Not guilty as charged

Since I prefer my R. Kelly ambiguously reckless and crazy ("So show me some ID before I get knee deep into ya" from the Old School Mix of "Bump 'n Grind") and not overtly reckless and crazy ("Trapped in the Closet," his sex tape), the BET interview with Toure that aired last night was right up my alley. The half hour included about as much talking in circles as you'd expect from John McCain...but with sexy results. Or at least creepy ones. He's the dirty old man to McCain's regular old man. Upgrade!

Throughout, Robert used his not-guilty ruling to explain away everything ("If you was charged with somethin', and you were found innocent, then you can't be found guilty for bein' found innocent," was one of several gems). It ended with him basically refusing to answer Toure's questions. "A lot was taken away. That's a 2+2. So you gotta just...I gotta end it right there, man...this interview will never happen again." At least he wasn't lying about that. It couldn't happen again. It already did!

The highlight came early on when Toure asked him point blank about young girls. Toure didn't pull out the hard-nosed follow-ups that he could have ("What about in 'She's Got That Vibe,' when you said, 'Little cute Aaliyah's got it?'" "What about when you married her at 14 two years later?"), but I think he did a decent enough job. Certainly, R. Kelly's eagerness to evade the question said more than his words. Here's that segment:

Since it's Viacom property, it'll probably be taken down in a few seconds. If it already has been by the time you read this, here's all you need to know. When Toure asked, "Do you like teenage girls?" here's how R. Kelly responded:

"When you say teenage, how old are we talkin'?" If you have to ask...

That response is, in R. Kelly's words, a 2+2.

(Oh and for the record, he has 19-year-old "friends" who are undoubtedly loyal and enriching...to his penis.)

Comments

[fitorey5]

Oh, rich.
I'm starting to love you deeply.
THIS WAS AWESOME...
I'm from Colombia, so probably I wouldn't have seen it if it weren't for you.
Thank You!

[fitorey5]

Damn. I should be sleeping!

[Ali]

I've been trying to form a response to this for several minutes but I'm at a loss. What he's basically saying is that you can't believe anything anyone says about him if they're not on his payroll...? And he's saying there's a reason why he fired the people he fired, including his own brother. Wouldn't the reason for firing them be because they were speaking the truth? And the ones that are out there telling the "truth" are the ones he's paying.

Uhhhh.

Okay.

Toure's facial expressions pretty much sum it all up.

[spazmo]

Wow. I gotta say, the guy's refreshingly...something.

Not refreshingly honest, obviously, but he's clearly managed to raise the bar in terms of delusional, dim-witted sincerity.

[Ky-L]

I'm surprised you didn't make a gif out of Toure. Those could be priceless!!!!! Raised eyebrows, What?????

[RD]

I couldn't watch the whole interview but I saw another awesome part of this epic fail--when Robert Kelly said that other people and not himself gave him the nickname "The Pied Piper of R&B."

[HouseofJules]

My favorite line in the first 2 minutes of that clip is when he said that some people "have thoughts they like to think".
Jules
House of Jules

[shawn]

Damn.... I have thoughts I like to think too.

[sarah]

ew. hes too transparent to even deal with.

[krista]

"have an opinion of what you might think about me"
oh, i'm totally stealing this and using it on strangers in random conversation today.

[Aero]

Oh wow. WOW! I hope BET replays this. I need to watch the whole interview.

"Don't listen to the people that were fired. Don't listen to the people that were...hired!"

[Jenny]

I don't now; my favorite was definitely, "If he's still my brother, then why did he get fired?"

This is priceless. I love Toure, but am so woefully out of touch that I never would have seen this if you hadn't posted it. Lucky, then, that I click almost anything you post, because you have proven yourself a man of superior tastes. You've made ANTM thrilling again, inspired me to sex-blog for RAINN, and kept me up-to-date with R. Kelly's sad, sad decline. Thanks, Rich!

[Mara]

wow...i kinda wanna see the whole interview now. his level of delusion about, oh, EVERYTHING plus his way with words equal hilarity. when i heard people have thoughts they like to think, all i could think of was zoolander...and it brought a smile to my face.

he may have "gotten off" (no pun intended) in the eyes of the legal system, but anyone with half a brain knows whats really up. yet he somehow doesn't see this. sigh.

[Shayla]

"When you say teenagers, what do you mean?" "Like 19"? "I do have some 19 year old friends"

WTF?!?
That shit just made my week!

Toure's facial expressions...LMFAO!

[p. potter]

the interviewer KILLS me. his faces are priceless.

I really his use of "expecially" around the 4:18 mark.

[Beyondmusic]

totally with shayla!

[SJ]

So, he fires people who don't agree with his illegal practices. Don't we all?

[Eliot]

"Some people" = Everyfuckingbody.

[Alexandria]

"So, he fires people who don't agree with his illegal practices. Don't we all?"

Posted by: SJ | September 17, 2008 at 02:15 PM

SJ, apparently he's been through the Sarah Palin boot camp.

Yuck, he's a creep and a half.

[Mac]

My favourite moment was the presenter's hesitation, disbelief, and high-speed recovery after Kelly's "When you say teenage, how old are we talking?" - what a pro.

Actually, who is the presenter? 'Cause he's hot.

[Michael]

Absolutely hilarious. I also loved how he said he fired all the people who accused him of being dangerous.

Hahah. Rich, win

M
www.la-deli.com

[Genevieve]

First let me ask, who the hell is the interviewer?!?!!? I must get his phone number!!!!

Second, man, R.Kelly is dumb as a brick. How this guy has any career left is beyond me. The man is as guilty as the day is long.

[Genevieve]

I'm just going to keep watching 0:14-0:19 for a few more hours.

[sweetmintyjesus]

i can't even say all the horrible, ugly shit about him that i want to because he is retarded. he is walking around unsupervised and he is retarded.

[thealchemist]

i heart you so much Rich, i laughed too hard and too loud. why did i miss this???
to speak in r. kelly language, i have always had the thought to think that his ass liked little girls and i'm glad that he doesn't have enough thoughts to not do interviews because that was television gold!!