Where irony goes to die

Lately, my experience with pop culture has been like a nonstop merry-go-round. It's all a blur and there's always a chance to grab a ring - it's just a matter of actually doing it, and who knows if it'll be brass, anyway? I set up my life to maximize my pop-cultural intake, and yet I fall behind, if not in actual consumption then in the response that should result. For example, I haven't so much as found the hour I need to sit down to really, really listen in order to organize my thoughts on the lovely new Ne-Yo album or on exactly why Young Jeezy's latest disc reminds me so much of a drag show (in sum, since I'll never write the latter post: the desperate, sometimes sad need prove realness over an increasingly antiquated musical backdrop).

The point (surprise: there is one!) is that I did grab onto a brass ring Tuesday night and I'm just getting around to talking about it. Sue me! Actually, that's an understatement: brass permeated my existence for I found myself in Madison Square Garden, assaulted aurally and visually by one Céline Dion.

Chance led me there -- someone I barely knew (but now know a little better) had an extra ticket but when offered it, I said "Duh." The show was, in a phrase, impossible to ignore. Aside from a stretch in the middle that showcased brand-new tracks, I was never bored and quite often hysterical. I shot some video, but I don't think I can say differently what I already have said: the woman is amazing and the fact that my interest in her actual music hasn't increased a bit since I became obsessed with her is testament to how awestruck I am by her persona. I don't care what she sings just as long as she looks determined, comes thisclose to tears and collapses in the throes of melodrama when she's done.

It was a two-hour spectacle of moving platforms and emotion bedazzled to match her bell bottoms that confirmed what I already knew. What was new, however, was the crowd experience. A Céline Dion show is, simply, where dorks can be dorks. I heard a collective gasp rush through the stadium when she sang her first words of the night, acapella: "The whispers in the morning..." During that song, "The Power of Love," I also witnessed fist-pumping. People in my vicinity clapped to what they perceived was the beat of "Taking Chances," while those lucky enough to sit stageside waved at her as she (literally) made the rounds. Her fans were so animated, it was as though charades was their second language and they were showing appreciation for their teacher. I saw a woman with a La Famiglia box in her lap feeling the fuck out of "It's All Coming Back to Me Now." Everyone was, really, (including me -- I am not immune to the charms of that mini piece of pseudo-gothic musical theater) -- the excitement that the opening tympani brought on alone was palpable. During "Because You Loved Me," an elderly black woman with an Adelaide bun raised the roof. She would later burst out of her seat when Céline implored the room to during the set closer "Love Can Move Mountains," because she'd clearly been waiting all night. It hit me during "Because" that I could sing along as loudly as I wanted...if only I knew the words. A cover of "All By Myself" netted a standing ovation for no good reason other than nostalgia (perhaps the only force more powerful to this crowd than Céline's voice -- the combo was lethal, for sure). Pageantspeak broke out during the extended acapella intro to "My Love" ("Go guuurl!"). I don't remember what the crowd's reaction was to her cover of "We Will Rock You" because at that point, I lost all sense of...sense. Finally, it all came back to me at the top of the very last encore, when acapella vocalizing stood in for the pan flute that normally opens "My Heart Will Go On." Céline's butthole could have performed it and people would have recognized it immediately and been just as thrilled. The force of the shrieking that came with the instant recognition was nothing short of exhilarating.

It was all a nice distraction from the woman who stood next to me the whole night. Per the jeans that reached above her navel, she was a mom. Her mousy hair was pulled back in a scrunchie and she seemed particularly moved and unafraid to show it, despite her being by herself. God, why was she by herself? Were it not for the sincerely constructed emotion emanating from the stage, I might have gotten sad. But no, I was out of my league: my sappy would have just been pithy compared to Céline's. This woman's focus is impeccable.

Comments

[Vanessa]

I love that you are a passionate Celine fan and don't give a shit about her music. I actually don't know any of those songs (except for that damn Titanic song which I might sing along with if I'm alone in my car and not at a stoplight-you know the rules.)

