FOOL!

So, I was going to do a show-and-tell of my favorite moments in autobiography of former porn power top turned Baptist minister (uh, yeah) Bobby Blake, a book ridiculous enough to read like a sort of nonfiction bildungsroman. It's a memoir cum tall tale cum cum rag of a tome, perfectly trashy for beach reading (I'm sure my heads-up will be well appreciated, now that summer's over and all). There are vividly hilarious descriptions (I've never heard anyone describe a penis as "flabby" before), anti-iconic moments (he slips in a Reba Fucking McEntire CD on his way to his first porn shoot), wonderful repetitions (he really, really loved his film Goldilocks and the Three Bi-Bears, he'll have you know on, like, practically every other page) bizarre contradictions (he describes attention has his Viagra, but just a few pages later says that doing porn in search of attention is unhealthy; likewise, he condemns the widespread practice of barebacking in porn and then later talks about repeatedly ejaculating in some woman that begged him to fuck her -- "I came so much she probably had my child: she's probably looking for me right now for child support!") and very dubious grammar ("determin-ation," "of whom more later," "it didn't please me over so much," "unquestion ably," "respon-sible"). There's the gayest use of the already gay semicolon that I've ever come across: "He wasn't that ambitious; he was just a man who happened to have a foot-long dick." I mean, this is a guy who had "well-hung arch rivals" (his words!). What's there not to be totally tickled by? Writing like a porn star might not win any awards (not even of the fakey AVN variety), but it is almost guaranteed to entertain.

There's, predictably, an unending stream of braggadocio from this self-described "strong physical specimen who is lusted after by so many men and women." He's paints himself as a superhero, never being so much as faced with homophobia while coming of age as an out "bisexual" in fucking Tennessee in the fucking early 70's. His church even accepted his non-secret relationship with his lover! Oh, and his very existence (and some throat-grabbing) opened up doors for aspiring black gay porn stars everywhere! It's all so over-the-top it had me squealing like someone he was sharing the screen with.

Blake comes as close to explaining the ease with which he's passed through his queer existence when he says that he's always carried himself "in a masculine way." Similarly, he expresses disdain for effeminate guys throughout the book ("The one thing I don't like is guys acting girly. It turns me off sexually, and I think it loses you the respect of the wider community.") Hmmm, you might say. That doesn't sound very altruistic, now does it? And you'd be right! See, when I lost my respect for Bobby Blake, when his book became something to put down and tell people to avoid was about 70 percent of the way through, when he talks about gay marriage. I'm typing this shit up verbatim so that you don't have to waste any time with further investigation:

"I don't like gay marriage being pushed as a political agenda. It's extremely unpopular amongst the wider African-American community. As an African-American I don't like being pressured to sign up to any agenda by a gay rights movement that has always been predominantly white, and has historically shown next to no interest in the rights of its fellow black gay men and women. And for myself I feel that there are more important issues that need sorting out first -- the seemingly deep-rooted inability of gay men, particularly black gay men, to commit to each other, for instance.

When I was a dancer I was struck by how often couples would watch me perform. I would be up there at the Uptown Downtown or wherever, dancing, putting on a show and enjoying myself. These guys would give me and the other dancers tips, and that was nice, of course, and there was to my mind nothing wrong with them showing their appreciation of my physique and my performance. But then one half of the couple would sneak back to the club the following night or the following week and try to pick me up, try to get me to have sex with him behind his mate's back.

I would always remember them from the previous night, or the previous week, and say, 'But aren't you in a relationship?'

'Yes, but he doesn't understand me,' was the standard reply. 'He can't give me what I need.' So there they were, coming on to me.

Now I'm not saying heterosexual couples are without their troubles, Lord knows. But it seems to me that the less overtly political issue of male couples being able to establish loving, faithful relationships between each other through commitment and communication is more important than that of gay marriage.

