Welcome 2 the dawn of suck

Prince makes me scared for the future. When you have one of the greatest musicians of his time visibly sucking at every turn, what does it mean for us mere mortals? What does it mean for creativity in general? Is it fleeting till it's gone and then you die?

Prince released a multi-CD set this week that includes two new albums from him, LotusFlow3r and MplSound. Both are bad enough to make me long for the days of an over-stuffed mess like Emancipation. "Letitgo" from 1994's inconsequential Come shuffled onto my iPod the other day and I swear a wave of sadness for how rare even the most relative of past glories have become.

It's easy to say where it all went wrong (uh, "Batdance?" although there were still flashes of greatness much after that); it's much harder to say what exactly is wrong (besides, you know, everything). As a performer, he's as compelling as ever. It's not like he forgot how to play all 5,000 instruments in his arsenal. Did the guy just run out of melodies? Is that the price of musical prolificacy? Is the funk of a squeaky clean Jehovah’s Witness just not stinky enough? Does he just no longer have anything to say? Maybe! Over 90 minutes and two discs worth of groaning is propelled by lines like, "If you never know how much I care / I swear / It’s not fair" (from the positively Whitesnakian "4Ever") and, "You’re still fine / Like wine / You get better with time,” ("Better With Time") and perhaps most offensively: "Upload a child without a father/ Download no respect for authority / Upload a child with no mother / Download a hard time showing love." Amazing that a man through the course of a single career could go from the incest anthem "Sister" to Quayle-style "family values" (with crappy Life 2.0 imagery, to boot), but there you have it. When Prince's (more-) feminine alter-ego, Camille shows up here and there (courtesy of his pitched-up voice and amped-up sass), she no longer seems like a gender-fuck. She sounds neutered.

If you hit the heights that Prince has, your eventual fall is bound to be grand, but I feel like there's more there's more than inevitability going on here. Certainly, the sound of his music is no longer as rich as it once was. When it's sparse, it sounds more sterile than clean. When it's beefed up, it sounds like a designer impostor version of Justin Timberlake doing Prince -- he busts out his trusty LinnDrum for much of MplSound (LotusFlow3r is its consciously rockier counterpart). When Prince did this three years ago with "Black Sweat" and some lesser selections from 3121, it seemed endearingly novel. Now that it's retro repetition, it seems desperate and, even worse, self-fetishizing: he'll stick that synthy, hydraulic-sounding percussion under any old thing these days from pseudo-jazz to plastic calypso to ballads treacly enough to make "Diamonds & Pearls" seem like an ideal.

It makes sense that a former studio visionary is having a hard time keeping up -- technology creeps up on and threatens to lap us all. But instead of aging gracefully, Prince seems committed to showing his sagging ass whenever possible. Last week, he launched the paid subscription site, LotusFlow3r.com. It is Flash-heavy enough to suggest that Prince is the type of guy who wonders who's bringing the ice cream to the social networking. He probably pronounces "HTML" like "huhtumel." He probably thinks that Twitter is for clitorises (but only when he's feeling retro naughty). But beyond its hot-for-'01 aesthetic is a whole bunch of nothing. What was proposed as a way of granting access to his piles of unreleased shit and live footage is in reality a YouTube alternative that offered LotusFlow3r/MplSound a few days before their official release and a few hours before they spread like a big disease with a little name all over the Internet. LotusFlow3r.com will supposedly be updated consistently, but its launch felt more like a thud and suggested that this guy has no fucking idea what he's doing. The little content that it did have upon opening was plagued with tech problems. There's been a fair amount of outrage from his fans. And look, if you can't satisfy the die-hards that are willing to plop down $77 on essentially a blind buy in your name, you are fucking up. And you're fucking up because you're lazy, Mr. Legendary Vault. The air of mystery that has made Prince so compelling for so long (even after his music ceased being so) is quickly becoming the smell of bullshit. Really, Prince just seems kinda sad anymore.

