Little girl still lost

"I feel like I wasn't being seen in the light that I wanted to be seen in. Um, I don't know exactly what that light is," says Britney Spears, curling herself up into a nutshell (emphasis on the nuts!). That quote comes from the MTV documentary on her life, as it were, Britney: For the Record. What touted itself as illuminating ("No topic was off limits. No question went unanswered," read the text at the start of the show) instead served merely as a reminder of how dimwitted Spears is. Poorly spoken (on the "Womanizer" video: "It's like 'Toxic 2' but better!") and unable to articulate the most cliched insight ("Of course you have to believe in God. You know what I mean?"), Spears is one of the few people allowed a public platform for whom playing the puppet is a wise move (mercifully, she gets a mere three co-writing credits on her new album Circus). That she has very little to say is unsurprising, as is the fact that what she does have to say (at least, courtesy of her For the Record edit) generally involves lamenting the trappings of fame on the surface level and her insatiable crave for it that lurks immediately below. It's one thing to listen to a woman tell an invited film crew, "I'm a private person," three quarters of the way into a supposed 60-day expose on her life; it's another far more excruciating affair to listen to someone bemoan the presence of cameras in her life...to a camera.

And it's sad, because this is an addict we're watching. She describes early-career autograph requests as a "high," and then uses words that could describe a bad trip to describe the ensuing fame ("I wanted just for everything to stop. I wanted to shut it off."). She peppers her complaints with assurance that she loves her job and gets to perform in front of millions and millions of people and blah blah blah, but what lingers (at least for me), is her expressed wish to take her kids and a man to a desert island and disappear. Her addiction and enablers will forever ensure that notion's impossibility. It makes me wonder if to cope, she's developed an addiction to daydreaming. Call it Greener Grass Syndrome. It finds Britney wanting people to see her in a different light and using all the old ways (guarded interviews, albums full of non-statements) of achieving it. It finds her yearning for a new life when she'd never let go of her current one. It finds her yearning for the days when she could go out and get shitfaced and fuck a guy (back before the paparazzi became so invasive, when she was in her words "a cool chick"). So much for rehabilitation if she's rhapsodizing that shit! She wants to have her cake and eat it, too, but she's short of a recipe book and she hires someone to chew her food for her, anyway.

This woman is chronically wistful. She's a person who's seen and been through so much real-life shit, yet still processes it on a little-girl level. You hear it even in her music, which has lost some of the frilly cutesiness but has retained all of the frivolous nothingness that helps make it nothing less than essential pop (but never anything more, either). It's expressive, but only because she isn't. Circus isn't the narcotic hit after hit of pop that Blackout was, but it has as little to say, despite pretensions like awful ballads and a decent maturity-aspiring morning-after ode, "Blur." I'd argue that for pure danceability quotient, Circus' highs are higher than Blackout's ("Kill the Lights" and "Shattered Glass" are just perfect examples of how mainstream house is kicking the ass of the just-below-mainstream house of today; it's a marked reversal from the last time house music was actually marketable, in the early '90s). This album breaks no ground, but she could do far worse in bids for continued relevance. It's running in place, set to a score.

Silly little Britney is never far from the center ring -- the bouncy, shuffling "If U Seek Amy," (or not-so-subliminally, "F.U.C.K. Me") does some half-hearted wordplay ("Amy" is a character) to justify its existence, but ultimately, it's not clever enough to create a true double entendre -- the lyrics of the chorus ("All of the boys and all of the girls are begging to if you seek Amy") don't make much sense unless you read them with the "F.U.C.K." in there. It's just marginally wittier than when we'd ask each other to "spell icup" in second grade. And then there's the title track, in which she revels in this fame that she often complains about. She's the ringleader, she calls the shots, she feels adrenaline and then: release because all eyes are on her. In light of that 60+ minute commercial for Circus on MTV, I find it hard to read this track as anything but a glamorizing of addiction.

Britney's fatal flaw, and another symptom of that Greener Grass affliction, is that she wants to be on camera and control it at the same time. Hence this lame-duck excuse for a documentary that when it isn't a less histrionic incarnation of that Matt Lauer interview from 2006, is just boring. It's so taken by its subject that no situation is too dull to spotlight (my eyes glossed over while watching her make over her assistant). It's as though the movie suffers from narcissism by proxy. 

Its lack of revelation makes Record a fitting portrait of a guarded superstar, but of course, that's not very satisfying. For its purported incisiveness, so much is swept under the rug. "I totally lost my way. I lost focus. I lost myself," is about as much of an explanation for Britney's wild 2007 as we get. "I had certain people in my life that were just bad people," she explains without naming Sam Lutfi or Adnan Ghalib or elaborating. The doc only serves to emphasize the comeback slant of Circus' marketing that Britney says she hates (it's the reality not a hypothesis, so of course she does), which is so stupid anyway since she released an album a year ago and the angle is actually less "I'm back!" and more "I'm of sound mind!" Even though, uh...yeah.