I also am thanking divine providence for your blog because my freaking cable system is having some kind of bitchfight with the local CW affiliate and may drop it meaning you will be my lifeline to all things ANTM (since you were talking about the death of irony and all it seems a natural segueway.)Expect more readers from the central Ohio-the proud home of Dominique.

[Chris]

I'm always so intrigued to read your posts about people like Celine because of the very thick vein of mockery that runs through each one that can sometimes be mistaken for compliments.

[catina]

oh my god, i got chills reading your recap!! it was as if i was there witnessing all the pitbulls with lipstick swaying to the soundtracks of their imaginary lives.

why are you so brilliant???

[Cheryl]

Everyone I know that has seen one of her shows just raves about it so I'm not surprised by your review (a lot of my co-workers go to Vegas and were lucky enough to get tickets)

I've only sen Madison Square Gardens on tv - I think any show there would be awesome seeing as how many people they can fill that place with!

[Anika]

Rich, I love you and I love Celine. It all started when I was 13 years old and heard that wonder of a song, It's All Coming Back to Me Now. ;) I was hooked! When I was 14 my mom took me to a Celine concert at the Great Western Forum. I remember her running circles around the stage while covering Stayin' Alive. I even performed "Because You Loved Me" in my 8th grade talent show. Now I mostly love her for nostalgia's sake, but not seeing her show in Vegas may be one of the great regrets of my life!

Excellent post. :)

[heyhey]

Took me a minute just to figure out who the hell that was in the pick. I'ma give it to old girl-- for her age she's damn flexible.

"People in my vicinity clapped to what they perceived was the beat of "Taking Chances,""

I nearly choked laughing that line. The picture you painted was so damn clear (also, is "Taking Chances" a clap-worthy song at all?). You've described every cutaway shot on any PBS TV concert.

Were you at the show where they bring up the Filipina girl with the big voice? I wonder if her fanbase thinks she's lil' singing baby jesus to Celine's Mary. Oh, I'ma run off to photoshop that image right bout now...

[degamarie]

Rich,

I went with my friend Monday night and instantly thought of you. I was hoping that you would be there so I can read your recap.

I so agree with you about the audience when she did the "We Will Rock You" cover. All I could think is WTF??!

As HeyHey pointed out the only thing you missed was Celine and the Filipina girl.

HeyHey you are right; everyone around me cried and swayed like we were at Devotion at Church. All that was missing were some "Amens" and "You betta sang!"

Another beautiful post!

[AnotherMother]

Hi, I just wanted comment on the question about why the mother near you was by herself.

As a mother of two (although my jeans do NOT cover my navel and I don't do scrunchies) sometimes if I want to do something and can't get a sitter I have to go all by myself. It can be hard to rally other mama friends that are tired or dealing with their own family stuff. Lame, I know.

I have felt like a loser at the movies many a time, but once the theater goes dark nobody cares. Until the day the guy next to me is named Rich with a cat named Winston. Thank heavens I am in Seattle!

Carry on!

[Golden or NTKTOK]

AnotherMOTHER..
I am a mother, and DO NOT wear jeans that cover my navel, and scrunchie? What's that? And guess what else.. I live in Seattle. I've probably seen you alone at the movies.. because I'm sometimes there alone as well

oh.. wait. this post was about Celine..

[mariaaaaa]

I go to shows/movies alone when none of my friends/family are interested. It's not sad, it's independent! Mom jeans are sad, though.

Although, as Chris mentions above, your Celine love may have started with mockery, I believe you have real admiration of her commitment to her art (and craft). It reminds of when I saw Hall and Oates at a Society of Human Resource Management conference. I went expecting a train wreck that I could mock, but instead came away with a sincere admiration for talented musicians who are committed to the music they love. Their music might not be for everyone, but no one can fault their sincerity or dedication. I have since become a fan and would pay actual money to see them.

[Deb]

Does anyone else think it is amazing how much Celine looks like she could be Jennifer Aniston in that picture? When I first saw it I was like "What the fuck in Jennifer Aniston doing? Yoga in sequins?"