Maybe I'm a cynic when it comes to marriage anyway. Marriage is only an outward symbol, after all. The papers, the marriage certificate, the lavish wedding ceremony, the exchange of rings weighed down with so many carats--all these are just outward symbols. They're supposed to be saying, 'I love this person.' The ring is supposed to declare that I want to be with this person through the ups and downs, good times and bad. I don't care how many rings you put on your finger. I don't care how many times you stand up and declare you want to be with this person for a lifetime. It means nothing.

The fact of the matter is that, even with all these extravagant symbols, divorce rates among straight couples are at an all-time sky-high. Why would I imagine that being able to marry would help me sustain my loving partnership in any way?

But whatever the arguments my personal bottom line is, I'm not going to stand before the God of Abraham, Issac and Jacob and tell him I want to marry another man. I'm just not going to do it. And that's just about me, and what I'm comfortable with. I'm not ashamed of being bisexual. I don't believe it's wrong for me to desire and love another man. But I also don't believe it's necessary for me to marry a man to express that desire and love for him. And I will not be co-opted into supporting agendas pushed forward by groups who don't support me."

Fuck this shit. Fuck him for feeling the need to speak this backwards shit publicly. Fuck his newly turned minister ass for continuing to profit off of his porn career via this book, yet being unable to reconcile his inherent equality with his religious beliefs. Fuck him for not being able to provide even a superficial example of whatever the fuck he means by "a gay rights movement that...has historically shown next to no interest in the rights of its fellow black gay men and women." Fuck his conflating of emotional issues with political ones. Fuck his basing his opinion on what gay relationships are like from his experiences in fucking strip clubs.  Fuck him for not minding his own fucking business and, at the same time, fuck him for not understanding that the highest function of institutionalized discrimination is to justify people's hatred. Maybe the question isn't what the gay community can do blacks, but what blacks can teach the gay community. We've been down this road before, yes we have.

This might not even be effective dissuasion. It's possible that the extremely unabashed narcissism and obvious self-loathing of Blake that are captured here make for an interesting cocktail, one many might be tempted to indulge in. But his opposition for the sake of principle, his utter disregard for his people that masquerades as concern for his brothers, is grosser than any movie he's ever appeared in. So not hot.

Comments

[Amy Andre]

Rich, I love your blog, and I enjoy everything you write -- up until this post. I really have to share my concern here.

First of all, as a bisexual woman who can't wait to get married to her partner (I proposed, she said "yes", and we're tying the knot soon!), I've heard lots of arguments surrounding same-sex marriage, both pro and con, _within_ the LGBT community. Not every LGBT person is interested in the same-sex marriage movement -- and some LGBT people don't believe in supporting any kind of marriage, same-sex or different-sex. (Have you heard of the "unmarried movement"?) I've met a lot of LGBT people who would agree with this guy, and who feel that there are other issues that we face as a community, that are more important than the right to marry. Even though I am looking forward to my own marriage, I don't think he's got an unusual opinion.

Second, as a woman of color, I can tell you that there are a lot of LGBT people of color who would agree with this guy again -- the LGBT movement has not focused on LGBT people of color, even though the numbers are proportionate (as high a percentage of people of color in the LGBT population as there is in the non-LGBT population). That's a common critique of the community, from within the community. He's not the first person to bring this up. And I don't think there's anything wrong with openly discussing race and racism. It's important to talk about these issues, in order to grow and develop as a community.

Also, as a femme, I agree with you that his femme-phobia is wrong. Femme guys should be just as appreciated in our community as butch guys are. It's too bad that he feels differently.

[remery]

well. i disagree with this pornstar. at least say something other than "that's just about me." say something like "i can't because i'm scared." that might at least make him relatable.

[Nikita Tinypaws]

Marriage is not simply to show everyone else how much you love each other - it's a legal commitment with rights that unmarrieds don't get.

[ger]

I don't believe this. I picked up this book a couple of weeks ago. It took forever to read, because I could only handle 3 pages of the madness before I put it down, but I had to keep coming back to finish it - until I got to the same section you quoted about gay marriage. My thoughts exactly.

I thought of you, though, about a third of the way through the book. He was talking about how great he was at the business side of porn (I know - you could open the book to almost any page and read that, but stay with me). He came up with the most magical line ever:

'It's called Show-Business, not Show-Friends'.

