You know who's weird?
Tameka "Tiny" Cottle, "star" of the "reality" show Tiny & Toya. That show is both the worst and best thing on my TV right now. It's the worst because it's a pointless vanity project devoid of any suspense (scenes don't so much end as trail off ("Thank you, mama..." "He loves to sing, baby..."). Also, Tiny's co-"star" Antonia "Toya" Carter sucks as a reality show subject. She seems nice enough and she's attractive, but her claim to fame heretofore is her role as Lil' Wayne's baby mama. Here claim to fame from now on will be complaining about being solely known for being Wayne's baby mama. Seriously, bitch bitch bitch. Note to Toya: If you want to be known for more than your association with Wayne: REFRAIN SAYING "WANYE" IN EVERY SENTENCE. (I did like that she referred to him as "the person who broke my virginity" on last night's episode -- I guess we now know that she wasn't wearing tampons leading up to that!)
Also, if you want to be known period, refrain from sharing a show with Tiny, because she's bound to outshine you.
How could she not?
This won't be long, because like I said, Tiny & Toya is a bad show. Nothing happens except a lot of walking around and fretting. The biggest revelation is that T.I. is an asshole -- he won't let Tiny go out (!) or make music (!!!). Restraining someone who was in Xscape seems like a crime against humanity to me! Besides Tiny, T.I. has the biggest presence on the show despite not actually appearing on it (we don't even hear his voice on the other line when he and Tiny talk).
That said, I'm so glad Tiny & Toya exists just as a showcase for Tiny's weirdness. The show is boring, but she is mesmerizing.
Look at the mall-quality modeling she does in the show's intro:
She sounds about 5,000 times more Southern than anyone in her immediate vicinity. Also, she sounds like she's decomposing. That's when she isn't entirely incoherent. I've said this before, and watching her in action is only reinforcing it: she looks like something that would be growing off Mariah Carey.
Perhaps a parasitic twin, perhaps an elaborate mole.
But that's not hate: I love that she's weird-looking and -sounding and I love that despite that (or maybe because?) she bagged probably the best-looking rapper making music today. Even if he's a prick.
She's also weird-acting, if you couldn't tell. There was a discussion about her dormant music career in the first episode between her and her mom that mainly consisted of her making exasperated expressions with her eyes:
Just call her Major Flippant.
So yeah, this is just to say I'm transfixed. A lot of people have reality shows, many more think they should have one but few deserve one more than Tiny. Whenever she's on, my eyebrows are perpetually raised.
I guess what I'm saying is: I relate to her.
geez,she unattractive 4 real!!!!
Posted by: tee | July 15, 2009 at 02:09 PM
"Restraining someone who was in Xscape seems like a crime against humanity to me!" LMFAO!
When she was at the Budget Entertainment Awards I asked my friend if she was that annoying when she was in Xscape... Her response was did anyone care about her like that. Maybe she should just stick to writing songs.
What are you going to do when Kandi starts "The Real Housewives of Atlanta?"
Posted by: degamarie | July 15, 2009 at 02:12 PM
Thank God I'm not the only one fascinated by this woman. Her looks alone make her interesting. I mean, I never knew someone could look more Ms. Piggy-esque than Mariah, but Tiny has accomplished just that.
Posted by: Wookie | July 15, 2009 at 02:15 PM
how couldju not mention the miss piggy nose on this chick?!
Posted by: artemioolopez | July 15, 2009 at 03:22 PM
Tampons don't rupture hymens, Rich! I'm surprised you didn't know that, given your obsession with the vag.
Posted by: Rebecca | July 15, 2009 at 04:14 PM
I will have nightmares about her collagen-plumped duck-bill lips for the rest of my boring white-girl life.
Posted by: CruntyOldMe | July 15, 2009 at 04:46 PM
Thank you for this, Rich. This whole post explains why I love this show although it's not a step above The Hills. At least it's better than NYC Prep or Miami Social.
