When I wrote about it earlier this year, I promised a screen-cap-heavy recap of Neil Marshall's Doomsday upon its DVD release. It's out this week and so below is the delivery of my promise. I figure that a) this is a film whose appeal is easier to show then to tell about and b) since this shit was practically made to live on video, I can make something of a primer. That said, I'm not exactly sure how this post could be useful as it will spoil things for people who haven't seen it and it goes over what those who have already know. But whatever: it's a love letter to a movie that I adore (in the same live-blog format that I covered another film with ambiguously intentioned humor that I'm obsessed with, Beyond the Valley of the Dolls).
Some of this is NSFW, and Doomsday is pretty (hilariously!) gruesome, so sensitives should beware. After the jump, tits-out shooters, exploding bunnies and still-screaming decapitated heads...and those are only the gifs!
Before we get started, you should some background because I don't explain too much below (if the movie doesn't, why should I?). Here's an excerpt of the synopsis from IMDb:
In an apocalyptic vision of the future, authorities brutally quarantine Scotland as it succumbs to fear and chaos when a virus strikes. The literal walling-off works for three decades - until the dreaded Reaper virus violently resurfaces in London. An elite group of specialists, captained by Eden Sinclair (Rhona Mitra), is urgently dispatched into the still-quarantined country to retrieve a cure by any means necessary. Shut off from the rest of the world, the unit must battle through a landscape that has become a waking nightmare.
Funnily, their nightmare is my dream.
3:02 -
You red to go?
4:42 - The wall closes, dividing the infected and the quarantined. We see it closing slowly, like a dope-fiend's eyelids, on someone's hand.
That red in the middle? That's the hand. This gives the movie the opportunity to show not only that it'll go there, but that it'll make going there a motif. Hang onto your hands, it's gonna be a dismembery ride!
5:02 - OK, so as a child, if your eye gets blown out and then your mom does this to you...
...you can only become a post-apocalyptic warrior princess when you grow up. That's it. One job. Like it or lump it.
That fucking armband-as-bandage sealed her fate. It's also kinda Gizmo-esque, which: extra-credit points!
6:25 - Charts!
No, this isn't 3-2-1 Contact.
Or War Games.
But it could be. Ayo. I'm tired of technology, too.
8:09 - OK, so after that back story about the quarantine, we're zipped to...
Got that?
8:10 -
Are you sure? Because I don't. That "NOW" made me lose all grasp. Is Marshall trying to tell us that the flashbacks are over, or is he raging against our faulty calendar system? Or maybe he just thinks we'll swallow anything he sells us at that point? Uh, you gotta work a lot harder than that if you're going to change our perception about what year it is and shit. Luckily...
9:52 -
...he knows this. He works hard with boobs and guns. Not even my homosexuality can get in the way of appreciating the wonderful combination that is boobs and guns. Someone get me a beer and pull my finger and I'll be in heaven.
10:14 - Just 10 minutes in...
...and we have our second disembodied hand! And it doesn't seem redundant or anything!
11:50 - If you haven't noticed yet, this movie is wacky.
It's googly as an eye.
17:15 - Bob Hoskins...
...goes for Oscar gold! I suppose after Son of Mask, Maid in Manhattan and, my fav, Garfield: A Tale of Two Kitties, he has very little to lose. And I also commend him for baring his teeth - he's being insanely unpretentious about the fact that he's here to chew the scenery.
17:43 - David O'Hara...
...on the other hand, is not going for Oscar gold. Again, I have to commend the decison here.
19:46 - "There's no smoking on the helicopter and I don't smoke."
For you see, an Oscar wouldn't even salute him properly. This performance is so brilliant, it deserves a Nobel prize. The fact that what he's committed to is playing a block of is neither here nor there.
21:55 - I mean...
...this guy's mouth was made for comedy!
22:46 - B-b-b-but...
...is it NOW? Without being told, how can we be sure it isn't THEN?
23:14 - And then the best thing in the history of cinema happens. To illustrate the sensitivity of the automated wall, we're treated to this:
Explaining why this is funny would be like explaining why the bunny is cute or why hands get cut off (yours will one day, just wait! I learned that from Doomsday) or why babies are made. Some things just don't have a clear-cut answer.
And then, there is a long stretch of fire and explosions. It is fun.
38:50 -
See? There's proof.
41:24 - Lesson No. 2,203: If you're gonna run someone over...
...you gotta do it right.
44:36 -
Hey, look! Now we're watching Saw!
45:50 - In this close-up of Sol, the leader of a people whose ethnicity seems best described as post-apocalyptic...
...he actually looks like some lady admin after a long day of applying Purell, sneezing from hay fever and crying over her oppressive boss. I imagine her saying, "C'mon, quit it. Give me back my other earring. I have to go to speed-dating in 15 minutes."
