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August 28, 2008


Amy Andre

Rich, I love your blog, and I enjoy everything you write -- up until this post. I really have to share my concern here.

First of all, as a bisexual woman who can't wait to get married to her partner (I proposed, she said "yes", and we're tying the knot soon!), I've heard lots of arguments surrounding same-sex marriage, both pro and con, _within_ the LGBT community. Not every LGBT person is interested in the same-sex marriage movement -- and some LGBT people don't believe in supporting any kind of marriage, same-sex or different-sex. (Have you heard of the "unmarried movement"?) I've met a lot of LGBT people who would agree with this guy, and who feel that there are other issues that we face as a community, that are more important than the right to marry. Even though I am looking forward to my own marriage, I don't think he's got an unusual opinion.

Second, as a woman of color, I can tell you that there are a lot of LGBT people of color who would agree with this guy again -- the LGBT movement has not focused on LGBT people of color, even though the numbers are proportionate (as high a percentage of people of color in the LGBT population as there is in the non-LGBT population). That's a common critique of the community, from within the community. He's not the first person to bring this up. And I don't think there's anything wrong with openly discussing race and racism. It's important to talk about these issues, in order to grow and develop as a community.

Also, as a femme, I agree with you that his femme-phobia is wrong. Femme guys should be just as appreciated in our community as butch guys are. It's too bad that he feels differently.


well. i disagree with this pornstar. at least say something other than "that's just about me." say something like "i can't because i'm scared." that might at least make him relatable.

Nikita Tinypaws

Marriage is not simply to show everyone else how much you love each other - it's a legal commitment with rights that unmarrieds don't get.


I don't believe this. I picked up this book a couple of weeks ago. It took forever to read, because I could only handle 3 pages of the madness before I put it down, but I had to keep coming back to finish it - until I got to the same section you quoted about gay marriage. My thoughts exactly.

I thought of you, though, about a third of the way through the book. He was talking about how great he was at the business side of porn (I know - you could open the book to almost any page and read that, but stay with me). He came up with the most magical line ever:

'It's called Show-Business, not Show-Friends'.

Quite possibly the most creative yet tragic re-work of the 'I'm not here to make friends' line ever.


I'm a little suprised at your reaction Rich.

I think he had some not-out-of-line points. He should have made the point of how marriage has become the focal point of the gay movement when we have other pressing problems like workplace discrimination, hate crimes, and HIV. (answer, because those other problems don't effect rich gays as much as poor gays).

Too bad he summed it all up with gays can't get married b/c the Bible says so.

In any event, all of this stuff is emotional and political, and none of us can really separate it. Not easy territory.


Funny that he would condemn bareback porn when he himself appeared in them (a video by the barebacking company Dick Wadd video comes to mind, if you wanna check it out)... talk about being a big hypocrite.


Hey Rich,

I understand your feelings - it's so disheartening when someone comes out of a community of people, only to backhandedly tear those same people down.

It's counter productive, and gives outsiders (who might be against things like gay marriage) more ammo for their cause. "See, even men who identify as gay don't think they should be able to get married!" Absolutely infuriating, I'm with you.

But I can't support the notion that he should keep his opinions to himself. "Fuck him for feeling the need to speak this backwards shit publicly. " Yet that's his *right.* He has a right to say whatever he feels, and if it's done publicly, that's his right, too.

We can't pick and choose when people have the right to do and say things. It's the most common hypocrisy that I see: Claiming to support the right of free speech, until the free speech is in opposition to your beliefs.

It's still protected, and it has to be.


i don't think rich was trying to say that bobby blake doesn't have a right to his opinion/say what he wants to say. i think rich was just trying to say fuck him and his stupid beliefs.


I guess I feel like, if a movement is about LGBT people, why does it have to be White LGBT or Black LGBT. I just don't understand what it has to do with color. What can the LGBT movement do better for its black brothers and sisters? That's the part I'm not getting here.


Rich, you are so freaking awesome. I will never understand people that say this backwards stuff without even thinking about it. Thanks for the heads up!


Katy, he can say whatever he wants. Free country, as you said. But I think the frustration is that he's blocking us from within the community. We already have enough folks blocking us from outside, and then we get folks like this from inside the community working against us. I don't care so much about people getting married as I care about the blatant discrimination that occurs when straight folks get government breaks for getting married, and their gay counterparts don't get those same benefits. That's why gay people should be upset with that type of comment.


i agree that marriage in an outward symbol...ialso believe that any two people who love each other should be able, legally to take part in this 'outward symbol' and recieve the same benefits, etc as any hetero couple.

but really.
fuck him cuz i think hes a hypocrite


I love that you managed to sneak both meanings of the word "cum" into one sentence -- sequentially, no less!

