Would you help me? I'd help me. I'd help me so hard.

Speaking of naked gender-fucking, I'm going cuckoo bananas over this track. Literally. Someone named Krikor did a dance edit of Q. Lazzarus' "Goodbye Horses" (aka the song that was playing when you were introduced to the concept of penis tucking via Silence of the Lambs). It's on Dirty Edits Vol. 2, which is actually across-the-board awesome. The beefed up beats and focus on the song's more ambient textures make this fairly tracky in its own right. In this form, it's a straight up dance track and it's almost able to detach entirely from that scene and just exist, which is unbelievable as that scene is fucking iconic thanks in no small part to its soundtrack (fun fact: the singer of this song is a woman, shockingly, so gender fuck was used to score gender fuck -- genius!). The problem? It sounds like shit. The balance is off, and when I just tried to go in and set it right, it actually ended up sounding worse and distorted. I think the problem has to do with the new percussion being balanced on both sides, while the left channel's everything else is not (it sounds like it's shorting -- the vocals and instruments sort of flicker in and out the whole time). This is pretty much impossible to listen to on headphones, so if anyone with more sound editing knowledge than me has any ideas on how to make this sound right, please let me know. Or just do it for me and send it to me. For Christmas or something. I have no idea why they put a track sounding like this on a release, unofficial as it is. Did they, like, forget to listen to the track they were working on? Do they just want to drive us crazy like Buffalo Bill, obsessed with how close this track is to becoming realized and plagued by the fact that it will never be as such? Why does Krikor hate me and does he have a poodle I could use as a bargaining chip?

Won't you, in the spirit of holiday giving, put this lotion in my basket? Please?

Update (and so soon!): A reader whose email handle I'll abbreviate to M.F. just sent me the fixed version of this and it's as beautiful as I dreamed. Enjoy! I know I will.

Comments

[Noel]

I'm pissed I don't know enough to be if any assistance. Could I put lotion elsewhere for you?

[elva]

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[Kate]

Em..that's brilliant. Thanks!

[jeremy]

I first heard Krikor on the I <3 Serge comp--he remixed Love on the Beat which was definitely one of the highlights of that album. Looking forward (sort of) to checking out this track.

[spazmo]

Thanks "M.F.", and thank you, Rich!

It's damn-near impossible to listen to even ten seconds of this without getting the urge to fling my spooge at random passerbys...

Iconic is so the right word for this track, no matter how rejiggered the treatment.

[Annegret]

I've got the original song on MP3. So awesome! The remix is cool too.

[DLCS]

Takes me back to the night my fiance' popped the question. During this very scene in the movie. With a penguin glove puppet.

How could I say no?

[DaniDee]

This song is amazing. Thank you and MUCH love and happy holidays from Toronto.

[rhino]

Sounds like early Cocteau Twins...

"I'm flyin' flyin' flyin' over YOUUUUUU hoo hoooo"

Better keep an eye on Precious... someone's trying to lure her into the well with a chicken bone...

[Jesse]

Rich - This post brought the biggest smile to my face. About 3 or 4 months ago, my roommate and I "rediscovered" this song and it's been our jam ever since. Have you ever heard ANYTHING else by Q. Lazzarus, though? I can't find, like, song one by them besides our mutual favorite. Love and Happy Holidays!

[somedayyoullcome]

I'd help you so hard you fucking come out your ears.

[mariaaaaa]

Rich and MF, I am loving you both so hard right now.

[Latorion]

Fortunately I had the Married to the Mob soundtrack to acquaint me with Goodbye Horses, then years later saw Silence of the Lambs. Don't know how I got that lucky. Loves the song.

[Cceaepjo]

6kC7YA

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lLS586 If you have to do it, you might as well do it right.

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If you have to do it, you might as well do it right.

[children tricycles]

Thank you for this. I trust various internet sources, including reporters like you who post at OS, more than I do mainstream media to report an accurate picture of what is happening with this movement. Rated.

[tricycle baby]

What an inspiring life story. Congratulations on making your dream come true.

[tricycles for toddlers]

You are such an inspiration to me. I wrote a piece today about writing a book, and I mentioned some great writers on OS, that have taught me so much. You are on top of that list. Thanks You!

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