Easy to swallow

If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, it must be a duck. If it sings like a duck and exudes pretense, it must be Madonna.

(Or so I thought. This is kind of personal, so um...)

Madonna’s Hard Candy doesn’t suck, and that’s about the nicest thing I’ve been able to say about any of her albums since Bedtime Stories. I’ve long loathed the baggage she regularly straps to her music. Excruciating navel-gazing interviews and frequent proof that she is the queen of just one medium aside, in my experience, her output of the past 15 or so years has been a chore to slug through. Ray of Light wasn't a sign of electronica's late-90's reign; it was an album that aspired to "put a face" on electronic music. American Life wasn't just an extension of the early-00's infatuation with cheap synths; it was a political statement. It wasn't enough to make Confessions on a Dancefloor just a bunch of big, dumb trance songs; it had to aspire to reveal and enlighten. I suppose Music is about as unpretentious of an album name/concept as it gets, but only if what makes the cut actually qualifies as such. Kidding! (Kind of.)

“Just shut up and be a pop singer!” I’ve wanted to shout. Stop undermining your inherent fun! Don’t give me so much gristle to cut through to get to the gooey middle! Well, with Hard Candy Madonna’s made an album of gooey middles and it’s time for me to suck 'em down.

There’s something so refreshing in the implied theme of Hard Candy: Madonna doesn't have anything much to say, so she doesn't say anything at all. The deepest song is fascinating on just a voyeuristic level: “Miles Away” suggests she and her director hubby get Guy Ritchie along better when they’re apart. Peep absence making the heart grow fonder and then move on to songs about dancing, making pop music, dancing, aspiring to fame, dancing and dancing. I’ve said for a while that my favorite Madonna look is no look at all – the only album of hers that I can say that I love is her self-titled debut. On it, she's more or less an anonymous disco (aspiring-) diva whose nascent identity springs from her impeccable taste in material and collaborators. Before she was the face of MTV (and, indeed, three of my favorite songs of hers – “Holiday,” “Everybody” and “Physical Attraction,” aren’t associated with an official video clip), she was just a girl who loved dance music.

The unabashed substance abandonment (what is hard candy but bubblegum’s ominous sister?) has caused some public rumbling regarding just how relevant Madonna is at this point. I suppose that’s what happens when you fish for hits alongside two of pop’s safest bets, Timbaland and Timberlake, to launch a project. But whatever, as something so hedonistically commercial, the popularity of  “4 Minutes” is equivalent to artistic success – no matter how despicable its intentions, it has achieved them, and that's all any piece of art can really aspire to do. And so, the answer to the doubters is that Madonna is as simultaneously relevant and irrelevant as ever – she’s still a commercial force and she’s still late to the table when it comes to dining out on others’ sounds. Like, no shit -- Hard Candy collaborators Pharrell Williams, Justin Timberlake, Danja and Timbaland are worth celebrating. In some cases, we’ve known this for over a decade. It should shock no one that Madonna has just figured this out – this is the woman who taught the world about voguing three years after Paris Is Burning was shot. She didn’t get around to dabbling in new jack swing till ’94, for fuck’s sake! On Hard Candy, the greatest such offense occurs as the album's closing, when she busts out "Spanish Lesson" and "Devil Wouldn't Recognize You." Both sound similar enough to Timberlake's "Like I Love You" and "Cry Me a River," respectively, to strike the image of a mom who's trying to convince you how great an album Justified is. Like, duh. We know. Or we disagree and we have for, what? Five years?

