This blows

The Happening: briefly and spoilery, below.

If the No. 1 thing M. Night Shyamalan wanted people to say about The Happening is, "That was a really fun B-movie," the No. 2 thing must be: "You'll never look at waving weeds the same way again!" But, duh, of course you will: they're waving weeds. And besides which, this is a compost heap of a green movie that couldn't even scare an environmental alarmist. As devices of peril go, those waving weeds that signal imminent death by plant-emitted toxin (the film's twist twist, which apparently excited Shyamalan so much that he couldn't wait till the end to reveal it and couldn't be bothered with explaining it all the way either, since plants are, like mystical and shit, yo) are a notch less scary than those of The Blair Witch Project, in which every fucking pile of sticks and twigs was supposed to send shivers down your spine. Make no mistake, though: there is real malice there. These plants, fed up at the way they're being treated by polluting humans, are making people kill themselves. Come to think of it, that's what we're doing by living with disregard for the environment, anyway. If they don't really impose visual doom, at least these plants have a sense of symbolism.

Similarly, if The Happening doesn't really possess the power to move you in any manner but far, far away from Shyamalan's future garbage, at least it has a sense of humor. The dialogue is so hilariously stilted (often declarative to an absurd fault...even when a question is being asked) that it loses very little in screen-to-blog translation. My favorite lines are as follows:

"C'mon, buddy. Get interested in science!"

"It's good to be a math teacher sometimes."

"It makes you kill yourself. Just when you thought there couldn't be any more evil invented!"

"Why are you giving me one useless piece of information at a time?"

"We're so much the same, Jess. I don't like to show my emotions, either."

(Watching tigers maul and dismember a man) "What kind of terrorists are these?"

"Can you believe how crappy people are?"

"Don't take my daughter's hand unless you mean it!"

"You like hot dogs, don't you?"

"Oh, it's the army. We're safe!"

"Elliott's resilient, isn't he?"

"We're not assholes!"

"Plan on murdering me in my sleep."

(After an hour into the movie and much discourse about the evil that wind brings) - Marky Mark's character: "Close the windows and the doors." Zoey Deschanel's character: "Why?"

"Nothing happened...Could this really be happening?"

See? Fun. In fact, I haven't been so giddy since I experimented with inhalants in high school. Viva CFCs! (That's the real lesson here.)

Comments

[Awzkompm]

HTQwnA

[tramadol acetaminophen effects]

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[side effects of snorting phentermine capsules]

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