fourfour: Curves: They are best

October 15, 2009

Curves: They are best

Did you know that a bigger bust line will make you look healthier, attractive to chuckling creeps that you are married to and possibly place you in the middle of a Skinemax flick? It is true, says the promo for Curves, the breast-enhancer/chicken-cutlet subsitute that rocked the infomercial airwaves in the '90s (re-edited for maximum awesome by me). I remember seeing this on TV, although the source for this particular footage is a tape that came along with the Curves (along with a plastic case and a felt bag, this was a $59.99 bonus value Curves gave you for free!). So basically, you watched the infomercial, it reminded you that you look like a stick of gum, you ordered the Curves and you got with them this infomercial imploring you to buy Curves, and do it all over again. You know that joke about if (straight) men had breasts, they would just stay home and play with them all day? Curves' system was such that you could play with this shit all your life, twisting in an endless cycle of infomercial commerce. Enhancement, indeed.

Posted at 02:18 PM in Dumbness, Video Re-Edits | Permalink

Comments

haha perfect

Posted by: Noel | October 15, 2009 at 03:25 PM

lol...can that husband's laugh get any creepier? Thanks for this, Rich. Although tempted, I think I'll remain a flat chested wonder.

Posted by: estrelas | October 15, 2009 at 03:25 PM

"the breast-enhancer/chicken-cutlet subsitute"

from that description I gathered that this was an informercial for chicken cutlets full of estrogen and other hormones to make women grow bigger breasts. Kind of like the weight watchers meal plan... but opposite. I was so surprised when they first showed the 'fleshy' gobs of rubber! The infomercial worked, I thought they were real!

Posted by: victoria | October 15, 2009 at 03:49 PM

Haha, this belong on Everything is Terrible. I'm sure they would get a kick out of this.

Posted by: steele | October 15, 2009 at 04:15 PM

I can't describe how creepy this is, especially the husband with that giggle.

Posted by: Vagabondblogger | October 15, 2009 at 04:38 PM

No comment on the hosts THICK THICK THICK dark brown (?) lip stick?

Posted by: Michael | October 15, 2009 at 07:20 PM

This made my day. I remember watching these commercials as a pre-teen and TOTALLY wanting them. I still would love to try them just to see how they would feel/look.

Thanks!

Posted by: Maya | October 15, 2009 at 09:24 PM

women of color are all that color, so nice job, curves.

Posted by: birah | October 16, 2009 at 01:58 AM

Ah, the '90s.

Posted by: Dennang | October 16, 2009 at 08:47 AM

It's GREAT to be a woman! Especially a falsie-wearing, beach-volleyball-playing, full-figured, well, I wouldn't say FULL-figured, woman with a great chest!

Posted by: Miss Lisa | October 16, 2009 at 12:01 PM

That's too funny. I love that they come in fancy boxes, in one of the only two skin tones women have...

Posted by: Kiera | October 16, 2009 at 01:00 PM

"I used to look like a stick of gum. Now I look like a stick of gum with candy dots for tits!"

Posted by: soulbrotha | October 16, 2009 at 06:09 PM

argh fuck you Curves! Having big boobs DOES NOT make you look skinnier!

Posted by: juliet | October 17, 2009 at 11:44 AM

"Breasts are back in a big way" -- what the hell? I realize this commercial was filmed before I had any bubbies to speak of, but when were breasts ever OUT?

Posted by: jordanbaker | October 18, 2009 at 01:32 PM