Quite possibly the most creative yet tragic re-work of the 'I'm not here to make friends' line ever.

[Drew]

I'm a little suprised at your reaction Rich.

I think he had some not-out-of-line points. He should have made the point of how marriage has become the focal point of the gay movement when we have other pressing problems like workplace discrimination, hate crimes, and HIV. (answer, because those other problems don't effect rich gays as much as poor gays).

Too bad he summed it all up with gays can't get married b/c the Bible says so.

In any event, all of this stuff is emotional and political, and none of us can really separate it. Not easy territory.

[Dan]

Funny that he would condemn bareback porn when he himself appeared in them (a video by the barebacking company Dick Wadd video comes to mind, if you wanna check it out)... talk about being a big hypocrite.

[katy]

Hey Rich,

I understand your feelings - it's so disheartening when someone comes out of a community of people, only to backhandedly tear those same people down.

It's counter productive, and gives outsiders (who might be against things like gay marriage) more ammo for their cause. "See, even men who identify as gay don't think they should be able to get married!" Absolutely infuriating, I'm with you.

But I can't support the notion that he should keep his opinions to himself. "Fuck him for feeling the need to speak this backwards shit publicly. " Yet that's his *right.* He has a right to say whatever he feels, and if it's done publicly, that's his right, too.

We can't pick and choose when people have the right to do and say things. It's the most common hypocrisy that I see: Claiming to support the right of free speech, until the free speech is in opposition to your beliefs.

It's still protected, and it has to be.

[Jesi]

i don't think rich was trying to say that bobby blake doesn't have a right to his opinion/say what he wants to say. i think rich was just trying to say fuck him and his stupid beliefs.

[Libby]

I guess I feel like, if a movement is about LGBT people, why does it have to be White LGBT or Black LGBT. I just don't understand what it has to do with color. What can the LGBT movement do better for its black brothers and sisters? That's the part I'm not getting here.

[duane]

Rich, you are so freaking awesome. I will never understand people that say this backwards stuff without even thinking about it. Thanks for the heads up!

[John]

Katy, he can say whatever he wants. Free country, as you said. But I think the frustration is that he's blocking us from within the community. We already have enough folks blocking us from outside, and then we get folks like this from inside the community working against us. I don't care so much about people getting married as I care about the blatant discrimination that occurs when straight folks get government breaks for getting married, and their gay counterparts don't get those same benefits. That's why gay people should be upset with that type of comment.

[Faith]

i agree that marriage in an outward symbol...ialso believe that any two people who love each other should be able, legally to take part in this 'outward symbol' and recieve the same benefits, etc as any hetero couple.

but really.
fuck him cuz i think hes a hypocrite

[anne]

I love that you managed to sneak both meanings of the word "cum" into one sentence -- sequentially, no less!

[Miss Lisa]

He's making the personal, political. Many people do. Just because HE doesn't want to get married is not a good argument against other couples who do. It's a legal right--I'm really stating the obvious here, but that's what it boils down to, to coin a cliche.

[Faith]

and C O N G R A T L U A T I O N S
A M Y & F I A N C E

[QueerNegritude]

what, exactly, would you consider his "own fucking business"? and where, if not in public, should one "speak this backwards shit"? i mean, isn't that, like, the whole friggin point of free and open discourse? and aren't some of his views apposite with the No Homo Movement you so emphatically acquitted of any serious "hateful"ness in your post on Lil Wayne's new album?? I mean, can't this guy be offered the same "crutch" you grant straight men that need to stabilize their sexual identities "every so often"? can we, like, stop badgering a problematic, but ultimately commendable, and boldly visible homo?

[ParadiseImp]

Wow...I'm glad I didn't buy this one.

[Michael]

First off: I agree with you overall and based on this quotes alone this guy seems like an idiot and a hypocrite. However, the point he raised about the gay rights movement not reaching out to the Black community is valid. It's similar to the feminist movement in that they didn't really reach out to women of color. Take for example how everyone complains about the treatment of HRC but had nothing to say about the misogyny hurled at Michelle Obama.