But, anyway, who the fuck cares about relevance when you’re having so much fun dancing? Hard Candy might have come off as desperate if it didn’t sound so damn breezy – its sparse and peppy pumping is the antithesis to Confessions on a Dancefloor’s pompous pounding. Tracks like “Give It To Me,” “She’s Not Me,” “Beat Goes On” and my favorite Madonna song since “Into the Groove,” “Dance 2night,” swirl by with all the tangibility and personality of a disco ball. If you let your mind wander, you can forget that you're listening to Madonna at all

But any daydream is bound to be interrupted -- that is Madonna. Her voice sits way up front, honking and cranking at you like it’s being squeezed out of a constricted larynx. My theory is that her regularly underwhelming pipes are mixed so loudly to counterbalance the conceptual and sonic anonymity she often resorts to here as success insurance. Maybe I'm off. Maybe it's that she just transcends technical skill – if enough people say something is good, so do the charts. However interpreted, what starts out as delusion ends up coming off as humility – she’s naked against these bare backing tracks. There she is imperfect, maybe even unpleasant, refracting the rays of musical sunshine that back her up  Maybe the point isn’t forgetting that this is Madonna, after all. Maybe if you let your mind wander a little more, you can remember that you're listening to an actual, vulnerable person. You can remember that you're listening to just this girl who loves dance music.

Comments

[killervirgo]

I never bought a Madonna album until yesterday when I purchase Hard Candy. "She's Not Me," "Beat Goes On", and "Heartbeat" are the stand out tracks for me. I've been listening to the album for about 2 weeks, and as a whole, this album leaps and bounds better than Confessions on a Dancefloor, which only had two goods tracks ("Hung Up" and "Get Together"). I kind of wish that Pharrell Williams was the sole producer to give the album a bit more continuity -- but I think Madonna felt compelled to work with Timba-Lake in order to get some radio friendly hits off her final album for Sire/Warner Bros. before heading to Live Nation. If this record tanked she her $100 million contract with Live Nation maybe in jeopardy.

[sean]

Ever notice how much people still feel compelled to ruminate on Madonna's...uh...lack of talent, feminist/gay iconography, business acumen, wierd accents, career longevity, annointed designers, relationship habits, libido (and so on, and so on, and so on)? I think she basically sucks at everything - except being a star.

[Bears are Fat]

Rich, I am very disappointed to you see you reproducing hackneyed pop journalistic sentiment about Madonna here, as in: "'Just shut up and be a pop singer!' I’ve wanted to shout. Stop undermining your inherent fun!" Wow. For this level of Madonna discourse I might as well be reading USA Today, in a shorter and snappier review that would take less of my time. Sorry Rich, but you don't show much insight here at all as to what Madonna is presently doing, or what she has been doing, for the last 10 years. Which is a shock, because I normally turn to you for fresh thinking. Further example: the notion that Madonna is turning to others for new sounds in an unintereseting or instrumental way. Am I the only one noticing that this album 'cites' none other than Madonna herself throughout? Normally this sort of meta- citationality really turns you on Rich, but you seem to have missed it here. Obviously, Pharell and Timabland et al are paying homage to the great R&B Madonna of 1983, which is also why her vocals are up front and squeeky the way they are. Duh.

(And message to Mariah Carey: Madonna was recording rap songs (Hello, Sidewalk Talk!) when you were crimping your hair in junior high... So whatever, you don't own that genre, and it's not 'very interesting' that Madonna should pursue it...)

That said, this album is vastly superior to Confessions, which was only memorable because of ABBA (but HC is still nowhere near as inventive or interesting as American Life, which Rich and everyone else loves to hate, but which nevertheless remains M's mangum opus).

Anyway. HC is a great album. Real fun.

[bazooka joe]

BAF...Madonna didn't even do the rap on Sidewalk Talk...she just sang parts of the bridge and chorus. I still think Madonna peaked w/ Erotica. She's become such a brand, such a brand that she's so generic.

[Bears are Fat]

Bazookajoe: You're kidding! Madonna didn't do that rap?? Of course she didn't, I never said she did. I am just pointing out the weird irony of someone like Mariah Carey acting like she is the credible artist in a hip-hop/R&B vibe, when it was Madonna who cut her teeth with songs like that (the rap was by Jellybean Benitez in case you are curious) and with producers like Nile Rogers, while Mariah got her pop chops by singing insipid ballads scripted by Walter Afanasieff.

But we don't need to make this thread about Mariah, whom I actually really adore (especially Butterfly, especially songs like Breakdown and Fourth of July).