So many questions remain after seeing it. If I were that stiff British interviewer, I would have asked:

- Were you on drugs and what were they?
- Hey, how 'bout those schizophrenia rumors?
- Remember when you were speaking in a British accent? What was up with that?
- Parazzi-baiting (per Rolling Stone, Blender and The Atlantic): hobby or chore?
- No really, what drugs were you on when you collapsed at PURE?
- Was rehab as fun as it looks like on TV?
- What did you make of Jamie Lynn's pregnancy and were you relieved to be the lesser Spears train wreck for a while?
- For the love of forward-thinking pop, why the fuck did you squander that Timbaland and Justin Timberlake collboration?
- Dog poop on dresses: fad or here to stay?
- It's 60 minutes into your documentary: do you know where your mother is?
- You are aware that you don't get to write your own obituary, right?
- How long do you honestly think you can keep this up?

Comments

[emaco]

I love you Rich. You are GD amazing.

[MovieED]

Your attempt at trying to sound intelligent is overshadowed by your true love for Britney Spears. You say that it was hypocritical of her to complain about the paparazzi while complaining to a camera, but how so? She let(key word LET as opposed to being unwillingly followed)this camera follow her because she wanted to give her fans her side of the story as opposed to the media. I also noticed your constant diagnosis of what is wrong with this woman. Are you a doctor? I doubt it. I also like how you willingly watched the show and proceeded to write an essay about it afterward. Yes, you clearly love her.

[Joe M]

I found this post to be genuinely insightful and well-intentioned. Despite what some fucktards post here (telling someone who writes a blog for free what they should and shouldn't write about is basically holding up a sign that says "I don't get much love in my life. Please pay attention to me"), I dig your popular culture commentary. It's often spot-on.

I'm pissed that her new "I'm Sane Again" make-over is so much vague hoo-ha. A little honesty, however uncomfortable, would be revelatory. I mean, she shaved her fucking head in one of the most public freak-outs in recent memory. There's gotta be more to that than "there were bad people in my life." I don't think that being publicly open about it would be exploitive or even hurtful to her career - far from it. Who hasn't gone a little nuts during high stress periods of their life? Just be all, "Yeah, it's not a secret. I kinda went a little crazy. I was scared, confused, utterly alone. It happens. Sometimes ya gotta lose yourself to find yourself, right?", then laugh, pour some more appeltini in your tumbler and shake your head ruefully. How many people would be, "Fuck yeah."?

I hope she gets wiser as she gets older, but I don't have much hope. Age will not be kind to her, I fear. Or rather, the way she deals with late 30's and 40's will be something to see.

[b]

i browse all kindsa entertainment sites, but this piece is great. it makes me heart you (even more).

i love that you gave such a thoughtful breakdown on her/this flick when the rest of the media is split between trying to canonize her or continue the same ol' blastings. thank you for shifting focus.

for coming up with some questions people should be asking her!

[Labia Minora-Majora]

RICH:

I LOVE YOU!!! Everything you said is exactly what I was saying when I was watching ti yesterday. Actually, I stopped watching it half way through. I couldn't stomach her stuooooopidity anymore...

[Julia]

Meanad,I totally agree with your comments, BUT, she needs to be medicated. Did you see her without her meds? She and her kids were in danger. I think alot of her infantalism comes from her at at a young age, having people make decisions for her, being whored out by her parents, and being surrounded by YES people. She is like a little Princess who always got her way.

I did not watch the doc, because I feel sorry for her, but to be honest, I am glad that someone is watching over her, maybe she can take baby steps and show some maturity, do something outside herself. I don't know.

Britney crazies, please just back off.

Julie

[Julia]

PS. I just wanted to add, if she would willingly TAKE her meds, then no need for the constant monitoring.

[montana]

Documentary and all opinions on her mental development aside...

Trouble is my jam!

[Meredith]

I totally knew you were going to make that face as the gif wall!

[kiki]

You just listed out all the reasons why I was dissatisfied with this doc. So Britney's willing to get back on track and have us giver her our money again, but she's not willing to say anything about the past year besides, "That was a dark period." Yes, we can see that. Her whole dismissal of her state of mind and people's questions over it is just so frustrating.

[Peepants]

I love when people think that just by saying they're smart, that makes it true. No Britney - you're insane, end of story. Maybe her dad taught her lessons ala Arrested Development, except using a one-armed man he dressed up as that scary fucking clown?

[claire]

I thought the saddest part was where she said, "There's a lot at stake. I realize that."

