Completism

Now's the time in the cycle when I take to my webcam to verbalize what has only been written.

Just no. I don't have the energy to produce the necessary fierceness and/or facial tension.

And just for the sake of accuracy, I'm going to quickly rattle off the crying that went down in the clip show. That's really the main reason I'm posting on the clip show at all.

40. London

 

41. Fo

 

I love how this conversation was like, "Hi Mom. My soul hurts and I'm in searing anguish every second of everyday and I wish someone would put me out of my misery and it's so great here." Get used to seeing Fo's name/facial contorting, btw...

42. London

 

This was during a crying contest (which is waaaaaay self-aware of the girls, considering this show's teary reputation; it's also very bored of them), so it isn't real per se, but I gathered that the terms of victory involved the ability to produce real tears. So: counts.

43. Fo

 

44. Fo

 

It's kind of a hard call because a lot of these stem from Fo's makeover, which was obviously already documented extensively in the makeover episode. I selected shots we haven't seen before, because whether they all constitute one big multi-room tantrum or not, I'm assuming that each tear represents a different piece of hair that served to make Fo hotter and sadder.

45. Fo

 

46. Fo

 

47. Sandra

 

Sandra "broke down" because she was "picked on a lot" and needs to "defend herself." She blames other people's cruelty on her own. This could be right, but I'm thinking it's probably the other way around and that Sandra is rancid enough to never have considered that.

Rewatching Sandra, it struck me that she could be ANTM's worst bitch ever for shunning variation to the point of getting boring. Witness the montage of her repeatedly prattling on about being there to be America's Next Top Model...

 

...the only thing this accomplished was casting her in a 30-second one-woman show called The Bitchy Bunch. I guess The Secret doesn't work after all!

But even worse than that, there was a spinelessness about her, like when she called Nijah stupid and fat but then apologized later for coming off as nasty. Own that shit, bitch! It's your job! I will give her the fact that I was slightly amused over her progression, as it were. From not being there to make friends, but only to win to...

 

...being open to make friends to...

 

...regretting that she wasn't friendlier. On her way out she said, "I feel like I was more caught up with the competition thing and less caught up about getting to make friends. I guess I should have been, you know the other way around." She probably wouldn't have even lasted for the short time that she did if she took that approach -- drama was the only thing she had going for her. Well, that and clownishness...

 

Funnily enough, on the last episode, Paulina suggested this very act to Tahlia. Shocking that it didn't end up working out for her.

What else? Not a whole lot. I loved Allison's reply to Sandra's repeated cries of, "Don't go there with me!": "I don't know where I'm going." I loved when Allison complimented Celia on her skeleton.

 

I think Teyona's actually the dumb one for not being able to recognize Allison's wit. Projection is increasingly the easiest defense mechanism to identify. Shit, Teyona's BFFs with a girl who can't even get her double negatives right.

 

I totally knew that Aminat was into chicks, btw. Her drooling over McKey and promising to eat her cake (a veiled euphemism) and getting excited about the vanilla included (a less veiled euphemism) just felt like providence.

I enjoyed Celia saying "in the fetus," as in, "Have you not been practicing this since you were, like, in the fetus? No? Seriously? I have!"

 

I hope to one day find out what it's like to be in the fetus. I have a suspicion that it is much like coolin' out in the place to be, except squishier.

Finally...

 

...best thing to come of this cycle, y/y? I would seriously frame that shit and hang it in my living room.

If that's the best, this is the worst: a post-show interview with Tahlia, in which she makes clear that the experience deluded her as much as it was intended to. She says, "What I would like to do is wait for doors to open for me, and then I can be a little more selfish in my own way and take advantage of the offers. I’m hoping that modeling or acting comes out of all this, since I love doing both. Being a spokesperson would be great too, since that’s something I love to do. Hopefully modeling will save me and sweep me off my feet!" That really just makes me sad, and that's something this show should never do. :(

(Thanks to Linda T., for sending that in.)

Comments

[Jhg812]

NOT FIRST!

[Jhg812]

Oh wow...I was first...

[Jhg812]

I loved "in the fetus" too! Celia is AWESOME.
Uch, London looks amazing when she's fake crying.