Weirdly (although, is any other adverb about Prince ever more appropriate?), the bright spot of this release is its third disc, a Prince-helmed album from Bria Valentine called Elixer. As with all proteges, Bria seems dim (she pronounces "serotonin" as though it has a "ton" sound in the middle, not "tone") and not particularly talented (when it's at its best, her voice sounds like Vanessa Williams at her worst). Elixer is brimming with pseudo bossa nova that's sub-Sade enough to sound sub-Chanté Moore, and put-on sappiness that sounds like it should be coming from a wedding band playing the Steak Pit. It's all crap, but as something tacked on to an otherwise unrelated release (because if it weren't, less than nobody would care about it), there's a certain awareness of that. During the straight-up house track, "2nite," the best song on any of the three discs here, we're reminded of Prince's special talent as a trash trafficker who can make vapidness seem artful. It's not much, but at least he can still do something right.

Comments

[Cheryl]

Dear Prince: You're dead to me after you stopped performing 'Get Off' at your concerts..to this day that is close to the top of my list for sexy songs! I was gonna give you some lee way because When Doves Cry is awesome as well...but you've pushed me too far...

[floridakelly]

Image reminds me of Lisa Frank stickers. See http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_kMP9tVD1jkI/STVokmDBhlI/AAAAAAAAAa8/bPpkA9I7k40/s400/LisaFrank2.jpg for reference

[Fluff]

I remember I was so happy when I discovered Prince! I treasured his 80s albums as if they were my cats but then one fine day, I found Emancipation in the store... THE GENIUS HAD FAILED. I cried while listening to that shit. It has always seemed to me Prince started to suck when he broke out for artistic freedom. This man just needs someone that can say no to him and also a muse.

[liz]

I don't know if you've ever seen Conversations with Kevin Smith, but it's worth the watch if for nothing lese than his very long story about how he got roped into producing a documentary for Prince, and about halfway through was confronted by an assistant to Prince who basically had to break it down and tell Smith that Prince had just been Prince for way too long, and doesn't understand why people can't bring him a camel at one in the morning in Minnesota. Good stuff.

[spazmo]

Ok, liz, gonna need to check out "Conversations" now, because I really need to know whether Prince expects a ciggie at one in the morning, or like...an actual camel with a hump and stuff.
The latter would not surprise me.

Prince is dead to me too. For so long fans have given him the benefit of the doubt in regards to his musical ability, his masculinity & sexuality, his commitment to his art, etc. We even let him prance around as the "leading man" in that ridiculous Purple Rain movie. "It's ok," we thought "he's Prince!" What were we rewarded with? Contempt, lawsuits, moral disdain and now this final, unforgivable banality. Fuck off and retire already, purple one.

[Chris]

Given him the benefit of the doubt about his masculinity and sexuality?

What the fuck are you talking about?

[KB]

I blame Jehovah.

[Johari]

Not gonna lie, but I once thought HTML was short for Hotmail.

[spazmo]

chris- do you really need it spelled out for you?

In a nutshell: throughout his career, despite the longstanding widespread belief that he was a closet case, he behaved and insisted otherwise, got famous and wealthy during a fairly homophobic cultural era thanks to open-minded fans who insisted his queer image was either an act or a non-issue, then got religion and made comments to the effect that gays need to watch themselves or God will go all Sodom on their asses.

[Amy Anomalous]

Long ago, in a galaxy that transpired in my adolesence, Prince was the final word in Sexy. But then actual sex came into the picture, and I realized that Prince was a campy substitute for James Brown, Marvin Gaye, and all the music that came from getin' it on like a grown-up. Makes me wonder how out of touch the man actually is.Whe I realized I couln't picture him dressed down, it was all over.I guess that is what is sounds like when doves cry.

[nikkiatruefan]

Prince is still the shit you just have to ignore anything after 1994 and its still all good.
I listen to James Brown and Marvin Gaye and would still rather fuck to Parade
and make love to scandalous and my wedding song was Adore the whole 7minutes

[Matos W.K.]

