I feel like this post should start, "It was all a dream...!" but no: it's all very real. On the Twitter I'm keeping to document the songs that get stuck in my head (and, incidentally, on which I'm shooting the 140-character-capped shit a lot more than I expected), I'm also trying to include a link to the song I'm mentioning whenever possible. SWV's oral-sex ode "Downtown" became lodged last week and so I went to YouTube to find its video, and bam! First shot:
Oh. Shit. You know? Coko's nails are the stuff of legend. And also, they are maybe the stuff of Toucan Sam's beak. The video goes on:
She looks like she's a creature who consumes sexy dudes. A literal maneater and nice counterpoint to the figurative eating of the song:
It got me thinking: I always loved those nails. I think their trashy absurdity is what pushed SWV over the line and made them my favorite girl group of their time (as much as it might feel wrong, I know it's right: I really would place them above TLC and En Vogue for sheer breadth of amazing material).
I'm not sure that those nails were ever given their due as a pop-cultural source of amazement. And so, to pay tribute to them the best way I know how: I combed YouTube for shots of her manipulating them and then made a gif wall of them. It's below the jump. Reflecting on Coko's willingness to be so flashy about one of the most impractical tacky fashion decisions a woman can make is kind of mind-blowing on a Magnolia level. I look at the shit below and I say to myself, "This happens. This is something that happens." And when it does, pop is better of for it.
you have no idea what this has done for me. no. idea. i spent four hours a month ago looking for images of coko's nails. and here....here they are....i'm weeping.
Posted by: megs | May 15, 2009 at 11:24 AM
Where's Vh1 on a reality show about a beauty salon ran by Coko & Saaphyri?
Posted by: merv | May 15, 2009 at 11:29 AM
Girl is a parakeet, truly.
Posted by: meatwhichdreams | May 15, 2009 at 11:33 AM
Hey Rich,
Have you watched Taj on Survivor? She's in the final four. It doesn't look like she's going to win but she's been awesome all season.
Posted by: MoNYC | May 15, 2009 at 11:35 AM
She's like Jack Skellington!
Posted by: Marcella | May 15, 2009 at 11:53 AM
i especially enjoy the gifs where both hands are wrapped around the microphone. it looks like it's encased by a ribcage. BEAUTY.
Posted by: emily | May 15, 2009 at 11:54 AM
How does she wipe her ass?
Posted by: Syd | May 15, 2009 at 11:57 AM
YOU A SLOTH.
Posted by: steele | May 15, 2009 at 12:19 PM
GOKO! I always loved her explanation that long nails "run in her family." Genius. The shedding of dead cells in the form of nails and hair runs in my family too!
Posted by: lovah | May 15, 2009 at 12:22 PM
Rich--genius or mad man? This is definitely the stuff of pop-induced nightmares and reminds me of the "other mother" in Coraline.
Posted by: Miss Lisa | May 15, 2009 at 12:53 PM
This is brilliant. The thing I remember most about SWV is a video where Coco wears some black gloves in a few scenes, and that just blew my mind. Like- were they specially made? Do they make crazy claw gloves?
Posted by: Melody | May 15, 2009 at 01:00 PM
you hav brought me such joy.
Posted by: oliver | May 15, 2009 at 01:06 PM
I took care of LeeLee's son Khiry when he was 4 and 5 years old (at a daycare center) and that kid had diamond earrings the size of large pebbles in his ear. It was amazing. I met LeeLee a few times and she was nice but her nails just weren't as impressive. I did like her hair though, she had the long/short thing going on.
Posted by: Laura | May 15, 2009 at 01:24 PM
Tyson Beckford looks like he is saying "Ewwwww, nasty azz nails...they don't pay me enough for this shyt!" in his head in that last gif.
Posted by: hateraid | May 15, 2009 at 01:27 PM
oh my god, how DOES she wipe her ass?
Posted by: jonn | May 15, 2009 at 01:32 PM
That ass-wiping question is no joke. I'm concerned, really, in a medical sort of way.
Posted by: Queen Lena | May 15, 2009 at 01:37 PM
Totally... Inquiring minds want to know: how does this girl clean her arse?
Posted by: OMG | May 15, 2009 at 01:46 PM
Not impressed.
Posted by: pete | May 15, 2009 at 01:49 PM
Gah, preview showed image, joke ruined.
Posted by: pete | May 15, 2009 at 01:52 PM
The sloth comment. The sloth comment! Indeed, that is exactly what I thought when I saw the gif of her slowly grasping the mike... the most fabulous sloth that ever was.
Posted by: Heather | May 15, 2009 at 01:52 PM
oh freakin' nice. love her, love this.
Posted by: SarahKaSarah | May 15, 2009 at 02:13 PM
She looks like Nosferatu.
Posted by: jabes | May 15, 2009 at 02:22 PM
I'm ashamed to admit that I only know of SWV because of Taj on Survivor but I've come to see the light. They are FIERCE AS FUCK.
Posted by: priya | May 15, 2009 at 02:24 PM
This nails kept me in a trance in my teen years. Once you get into adult years you really realize how impratical they are.
I love the GIFs of her pushing her hair out of her face or clapping.
Bravo Rich!
Posted by: MissNee | May 15, 2009 at 02:40 PM
The ass-wiping question was always ALWAYS on my mind way back in the day. My brother and I had a full on discussion about it over Fruit Roll Ups and Lunchables when I was in the 3rd grade. And I still want to know!
Posted by: WarOnTara | May 15, 2009 at 02:48 PM