Here to make friend

If Paris Hilton's My New BFF were a lesser show, I'd be able post the flash of brilliant stupidity above, say, "This is all you need to know about this show," and be done with it. But the fact is that BFF is brimming not just with brilliant stupidity, but brilliant brilliance. At last, we are treated to a reality show with a goal that's best handled by the medium of reality TV, and not hurt or made farcical by it. It's the rare televised means to an end that's actually efficient.

Before you balk at the notion of finding a friend in front of cameras (if you already haven't, which I erroneously did by dismissing this show from the outset, causing a week of catch-up watching), consider the way our culture has commodified the concept of friendship. We live in a time when "friend" often amounts to little more than a mouse click. What Paris does with these 18 potential besties (16 girls and two boys) is large-scale bonding by comparison. And let's keep in mind that the show's very title bespeaks an extremely '00s spin on the concept of friendship. She's not looking for a best friend as much as a BFF, and as she explained in the first 30 seconds of the premiere episode, that last "F" stands for a nominal version of "forever" ("I've had some great friends along the way. Some good ones and some I'd rather forget.")

It's all pithy and superficial, and yet everyone involved is so committed, playing it straight in the face of absurdity. It's Russ Meyer's directorial philosophy applied to a reality TV setting. Did you hear the moan I let out?

For ingenious concept alone, I endorse this show. For the consistently ridiculous way it all plays out, I'm now obsessed. What I'm trying to say is: Paris Hilton's My New BFF is my new FSF.

While it functions straightforwardly, I believe that this show exists primarily as a comment on reality TV. If the title of this post wasn't clear, here is the reality show where the contestants are here to make friends (or at least...friend). It may seem far-fetched that anything smart or self-aware could be associated with a) Paris Hilton and b) MTV's tendency to spotlight the most despicable specimens of America's twentysomething population. However, keep in mind that this show sprung from the enviable mind of Michael Hirschorn, the man responsible for giving VH1 its reality revamp as the head of that network from 2001 till earlier this year. It's safe to say that he knows a thing or two about the reality show format, and it's all confirmed as he turns the genre's conventions on its ear, one by one. I get the feeling that this show is his playground and the fun he's having is infectious.

BFF doesn't play by the rules we've come to expect, it creates its own in direct opposition to them. Among its rewrites are:

- There's no illusion about the fact that these contestants are being fucked with for sport

Instead of cloaking trickery in ridiculous challenges that barely apply to anything (Aswirl, anyone?), Paris stated within the first few minutes of the series that her potential besties are are living in a "doll house...and I control their every move." For once the shameless manipulator isn't playing the game; she runs it. And she runs it well: she has these people begging and fretting to win the weekly prize of being dubbed her "pet" (one girl early on whines, "I'm trying my best to be the best pet she could ever have!").

"Everyone's freaking out. This is going to be fun," she says as the girls nervously await a challenge based on the grade-school make-out game Seven Minutes in Heaven. She hides the contestants' luggage when they arrive in the house because, as she states, it's fun. When she gives one girl, the heavily reconstructed Corrie (pictured above), the responsibility of eliminating one of her fellow contestants, she says with a smirk, "I'm sure they're all hating her right now." She beams with power, even if she devised very little of this.

If we're living vicariously through Hisrchorn, he's living vicariously through Paris.

- The challenges are actually useful

They may be useful means to a useless end, but whatever. Future career hanger-on Natasha (who received the boot this week) stated on the first episode that winning the show's prize of BFFship would amount to "instant celebrityism," as though being famous is science...which, for someone as calculated as Paris Hilton, it is. And so there's a very distinct method to this madness: Paris takes her besties on a red carpet, on a last-minute trip to Japan, on roller coasters, to a fake game show set where they have to answer questions about her. Conceivably, they would have to exceed at all of these things as her real-life friend. And, shit, I want a friend who can look hot next to me on a roller coaster, too.

That challenge in particular, by the way, was particularly pointed in its commentary on the YouTube generation -- as they zoomed along, they mugged incessantly at the camera set up in front of them, as though not even high-velocity drops and loops could match the thrill of a camera in their faces.

A rare exception to the show's pragmatism surfaced on this week's episode, when Paris made her besties play that round of Seven Minutes in Heaven with a handsomely aging Simon Rex. One girl went further then the rest and made out with him. In the end, she learned a valuable lesson: it's OK, everyone's different. Likewise, when the group had to devise commercials to shill Paris' products, one was told to firm up by Paris' director guest judge.

That's her on the left. She learned a lesson on how to take criticism when you're in the public eye. Just a survival tip for our very public time!

That challenge, by the way, while seeming particularly pointless gave way to this bit of comedic genius:

It was a mostly silent commercial, in which every time Brittany hit the gong...

...Corrie would move into a different, equally (if not more) ridiculous pose...

Gong!

Gong!

Gong!

Gong!

