No Signal: A Supercut

Given my love of editing and cliches, this was probably inevitable: a montage of contemporary horror and suspense cinema's go-to roadblock, non-working cell phones. I'm probably more psychotic than your average horror villain for sifting through this crap and compiling this (66 movies are included!). At the same time, the fact that I couldn't include cellular mishaps in still-in-theaters fare like Jennifer's Body and The Final Destination is killing me. So, you know, at least I'm balanced.

Comments

[turd.]

you forgot last house on the left.

[turd.]

you forgot last house on the left
Francis: I hate cell phones! Everyhwere you turn - nothing but texting and reading and texting.
then he smashes it

[Jack-O]

This has simply replaced "The line has been cut/there is no phone in the creepy old house." It's not really a "new" cliche, it's just a replacement for an old one.

[face]

Now witch movie was the first to use the line?

[Mytimouth]

You left off Julia Roberts' line in Erin Brockovich, sitting in her car outside the bar: "Oh, you piece of CRAP with no signal!"

[anonanon]

if only you had the "this has happened before" clip as the opening

[LisaL]

Hilarious.
We live in the middle of the suberbs. Where everyone and their mother lives... and we barely get a signal w/ Verizon. It's not like we're in the freakin boonies... it's SO damn frustrating.

[Kate]

I must applaud you for the time and effort put into this *applauds*

[Warren]

soooooooooooooo good!

[DQ]

http://www.movieline.com/2009/09/no-signal.php

This is turning up everywhere today - well done Rich!

[Indy Itsura]

There was this movie called Nowhere that had a GREAT cell phone scene.

The movie itself was pretty absurd, but the part in the end was the best.

This girl needs to get away from the serial killer, and so she goes inside* this old abandoned bus where he hides the stuff from the girls he's killed before. She then opens the suitcase of a girl who was kidnapped and murdered two years earlier, finds her old cellphone, opens it, and promptly places a call to the girl's mother (who was just waiting by the phone?) and then tells HER to call the police. Which, I don't know...would have been my /first/ call?

Anyway, everyone was like, "Wtf?! My phone loses it's charge within the hour! This bitch's phone stayed charged for TWO YEARS!?"

What's more, who's been paying the bill on that useless archaic cinderblock sized Nokia anyway?

I don't know. Kind of unrelated, but this made me think of that. These people need to get on that chick's service! You don't have to pay and you'll always have a signal and a charge! WIN/WIN/WIN!

*you need to make seperate videos for each horror movie cliche, including people going INSIDE buildings, vehicles, closets, abandoned asylums, haunted mansions etc. to get AWAY from the dangerous person/animal/beast/fog etc.

It could be an entire series. XD

[Kerlyssa]

Cell phones make a siren when you call 911? Seriously? What idiot thought that one up?

[bcd]

we had a case of "cellular betrayal" here in Johannesburg, South Africa, in real life a couple of years back....a bunch of Nigerians invaded an upscale brothel one night & demanded all the money & cell phones from the prostitutes & patrons, yelling & really hyped up on God knows what. the one hooker successfully hid her cell somewhere on her scantily clad body. the Nigerians had everything they wanted from everyone else & were about to turn & run out the door before the cops arrived when her cell started to ring.....she ended up with a gun to her head....not a nice ending. sometimes Real Life is worse than Art??

[Jess]

You probably already know, but your "not here to make friends" video is on the Us Weekly website under the heading "Hot New Reality Phrase," which is sort of hilarious since (as your video shows) it's been said 39082093452093485 times since the inception of reality television. Not exactly new...but definitely hot!

[Thomasi]

I'm very proud of myself. I've seen exactly one of those 66 movies. You could make it two if you count the original version of "Funny Games" (not shown) but I can't remember if Haneke played the cell phone gag in that one.

[Vanessa M]

I haven't heard of at least half of these. Rich, did you actually watch all of that?

Totally unrelated, I finally listened to the This American Life you were on ("Frenemies" in case anyone wants to look for it.) I was so impressed with your backstory on the "Not here to make friends" trope and I feel fabulous that you managed to get a soundbite of Jade onto NPR which remains my all-time favorite variation on that theme.

[lisa]

I submitted your post to fark and it' got on the main page : )

[Gwen]

Okay, I saw this today on NBC5 Chicago Morning News & thought, "I bet Rich put this together." I KNEW IT! Congratulations on your amazing work. Kudos to you!

[Deacon]

Tough choice, since cell phones are practically universal: go to the cliche or leave the audience wondering why no one 'just used their cell phones'...

[Geno]

Excellent montage... but glaringly missing was the classic Tara Reid movie "Devil's Pond"!

[Jerry Brannigan]

Wonderful, I've borrowed it for our screenwriters group website.

[Ted]

1) I seriously watched that deliberately for four minutes to make sure Funny Games was in it. ...heh.
2. Wow, I feel like I'm being stalked digitally; I listen to This American Life religiously, and then "No Signal" shows up on G4's Attack of the Show from last night (http://g4tv.com/attackoftheshow/aroundthenet/68519/Cannonball-Guy-Misses-Net-Left-4-Dead-Teletubbies-Mod.html) - the Hawking/Sagan auto-tune is quite awesome as well (even if I wish the auto-tune would die a horrible death behind a dumpster after a summer filled to the freakin' brim with it)

[Laura @ Hungry and Frozen]

Genius! I love that you included NZ film Black Sheep :D And also for alerting me to the fact that there is a film called Gingerdead man, what's going on there?!

[bryan]

this is something i ALWAYS think about in horror movies. it's become almost a necessity for screenwriters now to throw in the token line about how cells don't work "out here" so the characters can act retarded and desperate instead of, like... calling the cops.

[Art]

wow -- i'm so impressed with the amount of work put into this. GOOD JOB! you will always rule on account of your affections for horror.