Don't put out

The Velvet Underground & Nico sold poorly during the time of its release, but oft-repeated music-crit cliche is that everyone who did buy it started a band. The same could probably be said about the audience of 1982's Ladies and Gentlemen, The Fabulous Stains, except the bands it spawned must have been entirely the riot grrrl variety. The flick about a three-girl punk (or "skunk") group is so ridiculous and clueless and hilariously acted at times that it resembles Beyond the Valley of the Dolls punctured by safety pins. It's also an indictment of hype and empty rebellion, an appropriately inexpensive piece of musical satire so cynical that it knows its protagonists are full of shit. How punk rock is that? But mostly, it's an opportunity to see an underage (but totally hot) Diane Lane and Laura Dern run around looking like this:

It played in, like, a theater around the time of its release but built its cult in the '80s via cable shows like USA's Night Flight. It was never available on home video before its DVD release last week. I wouldn't have ever heard about it if I didn't happen upon a promo copy on a coworker's desk this week. And so, this is basically just the alert I would have appreciated if I hadn't heard of this movie If it sounds vaguely interesting to you, check it. It isn't a great film (the first 30 minutes drag entirely too much for my now-gimme-funny-now Internet brain), but when it is good, it's fantastic. In that respect, it's much like the Stains themselves.

The scene below is the one that made me fall in love with this movie. Diane Lane maintains that level of indignant rage throughout the film and it's really something special.

Comments

[HouseofJules]

This is the perfect antidote for all those horrible Nights in Rodanthe commercials, and whenever I see another one, I'm going to close my eyes & imagine a teenage Diane Lane yelling, "Suckers!" at everyone in the audience.
Jules
House of Jules

[Christina]

I hope the release of this on DVD means I'll see a few girls in Corinne Burns get ups this Halloween. I'd prefer that to a sexy nurse any day.

[Georgi]

This is so odd. Yesterday I posted a photo of Diane Lane's character up on my Tumblr, right as another friend posted a photo of his Netflix that contained none other than that movie. Now this??? Weird stuff.

That clip you put up is my very favorite part of that movie. I saw it at the Castro theater a couple years back...in San Francisco, natch.

[rambobucktooth]

HOLY SHIT! I LOVED that movie. I watched it every single time TNT (or whatever station it was) aired it! Often right before or right after URGH, A Music War (which is another of my top favs). It made an adolescence in WV a little more tolerable. THANK YOU SO MUCH for the heads-up!

[Michelle]

Was that a young Ricky Gervais at the bar???

[John Taylor]

this looks awesome, it kind of reminds me of a real version of the misfits from jem, except the guy at the end of the clip with the painted face kind of creeped me out in a nightmare inducing way

[kiita]

One of my favorite movies.

[CR]

When I saw that first picture I was like, "Toasty?" So it makes sense its a young Diane Lane.

[Miss Lisa]

Hey, I'm posting MY "Fabulous Stains" piece today. Jinx!

[Vanessa]

As if the week begining with a Ramona Quimby reference could be topped and yet here it is. I love this movie so I was thrilled to hear finally it's getting a DVD release-it was but a dim memory until recently. Don't you love it when suddenly some pop artifact from your past resurfaces and you can suddenly vividly remember all these details of both it and that time period as if no time has passed and 1000 other shitty and beautiful things haven't happened in the interim? I remember watching this over and over in the early 90's on A&E while I was fresh out of college and seriously underemployed. A miserable time in my life and yet somehow I remember it fondly when I remember moments like turning this movie on and thinking "Is that Fee Waybill??" It totally makes sense to me at any rate why you would embrace it.

(and btw CR--Toastee? I almost shit myself laughing.)

[Brandon H]

I was out in LA last week during a midnight screening of Fright Night when they announced that they'd be showing The Stains next. I hadn't heard about it either, but from the sound of the crowd when the guy announced it, I know it had to be good. Hell, Ahmet Zappa was a few rows in front of us and even he smiled.

[mighty undies]

I admire your obsession with BTDOTD. I used to watch it on HBO regularly back in the mid 90s. The ending cracked me up every time!

BTW, have you heard/read about 'Repo - The Genetic Opera'...it smells like sweet sweet garbage!

[Molly]

I think this movie shares all of the qualities you mentioned with another underrated cult classic; Josie & The Pussycats.

[stephanie]

It's not a young Ricky Gervais, it is, in fact, a young Ray Winstone, I believe.

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0935653/

Check out #89 in his resume.

[Cedar]

I knew you were going to write about this! Thanks!

[Faith]

thank you thank you thank you!!! i need it, now. right now

[mariaaaaa]

"Posted by: Vanessa | September 26, 2008 at 03:52 PM" - Hey girl, you took the words right out of my mouth! I can't look at Fee Waybill without hearing "White Punks On Dope" in my head.

There's another old Diane Lane movie I love that never plays on cable anymore: Lady Beware. I looooved that movie. She plays an edgy and controversial window dresser who is stalked by a creepy guy.

[Joe]

"I'm perfect, but nobody in this shit-hole gets me. Because I don't put out!" How many time have I yelled that in a crowded room, Diane? I GET YOU! Even though all the cool kids in the audience think you're some man-hating lez for getting all feminist when all they wanted to see was some cute rock star. Hide your moral revulsion in your over-sized beret along with your Jane Child hair.

[Reese]

Okay, I guess I'm TOTALLY out of the loop because I've never heard of this movie before. Anyhoo, I just went and watched the entire movie on youtube and let me just say...

Priceless.

Also, what's up with the 80's fascination of naked teenage girls (see Brook Shields as well)? Weird and creepy, no?

And, why do the Stains look like the Go-Go's during the credits? Weird.

[J]

if anyone's interested i found the full movie on youtube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PoSaM4hjl_M&feature=user

[Faith]

i really really really need "the legend of Billie Jean" to be released on dvd. i could only find vhs on ebay for 30 freaking bucks. which i almost would pay...

[Axe Bomber]

I saw this on TBS or TNT in the 90's. I was most excited by seeing Black Randy & THe Metrosquad in action. And Diane Lane being FOINE AS HELL~!

[Julia]

Funny; in this month's BUST magazine, they have an article on how to get a look like Diane Lane's character... and it almost looks like Katarzyna modeling it.

http://www.bust.com/Magazine/On-Nesstands-Now.html you can preview the page on there... it's page 40-41.

[yerbamatty]

Yes! I watched this movie to the point of memorization in the early 80's (in fact, I think I was pathetic enough to hold the tape recorder up to the TV so I could listen to it "offline" as they say now).

Apparently, there's some Hollywood rumor that an underage Laura Dern had shenanigans with a certain Sex Pistol during the shoot. But then again, the source is Courtney Love, who also cites the movie as an influence.

[Vanessa]

mariaaaaa,

I too remember Lady Beware. I was obsessed with Diane Lane after seeing her in Streets of Fire (in its original release no less.) Who knew she'd still be around? Anyways, I think I love you.