I've seen the future and it looks like this:

Continuing on the thread about the ravages of fame, I'd like just briefly to consider Edy Williams, an old Hollywood starlet back from when there was such a thing, who scared the shit out of everyone in Beyond the Valley of the Dolls, but went on to marry Russ Meyer anyway. She tried for over two decades to carve out an acting career, and when that didn't work, she resorted to wearing outrageous, often nipple-revealing outfits at Cannes and on the red carpet of the Oscars. Funny that she resorted to reality TV tactics only after she'd been discarded by the system. These days, it's usually before.

And that's the thing: there are a lot of similarities between yesterday's b-movie scene (particularly those in Meyer's camp) and today's reality TV counterpart. Both groups were cultivated in a self-sufficient bubble whose participants had/have little chance of escaping. Moreover, it struck me while watching scenes from Edy's 1990 embarrassment Bad Girls from Mars, that being made to rhapsodize the aphrodisiac qualities of the smell of garbage is about as humiliating as your average ANTM challenge. 

Unlike the rest of Meyer's stable of weirdos (non-actors who seem as though they'd be perfectly content in their freakishness with or without the movies and who seem to look back on their "heyday" with humor instead of desperation), Williams strikes me as particularly tragic, as sort of a broad that time forgot, who tried so hard and failed so spectacularly (you know things are bad when one of the highlights of your resume is a People's Court case that you lost). I feel like she could very much be a human forecast for the sadness ahead of the half- and quarter-stars (I hope you read that in an Ed McMahon voice!) that populate our pop culture today and please me so. At least we laugh now?

It makes sense that the Internet is lacking in Edy footage, but it still saddens me. I recently dug up the Russ Meyer E! True Hollywood Story I taped in college and clipped the footage of her talking. Note that she compares herself to not one but two major stars in the course of, like, two minutes:

But you need to look no further than the photo gallery on her site for the biggest delusion of grandeur:

 

Attributing "glamor" to that shot pretty much says it all.

Comments

[Stephanie]

RIch, I'm scarred for life! She's like Raquel Welch, Disney's Ariel, Mariah Carey, and Rock of Love's Megan all rolled up into one. And those teeth! Like, what's the deal with the way she bares her teeth when she talks? It's like somebody told her to act like a sexy lioness or something and she's all "RAWR RAWR LIKE A DUNGEON DRAGON" on my ass in the last part of that clip.

This kind of wacky shit is the reason I come here. Loved it.

[Katie B]

I love the calculated strut she employed from the SUV to the entrance of whatever lobby it seems she was interviewed at. She was probably thinking the interview was going to get her noticed again...which makes me sad for her. Then the leather vest makes me laugh.

[maitreyi1978]

You make fun, but she looks fantastic for a woman in her sixties. And that photo doesn't look retouched. I hope I look like that when I'm her age.

[rustyspigot]

Well, damn. If you would have posted this earlier, I could have gotten you some of her autographed panties for Christmas.

Mamie Van Doren certainly has a better site.

http://www.mamievandoren.com/

[Lucy Fur]

Rich

you should read Russ Meyer: Big Bosoms and Square Jaws.. .by jimmie mcdonough

i think you'd like it- if you haven't read it already!

[Nicole]

I know the post itself is somewhat depressing, but Beyond the Valley of the Dolls is one of my favorite movies so the youtube link made my somewhat horrible day slightly better. "You're a groovy boy, I'd like to strap you on sometime" never gets old.

[MissRobyn]

Boys who wear sandals will never get their toes sucked... or something like that.

Yes, she's creepy, but why do I still kind of want to be her?

[Laya]

I was so transfixed by her Oscar gallery that I actually stopped reading your post to click through the whole thing (before coming back, natch). If a see-through animal print caftan and having your face a completely different color from your body aren't cries for help, I don't know what are.

[Lolita Hazed]

If anything, she taught us how much better sex in a Rolls was than a Bentley.
I, personally, will never forget that.

[Smrown 4 Life]

I have strained many facial muscles trying to the Ashley St. Ives signature frown-smile, so this really helped motivate me to keep trying. Thanks, Rich!

[Alexandria]

Don't forget the "Formnal Photos." Looks like that program that puts your face on a older decade's high school yearbook photo.

[Entertainment-News]

at that age and she still looks good, really amazing!

[Maleficent]

The scariest thing about her is that she kind of looked a little like Lindsay Lohan back in the day.

http://edywilliams.com/covers/images/fotograms1.jpg

Seriously. That has Lohan written all over it. Hopefully Lindsay grows up to flaunt her areolas all over the Oscar carpet too.

[Annegret]

I love how she one ups the Paris Hiltons of the world by carrying around a significantly larger dog than they do. Hilarious.

[Holy Cuteness]

That is so sad...

[Miss Lisa]

Awww, she looks OK to me, if a little bonkers. Just blame Hollywood--I always do!It makes the whole ambitious fame thing explainable without a lot of brain power going into the quandary.

[Miss Lisa]

I forgot to tell about my Edy Williams find. Years ago I was working with an editor on an indie film and in the big pile of used VHS tapes we were using for rough edits I found an unlabeled one that turned out to be every scene Edy Williams had fiilmed for Russ Meyer and a few grade-Z films as well. It was one of the most entertaining concepts I'd ever seen (second only to the tape of every shark attack scene from every Jaws movie). *Somebody* out there loves ya, Edy.

[maria]

I don't think it's Hollywood. I just think Hollywood finds these people. If they didn't have that, they would just be the biggest wacko in whatever town they come from. This is what happens when you decide the most important thing in your life is your looks...especially basing it around one thing.

[Kitten]

Is it wrong that I want the full head to toe ensemble she's wearing in the shaggy dog photo?

[Maria Chavez]

The original Phoebe Price? Red Hair? Check. Crotch exposed dress? Check. Delusions of Grandeur? Triple check.

[Gregoire]

I don't think she's sad at all. It's not like she's Sally Kirkland.

[DLCS]

Holy Rack, Batman!

Coveting the HELL out of the necklace in the last picture up there.

[Dandy Darkly]

Oh Rich - lost major points. Your villify what the game turns ballsy women into in Edy's case, but trumpet VH1 skanks who paved the way for their whoredom.

This woman planted the wheat of your bread and churned the very butter from those giant titties. I'm surprised you'd write such dismissive things about what is essentially the future of all the ho's that seem to cling on you to get their smiling eyes on this very blog.

Points off.

[Joshua]

I love Mamie's site, too, rusty. I hope Rich will do a post about her Bedtime Stories section sometime soon. It's a trip.

[sean]

Some people you just know it would fun to have drink with. Edy ranks waaay up there.