Threshold reached

I don’t know what’s more insane – that I finally reached the threshold of my tolerance for extreme imagery, or how it happened. I'm shocked at my shock, which is exponentially surprising, as I figured myself desensitized what with the hours I’ve spent watching the basest, incendiary shlock (of the fictitious sort, of course – I’m not speaking of images of real-life death and limbs ‘n things, as I’m not into that). I’ve written several times, in fact, about appreciating extreme horror for being just that. It's not means to getting off, but of appreciating how far out people’s imaginations can go to freak us out. In general, I tend to revel in the extreme.

Maybe I was reveling too hard because I never foresaw a limit to what my imagine could handle. That’s why I became so excited when my sister mentioned Chunk Palahniuk’s Haunted this week, telling me that she read something in it that made her put the book down, and she's never done that before. This particular passage essentially scarred her, as she still has trouble processing it when her mind wanders around to it (you might even say she’s haunted by it, bwah ha ha).

I knew the book had that reputation, and this reminder came a few days before I had to get on the plane that took me back to New York today. I tracked down a Borders, bought it and got ready to be amused at what was going to pass for extreme literature. My smugness soon faded. Fewer than 20 pages into the book, which is kind of a series of short stories woven together in the framework of a novel, Palahniuk unveils “Guts,” an ode to masturbation gone awry. It was all fine for me – the mishaps with carrots, the sounding – until I reached the final act of the story, which details anal prolapse so precisely that it gave me a headache that felt like my intestine was coming out of my ear (add an "R" for empathy). I’d read a few lines, fret and wince, close the book and repeat. I finally got to a certain part that I’ll post in white so you have to highlight it to read it because I don’t want to put you through what I went through: (When the intestine of the “protagonist” is stuck at the bottom of a pool and he has to either detach it or drown, his solution is accompanied by: “If I told you how it tasted, you would never, ever again eat calamari.”). When I read those lines, I thought, “Oh my god, I might actually throw up just from reading words. Words!”

Or at least, I tried to think it because immediately, the suck-blow airplane drone was filling my ears like never before. “Why is that so loud?” I wondered. "Did the book drop out of my hands?" “Why are my eyes closed?” “Why can’t I open them?” It was then that I realized that I’d passed out. The next realization was that I’m a tremendous pussy. The final realization, as I was coming to, was that my body wasn’t through reacting to this and I had to get in the bathroom, now. I’d always kind of looked at airline barf bags with derision, but now I was clutching mine like the hand of a friend. It was as close to a support system that I had.

I didn’t throw up and I’m lucky enough to be able to fall asleep rather easily, so I put myself down for the remaining two hours I was in the air. Waking up, I still felt nauseated (and I can practically still taste the bile that crept up my throat, even hours later). I called my sister to tell her how vexed I was, and it turns out that “Guts” wasn’t even what disturbed her so deeply. She made it much further, I will not because, and I cannot stress this enough, I am apparently now a huge pussy. My little sister, whom I taunted with A Nightmare on Elm Street when she was, like, 3, is now tougher than I am.

But I’m not alone. In fact, I’m a cliché – the paperback edition of Haunted came published with a new afterward discussing the knack “Guts” has for making people faint. “I’d finish reading the story to the sound of ambulance sirens arriving outside.,” he writes. “If the store had large display windows, I’d finish with the red emergency lights washing across my face. If the store had sharp-edged, hard wooden shelves—even if I warned people about the story’s possible effect—some nights ended with clerks sponging up a puddle of blood below where a head had hit on its way down.” In all, Palahniuk had witnessed 73 people fainting by the time this edition was published in April 2006. Who knows how more have taken the plunge since then?

Palahniuk then writes about the effect of “Guts” speaking directly to the power of his trade. “If you want the freedom to go anywhere, talk about anything, then write books,” he says. I love a man who loves his medium. And even though his writing has irritated me several times in the past, I can’t help but feel kindred as a fellow extremeness enthusiast. The thing is that Palahniuk is triple-X. I thought I was hardcore, but I’m a hard-R at best.

I feel like a failure, and even worse: I feel old.

Comments

[Karen]

Ok, I can scratch this one off my TO DO list. His books run hot and cold with me. I really liked Choke, LOVED Invisible Monsters, but Lullaby was just TOO much for me.

I really did like Stranger Then Fiction though. But a totally different side of him.

[Trey]

When I was a freshman in college, Chuck Palahniuk gave a reading of this story in my dorm. I think a little part of me died that day. Someone abruptly stood up and lurched out of the auditorium mid-story...though I don't know if he passed out or not. Then there was a Q&A where he tossed fake limbs into the audience.

[Emily]

I was at a church in Northwest Portland hearing that story, of all places, from Chuck. But his readings had spiraled out of control long ago so that's where Powell's used to stick him and he took every advantage with it.

didn't pass out though. My brain is maybe not imaginative enough to be horrified.

[niki r.]

I read Invisible Monsters on a plane ride once. I have never felt so nauseous.

[hza]

I remember a few years ago Chuck came to Spokane and was still in the process of working out Guts. He mention how it was the second time reading the essay and a few people left the room and such. I was in a crammed book store, standing room only and it was hot and uncomfortable. I thought I was going to hurl when he was reading it. I don't know at what point it was. But I was feeling very woozy.

