First of all, I think I love the new season of The Real World. It's such a strange feeling, this shiny newness.
Second of all, I know I love this guy:
From what we saw on last night's premiere, The Real World Brooklyn could easily be dubbed Team Tolerance or the Compassion Convoy or the Acceptance Assembly. The only moments not spent discussing the roommates L.G.B.T. status were focused on the eight strangers (Eight! There are eight of them! Can you believe that there are eight?!?) acting like characters in Brooklyn: The Animated Series. (Stickball? Who. Plays. Stickball?!?!) But it's all good because such discourse was mostly fascinating. A lot of it centered on the house's gentle transsexual...
...who is not pictured above. At least, I think there's just one. The woman-born-woman (as far as we know) pictured above, Devyn, made me wonder if she showed up on the wrong floor of the Viacom building. Seriously girl, this is MTV not VH1. Fix your wig. New York's acrylic hair is more convincing...sometimes. But still: sometimes should be enough to rethink everything.
Anyway, as I was saying, the real transsexual, Katelynn...
...could use some acrylic hair of her own, actually. Distribute that shit. Smile on your sister-born-brother, Devyn.
Anyway, Katelynn's gender identity and genital region was the talk of the house, with self-important homosexual stick-in-the-mud JD protecting her, acting like the dolphins that he trains would in the presence of a pregnant woman.
And I'm not going to point out his hotness so that everyone can be like, "He looks like you," and imply narcissism and whatever. (Note: I shave my head because I like how it looks on guys, not the other way around. It's an important distinction, I think. Not to be humorless about something so superficial or anything.) Anyway, despite having what could be a giant butt...
...(fucking MTV bug blocking my view, grumble grumble), JD's hotness is obliterated by his condescending attitude...
Besides actually coming out and saying, "I hate him," is there any clearer way to say, "I hate him" beyond, "I love him to death?"
JD's snottiness is irritating but not entirely unfounded. While talking to his self-proclaimed "metrosexual" and Mormon roommate Chet (I honestly thought that "metrosexual" was a label only applicable by others not yourself, and I certainly never understood it as a badge of pride) and my new TV crush Ryan regarding the speculation over Katelynn's gender, JD spits, "I don't think. There's a difference between thinking and knowing!" When Chet repeatedly claims he had no idea that Katelynn once had boy parts, JD says, "Oh, that's right. You're from Utah."
Granted, Chet is. He also thinks it's his responsibility to show the world that "Mormons are fun."
And, sorry, if your culture has no place for gay sex and, in fact, wants to rid the world of it, you know nothing of what fun is. Take it from an expert.
Anyway, Chet and Ryan's interest in all things not straight is, in a word, queer. Chet openly acknowledges that he comes off as gay to some people and he doesn't seem worked up about it at all, as so many other "straight" guys tend to be when accused of fagginess. He's also the type to call other dudes "hot." While writing a song in a beached prop boat with Ryan that he romantically suggests they sail away on, "hot" is exactly the word he uses to describe his professional trainer roommate Scott, a beefcake with abs that would resist the most ardent of tenderizing...
Still, when then accused of being gay by Ryan, Chet denies it, explaining that he's "metro," which is "not a sin." That sounds like the product of internal bargaining to me, the words of someone who is gay but whose religion forces him to draw the line at the penis stuff. He gets all of the gayness and none of the damnation. Nominally, that is. This is the social equivalent of, "Just stick the head in."
Yeah, Chet's pretty much a mess.
Make that a pink-collared mess...
...of his own design...
That sewing machine is totally like, "How you dewin'...?"
And then there's Ryan, who's gleefully obsessed with the potential of Katelynn's package and Katelynn in general.
He makes some odious statements (he calls Katelynn "it," for example), but in the same breath, some really promising ones. Among them: "I'm not trying to sound ignorant, but I am ignorant," and "I don't get [people who are transgender]. I would like to know more." Despite some fratty guffawing at the expense of Katelynn and slight contempt for J.D., these are not the words of a hateful person. Despite the looks of it, Ryan is not the dramatic transphobe.
Dun dun duuuuun!