He took the Linn out for much of The Gold Experience, too--and it worked there and on 3121. I haven't heard this new stuff, and based on this I probably won't anytime soon, which saddens me in a way but doesn't really surprise me all that much.

[Drew]

I've always thought Prince sucked. So this is no big deal to me. I think most songs that get radio time now suck anyways. which is why i find my own music, and listen solely to my CDs and iPod, or i listen to NPR.

[produzentin]

I agree, can't listen to a single song on his new discs. The only other song on the Bria album I like is Another Boy. A hint of Vanity 6, but just a hint.

Should Prince get outside producers to come up with an horrible Santana like album?

[imdone]

Sigh. I knew it was over when he got all holy.
I believe your great review Rich, but I'm still gonna head over to Tar-zhay and get a copy, just to add to the collection...

[Sam]

The same thing is happening to Tori Amos, except her downfall has a lot less Witnessing and awkward plastic surgery. But about the same amount of glitter and wigs!

[Chantal Goya]

Drew- YOU ARE A TOTAL CLICHE! And when do you ever hear Prince's new shit on the radio?

[Washington "Spring Has Sprung And I Just Sat On It" Cube]

I always remember this video Prince made, when he and his wife were expecting a baby. I do believe the song was called "Baby," and one line was "I hope he has eyes like yours." It was shot in black and white...a LOT of white, and snow and Prince in a white parka putting gas in his SUV and getting to the hospital...yes..we are having a baby, etc. Man. You NEVER see that video floating around, because, uh...he did have a baby which quickly became a "Let's not talk about it moment," then the baby died, as did his marriage, and she's back to belly dancing. Wonder why I thought of that right now?

[Chris]

Agree with all of the above. I really loved 3121 and thought it was a great return to form, but don't have much of an interest in listening to the latest. With him, it's always been quantity over quality, isn't it?

[Drew]

Chantal Goya - i'm a cliche of what? and i don't listen to the radio, so i don't know if Prince's new shit gets played or not. i've never liked prince, he's just not my style. i may not fit into your little pop music bubble, and for that, i'm not sorry. i don't feel having the music industry tell me what to like or not like. i find music that i enjoy, whether its a band, or just one song, and i add it to my collection, and normally, it's not anything major. example: google florence and the machine's song "dog days" and tell me that shit ain't good

[realmusicpeople]

You lot are a joke ....I've never liked Prince or I Liked him in the 80's ... what aload of crap...please you lot couldn't play your way out of a paperbag ...could not write a song to save your life and have zero taste in music ...

Oh i play james brown records or marvin gaye so i must be able to comment ...oh i'm hip i've got the new Florence and the Machine song.... what a joke you all are..ha.ha..

[Drew]

lulz. i don't judge other people based on thier music. i have two categories. music i like, and music i don't like. prince is under the category of "don't like". it doesn't mean i don't have taste, it means i have taste different form yours. florence and the machine is just an example i threw out there of music i do like, it's bad ass.
and know, i couldn't sing if my mom's life depended on it, nor can i play an instrument. it doesn't mean i can't judege what i do and don't like about music. it doesn't mean i can't judge what is good music or not. sheesh.

[Sarah]

I don't think I could fuck to "Scandalous" without bursting out laughing mid-thrust.

For me, Prince's genius was swiftly cancelled out by his homophobia, uptight attitude and greed.

[Monica C.]

Word? It's that bad? I'm so disappointed, although I haven't been into anything post "Around the World In A Day".

[rock]

I enjoy 95% of LotusFlow3r, and about 50% of the bria cd. MPLSound is more of an attempt to get back to 80s, which are gone and not coming back. I would never pay $77 for a membership, but if you get the cd from target, I think you get a pretty good deal. but that is my opinion and I have been waiting for an all rock cd from prince for a long time - which is what lotusflow3r is. The comments on this blog's article seem pretty harsh. If you don't like his stuff - don't buy it.