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Joe M

"Fo fuck's sake!" That made me howl, Rich. You thought Alison's makeover was good? Really?? The Farrah hair? The obviously FAKE Farrah hair? Tahlia looks like Jennifer Coolidge as Hot Coco on Nip/Tuck. Yo Stink! Sutan is cute as a dude.


And by probably, I of course meant 'probable'. My bad.


It's hair. It grows. What the fuck?


Does no one think that Celia looks just like early 80's martha plimpton? Am I the only one who remembers her?


I finally figured out who Celia looks like - scary-eyebrows Stephanie from "The Bachelor."

It upsets me to no end that I am comparing a reality-show contestant to another reality-show contestant.


You're way too funny.

I can't stop laffing at the top-right Sutan and Nigel's light ejaculation.

that's Mrs. Nigel to you

Thank you Rich!! Amazing wrap up! Unbelievably thourough.
Does anyone think that Aminat looks more than just a little like Danielle/ Dani? Though she's bitchy therefore better..


Oh man, I HATED Aminat's makeover. I gotta say, I loved her (faux) fro.

And yes, I hope they put Sandra in some neon spandex. I was thinking the same thing!


Am I the only one who thinks Aminat now looks like Danielle (or Danni or whatever she calls herself now)?
I hope teyona doesn't win..I'm actually all for big eyed freaky girl. She's just weird enough that she is fascinating (in a strange way).


Awesome recap, as always.

So yeah, the whole point of everything kind of boiled down to this guy who's name I can't remember being as literal as an example of a snippy queen as I've ever seen...

That is John Barrett! He is the owner of the salon where they got their makeovers done.


Made over Allison Anime-Eyes now looks JUST like Aubrey Orangebrey O'Day (former lead-skank for the failed Diddy girl-group Danity Kane)...

Awesome recap Rich, I wuv you.

love, J-Mo :)


I love that Sandra reminds you of the 90s because when I look at her makeover all I can see is Sisqo.


Perhaps I'm just too rigid to give an overexposed, over-peroxided skinny bitch a break, but I am hard press to believe Chris Crocker invented "keep it cute or put it on mute". I live my life surrounded by queens and trannies FAR more experienced and subtle than Chrissy, and I believe one of them penned/vocalized this first and the little Crocker scab overheard it and posted it on his blog.


"That is John Barrett! He is the owner of the salon where they got their makeovers done."

Rich knows that. It was a joke.

Easter Buffy

if it weren't for you and other bloggers, I wouldn't even know who Chris Crocker is. I love copyright infringement as much as the next person, but only when it actually happens. Reminds me of the man (name unknown but this actually happened) who tried to sue people for posting, "Lost Pet," notices because he said he had copyrighted that phrase. Or was it, "Missing Pet?" Yes, it was painful watching this clip, but somewhat amusing at the same time.

I love Nole. Glad to see him anytime. I think he must have been in town doing some post production on, "True Beauty," and sat in on the judging panel for old times sake. I hope he returns to CNTM.

I don't think any makeover meltdown will be as memorable for me as Monique's (Cycle 7), who sat crying in the bathroom after her weave was removed because she didn't want America to see her that way. But wiping her wet bikini bottom on Melrose's bed, while Melrose was sleeping in it, that was okay.


Yes! A gif of the tripping woman so I can treasure it always. Love!!!

Since Aminat's my girl, I also loved that she changed her bra like it was nothing. I do hope she wins. Although, it's looking like ET, I mean Teyona, will pull out an upset.

So last week you had SVH, and this week you have Gizmo! Eeeeek! I had a Gizmo doll and I used to pretend he was my real pet. Because I was a loser. Nonetheless, I love his little googly eyes.


Mayim Bialik - good call, but I thought Bette Midler at first site of the cover girl rep.



"...because I thought it looked fake, but I was scared I was just being white. She looks better..."

"Release some tension

Regarding Jessica, I foresee a future full of forget. I seriously had to look up her name more than once while I was taking notes on this episode. That said, she's definitely the prettiest girl in the exit line of my short-term memory.