I merely point out Sidewalk Talk as a way of putting this album into the context of a broader career. HC is a punctuation mark on Warner Bros really, the period at the end of a long and meandering sentence that started with the album Madonna.

[Mr. Burns]

Your hang-ups with madonna are just weird. You gripe at her for things you applaud others for doing. You go out of your way to point out how behind the curve she's been, how bad her voice is, how she's not fun enough. Is it your inner lamb talking?

I almost always agree with your views on music which is why I find it so disappointing that you consistently misinterpret and generally misuderstand Madonna.

[sonny]

Honestly, the album has grown on me the more I listened to it. I hated most of it at first, but after repeated listening, I've started enjoying quite a few tracks. My favorite is Beat Goes On simply because it's such a fun song. What I find interesting here (and other places the album is being discussed) is that people discuss her ad nauseum and dis her at the same time. If she wasn't putting out a product people enjoyed, she would have fallen by the wayside ages ago. Rich, for the record, I agree with your assessment.

[J-Mo]

Hey Rich, I say I love you and fuck the haters, this is a spot-on review... OF COURSE people dissect Madonna ad nauseum!!!! It's a part of the fun of a brand new Madonna release, and you know damn well she's begging for it, or why else would she do things like film "Body Of Evidence", shoot the "Sex" book, make Bjork collaborations, remake Marvin Gaye songs, have a kid she calls "Lola", spend zillions on a video where her mouth is her eyes (and vice-versa), befriend Rupert Everett, soak up the cockney, produce unreleasable and "controversial" versions of "What It Feels Like For A Girl" and "American Life" that can never be played on MTV, pitch buying Malawiian babies for American Idol and talk about poking Justin Timberlake in the ass?

It's what she does, and it's what we do, and we love it, or else her album would drop and sink like a stone (like I fear Janet's "Discipline" is going to do if they don't start promoting it a little more).

...and if we're going to delve into Madonna's roles in musical history, she was also singing backup on the Patrick Hernandez disco hit "Born To Be Alive"... but that doesn't make her a "disco" pioneer any more than her involvement with "Sidewalk Talk" makes her a "rap" pioneer (or, more accurately, a freestyle pioneer).

love, J-Mo :)

[Eric]

I've resigned myself to the fact that while I can routinely come to Rich for interesting, well-thought-out commentary on TV and movies, when it comes to his music pieces I'm almost always left disappointed. There's a knee-jerk contrarianism I find off-putting, a hint of elitism, and I almost always disagree with his personal tastes. That's the case here. I listened to "Hard Candy" last night and found it to be utterly one-note, and totally uninspired. It was, frankly, kind of boring; sonic wallpaper. It's her least interesting album ever, and I certainly don't come to Madge for deep messages or insightful lyrics. I come to her to be a pop star, which I think she's done very successfully for two decades now. Until this disc, where she just desperately tied herself on to two of today's "hottest" producers (and I frankly think the Timber- twins are both about 15 minutes ago) and basically let them do whatever they wanted. Very disappointing, but not unexpected. Kind of like Rich's take on it. Sorry!

[s_couto]

Question: who mentioned Mariah Fucking Carey at all? Typical stan, building up a female pop star by discrediting another female artist she has nothing to do with.

I think the album's great fun and Rich nailed Madonna's inherent self-importance quite accurately. That's fair enough.

[Tropico]

It would be great if Madonna cannibalized herself if the feast consisted of the gems found on her first record. The problem is she steals all the wrong things from herself. "She's Not Me" is a title taken from a Rolling Stone article about her and the melody is a direct rip off from her song "Supernatural". And why the recurring clock, tic-toc and running out of time references? This was done with "Hung Up".

[Bears are Fat]

S-Couto: I brought up Mariah, which is like relevant if one wants to talk about what's happening now in terms of pop music and its sensibilities. Please note that I specifically said that I LOVE Mariah, and I do love her, and maybe you need to read a bit more carefully cause nothing I said was meant as 'tearing down'. What is notable here is that it is MARIAH in the press being all quasi-bitchy about Madonna working with Pharell and Timbaland etc. So from what I see, she's the one acting shady. Literally: she can stop wearing those Dame Edna sunglasses any second now, please. But the pink dress was working on GMA.

