Coko's nails

I feel like this post should start, "It was all a dream...!" but no: it's all very real. On the Twitter I'm keeping to document the songs that get stuck in my head (and, incidentally, on which I'm shooting the 140-character-capped shit a lot more than I expected), I'm also trying to include a link to the song I'm mentioning whenever possible. SWV's oral-sex ode "Downtown" became lodged last week and so I went to YouTube to find its video, and bam! First shot:

Oh. Shit. You know? Coko's nails are the stuff of legend. And also, they are maybe the stuff of Toucan Sam's beak. The video goes on:

She looks like she's a creature who consumes sexy dudes. A literal maneater and nice counterpoint to the figurative eating of the song:

It got me thinking: I always loved those nails. I think their trashy absurdity is what pushed SWV over the line and made them my favorite girl group of their time (as much as it might feel wrong, I know it's right: I really would place them above TLC and En Vogue for sheer breadth of amazing material).

I'm not sure that those nails were ever given their due as a pop-cultural source of amazement. And so, to pay tribute to them the best way I know how: I combed YouTube for shots of her manipulating them and then made a gif wall of them. It's below the jump. Reflecting on Coko's willingness to be so flashy about one of the most impractical tacky fashion decisions a woman can make is kind of mind-blowing on a Magnolia level. I look at the shit below and I say to myself, "This happens. This is something that happens." And when it does, pop is better of for it.

Comments

[Colin]

That gif wall just made my day. I might just stare at it for the rest of the afternoon.

Also, that gif wall kind of makes me think of Event Horizon for some reason.

[catina]

i'm jumping on the ass-wiping band wagon. i've tried to calculate the physics of it for many a year, and it just does not add up!

kinda gross when you consider she wants someone's tongue down there!

FUCKING ICK!

[Astra]

http://www.eonline.com/videos/v1496528397_SNL__Corn_Chip_Nail_Tips.html

I can't help but think of that.

[Brook]

all I can think is - velociraptor

[tabletop_joe]

This was a common site in Detroit when I was a wee one. I saw ladies ringing us up at cash registers without missing a beat, keying about a million strokes per second with 5-inch long finger nails. Amazing.

I offer this for your perusal:

http://www.nailartgallery.com/

I don't know if you care that the nails are (probably) not attached to Coko, but I've spent a lot of time printing out pictures from that gallery in black and white and coloring them with highlighter. It's super fun.

[Angelmonster]

Favorite pic is on the right, third from the bottom.. The bitch behind her is totally mellow until Coko comes on screen and the bitch runs. And I dun blame her!

[Spontaniouse]

One look at those nails and I get so weak in the knees I can hardly speak. I lose all control. Something comes over me.

[Daniela]

I honestly wonder how she wiped her ass.

Think about it.

[Tommy]

Pop is better off for it. Absolutely. As someone whose been waiting for someone to do a tribute to the epic ridiculousness/ferocity that were Coko's nails (looking for pix, like the first commenter), that gif wall pretty much does it for me. Bitch was a trendsetter!

[Marieme]

Cocoa's nails belong to Jesus now. She's become a gospel singer. Or at least she's made some Jesus music. I've actually become an accidental fan of modern gospel music thanks to Stevie Wonder's radio station KJLH. They have gospel Sunday and one day I tuned in to discover some of the best and most fun music ever. Gospel music jams! Anyway, several years ago Cocoa recorded a song called "Midnight" and it's terrific. It remains one of my favorite R&B gospel songs to this day.

[Marieme]

I mean Coko. Lol! "Cocoa" is our cat. She can barely meow. never mind sing.

[Chupacabra]

"It's About Time" first cd I ever owned...and only cd that i've owned that i still play continuously.

I always say "Sing it to 'em, Coko" when I want to say "hallelujah" to my buddies...but no one ever gets it. Makes me smile.

[RD]

^Ah, "Sing it to 'em, Coko." Childhood memories.

I wonder how long those nails would've grown if Coko didn't give birth to her son and had to clip those one or two inches from her nails.

[Hope]

Coco inspired me to rock long ass acrylic nails back in high school. I learned how to dial a phone using my knuckles, and had to use a hanger to zip up my jeans. (Stuck the hook through the zipper...) I later realized the ridiculousness of this look, but it wasn't until seeing this that I can acknowledge that I must have looked like an insect.

[noah]

This is a gift Rich.
She's like Lil from squidbillies.

[TheAitch]

Wait! Hold up! Taj was in Ess-Ess, Double-Double You, Double Vee??? That is crazazy! I love her on Survivor. Anyway about those nails, I think they started out kinda cute in the first frame, then just got all curly and crazy and besides wiping butt, what about putting in contacts, chopping veggies, typing, eating an apple, etc... But she probably never had to do any of those things herself.

Where is she now?

[Laya]

I don't think I ever really noticed her nails, which puts me in the minority here.

BUT. There's a lady who drives the bus in Baltimore who has nails more than twice as long as Coko's. Every time I see her, I stare. She wears fingerless gloves, and I can't figure out how she gets them on and off, let alone any of the other questions people are asking.

[yr momz]

i love how in downtown they're all wearing spandex and hockey jerseys... always gets me sprung.

i wish women could dress like that now without pointing out how 90s ironic they are.

[Kim]

I agree with the other posters. The sheer practical question of how you do ANYTHING with nails like that makes me crazy every time I see someone rocking them. Shiver.

[Jerome]

Do you remember the Behind The Music on Barry White? Do you remember his crazy-looking wife, Glodean? I swear she is Coko's mother.

[fka]

I can't believe how uncomfortable looking at the gif wall makes me.

[gus]

oh my god Magnolia reference, probably my favorite movie of all time, mixed with SWV adoration. That's a way to make a post. well done!*!

[Reese]

ESS...DOUBLE...YOU...VEE!!!!!

I'd have to find the article, but Coko was saying years later how ugly and tacky her nails were, and how she wished somebody would've told her. Okay, I remember being that age, and nobody could tell me SHIT. I'm sure the same applied for her nails, Taj's multicolored hair (which only SHE could rock because she was so cute), and songs like "Downtown" and "Blak Pudd'n". I'm sure plenty of people told her about those damn nails. Coko, you ain't gotta lie to kick it.

Oh, and TAJ FOR SOLE SURVIVOR! That girl is kicking some SERIOUS ass. We all know the best player never wins, but I'd like to see her get to 3rd place at least.

[Jen - The Alien Spouse]

Hey Rich! I am simultaneously fascinated and repulsed. For some reason the shots of her holding a mic are the most disturbing for me. I wonder if now she's no longer in the public eye as much if she still maintains them, or if she clipped them off and framed them in a box frame?

By the way, have you tried http://www.Blip.fm? You can link it up to Twitter to tweet songs really easily, or you can use it by itself. I haven't tried it myself, but my friend David is addicted to it.

[Ang]

So, random question Rich - you are the pot psychologist, right? Or am I crazy? Did I just see you on MTV Live?