(Sol, for the record, usually looks like this:)
47:20 - What good is a movie if it doesn't have a gimp in it?
Thank god I don't have to answer that question.
51:08 - OK, so I tried to upload a clip to YouTube for posting here, but it was flagged automatically because Universal clearly has no idea how to market this movie and no concept of the fact that cutting off a part of it for sharing would actually fall right in line with more than one of Doomsday's themes. Whatever. Just download it and watch it. You'll emerge enriched, I promise.
You'll also know what I'm talking about when I say that I love that this post-apocalyptic cannibal society thinks puns are better than punk, despite its collective appearance. I mean, "Good Thing" is sooooo not hardcore, but the fact that it's performed by the Fine Young Cannibals (jab, jab, get it? get it?) is extremely cute. I'm really glad they think so, too.
52:26 -
"Whoever they sent here, we're gonna catch 'em, we're gonna cook 'em, and we're gonna eat them!"
My instinct is to scoff this first and foremost for its goes-without-sayingness. Duh, they're gonna do that shit. They're cannibals. But, keep in mind that this is at some sort of a rally, so I think Sol's just trying to remind everyone of their unified goals. This catch-cook-eat spiel is basically the cannibal version of, "We're here, we're queer, get used to it," and who am I to deny any group of its pride?
55:05 - I mean...
...did you ever think cannibal humor could be so...extensive?
55:43 -
Bill Murray, that you?
(At last the final thing he says in Lost in Translation is apparent: "Use Worcestershire.")
55:50 - Thank god this movie allows us to check in with the gimp.
Worrying about him has me on pins and needles (and I like it!). He has my heart in bondage.
56:48 -
This charred head is Fulci homage, right?
Gotta be.
59:45 - Hey look!
We've hit a hand-less hat trick! Or is that a turkey? It would make sense -- after all, you can't draw a turkey properly without tracing your hand. Yeah, turkey's better.
1:01:10 - "People have always eaten people."
As far as I know, that which is written on the bumper is a Flanders and Swann reference, which I think is key to understanding this movie's treatment of comedy: it takes it ridiculously seriously.
1:04:34 - Trains are pretty.
Just sayin'.
1:08:03 -
J.R.R...tokin'?
1:09:39 - Annnnd...
...now it's Medieval. Sorry, I should say, NOW it's Medieval.
1:10:15 - Just in case you still haven't grasped the change in eras:
1:11:59 - In comes Malcolm McDowell...
...proving once and for all that Doomsday is the film for those with nothing to lose and admiration by way of humiliation to gain.
1:13:40 - Back in London...
...guess where this is going...
Hand No. 4, baby!
1:17:10 - "Same shit, different era."
"Forgive me father, for I have sinned. It has been about two minutes since my last brainless action-movie zinger and I'm afraid I'm going to sin again. Soon!"
1:20:53 - During Eden's gladiator battle, we're treated to a few frames of blood on the lens...
Too much of a wink? Too self-aware? Too insidery? Nah. Marshall's human after all. It's OK for him to show it every now and then.
1:26:01 - Annnnd, now we're watching a car commercial.
We've moved from the future to the retro-future to the distant past to your wallet. Exhilarating, no?
1:29:44 - "This is as far as you go. We'll handle it from here."
You know, his monotone never gets monotonous, ironically enough.
1:30:30 - It's no gimp...
...but this car chase really does give the movie even more of that special something. Road war, you complete me!
1:32:14 -
Doomsday haters, I posted this one for you.
1:35:28 - Hail to the gimp!
This is what we see right before he careens into an explosion or fire or some shit. :(
1:37:28 - OK, so Sol's demise comes as a result of him riding on the good guys' car like this:
Here's what ends up happening:
Note that the thing that comes careening toward the screen and splatters is his head. Also note that his mouth is open. This is because he's still screaming.
1:38:31 - "Major Sinclair. You. Had. Me. Worried. For. A. While."
You can tell just how affected he was by the passion in his voice.
1:40:31 - "Come with me. I'll get you all the cigarettes you want!"
Well, since you put it like that!
1:44:39 - In the end, Eden decides to stay within the walls. She carries Sol's apparently reconstructed, post-splatter head to his people...
...holds it up and wins over the crowd. Dismemberment: 6. Your ability to resist: 0.
A crowd pleaser inside and out, Doomsday is love. All the veins and arteries have been sliced off, but whatever: love.
this is my first time commenting. i've been reading your blog for a couple of years now and you never cease to amaze me. you are absolutely hilarious. i too laughed at the exploding bunny. that shit is hilarious. but anyway...thanks for keeping me entertained for these past couple of years.l
Posted by: marty | July 30, 2008 at 01:28 PM
HOly shit, YES. This is awesome.
Posted by: Madex | July 30, 2008 at 01:32 PM
I wasn't sure if I wanted to see this movie or not, but you're making me think it could be fun. Thanks!