There is something really interesting going on musically and culturally with Hard Candy beyond the rather thin examination that Rich attempts here. 'Black Madonna' has always been pretty controversial and a tough sell with certain folks. You had all those recriminations after Vogue and again after Bedtime Stories, like that one review in Village Voice that tore her a new one for slumming it in the video to Secret. Madonna in racial drag has been a big problem in terms of sensibility and in terms of politics. bell hooks used to go on and on and on about this, illuminating almost nothing actually.

BUT, so here we have HC, which is simultaneously 100% Madonna, and in fact is very reflexively 'Madonna' in the way that it quotes former hooks, sounds, and vibes of Madonna records (especially her first one of course). And HC is being spun as a 'more urban' record -- but I have not yet seen the accusations that are normally hurled at her when she dares to touch the topic of race. What does this mean? Moreover, Kanye West raps on this record. Kanye is rapping on a Madonna record. Does this not strike anyone as worth thinking about a bit?

I just think it's worth comparing the permutations of race, pop, gender, and so on, by actually thinking about their representation and reproduction right now by arguably the three most important female pop artists of the last 3 decades: Janet, Mariah, and Madonna.

[RD]

I agree with s-couto. This is a review about Hard Candy, not Mariah. It's the same old thing (especially at Amazon.com and the iTunes review sections): review a Mariah record, there's a discussion about Madonna. Review a Madonna record, there's a discussion about Mariah. I'm tired of seeing it in every comment/review section I peruse.

On another point, I'm amazed that there's not yet a single comment on how this review, unlike several of the "professional" reviews already in print, does not use Madonna's age as a way of trashing Hard Candy. For that Rich gets my kudos.

The album: If I get a chance to hear longer samples of Hard Candy on a website that can handle my internet connection (it hates MySpace for some reason), I might like it a little better, but I'm not impressed by this album from the clips that premiered on YouTube a while back.

[Laketa]

1. Thanks for reviewing it!! I was waiting for this.

2. Kudos for not hating on her age. It's a frustrating comment to see so frequently... she may be fifty but she's still hot shit.

3. It's truly a great album. I think Madonna's been doing good stuff since "Ray of Light," but I think it's her best since then. "Give It 2 Me," "She's Not Me," "Beat Goes On," etc. are fantastic dance tracks, and "Miles Away" is simply gorgeous.

[Emma]

Normally I turn to Madonna's music for the message. I am a life long fan and although I do agree that her earlier work was the most danceable, as she has aged, and I have, you get the sense of needing more. Her work, for me often provides that, and passionately. I suppose that puts me on the bad music-person list.

I was disappointed in Hard Candy for this reason, the lack of message. I look to her as a continuous inspirational motivator, however you wish to use that as a label on my is fine. I just can't find anything in this album.

However after reading your post somehow the disappointment has disappeared. I agree with you. There is no message, the work clearly lacks any stance, except for being musically fun.

So I'm embracing musical fun, and thanking you for ending my disappointment.

[becks]

well, this review is rather balanced considering your well-known opinions of madonna. i would argue that pieces of all of her more recent albums represent some of her best work, though. that being said, "hard candy" is straight-up pop, and that's all it's trying to or should be. sorta surprising that she went back to the beginning to end her career at warners.

oh, one more thing. although jennie livingston might have been filming "paris is burning" before "vogue" came out, the film didn't come out until afterward. for what it's worth, madonna was vogueing back as early as the '89 MTV awards. i was a wee boy, but i remember. madonna certainly didn't invent vogueing, but she was at the forefront of bringing it to the masses. i'm sure if i were jennie livingston i might feel a bit differently, though.

[Trashley]

Wow, I had no idea so many people take Madonna so personally.

[Jessica]

Madonna aside....you're going to watch this "Farmer Wants A Wife" shit, right?

