Disrespectful, dismissive and dismeaning

If you didn't expect to see this in this space today...

 

...you clearly must not know 'bout me.

And yeah, "Isn't Ryan adorable?" may just be the intro angle to all of my Real World posts until the season ends or till I stop covering it...which may happen when I'm up to my frowning eyes in ANTM tomfoolery. Soon enough, sigh.

Also, I'm getting over the flu, so I'm going to keep this as brief as possible. My cold-medicine-addled attention span won't allow any different, anyway.

Soooo, the social issue on this week's The Real Very Special World was none other than abuse. That's a new old one, a greatest hit we haven't yet heard. And yeah, I meant that hit pun. Isn't "no pun intended" the most common disingenuous phrase in the English language? It is especially so when you're writing, since by acknowledging the pun and not hitting backspace, you're condoning it and thus from an editorial standpoint, intending it. "Pun acknowledged" isn't as soothingly rhythmic, but it's vastly more accurate. Just something to consider.

So yeah! Abuse! That involves sleeping bags. Or, uh, one sleeping bag. And that's...it? I didn't understand if Sarah's story was chopped up so as not to offend sensitive viewers (since everything about this damn season is so fucking sensitive) or if really all that happened was that her dad once took her camping and only brought one sleeping bag. Hard to say. She seems awfully affected by that, regardless, so clearly it's a grave situation. Certainly, if she was already sensitive from having suffered actual sexual abuse at daycare, her father's move was at least detrimentally inconsiderate. Her pain is real, certainly, but is she dragging her father through the mud based melodrama? Again, hard to say. That relatives and authorities have been unfazed by her allegations doesn't exactly bode well for her case (though one could exist in the artificial, pastel world of Lifetime and still be cognizant of the very real fact that even accusers with the soundest of cases sometimes have a hard time convincing people).

In the end, I'm left wondering if Sarah was abused-abused or...

 

...merely "abused."

Regardless, it's nice that she channeled her pain into actual service instead of just letting it consume her and her ass.

 

That kid's absurdly adorable, too.

And not to shit on Sarah's pain, but the exchange between her and her mom at the beginning of their initial post-father-trauma call ("Mommm..." "WHAT!?!") provided such a contrast between slow and low, and abrupt and high that it still has me cracking up and I've listened to it probably 30 times already. Seriously, listen to that shit on a loop, and it's like spinning comedy gold from tragedy. Just call me Blogelstilskin! Or Diablo Cody...whichever feels appropriate.

And no matter where Sarah's dad's hands went in however many sleeping bags, the guy is at least moderately douchey for saying that his identity was private when anyone other than Sarah (i.e. JD) answered the phone. Uh, earth to Father Fouling: you do realize your entire conversation is being taped, right? 

Not that I'm siding with JD! In fact, up until that point, his pissiness when Sarah's father refused to identify himself by name was totally unjustified, as though he has all these arbitrary phone rules, like this boss bitch, who's been the love of my life since last week:

Except, JD wishes he could be that fierce. Or this fierce:

At fucking Angles and Kings, which I will never set foot in on anti-guyliner principle alone, JD was strutting his transgender friend Angelique, showing her off like an extension of his Magnum-clad penis, which is a scenario more complicated than Ted Haggard's faux-straightness in a New York Sports Club sauna, but whatever. That's exactly how he was swinging around this person presumably no longer with anything to swing around, herself.

 

JD is the worst, but JD drunk is the worster. He's so excruciating that he defies the laws of grammar. Like split infinitives on a chalkboard!
 

 

 

 

Like, as in the AVN Award? What?

The Devyn-Angelique showdown was as cringe-worthy as what lead up to it.

 

 

I know that Devyn said she felt like she wasn't adequately prepared, but it was just embarrassing. You know how Anita Baker sings like she has mashed potatoes in her throat? Devyn sounds like she has Anita Baker with mashed potatoes in her throat in her throat. Approximating cousin Shelly's high-pitched caterwauling with a flava injection, Angelique was about 5,000 times worse.

I did like that Devyn called JD out on his "disrespectful, dismissive and dismeaning" bullshit, despite the fact that "dismeaning" isn't a word. It doesn't have a meaning. You might even say that it's dismeaning. But whatever, like I said, JD defies the laws of grammar. For someone who is worster, I can think of no better word than "dismeaning."

Did I mention that I'm on cold medicine? Not making excuses, just explaining.

So I loved Devyn for fisting him a new asshole (and then refusing to hug him afterward, butch queen that she is!), and for this:

 

But not for her Jersey disrespect. The only thing worse than going to Jersey on purpose is going by accident, fool! And the only thing worse than that is being made to sing a public-domain song on your ensuing audition. It is.You know you woulda sang "If I Could," bitch, if you could...have.

Oh, and note to Katelynn: you were already out to Chet. I understand that controlling these things is important and I'm totally on board with ragging on JD for whatever comes out of his mouth since it's inevitably going to be stuffy or obnoxious or condescending, but he didn't out you to Chet. Ryan did on the first episode, but even someone as clueless as Chet would have figured it out by now. I mean, come on.

It was Chet who was this week's beneficiary of the alternative-sexuality-exploration edit.

 

Not like that, although I do think that this may explain his lifetime lack of boob contact and his current sentence to alligator kisses and wet dreams, which EW. Then again maybe I won't EVER THINK OF CHET'S EJACULATING PENIS WHILE HE'S SLEEPING.