Gong!

Gong!

In the end, this commercial received the highest praise and won the challenge for this pair. "That is what you should do to sell shoes!" enthused the director. Perhaps celebrityism isn't just science, it's a type of astronomy because I have no fucking planet he was on when he made that discovery.

- What higher ground? (Double standard rules)

All pragmatism aside, these contestants are forced to participate in some extreme activities that aren't even reasonable for Paris. One involved staying up for as many hours as possible. This was supposed to test whether they could hang with Paris' partying lifestyle. The problem? Not even Paris could hang with it -- she checked out and went home long before the sun came up. She doesn't even have to live up to the standard she's supposedly set. Why should she? It's her show.

- Backstabbing is encouraged

Instead of being a consequence of the game that's pooh-poohed by the judges and cherished by the producers, backstabbing is woven into the format of BFF. In the first episode, after one girl rats out another who expressed a desire to go home, she's awarded with the inaugural pet distinction. Even more to the point, each elimination is more dialogue than ceremony, as all of the girls who aren't on the chopping block are encouraged to relate their thoughts on the potential losers. This is part of the game's glossary: girls aren't up for elimination, but for "discussion."

- Concept trumps characters

Usually, what separates watchable reality TV from the unwatchable comes down to casting. Bad behavior equals good TV and shows that feature unique takes on acting out are those we trash fiends hold closest to our hearts. BFF's casting is full of cookie-cutter pretty and overall blandness ("You're definitely a way cool girl and I can't wait to just hang out," was one contestant's idea of a toast to Paris). Those who deviate from that norm in any pronounced way (the aforementioned Natasha, Suicide Girl Zui, the tranny-lite Onch) are eliminated, and yet, the show loses none of its appeal.

Since this is essentially a search for a submissive, I wonder if the big personalities have been let go (or weren't let on in the first place) so as not to overshadow the show's vapid-by-nature star. Paris would seem to lack charisma entirely -- for one thing, she talks as if she's protecting a horse tranquilizer with her throat. For another, here's her idea of getting emotional:

 

It all makes for hilariously flat narration, a bit we see over and over and over again that is never not funny. In that respect, Paris Hilton is like farting.

- It isn't the end-all be-all

 

At the end of every episode, Paris dismantles the fourth wall by announcing to the remaining girls, "It's time for me to get back to my life now." See this reality thing? It's cute, but? It's not everything. This show is a vanity project, an extension of Paris Hilton's ego yes, but no matter what, she'd be up her own ass. Luckily for us, her show isn't. It makes all the difference.

Comments

[betrdanevr]

She is so shallow. It's pretty funny how anybody gets entertainment value out of this.

[betrdanevr]

She is so shallow. It's pretty funny how anybody gets entertainment value out of this.

[Yamini]

Only you could convince me that what seemed to be the most trashy awful concept in the world is in reality true brilliance.

I think I shall watch this show now.

[ellesee]

I was shamefully hiding my love of this show since I discovered it a few weeks ago whilst working off a particularly brutal hangover one Saturday afternoon.

But now my love has been validated and I stand proud of my affection for this plasticine confection.

"It was an anxiety sandwich, and I had to eat it!" is possibly the best line ever uttered by a reality tv show participant whose name is note Jade.

[Jeff]

Thank you so much for your review on this. gifs on Kayley Gable please!

[klate]

I just can't bring myself to feed the beast and watch this. But, I had to comment. Don't you think Tyra is just killing herself for not coming up with the rollercoaster thing first?

[cdawg]

wow I totally have gotten sucked into this show. It's one of the better reality shows out there for sure. And it's making me NOT HATE PARIS. Which is the goal of the show I suppose. She definitely seems more down to earth than I ever imagined, now that she's with Benji Madden.

[catina]

i was secretly hating myself for liking this show as much as i do. with all this validation, i may very well start picking my nose in public.

vapid trash is better than chocolate cake!

I've been onto this show from day one. Even better: Real Housewives of Atlanta.

[JJ]

Oh Rich--I tried to like it, but I can't. Sigh. Thanks for trying to broaden my horizons beyond my darling Tyra.

[Online dating]

really very nice pictures & informations. thank you

[หาเพื่อน]

Pretty AND FUNNY ! I like that show

[watch friends online]

this is just too much.

watch friends online

[Yjjxcwzx]

Spqt8v

[ddmac viagra]

If you have to do it, you might as well do it right.

[battery powered ride on cars]

We live near the end of a winding mile-long lane through woods with few other houses. If it weren't raining out right now I'd be included to walk down the lane with pumping in hand to scare the bejeebies out of any kids who dared to be out trick or treating.

[tricycle for 3 year old]

A whole bunch of stores have already started with the Christmas displays here, too. What's up with that?

[Maria]

I think I just fell in love with ellesee's comment.... =].

Seriously though, while I may not be able to say it out loud... I like the show ;].