And you didn't make a GIF of the Natalie-sleeping-around-the-world montage! That was amazing.
"The Bitchy Bunch." HA! (But Monique and Robin were the two worst bitches. Three times as bad as Sandra.)

[Colleen]

She's going to wait for doors to open? Even girls with actual modeling potential know that they can't just wait for the doors to open; they have to go knock on the doors and then stick their foot in so the person on the other side can't slam the door shut on them. If she thinks doors are just going to open, she is sadly mistaken. To me, it just sounds lazy, like "Oh, well Im' not actually going to put forth the effort to get anywhere; I'm just going to wait for success to come to me."

Lame.

[gm]

I think that that last picture might be my favorite thing to come out of this show ever.

[steele]

I didn't even watch the clips show, but I'm sure your video recap is better than what Tyra could come up with.

"Uhhhh...NO."

[Amy]

If I had that picture, I would hang it up on my refrigerator.

[Vicki]

Thank you so much for recapping this. I wasn't able to watch it & since I mainly watch ANTM as a pre-requisite for this blog, I now feel complete. :D

[Jen]

Here is more of Allison's art: http://www.flickr.com/photos/allisonharvard/sets/72157605457746605/ She may sell some for you to hang in your living room! She should do more because it is totally awesome.

Fo's crying montage was pretty great, if only because she said "I pwomised I wouldn't cry, I pwomised!"

[MmSM]

Rich with stubble= Visual orgasm

Would have been a far better drawing had she had her period on it.

[Maude]

Celia and Allison seem a tad too intelligent/aware of the ridiculousness of it all to be on ANTM... I love them both but I feel like their weeks are numbered.

[vladimirnabokov]

Love the re-caps Rich!

Tyra is a monster!!

Question: Am I crazy or did Celia say in the first show or her audition that she worked for Bergdorf in NYC? She's so terrible but it's like wanting to watch the tornado. I bet the girls who went to high school w/ her are dying. Or they don't give a fuck. But it's still funny!!

[j]

your beard is good.

[Tinsely]

rich you are a hot mess!

[Vanessa]

So the Tahlia interview was a bit sad making with the one comment but overall she seems really mature, no? I thought her take on the whole Celia callout thing was really excellent and impressively mature. Not a model but I don't hate.

(really we should hate Tyra in the first place.)

Loved their wall of Sondra's. That was the best recap moment since they collected Jade's aphorisms.

In closing, images of you seem incomplete now without Bret Michaels standing close (but not, like, gayly close) to you.

[Lizzy]

What the hell??! Tahlia likes acting? She was terrible AND seemed to be miserable the entire time she was doing it. She is such a waste of space (and not in the ANTM sense).

[3ya]

The Allison and Celia love was amazing! lol! Fo crying was the best especially since she promised she wouldn't cry! "I'm pretty so that's enough goodnight." That was epic in every way! Love it Rich!

[NotOkay]

London really did gain a lot of weight since the 1st episode. She needs to go. I'm for Fo or Celia.

[Whitney G]

God, I adore Allison. Every week I get so scared that she's going to be sent home. She's so slyly funny, and I think she's gorgeous.

[EZ]

I am also a fan of the Allison/Celia love. Plus i like both of them as models.

I can't believe i read that whole interview... gross

[Bobbie]

So Allison's bloody nose drawing... that's of Tyra, right? So amazing.

[Bruce]

im lost. the show is ending ?? how many girls are left ? who are left ? i thought the finale was 2 girls. not fucking 15

[Bruce]

after watching ur youtube video " im not here to make friends " i am to conculsion ur the best !!! 3,000 subscribers, and 90,000 channel views. ur my idol.

everyone on this site let's protest to get rich to get a twitter !!!

[Bruce]

im curious to know have u ever meet trya ?? ur like a super fan. lol im pretty sure u did. if not man u need to step it up.

[jordanbaker]

Tahlia, ugh. If she still thinks she has a future in modeling or acting, then there's nothing that can save her from becoming the Gilbert, AZ housewife that she already looks like.

(and now I'm sad that only other people who grew up in AZ in the '80's will know just how awful that insult really is)