Except maybe just once more. Here's what Chet looks like when he's napping:

 

I'm so glad that I only have to watch people being roommates with him. But for real, Chet's description of celibacy was interesting because it just seems so far out. And you know, good for him for doing what he thinks is right and not hurting anyone in the process or disappointing them with his inevitably underwhelming prowess. That seems like a public service itself! However, watching him interact with a female I couldn't help but wonder...

 

...is celibacy really a choice? Seems like something some people are just born with. Not that there's anything wrong with it!

Comments

[h]

yayayay first

[John T.]

haha, so glad youre doing these, i hope you feel better soon, emergen-c works like a wonder, but ryans gif thinking about chets wet dream, hahahahah, cute ryan should always open these posts, thanks again

[R]

I hate JD with every ounce of my soul.

[NIS]

I'm thinking that they probably cut out part of Sarah's story to avoid some sort of defamation lawsuit. Her explanation seemed edited to hell.

But for real, her dad was creepsters and sounded like Mr. Garrison.

[Matt]

I think I'm in love with this season..... They're not completely drunk. Not completely assholes. Not completely dismeaning... just completely fucking hilarious!

[Angelina]

jd gets on my nerves more and more with each episode. he has that 'holier than thou' thing going on...annoying!

devyn had me cracking up when she said "dismeaning". haha! and she bombed in the showdown with angelique...her star spangled banner wasn't that bad though.

[Davis]

I have started watching the show and mentally predicting which scenes you'll gif! It's surprisingly entertaining.

[Mac]

In regard's to JD and magnum condoms:

You know I could go out and buy an XXL hooded sweatshirt, it doesn't mean I'll fit in it.

[Movie Maven]

Devyn sounds like she has Anita Baker with mashed potatoes in her throat in her throat.

Most apt description ever. And thankfully, I do know 'bout you, and was banking on a shot of old-timey villian-mustachioed Ryan this week. Thank you.

[LoveMyselfFirst]

Love Luv Lurve you and this entry Rich!!!!!

Here's my breakdown

1. I hope Sarah's story was edited because it completely fell short. The editing (if it was edited) make her abuse seem so ambiguous it was awkward. And then on that after show did you notice the host guy crack a job about not playing patty cake behind a curtain? That was kinda fucked up.

2. Devin sounded a hot ass mess with mashed potatoes clogging her throat. Check. Bitch can't sing. Hopefully her boobs will get her gigs. But, I totally loved her butch queen non-hugging of JD. JD = Just (a) Douchebag.

3. At first I thought Chet was a closet case. Now, I'm thinking he's just socially awkward and wakes up with spunk on himself.
He's growing on me! lol

[KrisTina]

I was hoping I wasn't the only one who caught that 'dismeaning,' lol.

[shshsh]

Look, I don't want to undermine what Sarah went through and I am sure it is horrible. At one point later in the episode she mentions that she wasn't able to press charges because her father DIDN'T ACTUALLY DO ANYTHING. He creeped her out and she thought he might. It just seems that she would be better off if she let that dream die.

BTW- LOVE YOU RICH! I hope you are 100% well in time for ANTM. I got to meet Whitney because of my job and I told her about your blog. I am equally hopeful and terrified that McKey could be making an appearance some time soon.

[Kathryn]

Sarah's story was definitely edited. Badly, in fact. I thought Devyn's voice was pretty good when she was preparing for her audtion. It was pretty obvious that Angelique chose to "extend the olive branch" because she knew she had the advantage. Devyn's been in a club all night, consuming alcohol and probably screaming above the noise to be heard, so of course she'll sound like shit and make Angelique look better in comparison. I was actually a little disgusted that Angelique chose to feed into the rivalry shit that JD was trying to stir up, but eh, what do you expect from someone who chooses to be friends with JD in the first place?

[priya]

I LOVE "'Mom.' 'WHAT?'" so much. Too great.

But yeah Sarah's story was so weak that I really have to hope it was edited out and all, because I don't want her father to be validated about "YOUR MOTHER FED YOU LIIIIIIIES."

[Matt]

I've been obsessed with that Phone Manners video, too. I love how she weasels out of the phone call with her clearly suicidal friend.

Agreed with all who said Sarah's story must've been edited.

[Whiskas]

I sort of have a ladyboner for Chet. Shhh... Don't tell anybody.

[Sven]

"We kissed like this."

"Like alligators?"

And with that, Ryan assumes the rank of My Favorite Real World Male Crush everrrrrrr. Sigh. I hope that it's just shitty teaser editing for next week and that he doesn't actually turn out to have PTSD or something.

[k]

Dude, stop trying to make me have a crush on Ryan, please. My resistance is wearing thin...

[becca]

jd IS the worst... and after his whole whine-fest-2009 about Chet's pranks and how they needed to stop, we see him shooting shaving cream into Chet and Ryan's room triggering some sort of PTSD freakout in poor Ryan....

[stompie smax]

i find the fact that devyn used the word "tardy" to describe being late to her audition so adorable. she's such a little over-achiever, she still uses school vocabulary to talk about her daily life!

[Zombie]

What on *earth* is that Phone Manners video from? I must investigate.

And also make a cap of the very end bit that says "EVERYTHING IS TERRIBLE!" and use it as wallpaper on all my computers & my BlackBerry. Priceless.

[Jeanne]

That Phone Manners clip is awesome! But the best part are the comments on YouTube.

[Crescent]

Nothing like a nice light corn dog lunch before an audition.

[Amanda]

I'm excited, they announced the girls of ANTM C12, can't wait to hear if you find them as boring as I do.

[molly]

love the real world entries a lot rich...
and that burger thing made all the people I work with almost pee in their pants.
I miss pot psychology!