If there's a shred of truth to what he says, he's going to have a major redemption arc and by the end he will have learned so much and now he loves people who used to have penises and blah blah blah. So, basically, I'm just getting to the inevitable early and liking him because I do believe that I'm in this shit for the long haul.
There's something about this cast's enthusiasm that I find invigorating. They just might teach me how to be young again! But really, this cast seems to have the drive and collective modicum of talent that defined the casting of the early years of this show, back when I was about eight years younger than the average age of strangers (now, I'm eight years older). I don't know if this is a sea change or what, since I haven't paid attention to this show in quite some time (I wouldn't know a dude from the cast of The Real World Hollywood if he were pissing next to me in the Abbey). Furthermore, MTV has always been gay-friendly, but this season seems particularly timely. If that timeliness is contrived, well, whatever. It's TV. Plus, I need to see if JD's self-segregation with Katelynn proves to be a successful strategy to coping with the straight testosterone. Will Ryan prove to be as soulful as I think he is (I didn't even get into his status as an Iraq War veteran and the fact that he's dealing with the trauma of it by writing a book, which: swoon)? Will a cloud roll in to block Sarah's perpetual Care Bare Stare? Will Baya do anything besides wiggle seductively? I genuinely can't wait to find out. Help?
I cannot get over the fact that he called Katelynn "It." ... that's just wrong!
Posted by: Sheik | January 08, 2009 at 05:10 PM
I need to catch up on that season! Ryan somehow reminds me of wrinkly German sausages, don't know why! hahaha
Posted by: omar | January 08, 2009 at 05:13 PM
I was surprised at how much I enjoyed this episode. I may have to stick around. I like JD, I like tranny-but-not-a-hot-tranny-mess Katelynn, I like former lesbian Sarah. Everyone else ... I'll wait and see.
Posted by: priya | January 08, 2009 at 05:33 PM
Oh, an addendum: if Chet is supposed to be attractive--I have reason to believe this is MTV's intent--he is NOT. Ugly. Absolutely hideous face.
Posted by: priya | January 08, 2009 at 05:34 PM
i don't know, man, i HATED ryan. when he called katelynn "it" it drove me NUTS. and having gone to a very large state school in pennsylvania, well, i had to put up with too many dirty-hat-wearing over-opinionated douchebags from pennsyltucky to be willing to write this guy a free pass for being "soulful."
that said, i'm totally excited to watch the conversion episode where he stands up for katelynn, and i'll gasp a lot, and rewrite this comment, and apologize for everything. so i guess we agree!
Posted by: jess | January 08, 2009 at 05:45 PM
I love you Rich!
*applause*
Now I have another show I can forgo actually watching and read your always superior recaps!
Posted by: chajimasaji | January 08, 2009 at 05:57 PM
That disgust-face is unconvincing. Like when you're 9 and your best friend says, "Billy has a crush on you," and you totally play it off as "oooooh, yuuuuuck." When actually, you have a Lisa Frank folder totally devoted to your future wedding plans.
Posted by: Sarah | January 08, 2009 at 06:34 PM
Rich, every Monday I have missed the back-to-work-but-OMG-ANTM-recap-day!!!! high. Are you considering doing a routine recap of this show, as it touches on issues close to your heart and (at least mine) your reader's hearts? I would love to have something to look forward to again at lunch on Monday!!
Also, can you please do a part 2 and talk about the other girls???
Posted by: Erica | January 08, 2009 at 07:11 PM
Haha that guy looks so crazy...
Posted by: Holy Cuteness | January 08, 2009 at 07:21 PM
The first thing I noticed was that during the whole episode, one person got drunk ONCE. Is mtv trying to tone it down? Are they limiting the cast's ass-hattery? It seems like something producers would try to manipulate in order to have a more "genuine" episode or something (as opposed to the last dozen or so seasons of unrelenting douchery).
Posted by: Jen | January 08, 2009 at 07:25 PM
In Ryan's defense, that disgust face came directly after Katelynn discussing the mechanics of threesomes thru fivesomes. You know, on the first day. I'm sure Ryan's imagination was running a little wilder than he wanted it to.
Posted by: Kitten | January 08, 2009 at 08:08 PM
I too have been off the Real World for some time... However, last night I found my way back. I sincerely like everyone on the cast in one way or another. Seriously They seem pretty awesome. Ryan and Sarah being my favorites. Ryan is cute and very gif-able.