It's a fucking rally this week! Moistest makeover episode ever!

20. Celia

If I ever fell into a multi-year coma, in order to gauge how pop culture had changed while I was out if it, I'd ask the nearest person when I emerged, "Has a girl on TV cried about having her long hair cut short in the past six months?" If the answer was, "No," I'd know I was coming back to an extremely altered reality. So thanks, Celia, for maintaining the order of my universe!

21. London

Jay offered her a tissue, so unless that's to sop up the blood from her just-bleached scalp, I'm assuming this counts.

22. Natalie

All these tears for nothing! Even more nothing than usual! I love that while Jay was explaining that this was all a ruse and they would, in fact, not be altering Natalie's hair, he said, "The real lesson here is you have to trust the people you work with. We're not making decisions here for shock value." Except, you know, the decision to lie to a girl and shock her with news that her prized hair was about to be amputated. I'm not sure if that's a defense mechanism or if Jay thinks we're stupid enough to believe that or if he's too stupid to realize that we're not stupid enough to believe that. Tough call. Finally, I love that Natalie said, "I'm so flattered because I don't think Tyra has ever just left somebody's hair alone." I know that Natalie was neonatal when this show started running, but there actually used to be a curse associated with being let alone during the makeover show (Nicole, Heather, Julie and Brita all had little-to-nothing changed and all went home at the end of the makeover episode). So Natalie should have been scared, actually. Ah, ignorance. Does your bliss know no limits?

23. Tahlia

It must be such an honor to receive the same cotton-candy-as-maxi pad treatment that Tyra rocked during Cycle 4.

At last, something that's actually flattering.

24. Fo

Fo fuck's sake!

25. Fo

Seriously! She used to be on food stamps and that made her look ugly but not as ugly as this $500 haircut does. Somethin' in that blue liquid they sanitize scissors with ain't right. Fuck this FoFo economics shit.

26. Fo

You know, crying so much about her hair makes Fo look stupider than any haircut could. It makes her look stupider than a vagina with a mullet, even.

27. Fo

In this part, she literally said, "I can't get over the concept that it's so short." Gee, you don't say!

28. Fo

ANTM Mortal Sin #485: crying over a makeover whilst on set! (Mortal Sin #486 is crying over a makeover while on set, but you can only do that when dealing with a photog who isn't British.)

29. Jessica

You know, she thought she was so gorgeous. Eh...? Not as a model. Not even as an America's Next Top Model. If there were such a thing as a prom for moms (Mom Prom!), Jessica...would be forgettable there, too, actually.

30. & 31. Fo and Jessica

One's staying, one's going. Aw. Why can't they all go?

32. Celia

You could see her wiping away a tear in this long shot. Celia is way too nice for this show. That's the lesson there. I mean, crying over Whatshername? Seriously?

33. Jessica

"I'm not used to people criticizing me like that, you know?" said Jessica. No, I don't know. To paraphrase Judge Judy: YOU picked it! If you want to go on a reality show where no one criticizes your appearance, go on Sunday Best or some shit.


As uninterested in Jessica as a character as I was, I figured at least maybe this experience took her down a notch or two, and that maybe that ego deflation could possibly benefit the world by reducing its noise pollution even slightly. And then she interviewed on her way out, "I’m gonna go home with my head held high because I think I’m way prettier than some of the other girls that are left here." She couldn't be more hopeless if you handed her an abacus and told her to compute fiercely.

Now, as far as the Tyraisms go, I think this episode contained too many to list. Her showing this time was sort of the retentive counterpart to the explosive Spazzy Tyra fodder. And so, in the spirit of that, I've composed a clip reel. What better way to celebrate nonsense than to chop it up and loop it into further nonsense, right?

Oh, and this isn't a Tyraism:

"You radiate a dullness." But it's so useless and nonsensical that it could have been. Paulina, you're a genius at idiocy.

