ANTMore

This is fucking hilarious:

I didn't pay any attention to The Tyra Banks Show's ANTM spin-off, Modelville, mostly because it ran at the same time ANTM was on, and between watching that show and the hours spent recapping it, I had my model quota more than filled on a weekly basis. However, an in-the-know friend told me that the final episode was going to be something else, and so it was -- when Tyra finally named Cycle 10's Dominique the winner of the five ANTM alumnae competing for a $50,000 contract with Carol's Daughter, the head bitch of Cycle 8 and first-runner-up of Modelville, Renee, flipped her shit. She was unable to contain her disappointment and freaked out like the brat we all knew she was. At one point, she lamented only having $11 in her bank account. In the words of Megan to Rodeo at the I Love Money reunion: get a job!

Of course, I can't hate too much -- if there's one thing that ANTM has taught me it's that awesome is awesome, no matter how despicable its path. So thanks, Renee, for the entertainment.

(Oh, and my heart kinda leaped when Dom won, just 'cause she's an underdog and all. I feel like this is retribution for the trannies of the world, after Isis' terrible showing on Cycle 11.)

And since I'm on the ANTM tip once again, I figure now's as good of a time as any to tie up those loose Jellybag entries from Cycle 11. Some reader-submitted shit that made me laugh as well as a special moment with Janice Dickinson is after the jump...

First up, Christina saw similarity between Sam's CoverGirl shot and a certain venerated TV mom...

...but what I really want to know is if she fucked Greg.

Speaking of fucking moms, Maggie E., saw Julianne Moore's Amber Waves character from Boogie Nights in McKey's penultimate shot...

 

...McKey reached into those pants and was all, "That is a giant...windmill."

Otherwise, the shit that really got me was somehow sci-fi-related. I always tell myself I'm not that geek, but I suppose that's a geeky thing to say.

First up, Kate A., compares Sam's swimsuit shot to an Audrey Kawasaki figure...

...indeed, she has the cartoonish grace and everything.

Randi in Brooklyn compares Elina to Dina Meyer of 90210 1.0...

 

...but as she was post-Brenda, I didn't watch that far. However, Dina's face (and tits) will always hold a place in my heart, thanks to Starship Troopers. And her disemboweled torso will also hold a place in my heart, thanks to Saw III.

Some Tyra/extra-terrestrial comparisons come via Kristin W., and Aimee A. (who did the composite) and a bunch of people through the cycles, actually...

...and John K...

 

It's one thing to compare Tyra to an alien; it is a far greater thing to compare her to a specific alien.

Tyra's much-discussed finale judging ensemble has been perfectly summed up by Jason L:

And finally, just as Lori and Reba/George Schappell were responsible for my favorite celebrity sighting of all time, so do they make for my favorite Jellybag submission of all time (courtesy of Robin):

 

Or one of them (Lori), at least.

And with those loose ends tied up, here's a loose cannon for ya: Janice Dickinson hawked her tacky costume jewelry on HSN last night. Though she wasn't as sauced up as I'd prefer, she had her wacky moments, including when she blurted out, "Having fun is fun." Two more examples of her weirdness are below:

Comments

[p. potter]

hilarious, as always.

[Joe M]

You know Tyra pitched Modelville to the CW and they were like, "PASS". I wish they didn't because watching ANTM alumni be brought back for a second round of mind-raping by Tyra is the stuff of ratings success. You don't even have to feel bad for them because they should really know better, right? I didn't even recognize Dominique, I thought she was a straight-haired Nic from Season 5. "Get a job!", oh my fucking God - I know, right?!? I admire people who cannot hide their bile. Take a good look, CW, and re-think a Modelville season premier for next year. I'm thinking Jade, Tocarra, diaper Lisa, "the gorgeous Forunda", gangly Lauren ("choke on it!") and Jerri Blank. WTF is Carol's Daughter? Is it a charity? I shouldn't make fun because it's probably a charity. That woman holding the flowers? Please substitute her for Anne Shoket like right now.

[KG]

I love Janice Dickinson, hahah.

[Vanessa]

Wow Dominique looked good-always loved her a little bit because besides her love of the third person and "brasilia", she is also from my adopted hometown of Columbus. Who was the other girl next to Fatima tho?

Why isn't this a CW show? I would totally watch it-especially if it had Lauren, Lisa and Tocarra (Joe you mad genius.) And finally, I am trying to feel sorry for Renee but she still kinda sucks. And her new hairdo sucks even more.

