I feel like this post should start, "It was all a dream...!" but no: it's all very real. On the Twitter I'm keeping to document the songs that get stuck in my head (and, incidentally, on which I'm shooting the 140-character-capped shit a lot more than I expected), I'm also trying to include a link to the song I'm mentioning whenever possible. SWV's oral-sex ode "Downtown" became lodged last week and so I went to YouTube to find its video, and bam! First shot:
Oh. Shit. You know? Coko's nails are the stuff of legend. And also, they are maybe the stuff of Toucan Sam's beak. The video goes on:
She looks like she's a creature who consumes sexy dudes. A literal maneater and nice counterpoint to the figurative eating of the song:
It got me thinking: I always loved those nails. I think their trashy absurdity is what pushed SWV over the line and made them my favorite girl group of their time (as much as it might feel wrong, I know it's right: I really would place them above TLC and En Vogue for sheer breadth of amazing material).
I'm not sure that those nails were ever given their due as a pop-cultural source of amazement. And so, to pay tribute to them the best way I know how: I combed YouTube for shots of her manipulating them and then made a gif wall of them. It's below the jump. Reflecting on Coko's willingness to be so flashy about one of the most impractical tacky fashion decisions a woman can make is kind of mind-blowing on a Magnolia level. I look at the shit below and I say to myself, "This happens. This is something that happens." And when it does, pop is better of for it.
Wow!! I can't believe I used to think her nails were the business! Lol! You should try and find images of all the celebrities that wore Cross Colors!
Posted by: LaToya | May 17, 2009 at 10:13 PM
That. Is. Disgusting.
Posted by: Mardi | May 18, 2009 at 01:48 PM
this is so awesome! I love SWV
Posted by: anon | May 18, 2009 at 10:16 PM
The awesome SWV collection can be found here:
http://ugghnicewatch.com/2006/09/13/respect-swv-or-get-your-brains-knocked-out/
Posted by: Tom | May 19, 2009 at 02:15 PM
The gif of her clapping reminds me of some crazy Jim Henson creation. Horrible hand prosthetics from The Dark Crystal perhaps.
Posted by: Erin | May 19, 2009 at 02:42 PM
Slothferatu!
Posted by: CruntyOldMe | May 19, 2009 at 04:29 PM
this.all.videos.....long.nails
http://85.17.187.83/saff/index.php?board=202.0
Posted by: kaya | May 21, 2009 at 07:29 PM
http://85.17.187.83/saff/index.php?board=202.0
Posted by: kaya | May 21, 2009 at 07:32 PM
Coko's superlong, naturally curved talons are the stuff of legend. Her detractors have obviiously been denied the touch, the caress of long, sexy nails. O well. Coko is one in a billion; super talented, super tantalizing. She is deeply missed.
Posted by: Boll Weevil | May 27, 2009 at 10:05 PM
If she breaks a nail it could peel all the way back to her neck.
"Oh my god, what's the matter?!"
"I broke a nail."
"You're bleeding from your neck! Somebody, get help!"
The gifs are hypnotic.
Posted by: RCoA | May 27, 2009 at 10:29 PM
This is damn near your best post ever, Rich!! Takes me back to summer after 6th grade, playing my "Weak" tape single until it almost popped!
Posted by: LoveMyselfFirst | June 04, 2009 at 06:31 PM
Rich uhhh are you aware that the link to your "Twitter" is actually a link to the Play Him Off, Keyboard Cat website? Was that intentional? Is it like getting Rick Rolled...only with Keyboard Cat?
Posted by: LiLoh | June 04, 2009 at 10:22 PM
if she grabs a really big puff of toilet paper and holds it with the sides of her fingers i bet she can get in there pretty good. all depends on the size of her booty thoough...
Posted by: Benny B | June 05, 2009 at 01:45 PM
BxmMwE
Posted by: Adktvoul | July 14, 2009 at 07:12 AM
I don't care how hot the girl might be, I would never dare to date someone with those nasty nails. She is so disgusting!!!
Posted by: Generic Viagra | August 06, 2010 at 02:55 PM
OH MY GOD this is so awesome. I always loved Coko's nails and thought she was so badass for having them. UGH. I am weeping as well.
Posted by: Durrday | January 10, 2011 at 08:28 PM
why people are so worried about how she wiped is beyond believe. Do you really think she does somethign different? And why do you want to know? Don't you know how to wipe yours so now you need tips? Geez, the lady had long nails, and they were beautiful. They made her unique and lets be honest if she didn't have them long SWV would probibly NOT have been as famous as they became. So the lesson to learn, long nails makes you unique and stand out from the crow. Then again, was that not what we were taught as kids, to be yourself and unique and not become a cookie cutter that soceity demands you to be?
Posted by: stan | January 18, 2011 at 06:53 AM
She's like Freddy Kruger with a vag .. and black face. No offense.
Posted by: Kellie Altieri | September 30, 2011 at 08:54 AM
omg - LMFAO @ "YOU A SLOTH". That comment seriously would have made me spit my beverage, if I were drinking one. AWESOME
Posted by: Kellie Altieri | September 30, 2011 at 08:58 AM
I remember how itecxed I was when I found this album. Unfortunately it was one of the few times I've actually deleted an album from iTunes. The 50 MB I saved was more valuable. I did keep the Changing Faces track though. Agree the concept was worthwhile.
Posted by: Saif | March 06, 2012 at 09:41 AM