1. Question:


I actually don't even know why I am using so many exclamation points because it's really the same damn thing cycle after cycle. Yeah, the makeover episode tends to provide Crying Count fodder and watching these girls have their lives ruined (if only just a little for a small amount of time) is fun, but in the end, the heavily aesthetic nature of that segment of the episode makes it a little dry as far as my inspiration is concerned. And, to quote Sandra, at the end of the day, it's all about me.

That said, I'm happy to report that thanks to her makeover, I now totally get Celia:

I felt like her previous hair was way too pretty-pretty-princess for her features, which are so edgy, they'll poke your eyes out. She really works so much better as a weirdo than as a standard beauty. So hooray for elements coming together!

Eradicating Sandra's head of the possibility of hosting a major Australian landmark also did her wonders:

I love how early '90s she is. I just want to rock neon spandex and a condom whenever I look at her like this.

When is a jheri curl a bad idea?

Any time after '88. Way to go for thinking up this one, Tyra, and then coming to your senses. As if we needed more proof that this show is one big excuse for her to play Barbies with real girls!

(Actually, though, I kind of liked the jheri curl. Also, I think Teyona is going to win.)

I was really glad to find out that Aminat was rocking a faux-fro...

...because I thought it looked fake, but I was scared I was just being white. She looks better...

...and so does the fro, as a backpack...

I guess that wig was a big enough presence that it demanded a makeover of its own. Good for it!

Really, I thought just about all the makeovers were improvements this time, with the exception of Kortnie's.

Kortnie now looks like she should be selling timeshares inside a mall while Jo Dee Messina plays faintly in the background always.

Oh, and as for the Fo-more-drama shit...

...I mean, come on. She went from pretty to smoking, and all it took was a few snips. What an asshole for holding onto shit that's going to grow back anyway! I'm not sure that I agree with Jay's assessment that it makes her look taller, since that's impossible and her hair has gotten smaller, not bigger, but yeah: it's awesome. What a fool. What a Fo! Also, did you see how she posed for one of the post-makeover shots?

It's like she has this weird tendency to sabotage herself or something. She seriously looks about as tall as Miss Piggy there. Fo, stop being so self-defeating! Self-deFo-ting. Whatever.

And yeah, I plan on doing that a lot with her name. That's what you get when you call yourself "Fo." We all suffer.

So yeah, the whole point of everything kind of boiled down to this guy who's name I can't remember being as literal as an example of a snippy queen as I've ever seen...

...and that's no mean feat for a hairdresser!

And also this:

This shot is so the point of everything I've ever said.

2. Also, I loved that the implied point to the photo shoot is that some models are so dumb, they can't find their light even when it's right in front of them because they fucking put it there!

This is wild-child chic that is neither chic nor wild. Bitch, you ain't Genie.

(But really, if next cycle they could fill the girl-with-the-really-major-personal-issue quota with a grown feral child, it'd be really major. They should really look into that.)

I actually am starting to like the fact that Tahlia's still around, because every time she does anything, it makes my ire more and more justified. You keep being sucky you, SamIAmBurned!

Oh, and this one's particularly awesome:

As is this one from our probable winner:

What's going on with London's eyes on hers?

They're all over the place! She reminds me of one of the goofy non-Gizmo mogwai of Gremlins 2:

Ultimately, I think we can all agree that the real point of this shoot was so that Nigel could do this:

I feel like he ejaculated on me with light. Not that I'm complaining."


I love you Rich


i am pretty sure i saw sutan in williamsburg. it was at the corner store on olive and metropolitan????


I laughed so much at the crazy eyed gremlin thing. It was like looking at the hypnotized cup cake dog all over again!


She reminds me of one of the goofy non-Gizmo mogwai of Gremlins 2

*dead* XD


Hey, great recap. I loved the I Love Money Lily reference. Megan <3

Good luck interviewing Ashley this week. She's amazing!

White Chocolate

How come you didn't call out Sutan for his Bea Arthur-ass man-scarf? If anybody can get his Bea Arthur on, it's Sutan, but still....


What about Paulina puking at whatshername's (Jessica's?) photo? How could you have missed such a .gif opportunity??????


London totally looks like Sarah Haskins to me now.

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