Posted by: Pattie | July 30, 2008 at 02:02 PM
Exploding bunnies, hee hee!
Posted by: John R | July 30, 2008 at 02:06 PM
no really rich, i love this movie so much. Sol was the shit, his civilization as rad, like all my gutter punk fantasies come true, just with some extra crazy on it with the cannibalism.
Posted by: Faith | July 30, 2008 at 02:16 PM
i love gif heavy posts. ::is in heaven::
Posted by: Faith | July 30, 2008 at 02:16 PM
I'd be willing to see this just for the exploding rabbit. :D
Posted by: Amy | July 30, 2008 at 04:26 PM
OMG rich I totally agree with you review!!
ahahah, that movie was so funny!!
Posted by: daniele | July 30, 2008 at 04:28 PM
This movie is in my Netflix queue. Cannot wait!
BTW, have you checked out URLesque's 20 Bloggers They're Mancrushin'?
Posted by: Johari | July 30, 2008 at 06:00 PM
Although I appriciate your well gif'd review, I'm going to have to pass. For one you loved The Ruins & that kinda scares me. But also I don't want to see animal death. Slaughter people all you want but kill an innocent bunny & I can do nothing but hate the movie. But I do love your post :)
Posted by: Genevieve | July 30, 2008 at 06:10 PM
Saw this opening night. It surpassed my expectations for awesomeness. I'm glad someone else recognized its gory glory.
However, total tease on the bitch-goddess gif! I so wanted a pic of her severed head riding shotgun with Sol during the final race.
Posted by: Summer | July 30, 2008 at 06:27 PM
I'm going to start sending letters to Tyra's production company demanding more representation of Post-Apocolyptic girls next cycle.
Brilliant recap, Rich. I only watched the first half of this, originally. Must definitely check out the DVD.
Posted by: spazmo | July 30, 2008 at 06:40 PM
If you really thought about it I think you would realize that your laughter at the sight of the exploding bunny was actually forced laughter. I saw that scene too and naturally I didn't laugh. It wasn't original nor funny. In fact the way you find it funny over and over again makes me wonder if you're sick
Posted by: Matt | July 30, 2008 at 07:13 PM
Please write a book.... please?!
Posted by: Chris | July 30, 2008 at 08:00 PM
loved this movie, rented it last night, saw u had recap today, so i made sure to watch it before i read ur recap, haha, the "youtube" scene was definitely the part where i fell in love with this movie, and the naked shot-gun girl, but youre right about how universal had no clue how to market this movie. i would've seen it in theaters if they showed all the glory this movie has to offer
Posted by: john Taylor | July 30, 2008 at 09:15 PM
For Bob Hoskins, you forgot his greatest other movie: Spice World!
Posted by: gbs | July 30, 2008 at 09:47 PM
Spice World? Now THERE'S a classic!
Posted by: Shavonda | July 31, 2008 at 12:24 AM
Boo at not being able to post comments with images.
This guy:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v483/Mmsupermario/hellzyeah.gif
Favorite part in that clip.
I can't tell if he's dancing or if he's just not all there.
Posted by: MmSM | July 31, 2008 at 11:41 AM
You are hysterical.
Julia
Posted by: | July 31, 2008 at 12:58 PM
I just don't understand why ever fucking action movie has to have women writhing half naked, getting slapped/spanked/etc. Seriously, I'm getting tired of it.
Look at Iron Man. Was the scene with the stewardesses dancing half naked on the stripper pole, necessary? Absolutely not. I'm guessing all the shit in that video you shared wasn't necessary either.
Great write-up though, I thoroughly enjoyed it.
Posted by: Raignn | July 31, 2008 at 05:04 PM
loved the road war at the end. really good. thx for this review.
Posted by: dodger | August 01, 2008 at 08:01 AM
I did enjoy tattoo bitch riding shotgun and getting an arrow through the head, lest we forget about her.
Posted by: rustyspigot | August 02, 2008 at 04:20 PM
loved it.
wanna have babies with it.
love you for loving it.
I'm actually planning on running around with severed heads in my backyard to try and impress some of the harder gangs out here in the suburbs.
xoxobf
Posted by: balancingfoxes | August 02, 2008 at 11:11 PM
Just watch the premier in Cape town i was the lucky one that got to stick the meatbombs "stunt guys and girls" back together it was an awesome project sorry guys the bunny was just not not meant to make it LOL never mind the cow.....
Posted by: Kez | August 03, 2008 at 04:05 PM
I saw that scene too and naturally I didn't laugh. It wasn't original nor funny. In fact the way you find it funny over and over again makes me wonder if you're sick. I did enjoy tattoo bitch riding shotgun and getting an arrow through the head.
Posted by: Bradley Burnie | August 04, 2008 at 02:11 AM