[Faith]

Am I the only one who sees a blond Linda Evangelista in that final Cover Girl photo of Sam? I thought for SURE that was going to be the jellybag winner for that picture! I don't see the resemblance to Mrs. Brady, unfortunately.

[tanya]

Seeing Renee loose her shit like that, I have no doubt that Lisa Price made the right choice. Sore loser! Joe M, Carol's Daughter is a line of natural beauty products that's become very popular over the past few years.

[DLCS]

Dominique looked lovely.

You would think Renee would have learned by now that some behaviors don't fly in the real world after seeing herself on ANTM. But no, she had to go back there. I especially loved the CD rep telling her "We're going to work with you anyway" with that look of "you whiny bitch" on her face. Hee!

[Johari]

OMG. Someone needs to make a composite of McKey in that last pic and Claire as the country singer. Maybe even Claire when she hit the mylar sheet during that odd water photoshoot.

[mara]

I didn't even recognize dom, her nose job(?) is...odd. Anyways, fuck renee! I was dom's moment and she just couldn't let that shit go. way to win the pity prize.

[Agent Cooper]

For once, I agreed with Tyra "there's no pity party on the Tyra show", then she goes and tells her she'll get work...mind-rape!

Joe M and Vanessa, Lauren was actually a participant in Modelville (I know, I know, I am So ashamed of myself that I watched it!) but she quit to pursue her artwork/get back with her bf/not be forced to be a spokesmodel since she can't speak.

I was actually rooting for Dominique in this thing...imagine that!

[Rose]

Ugh - Renee. I cannot believe that I had to sit through her again!! And I LOVE the Star Trek love!

[Dennis N.]

The alien side-by-side is the. best. comparison. in. the. history. of. fourfour's. jellybag. Cycle 12'll be wrapping filming at the end of this month; can you keep making ANTM-related posts until Feb? I'm startin to get the good ol' between-cycle shakes.

[Miss Lisa]

Whenever I cry and blurt out how much money I have in my bank account, I NEVER get a job offer. Manipulative cunning does have its rewards, I guess.

[Hundalei]

Anybody else thinking that Renee looks like she hasn't had a meal since losing to Jaslene/Natasha? Scary skinny.

[emaco]

Ugh- what a poor sport. Dumb bitch.

I heart Janice!

[AntBee]

What in the turquoise hell was Tyra wearing?! That outfit was totally unflattering, and it showed off her gunt to perfection. Homegirl's got hips to find you, too!
I am wracking my brain trying to think of the chick in the yellow's name. I think it was the girl who got into a fight at the Turks & Caicos airport with that fat chick from Hairspray.

[Cris]

Sorry, but the pic of Elina is more reminiscent of Carrot Top than Dina Meyer, in my opinion.

[Henry Evil]

I've always found Renee to be insufferable, and her immature display here doesn't do anything to change my opinion.

If you're so worried about providing for your child, stop chasing a dream that ISN'T HAPPENING and get a real fuckin' job!

[zhlover]

Dominique looked like Tyra now, is she half black? Renee is dying for attention as usual. I think u guys forget that was the bitch of cycle 9-Bianca!

[Emily L]

Oh my god, I stumbled across Janice on HSN last night, and all I could think of was "Who in their right mind would let this crazy woman on live TV?" Unfortunately, she wasn't as awesomely crazy as I had hoped. Still, the fact that she's hawking shit on HSN makes me giggle a little. Hopefully she'll be on more often and bring the crazy next time.

[embojangles]

I was there in the audience that day and man, it was bad. Renee stormed off the stage up past the crowd and crouched at the top of the stairs, WAILING during Domonique's celebration. It was actually rather uncomfortable, which made it ridiculously perfect.

[RD]

^Oh, lucky you! I can't stop laughing.

Anyway, Renee is still getting an advertisement with Carol's Daughter...which makes me think Tyra created Modelville for the two women with children (Dom and Renee) to support them. Oh, well, at least Dom's daughter Salome is really really cute.

Which reminds me, there's supposed to be some ANTM spin-off on the CW, in the grand tradition of Modelville and America's Most Smartest Model, per a sourced item on the ANTM Wikipedia page.

[rosierambo]

Rich,there is an AMBI (skin products for peoples of colors)commercial with " You ate my granola bars BITCH!" Bree,Cycle 6 !!! She has two lines and her awesome accent is in full effect.

[rosierambo]

Also,Renee is the definiton of a hater.She makes me frown really hard.