Posted by: RD | July 15, 2009 at 05:04 PM
Anyone else see a resemblance to Tiffany "New York" of VH1 fame?
Posted by: Rene | July 15, 2009 at 05:23 PM
"Anyone else see a resemblance to Tiffany "New York" of VH1 fame?"
THIS! But all in all, I love that two ghetto baby mama's got their own show.
And yes, I'll be watching it religiously.
But only in hopes that someday a camera crew will follow me around all day.
Posted by: Mouchois | July 15, 2009 at 07:47 PM
AHHHHHHH, I love that you have latched on to this....
I periodically text my friend quotables from this show (as I know she watches it, too). Hey, some people send those inspirational chain e-mails... I send these
Yesterday it was 'Did you know Wayne broke Toya's virginity?'
Today, a random 'Major Philant'
I am glad you caught that Barbizon School of Modeling runway turn, too!
(I love how Tiny's reasoning behind not wanting her friend Toya to be boo'd up... was solely so she would be by herself when Tip goes away)
Posted by: hereinlou | July 15, 2009 at 10:26 PM
Lame post about an easy target. Grow up and pick on somebody your own size!!!
Posted by: albdee | July 16, 2009 at 11:51 AM
Easy targets who put their lives on tv are still targets!
Posted by: SugarBlind | July 16, 2009 at 03:43 PM
She looks like that thing from The Dark Crystal.
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Posted by: william | July 17, 2009 at 06:25 AM
I really hate to be picky but Toya is actually Wayne's ex wife and not a baby mama, so she is probably one of those young girls who thought she was different and her relationship would last forever...that is until reality hit and now she's a divorce'. But thank you for following this show, I love it!!!
Posted by: Myla | July 17, 2009 at 03:35 PM
This show should be called "The Real Hoodrats of Atlanta." Jeesh.
Posted by: Jerry | July 17, 2009 at 11:53 PM
Lame post about an easy target. Grow up and pick on somebody your own size!!!
Posted by: albdee | July 16, 2009 at 11:51 AM
++++++++++++++++++
Is she a child? Did I miss something here??
Posted by: JaneDough | July 18, 2009 at 02:17 AM
"An elaborate mole" = REALLY funny.
She kind of looks like Miss Piggy got caught in an oil spill and/or had a baby with a Ron Jeremy.
Posted by: ben | July 18, 2009 at 12:44 PM
why can't they give a reality show to black women who have good diction? why do "they" glorify hood rats?her , teye and beyawnce studied at the same school, of ebonics!I'd rather see a clip of winston."winstons reality show"(and rudy)!
Posted by: heidi | July 20, 2009 at 08:21 PM
BOO'D UP! how stoopid...go read a book...like all that is important in life for a woman is to HAVE A MAN, excuse me I mean to be BOO'D UP ......
Posted by: heidi | July 20, 2009 at 08:25 PM
SHE THINKS CAUSE SHE IS A LIGHT SKIN BLACK PERSON, SHE CAN GET OVER AND EXCUSED TALKING LIKE THAT,,AND NO IT'S NOT A SOUTHERN THANG,it's called not pronouncing every letter when u speak!
Posted by: heidi | July 20, 2009 at 08:27 PM
everyone looks better, when they are thin..tinee,back in the day, could get away with her odd looks, cause they weren't blown up like a blow fish LOL!
Posted by: heidi | July 21, 2009 at 01:48 AM
Hello! .... she is Mariah's twin! .... Its like looking at a shorter Mariah without the glam squad, wind machine and photoshop..... I am reading all kinds of Mariah here!
Posted by: Jamie | July 21, 2009 at 05:57 PM
mariah reject and a muppet reject....just kidding! she can "sang" doe LOL
Posted by: heidi | July 21, 2009 at 11:08 PM
I'm seeing a tiny bit of Annaleigh from ANTM saying "Yo!" in that last loop.
Posted by: Emily | July 26, 2009 at 01:05 AM