent and probably least shallow. She married Ric Ocasek for more than just his good looks. *grin*

Seriously, if they hadn't brought her on, I don't think I could have watched another cycle. This one is so f'ing painful most of the time.

[Sara]

fancy jade wall papers... just in case you need one or 5

http://www.applebottoms.com/get_it_poppin.asp

[jenner]

Ugh, I officially don't care WHO wins antm now :( Totally true that everyone could see it coming, but still. Although I take some satisfaction in the fact that I told my friends weeks ago that the go sees would kill Heather, but glaoting can only alleviate my pain so much.

Oh, I should say that while I don't care who wins, it better not be that stank Bianca. GOD that girl is foul...

Any interview I've ever seen with Paulina Porizkova she's come across very smart and very funny. This should be good!

[Roo]

Sifl & Olly...
I thought I couldn't love you more and you go and bring out the sock puppets. Oh, the late 90s.

[bigpikchur.blogspot.com]

The Joan Rivers/Miss Piggy header is the best one yet, Rich. Thanks for the laugh this morning!
Jules
House of Jules

[HatchetFace]

The real question is: how is Paulina going to be introduced at panel? We've ditched the "living legend", we already have a "noted fashion photographer"...

I would absolutely die if Tyra always introduces her last by saying, "...and Polly. She fucked Ric Ocasek." Well, it's funny in my head's fake-Tyra voice, anyway.

[spazmo]

Oh my GOD, Rich!
Just last night I was thinking about Jade (and you) and how much fun a spontaneous twirling party would be.

Jade was an inspiration to all the twirly boys the world over...

Thanks for the rare post-show post.
(I feel the same way about Heather and The Twiggster.)

[Raignn]

I can't believe no one has commented on how we can see right up Jade's nose. PIG NOSE. Other than that, great shot.

Can't believe they cut Heather, now I don't even care who wins.

I'm definitely on team Paulina after that writer/model line :)

[sonny]

Paulina actually has a personality! No, seriously! If you've ever seen her in the old Sports Illustrated Swimsuit videos (I have for reasons I won't go into) you'll see that she's very funny. I predict she'll outshine Tyra and we all know what happens to those people! Kimora? Janice? Hello?

Oh, and I'm totally sad about Heather. I knew the go sees would be a huge problem for her but I was hoping I was wrong.

[scorzi]

That's the first time you spoiled a show ending Rich! I think you're slipping! No one deserves to win besides Heather. I hope Bianca gets hit by a rickshaw.

Apple Bottom jeans make everything look "portionable", as Jade would say.

[Steven.]

PP is going to be SO much better than Twiggy.

Can you imagine that dry, sarcastic tone (with an accent even!) at judging?

I'm actually getting wet just thinking about it...

[sarah]

this is just about the most exciting thing i've seen all month. apple bottoms isn't my favorite "urban" brand, but if jade's modeling something that's likely to end up on the racks of a.j. wright, i'm obliged to celebrate!

[Talix18]

You guys may have seen the Heather elimination coming - I was clearly living in a world of delusion where ratty weaves, big teeth, and bug eyes do not a model make. I was devastated and don't like any of the girls left enough to be happy for their win. Can you make me care, Rich?

[Annegret]

It only counts as a spoiler if it's BEFORE the show has aired, people! If you missed the show then it's up to YOU to avoid places online where the ending may be revealed.

[mmlobe]

She is so sexy with the gorgeous dress on her. Is she single now? Her profile and photos were found on the millionairecelebrity dating club www.meetrich.com last week! "She is very picky about guys," according to officials of that site, "they have to be fertile douches or she won't date them!"

[Rich]

Annegret is my new hero. Absolutely on the mark.

[Cass]

I'm so pissed about Heather. I have no one to root for anymore so I'm rooting against Jenah.

[Diane]

Coulda had a Dune on her hands?!! That was fckng histerical! I like Talix18 did not see Heather going.. hmm maybe I should stop getting completely trashed before the show.... NAH

[Beebs]

I was dying to talk to someone about Heather, and I just knew you wouldn't let me down!

So...fustrated! I honestly don't think I care enough to watch it any more. Tootie's going to win.

[motorbike]

*appluase for Annegret*