As the week winds down, I just want to briefly mention the best thing I saw in the past seven days: this week's episode of Paris Hilton's My New BFF. I know, I wrote about it just a few weeks ago, but I also know that no one cares. It has a minuscule following at TWoP, and no one at ohnotheydidnt (the Internet's arbiter of cool, y/y?) seems to have time for it. And it kills me because it's so. good. Tracie called it "ANTM-good," and I'm inclined to agree. If you click on that link, you can watch the highlight of the series so far: the argument that plastic-surgery head Corrie makes to persuade Paris to keep her on the show (she's up for elimination discussion). It goes:
"I mean, Paris, I plead to you, that you more know so much than anybody else what it's like to have people see something of value and worth and hate you because you're beautiful and you didn't ask for it. I did not ask for this! It was given to me. I used to come home and cry in high school and say, 'Mom, I don't want to be pretty anymore.' And she'd be like, 'You stop it.' Heavy is the head the wears the crown. And, like, you were born into it. I was born the way I am, like...People call me 'Bikini Corrie' back home, because I have earned it! And it's not being cocky, I earned it."
Honestly, my favorite part in all of that is, "You stop it."
But that wasn't all that was amazing on this week's episode. It was full-throttle inanity and it was glorious. I assembled a reel of the best lines below. Since it's Viacom property, I'm sure it'll be pulled before you can even click on it, so if you're truly curious, here's a direct download link.
And since this shit reads so well, I'm transcribing the best of the best below:
"Like, when I grow up, I just wanna shake my ass on MTV."
"I love boys!"
"Are you getting a lay?"
"I have morals and values because I'm Clark Gable's granddaughter and he's the king of Hollywood."
"Hey guys, what are in the hell are you doing?"
"Now since all of you are sitting in the pool, I would ask the guys to get up, but their packages will be a little shriveled. So I'm gonna judge you in other ways."
"Please raise your right hand and repeat after me. I, Shelly, promise to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help me Paris."
"It doesn't seem that you have much to explain, does it? Does that mean you're a good person, or a boring person?"
"Corrie was laughing the whole time, and I was like, why is she laughing? This is, like, serious. I'd be, like, crying."
"She sleeps with club owners. She runs around telling people she's Italian, and she's adopted."
Reflective exit interview: "I got to be a pet. I got to play with monkeys. I got to do a lot of fun stuff!"
Again: not that you care, but I'd be doing a disservice if I didn't share my love for this awesomeness. Really, this was all I could do to hold myself back from a full-scale recap.
loves it!
recaps'd be icing on the nonsensical cake
Posted by: Dawn | November 18, 2008 at 05:39 AM
Please start doing full re-caps! I am obsessed with this show. Pure genius.
Posted by: Myla | November 19, 2008 at 01:39 AM
I vote for a recap.
Posted by: kt | November 21, 2008 at 06:11 PM
OMG the full episodes are here and they are ... breathtaking.
Posted by: Messalina 6-5000 | November 23, 2008 at 04:32 AM
I just found out that MTV has the full episodes up on their site.
Since this discovery, I have watched six of them.
This buzzsaw is delicious. Paris was born to fuck with people on a reality show. She is seriously good at it.
Posted by: Messalina 6-5000 | November 23, 2008 at 08:24 AM
I love this show and I wish more people did too.
Posted by: Jade | January 01, 2009 at 04:02 PM
o514NO
Posted by: Lkpsupzw | July 15, 2009 at 02:32 AM
If you have to do it, you might as well do it right.
Posted by: viagra maxium dosage | July 23, 2009 at 06:09 AM
Ha, Paris Hiltons BFF is one of my guilty pleasures..... :)
Posted by: Masquerade Ball Masks | July 23, 2009 at 11:03 PM
Thank you for this. I trust various internet sources, including reporters like you who post at OS, more than I do mainstream media to report an accurate picture of what is happening with this movement. Rated.
Posted by: children cars | November 15, 2011 at 01:19 AM
What an inspiring life story. Congratulations on making your dream come true.
Posted by: baby tricycle | November 15, 2011 at 01:22 AM
You are such an inspiration to me. I wrote a piece today about writing a book, and I mentioned some great writers on OS, that have taught me so much. You are on top of that list. Thanks You!
Posted by: tricycle for toddler | November 15, 2011 at 01:23 AM
Hilarious show indeed. I totally agree with what you've said. Thanks.
Posted by: Christian Resources | March 27, 2012 at 12:10 PM