To me, that's the tragic part. That somehow her "advisers" have talked the CA courts into putting her in the custody of her father. How many people do you know who are bipolar, or promiscuous, or just run through a lot of money and act crazy? And how many have to let their parents move into their house and tell them what to do? Was this an alternative to being committed? What did she do that was so dangerous that a court would agree to this? I don't think we've gotten to the bottom of this story yet. Where is Gloria Allred when we need her? It seems like a civil rights case to me. Her ex-husband and her father have all the power while she has to foot the bill.

[Heather]

HAHAHAHAHA

to all the crazies ragging on Rich for posting his opinion. omg shut up. I refused to watch this because I think Briney should have retired at 19. She's a horrible mother and actually calls paparazzi to tell them where she'll be.

Rich commented on a train wreck, and it was funny. Thanks Rich, keep it coming.

this is not funny. it sucks. you have been a britney hater since day one and you thrive on bringing her and her fans down. it's pathetic that idiots like you actually DO watch this stuff just to talk about how much it sucks. waste your time much? get a fucking life. if it were anyone else you'd probably be praising it.

[mara]

wow...the britney stans are actually crazier than she is. wtf?! what is it that make some people want to worship an empty shell?? what makes people identify with britney on such a level where they feel that they have to curse anyone out who has an opinion different then their own?? or even worse, someone who speaks the truth about their beloved idol? that's what there needs to be a documentary on, seriously. britney crazies, beyonce stans and brangeloonies.

spot on post, rich. i couldn't be bothered to watch--she was more entertaining when she was off her meds. nothing will top her "blackout."

[SKS]

The thing with Britney is that she grew up with cameras. I mean, with Star Search, then Mickey Mouse Club, then debuting as a solo singer at what, 16?...and then becoming so intricately a part of pop culture and media. So for her to want something so idyllic as privacy is certainly understandable, although she most likely has a skewed viewpoint of what that is, at this point.

I really agree with all your points. Honestly, at this point, Britney's parents should just seriously pull her out of the spotlight and move somewhere (without announcing it to the world WHERE, hopefully) where she can recuperate fully, reconnect with her family and friends, and really understand what it means to be a human being again. I find it incomprehensible how her parents are agreeable to have her crank out song after song, album after album, when she's clearly not right in the head. Like, how did complaining about your life become the best way to promote an album? And if you're complaining about life while you're promoting an album, shouldn't that say something clear and obvious to the parents?? That's assuming, of course, that they would care more about their child than their child's income. :T It boggles my mind how people think Britney will be absolutely fine in less than a year after all that's she's gone through in what she calls life and I'd call Hollywood Hell.

Shouldn't her health (mental, emotional, physical, all elements) come before her fame?

[Sam]

One of the most bizarre things to me, is that someone is being paid to give her those bad weaves. ALL OF HER WIGS HAVE ROOTS. It's all about trash!

The fact that her stylist can't even get her some decent fake hair really speaks to some ~amazing~ undermining. It doesn't help that she is certainly unbalanced.

[elva]

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Britney is a classic case of a trauma based mind control victim. She has been under the control by the Disney Corp since she was a child, who are involved with Project Monarch/CIA/MKULTRA. The reason she was beginning to freak out is that her programming was beginning to breakdown and she was starting to realize how deeply she has been victimized and controlled. The programming begins to break down from the mid 20's to early 30's. Do your own research.

You are right Rich "She's a person who's seen and been through so much real-life shit, yet still processes it on a little-girl level." it's called compartmentalizing... that's why she would speak with a British Accent or shave her hair off or even write 666 on her head... or whatever research it... google it for gods sake..

[Dennis N.]

Top Honors to Maenad's and Joe M's comments. Such openness about past blunders, like Joe M mentioned, is what I like to term the "Lily Allen approach." Girlfriend gets routinely trashed and insults her famous friends in public. But then a week or so later, she apologizes on her MySpace with such refreshing openness. She's all like, "yeah, I was drunk. I got angry. I've stressed about such and such, and I shouldn't have done it." Perfect.

Brb, headin' over to mixedloving.com.

[sean]

Funny to describe what Britney does as a "job". Think of the interview - Q. Blonde? A. Most of the time...Q. Can you lipsynch? A. Ya. If I know the words....Q. Why should we hire you? A. Cuz I'm Britney - er - bitch. Do you guys offer onsite daycare?

[klaudia]

OMG RICH - THEY'RE QUOTING YOU ON MTV CANADA!!!!! <3333

[klaudia]

hey - this is being quoted on an MTV Canada show called "The After Show"!!!

[katia]

love this article! Rich is just always great! :)

[omar]

hahahahahahahahaha
your questions are priceless! I want to print them and let my friends ask them for her :D