Posted by: Noel Brinkley | January 08, 2009 at 09:01 PM
with practically 4 LGBT people in the house, this has to be the gayest Real World ever... Anyone catch the after show in which Ryan sings a totally gay song to Chet? I can't help but be excited to see where this Bromance goes...
Posted by: HI,MITCHO! | January 08, 2009 at 09:33 PM
Yay for Sarah's Care Bear Stare! Sarah is the Alison Kelly of the Real World Brooklyn.
Posted by: Lesley | January 08, 2009 at 10:05 PM
I'm only here to for the obligatory "The Real World has sucked since _______." You can guess a person's age by what city is in that blank. I'm going with "San Francisco, which means that Ryan would give me the same look that is posted in the clip above.
Also, "I love so and so to death" is the new "Not to be a bitch, but..." Like, you know that the next thing out of the person's mouth is going to be the absolute BITCHIEST thing they can possibly think of, but by saying "I love them to death", they've absolved themselves of the consequences.
Posted by: Stephanie | January 08, 2009 at 11:24 PM
Oh my god, I thought that was you in the red shirt! I was like, when did Rich interview that chick from Real World, and how does he know Ryan. Haha!
Posted by: Mia_Me | January 08, 2009 at 11:30 PM
*just the tip*
You know, I watched this today and was surprised (and ashamed) to like it. Does this mean weekly recaps?
Posted by: Y | January 09, 2009 at 12:52 AM
please please please do more recaps, i can understand if the rest of the episodes arent as good as the first one, but this is the only real world ive been hooked on for sooooo long, thank you for doing this
Posted by: john t | January 09, 2009 at 02:30 AM
OMFG Rich...I was watching Real World HOOOOOPING you would cover it since it's in..well - BROOKLYN, and when I came here I almost peed my pants from happiness!! :)))
And you and JD totally look alike! :)
When I was watching the show I was STFU that dude looks like Rich...haha
But in all honesty, this Real World seems promising unlike the previous seasons. I will definitely tune in again!
Posted by: MobPrincess | January 09, 2009 at 03:28 AM
I'm not usually one to get hooked on recap blogs, no matter how great of a writer the blogger is (and you are fabulous, btw!). But when I read this inaugural installment after Auto-Win shared it this evening, I knew I simply HAD to add your blog to my RSS Reader so I can keep up with your assessment of TRW:B. Fantastically funny, my friend.
Posted by: Atherton Bartelby | January 09, 2009 at 05:41 AM
Ha! I wasn't going to say anything, but I have noticed that the guys you find hot always seem to look a lot like you. And not even just because of the shaved head thing. But I don't think that implies narcissism - for some reason I think it's a pretty common thing, at least among those attracted to the same sex. I'm sure there's a very interesting psychological explanation.
Posted by: Colin | January 09, 2009 at 11:57 AM
"And I'm not going to point out his hotness so that everyone can be like, "He looks like you," and imply narcissism and whatever."
sorry, but WTF?!?
Posted by: carcrash | January 09, 2009 at 12:10 PM
I agree with Erica...will you please do a weekly recap of this show? I promise to continue to watch if I can read your weekly recaps. I seriously laughed my way through this entire recap...you are so funny.
I did see the resemblance between you and JD...but you don't take yourself so damn seriously. Maybe thats because you don't train dolphins though.
Care Bare Stare or not, I love Sarah.
Posted by: Wanda | January 09, 2009 at 12:35 PM
Chet isn't metro or gay; he's just an alt.
http://hipsterrunoff.com/
Although, being alt is pretty damn similar to being gay. I'd love to know his musical tastes.
Posted by: BJCG | January 09, 2009 at 12:45 PM
I'm so glad I'm not the only former real world fan (I watched the first six seasons religiously and kept hoping the next four would be better before I gave up) who is totally back on board with this cast.
JD is as hot as he is awful. Which makes him pretty fucking hot. Sarah is my favorite. And gay or not, I find Devyn's boobs mesmerizing.
The real question is...in 21 more seasons, will we be watching Scott on Confessions of a Teen Idol?
Posted by: Jim | January 09, 2009 at 01:46 PM