[s_couto]

BAF, honey, that's nice that you're that into Madonna enough to extol her musical philanthropies to us lower beings, but don't be so disappointed to learn that most people (superfans aside) don't feel - or care - as much as you do. I say this as someone who loves Madonna's music and admires her as a person. I also say it absent some gay, backhanded compliment. But don't overstate the fact that she's a very good pop artist and not the usuper of Carly Simon's throne.

HEARTBEAT, MILES AWAY, DANCE 2NIGHT and BEAT GOES ON are my absolute favourites. Constant rotation.

[JEAN GREY]

MY GOODNESS!!!
DOES ANYONE JUST LISTEN TO MUSIC ANYMORE!!?
HAS EVERYONE FASHIONED AND ENVISIONED THEMSELVES TO BE MUSIC REVIEWERS/EDITORS FOR SOME FICTIONAL MAGAZINE/NEWSPAPER IN THEIR MINDS?
dissecting and analyzing everything within an inch of its musical life...
i have resigned myself to realize there is no joy from the makers nor the listeners anymore...
everyone is just so sad & angry...
and this is not directed at RICH!

[Bears are Fat]

Jean Grey, I think many of us interpret all caps as shouting, so maybe the angry and sad person here is in fact you. But it's not me. I think this album is fabulous, and like S_Couto, have several songs on heavy rotation. I actually have started to like Candy Shop, which initially struck me as real dumb lyrically, but the breakdown at the end with Pharell talking to the grummy little kids is actually great. And then Beat Goes On has grown on me, loving that track, it really makes me want to go dancing. Unfortunately, where I live, they only play Hung Up (every Friday, promptly at midnight... it is getting old).

Anyway, just because it's a Madonna record doesn't mean we have to turn our brains off. I for one like Rich precisely because he's actually like got one -- a brain -- which is why this blog is so brilliant (except for this review!, sorry Rich). If you just want insipid platitudes, Perez is a better bet. And S-Couto, no one has to care, but that doesn't mean that those of us who do have to shut up and go sit in a corner with a dunce hat on. Tune me out if it bugs you.

Anyway. I am dying to hear what the show in NYC was like last night.

[erik]

i dont get why her voice sounded really rich at some point, even in the warren beatty years, up and through music, and then after american life, it started sounding disengaged. are they doing something to her voice b/c that flat thing sells more, or have they stopped doing something to her voice? couldnt she take voice lessons again.

[Nurse D'Aughntrice Jackson]

Mimi getting dragged into this is silly but not surprising, given the painfully obvious marketing of "Madonna v. Mariah"...."hey look, the music business is dying! Let's pit the two of the last big shillers against each other! We'll all make enough to keep our lawns green as we look for new lives!"

However, Carly Simon's coming into this is, like, uh, what? Did she come up because we are talking about singers who can't sing?

[Nathaniel R]

I don't get it. and i remain a broken record about this. I've been a diehard Madonna enthusiast since 1984 and every time she has a new record everyone calls her desperate for whoever she's hooking up with to make the music.this is the same argument every two years or so.
zzzzzzz

she's not any more desperate working with justin timberlake and timbaland than she was working with babyface or nile rodgers or mirwais or anyone else who was currently hot when she hooked up with them.

she just keeps on doing what she's always done. and the oddest thing about this review is the "just be a pop star" thing because that's what she has ALWAYS done best. that's the most consistent thing she's ever done. What a good celebrity she is. Everyone else = dull in comparison.

i don't get the haters. but then give or take a song here and there i'm one of those people Rich gets pissed at for always shouting "hell yes!" in response to each new cd.

love her. I haven't heard Hard Candy yet for reasons that are too complicated and boring to get into.

p.s. just wanted to thank Bears are Fat for his props to American Life. I'm not sure i'd go that far but it's the most aggressively misunderstood and purposefully dismissed record of her entire career.

[Vagabondblogger]

Sorry, but I've never been a fan of Madonna. I liked some of her earlier stuff, but I am not a big fan of pop anyway. She lost me when she did something to her face (and it was definitely not just exercise and diet)- lost all the freshness.