After he was done reading it he took glee in counting the one person who fainted. They got a cheesy door prize.

[grrg]

Palahniuk: Closet Queen? I'm not accusing, I'm actually asking -- I get the impression that everyone knows he's gay, but he never talks about it. And seeing as I loathe closet queens, I'd like to know more before I decide whether I need to hate him or not.

[hza]

@grrg: He was outed a few years ago in like an Entertainment Weekly article if I remember right. It went something like, "And Chuck lives with his boyfriend..." that was all and he kinda went into a rage about it.

[allidoisthis]

He is gay. He came out in a large furor after he believed that a Rolling Stone (?) article was about to out him, though the journalist didn't and he later deleted the blog rant.

I read Haunted after I told someone that I enjoyed American Psycho and they recommended Chuck Palahniuk. I completely disagree with the comparison now. Psycho was enriched by its details, and the time spent revelling in them says something about its narrator. The same can be said about Haunted, except that the narrator is Palahniuk himself, and I am completely disinterested in knowing more about him through scenes which have little or nothing to do with advancing the plot. Plus, the last chapter of Haunted was a complete cop-out from having to actually wrap up the narrative.

It isn't "xxxtremity" worth slogging through anyway, Rich.

[studpup]

I haven't read the book, but what does it say about me that the quote you shared with us doesn't bother me at all? I mean, stuff like that is supposed to bother people, right? :|

[Serendipity]

That point in the book that you mentioned is exactly when I had to put it down in fear of illness. I haven't touched it since.

[Dru]

Rich, you are slowly turning very very very soft. Maybe some people have a "pass out to Guts" gene and others don't, because I don't really see how/why this story is so bad. I listened to him read it on the internet, and, yeah, it is gross, but I was way more affected by a few limb-slicing scenes in The Ruins.

That being said, I still love you!!!

P.S. What do you think of the outcome of Paris Hilton's BFF???

[Ledh]

I really loved Haunted, except for that story, though I still made everyone read it XD. his other stories aren't my cuppa, he works best in short story format (just like Stephen King). What was it that made your sister put down the book?

[MmSM]

Is it weird I had the urge to go out and have calamari after reading that line?

[NRW]

I actually put the book down after reading "Guts" and couldn't come back to it for a good 6 months. I'm glad I finished it, though.

[Eline]

Wow! I must read this thing and find out if I'm an equally big pussy as you!

[Maria]

Here ya go Eline...

http://chuckpalahniuk.net/features/shorts/guts

I actually made my friend read this tonight after she got sick of me calling her lame for not wanting to. I definitely think there is a different feeling in reading Guts versus hearing him read it aloud.

[rachel]

wow, i can't believe that it affected you so much. i dont think i have ever read anything that has caused that intense of a reaction. nothing more than tears running down my face. hmm, I did have crazy and vivid dreams after i finished a wrinkle in time when i was like 11. I remember waking up to the sound of my voice yelling, "I love you" (I think I was trying to save my family from the tesseract)

[Erin]

I was supposedly at the first reading of "Guts" where no one passed out or vomited. There's a joke about Bostonians in there somewhere, but it's too early for me to find it.

The story was published in Playboy awhile ago, so enthusiastic readers, feel free to google it -- I'm sure it's out there somewhere.

[Sarah]

God Rich you've corrupted me. I had to google anal prolapse and now I think I'm scarred for life.

[Shae]

Ooh, I just went ahead and put in a wish for it on paperbackswap.com. If it is as bad as you say it is, I don't think I'll have to wait to long for a copy to come my way.

The internet has pretty much desensitized me to everything (except foot pr0n, that stuff grosses me out every time), so I'm curious to see if I can read the whole thing. :D

[Carmen]

So... Where was your sisters point of no return? Which passage left her scarred for life?
xo c

[Amber]

Hated that book!!! Too gross to finish.

[Chris]

I read Haunted about a year and a half ago and Guts has definitely stuck with me. I remember getting somewhat light-headed and dizzy while reading it. I don't think I ate for at least 24 hours.

Perhaps you react differently to different media. I could understand film not bothering you as much because it only gives you visual and aural stimuli and there's always the whole "that's just latex and corn syrup" thought readily available. While reading, you're totally at the mercy of your imagination and my imagination produces sensory impulses. So if you're like me, the minute tactile descriptions of Guts would bother you much more than just seeing/hearing something. I mean, just thinking about the way he described the, err, bite still makes me queasy because OMG I CAN FEEL IT IN MY MOUTH. So I wouldn't say you're getting soft or old, I would just say that reading is more real to you. Fear not! I imagine you'll still be able to handle the extreme movies with the best of 'em!

[Lauri]

What's worse to think about is that the words that caused you to pass out aren't just fiction. It actually happened, and in a much more tragic manner. In fact, the lawsuit is one of the most famous of former presidential nominee candidate John Edwards' career.

If you can handle subjecting yourself to it, scroll down to the section entitled "The Accident."

[kolimpah]

This is my revenge on you for posting that clip from Salo. I made it through both but it's Salo that still makes the bile rise in the back of my throat.
Still, kudos for not finishing the book, really. the rest, though there are some good moments, is mostly pointlessly mean spirited.