If you have an inkling that you might enjoy a movie in which a man literally gets his face punched in with a single blow (as in: fist meets face, makes hole), and you haven't yet seen Punisher: War Zone, what are you doing with your life? Actually, I'll make it easy and answer that for you: YOU ARE WASTING IT. This film is magnificent. I never really read The Punisher comics, but I know they went for relative realism (which is always a funny thing for a cartoon to do). War Zone seems to adapt that appropriately as a candy-colored symphony of brutality (nutshell imagery: the streams of blood that flow from people's mouths look like Twizzlers). It's an approximation of what would happen if Tim Burton and Joel Schumacher got together to have 90 minutes of rough-yet-quip-filled sex. I don't know if I've seen garbage own itself as steadfastly since, I don't know, Pink Flamingos, and tonally, this is Robocop's fuck-up little brother. Win-win-winwinwinwinwinwin!
This film already has its fans, and I'm happy to join the cult. It's such a visceral experience that I'm not going to go too deep into it. This is not rocket science. It isn't even when the scientists find out things about space. Instead of a full on review, I'm just gonna fuck you up with some truth:
Truth No. 1:
This happens.
Truth No. 2:
This happens.
Truth No. 3: A house song plays as the brother of the primary antagonist, Jigsaw, destroys all the mirrors in the lobby of the grand building they've taken over, so that Jigsaw doesn't have to look at his face that's been stitched up like a baseball on account of him being thrown into some kind of glass-crushing bin. House music!
Truth No. 4: There is a death by wine-glass stem.
Truth No. 5: Everyone is so fucking emo (here, guilt is the badge worn by heroes, be they cops, feds or vigilantes) that when the Punisher says, "Let me put you out of my misery" before killing someone, it's totally plausible within this constructed reality. Hilarious but plausible!
Truth No. 6: A woman (Lexi Alexander) directed this. I honestly think that has so much to do with why it's so awesome.
Truth No. 7: (Spoiler?) For a film with imagery overwrought enough to give an actual comic book a complex, this is the only reasonable conclusion:
Truth No. 8: Except, that's not even it, because after the screen goes blank and the Punisher makes his last kill, the final line of the movie is, "Oh god. Now I've got brain splattered all over me." After a mind-pulverizing experience like Punisher: War Zone, I think I know the feeling.
I'm going to netflix this now- thanks for the rec. I just looked up the director on imdb- she was nominated for an oscar for her short film in 2003!
Posted by: Ally | March 25, 2009 at 02:49 PM
And staring the awesome Titus Pullo from Rome.
Rich, if you haven't seen Rome I highly recommend it.
Posted by: akbar fazil | March 25, 2009 at 02:58 PM
Haven't seen any iteration of the Frank Castle saga, though Thomas Jane tempted me briefly (raowr). Your GIFs may yet have the power to sway me, however.
If I had a dollar for every time I've wanted to spray bullets at creepy clusters of porcelain dolls, or fire a heat-seeking missle at an obnoxious Parkour practitioner...I'd be rich enough to finance my own movie - "The Punisher vs. Vigilante vs. Judge Dredd" (Judge Judy would also suffice).
Posted by: spazmo | March 25, 2009 at 03:21 PM
I was so happy to see your review. I saw this movie over the weekend and loved it! Lots of action and gore, my type of film! :)
Posted by: Dawn | March 25, 2009 at 05:04 PM
Not only is the director a woman, she is a former World Karate and Kickboxing Champion according to imdb. Awesome.
Posted by: Nick | March 25, 2009 at 05:40 PM
H0LY SHIT! IT'S TITUS PULLO!
Renting it NOW!
Posted by: Dandy Darkly | March 25, 2009 at 06:08 PM
Have you seen Shootem' Up? Amazing. Death(s). By. Carrot. And sweet ass dialogue.
Posted by: RiotGrrl | March 25, 2009 at 06:09 PM
Fucking dolls! Eat it!!!
Posted by: Joe M | March 25, 2009 at 10:20 PM
this movieeee it AWSOMEE!!! Love it!! makes the first 2 punishers look like barbie dolls!
Posted by: Bellamy | March 26, 2009 at 02:59 AM
YES. I love this blog but sometimes can't relate to the love of certain films reviewed here. However, I think Punisher: War Zone is possibly the best movie I have seen in years. Seriously. SO amazing.
Somehow, the "Quiet, foo!" was the funniest line in a movie full of wonderfully hilarious moments.
Posted by: Steph | March 26, 2009 at 04:47 AM
C'mon, Rich. You seemed to enjoy Persepolis (though joung Marji didn't make it into your heroes megapost, for whatever reason). Was "relative realism" a funny thing for it to aspire to? For someone that's so protective of his favorite niche genres, it's a bit surprising to find you just writing off any form of illustrated story as a cartoon.
Unless you just mean that the character is cartoonish. He is, but so is Dirty Harry or any other nine characters out of ten you might encounter in the context of a relatively realistic action film. I'm not a fan of the Punisher and haven't seen this movie, but I guess I'm just (haha) dorkish enough to be offended by that throwaway designation.
Posted by: Gitley | March 26, 2009 at 08:09 AM
Listen, you beautiful bitch: the fact that you organized this post around a Kenny Powers quotation fills me with delight.
Posted by: TyTy Baby | March 26, 2009 at 09:51 AM
I'm sorry but Any movei where there is a Irish Rasta Acrobat? I must see it.
Posted by: KJ | March 27, 2009 at 12:03 AM
Ehh, I like the one with Travolta in it. This one felt cheesy to me.
Posted by: Casey | March 27, 2009 at 06:04 PM
Wow, that was fun!
Posted by: John R | March 30, 2009 at 02:35 AM
Two words....Titus Pullo. I didn't need reason beyond that to drool over this movie. I also highly recommend Rome for you rich! Its not only amazing drama but it has...THE MOST amazingly hot eye-candy you'll see in any show.
Posted by: Danielle | March 31, 2009 at 09:19 AM
I pretty much only bought this because of Ray Stevenson. He's HOT. It was a fun action flick too! Win win!
Posted by: duane | March 31, 2009 at 11:39 AM
Started it for Dominic West from The Wire, stayed for the decapitation...
Posted by: John R | March 31, 2009 at 11:46 PM
Loved the colors, the wacky meth hooligans, the overwrought cemetary bit, the split screen in the hotel before Castle blows the room up. Fuck yeah!
And Ray Stevenson, of course. yum.
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