Miss Lisa

He's making the personal, political. Many people do. Just because HE doesn't want to get married is not a good argument against other couples who do. It's a legal right--I'm really stating the obvious here, but that's what it boils down to, to coin a cliche.


and C O N G R A T L U A T I O N S
A M Y & F I A N C E


what, exactly, would you consider his "own fucking business"? and where, if not in public, should one "speak this backwards shit"? i mean, isn't that, like, the whole friggin point of free and open discourse? and aren't some of his views apposite with the No Homo Movement you so emphatically acquitted of any serious "hateful"ness in your post on Lil Wayne's new album?? I mean, can't this guy be offered the same "crutch" you grant straight men that need to stabilize their sexual identities "every so often"? can we, like, stop badgering a problematic, but ultimately commendable, and boldly visible homo?


Wow...I'm glad I didn't buy this one.


First off: I agree with you overall and based on this quotes alone this guy seems like an idiot and a hypocrite. However, the point he raised about the gay rights movement not reaching out to the Black community is valid. It's similar to the feminist movement in that they didn't really reach out to women of color. Take for example how everyone complains about the treatment of HRC but had nothing to say about the misogyny hurled at Michelle Obama.

Back on point, it should be fair to note that groups like the Human Rights Campaign are aware of this and have tried to make inroads in bridging the gap. But his point is not completely without merit and it's fair to point that out.


And Rich, I'm not sure if you read the notes, but I adore you. :)


I can agree with his point of view, but not the way he presents it or the way he came to it. As a person of color, I understand the indifference he may feel with the overall bisexual community. However, I think its much more understanding than the overall American community. And while marriage definitely isn't for me (or him, apparently) it is something some people feel strongly about. Trying to use Christianity to justify your position and then claim your bisexuality is not judged by those same rules is contradictory and just plain ignorant. But he is a guy who's famous for stripping and fucking, so I guess the adult industry should be more upset than gay Americans. He's definitely doing more harm to them then to me.


It surprises me that people might actually defend this man who is bisexual, but then says his "bottom line" is that, "I'm not going to stand before the God of Abraham, Issac and Jacob and tell him I want to marry another man." The inherent hypocrisy in that statement aside, it seems to me that one can't overlook the idea that, what he's really saying in the portion quoted above could be translated as, "I put in some faux high-brow-sounding almost discourse about the LGBT community traditionally ignoring racial and ethnic minorities, but that's just there to make me sound like I might even have a dog in this fight, because what I really mean is that god doesn't want me to marry another man, and therefore, none of us should be discussing the rights of same-sex couples to marry."

Rich, I commented on your blog before (during the "How to Be Gay" discussion of some months back). I took issue a bit with your response to some of the commenters, but today I must express how often I find myself wondering if people have really read the text in front of them all that closely. This man's argument has nothing to do with how much or how little the "mainstream LGBT movement" (one wonders if something as progressive as the LGBT movement could be "mainstream," but that's discussion for another time) works to further the rights of LGBT people of every race and creed; rather, that is merely the veneer he uses to give his argument the appearance of legitimacy, and to cover over the fact that his real problem with same-sex marriage is that it's just not right to do in front of "Abraham's God" (and Isaac's. And Jacob's, too, apparently). The very structure of his "argument" reinforces this fact--he essentially ends this segment by saying that, all other issues aside, at the end of the day this is about what god finds acceptable, and, evidently, same-sex marriage is not acceptable to god.

Fortunately for me, Winston is the only deity I care anything about. I take his adorable, often somewhat confused-looking face to be tacit permission to me to do whatever I want. In this case, what I wanted was to point out the thinly-veiled rhetoric that ultimately tells people, "There is only one god--mine--and we shouldn't piss him off, and your behavior pisses him off, so stop it." It's a rhetoric I'm tired of hearing, especially in my country where, last time I checked, someone else's religious beliefs were not supposed to govern the choices I make in my own life.

Being the lover of irony that I am, though, I also had to give props to someone who can make this comment, "I feel that there are more important issues that need sorting out first -- the seemingly deep-rooted inability of gay men, particularly black gay men, to commit to each other, for instance." Yes, we should look at people's inability to commit to one another, especially since we have made it a crime for them to do so in any legally-binding way. Let's get on that, for sure.

Rich, thank you for a post that was equal parts brain-candy and real food for thought. In a matter of days I will have my "Team Winston" shirt and will proudly wear it the way others wear the symbols of *their* religions.


Sarah wins.


Sure, he has some valid points, but overall, if I accept his way of thinking, then I shouldn't support any measures that ensure equal rights for blacks since the black community has historically shown next to no interest in the rights of gays.


Please, what does "barebacking" mean?


Forget this whole marriage debate. The thing that really boggled my mind? He doesn't approve of feminine gay guys. Huh.

Could have fooled me since nearly EVERY scene of his I've ever watched inolves him topping a submissive, squealing, fey bottom. Seems he approves of them when they're making him money.

Maybe I just haven't seen enough of his "work".

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