I love, love, love Celine and her boundless dorkiness. I could listen to her faux-earnestly talk about her husband, son, career, huge family/poor up-bringing, French Canada, whatever forever.

[j.]

you should check out Carl Wilson's "Let Talk About Love: A journey to the end of taste", published by 33 1/3 books. it's pretty darn amazing.

[ashley]

i totally thought was fergie... my jaw dropped when i realized it was celine.

i guess i need to start doing some yoga...

[Genevieve]

The idea of Celine Dion covering 'We Will Rock You' is probably one of the most absurd things I have ever heard of. And I live for absurd.

[Julia]

I love me my Celine Dion, and I am dork, and not afraid to show it! My heart will go on! I love her, and loved her even more after Kathy Griffin told the story of when they met..."then, I will bark like a dog for you, woof woof!"
Be free, and your heart will go on!

I am now listening to Folk Music.

If you can find me a clip from SNL's skit, make Joan Baez laugh, I would be grateful! I cannot find it on You Tube. Fuckers.

Julia

[Julia]

To all the people who go to the movies by themselves, GO FOR IT!
I go all the time if people are busy, sometimes I want to go by myself.

Julia

[spin sycle]

Y so awesome, bb??? Yours is the first gossip site I read since getting power & water back yesterday (I'm in Texas just north of Houston and we took a really hard hit from the hurricane)....you are so refreshing to read! I'm not sure why I feel so compelled to post to u about it....but your mix of LovesFuckingCheap was so awesome to listen to on my mp3 player through the whole thing! It made the bad go away! Keep the great mixes coming plz!

[Lish]

Yeah, Celine is kinda corny, but she has a way of giving you chills. And there's something about being surrounded by people that don't care about being corny. Awesome recap Rich, wish I coulda been there!

[studpup]

wait. celine covered we will rock you?

[tony]

Rich

i was taken (as surprise) to one of Celine's last shows in Vega$ last december. I was so not into it execept for maybe seeing some of the magic you had put in your now infamous Celine video extravaganza.
Plus i was super hung over from the night before, we had torn the roof off after the Spice Girls show. (yes, i know)

But as my BF led us to our seats, i suddenly realized that i would be literally inches away from Celine. All i hoped was that she wouldnt talk to me or try to make me smile like everyone else in the world,

Then the lights went down and she started to come down these stairs and sing "A New Day".

Suddenly tears flowed down my face, my black heart started to melt and the next thing you know I am on my feet during "love can move mountains".

the bitch did it to me and i hate her/love her for it.

Finally, at the end with the Titanic song, my tears turned to sobs and my annoyed boyfriend wanted to take me outside, i was like "You touch me, you die!"

While i am still not a Celine fan, i am glad that i finally saw someone who can actually put on a show and keep your attention for 2 hours, Madonna cant do it, Mimi most certainly cant do it either.

Then again i still havent been to a John Mayer show!

[Julia]

Celine singing "We Will Rock You" is just so great. She has balls and I love her for that.
Madonna can suck it big time. I swear, grow up Madonna, nobody wants to see you dry humping your guitar. The time is over. Grow, don't go backwards.

Julia

[colinhu]

She was said to be fond of Internet recently. Some of her fans found her at "richromances.com"She has a personal account there,

[dilla]

I enjoy her music. It's a big surprise that she has joined ^^^^^^S e e k W e a l t h y. C O M^^ ^^^^ and start her journey to new love. I believe S e e k w e a l t h y. C O M is the right place

for this talent girl.

[Chris2fer]

I also was gifted a ticket to see Celine in Boston and loved it. I have to say that her cape was the highpoint of the evening for me. I fully expected her to fly around the auditorium.

[silkyjumbo]

i know we're talking celine, but this line:

why Young Jeezy's latest disc reminds me so much of a drag show (in sum, since I'll never write the latter post: the desperate, sometimes sad need prove realness over an increasingly antiquated musical backdrop).

...made me laugh for 5 minutes. so, so true.