Back on point, it should be fair to note that groups like the Human Rights Campaign are aware of this and have tried to make inroads in bridging the gap. But his point is not completely without merit and it's fair to point that out.

[Michael]

And Rich, I'm not sure if you read the notes, but I adore you. :)

[Boobie]

I can agree with his point of view, but not the way he presents it or the way he came to it. As a person of color, I understand the indifference he may feel with the overall bisexual community. However, I think its much more understanding than the overall American community. And while marriage definitely isn't for me (or him, apparently) it is something some people feel strongly about. Trying to use Christianity to justify your position and then claim your bisexuality is not judged by those same rules is contradictory and just plain ignorant. But he is a guy who's famous for stripping and fucking, so I guess the adult industry should be more upset than gay Americans. He's definitely doing more harm to them then to me.

[Sarah]

It surprises me that people might actually defend this man who is bisexual, but then says his "bottom line" is that, "I'm not going to stand before the God of Abraham, Issac and Jacob and tell him I want to marry another man." The inherent hypocrisy in that statement aside, it seems to me that one can't overlook the idea that, what he's really saying in the portion quoted above could be translated as, "I put in some faux high-brow-sounding almost discourse about the LGBT community traditionally ignoring racial and ethnic minorities, but that's just there to make me sound like I might even have a dog in this fight, because what I really mean is that god doesn't want me to marry another man, and therefore, none of us should be discussing the rights of same-sex couples to marry."

Rich, I commented on your blog before (during the "How to Be Gay" discussion of some months back). I took issue a bit with your response to some of the commenters, but today I must express how often I find myself wondering if people have really read the text in front of them all that closely. This man's argument has nothing to do with how much or how little the "mainstream LGBT movement" (one wonders if something as progressive as the LGBT movement could be "mainstream," but that's discussion for another time) works to further the rights of LGBT people of every race and creed; rather, that is merely the veneer he uses to give his argument the appearance of legitimacy, and to cover over the fact that his real problem with same-sex marriage is that it's just not right to do in front of "Abraham's God" (and Isaac's. And Jacob's, too, apparently). The very structure of his "argument" reinforces this fact--he essentially ends this segment by saying that, all other issues aside, at the end of the day this is about what god finds acceptable, and, evidently, same-sex marriage is not acceptable to god.

Fortunately for me, Winston is the only deity I care anything about. I take his adorable, often somewhat confused-looking face to be tacit permission to me to do whatever I want. In this case, what I wanted was to point out the thinly-veiled rhetoric that ultimately tells people, "There is only one god--mine--and we shouldn't piss him off, and your behavior pisses him off, so stop it." It's a rhetoric I'm tired of hearing, especially in my country where, last time I checked, someone else's religious beliefs were not supposed to govern the choices I make in my own life.

Being the lover of irony that I am, though, I also had to give props to someone who can make this comment, "I feel that there are more important issues that need sorting out first -- the seemingly deep-rooted inability of gay men, particularly black gay men, to commit to each other, for instance." Yes, we should look at people's inability to commit to one another, especially since we have made it a crime for them to do so in any legally-binding way. Let's get on that, for sure.

Rich, thank you for a post that was equal parts brain-candy and real food for thought. In a matter of days I will have my "Team Winston" shirt and will proudly wear it the way others wear the symbols of *their* religions.

[JD]

Sarah wins.

[Ross]

Sure, he has some valid points, but overall, if I accept his way of thinking, then I shouldn't support any measures that ensure equal rights for blacks since the black community has historically shown next to no interest in the rights of gays.

[Gyn]

Please, what does "barebacking" mean?

[Brian]

Forget this whole marriage debate. The thing that really boggled my mind? He doesn't approve of feminine gay guys. Huh.

Could have fooled me since nearly EVERY scene of his I've ever watched inolves him topping a submissive, squealing, fey bottom. Seems he approves of them when they're making him money.

Maybe I just haven't seen enough of his "work".