I curse you, PG-13!

Of all the funny things in Sam Raimi's Drag Me to Hell (out on DVD this week), the funniest may be its anti-careerist moral. To prove to her boss that she's shrewd enough for a promotion, loan officer Christine (made charming by Alison Lohman) denies an old woman an extension on her mortgage. She is then cursed to three days of living hell before hell-hell. Greed and detrimental ambition are rarely hilarious, but the irony here is that a movie that basically preaches against such sentiment just happens to be PG-13 horror. PG-13 has long been a scourge on the horror genre, as aiming for the family-friendlier rating has often meant appealing to the masses in the most watered-down, dishonest, wimpy, lame, ooh-I'm-a-twisty-Asian-girl-aren't-I-scary ways possible. When I find out a horror movie is rated PG-13, I generally run in the other direction, as if the projector is holding a chainsaw.

Drag Me to Hell is special, though -- it bucks the PG-13 curse at every turn. The rating actually ends up feeling more like a blessing, or a conduit for creativity. Repeatedly, Raimi frolics within his self-imposed parameters, inventing ways to be explicit and disgusting without pissing off the MPAA. The movie is essentially a ballet dance around a sleeping giant, except it's way more fun than ballet. Below are a few examples of Raimi's grace.

(Note: A slightly altered version labeled as the Unrated Director's Cut appears also on the DVD, but because it contains just a few seconds of difference, it doesn't really negate the validity or impressiveness of the theatrical release.)

(Also note that because the MPAA is so arbitrary on what it finds acceptable, most of these items aren't make-or-break factors that separate the PG-13's from the R's. This is more just an exploration of Raimi's wacky sensibilities and convention-toying that resulted in a movie that appears to be softer than R-rated fare, but maybe isn't ultimately.)

Anyway, among the ways Raimi is able to spin PG-13 into gold are:

- Most of the stalking is inhuman.

Christine's distress comes not from an axe-murderer or inventor gone mad with an endless supply of rusty contraptions for ripping off extremities and faces. Instead, she's been stalked by a demon called Lamia that mostly appears in the form of shadows.

This allows the tension to elevate as it would in any horror movie, in which its protagonist is prey, while hacking into the reality of human-hunting for something more fairy-tale in nature. Basically, this is torment porn as opposed to torture porn.

- When the stalking is human, it's dead.

Outside of a hilariously slapstick fight in a parking lot with the woman who curses her (and some demonic possession at the climax), when Christine does come face-to-face with a tormentor, it's often the corpse of the old woman (she expires soon after cursing Christine). Sylvia Ganush's dead body rips out Christine's hair (conveniently timed rigor mortis?) and throws up green...stuff on her (as seen above). So basically, it's like Weekend at Bernie's if Bernie proved to be a mean drunk who couldn't hold his liquor and remained dead the whole time while doing so.

And to that point...

- It's disgusting, not dis-guts-ing.

Instead of evisceration and effectively placed machetes, Raimi achieves a gory sensibility via false teeth...

...vomited maggots (among things)...

...fisting that's fit for public consumption...

...and projectile nose bleeds...

(That's her boss she's bleeding on. He delivers my favorite line in the movie right after she sprays blood everywhere: "Did I get any in my mouth?")

Via its balance of imagery that is both gruesome and hilarious, as well as its flair for physical comedy and deliriously cackling spirits, this movie feels like the little brother of Raimi's Evil Dead series. That's another reason why Drag doesn't feel like a cop-out: it welcomes the Dead in its soul.

- It's so fucking loud.

You don't have to know who Hitchcock was or that Bruce was a shark to understand how crucial sound is to horror, but I've never heard it used quite as explicitly as in Drag Me to Hell. It is, at times, more punishing than any visual imagery offered over the course of the perpetually nauseous Saw series. I don't imagine that the MPAA has any restrictions on using sound as an actual element of horror (instead of a mere enhancement), because really, how could it?

- Fucked-up shit happens to animals.

In the mondo-influenced tradition of animal abuse lending (despicable) realism to horror, two different animals are up for slaughter in Drag, including a kitten, which ends up as a sacrificial offering to Lamia. (This movie loves its pairs: there are the two sacrificial animals, two times Gunush's corpse pulls out Christine's hair, two times Christine ends up in Ganush's mouth, and the two instances of vomit.) Of course, no actual animals were harmed in the making of this film, and we don't even see any fake violence committed on them, but it still pushes the film into extremely unsettling territory.

(Ironically, as revealed in the DVD's sole extra - 35 minutes worth of "production diaries" -- the goat that they used was adorable and attentive enough to turn its head to whomever was delivering his or her lines during the scene it appeared in. It also licked Alison Lohman's hand repeatedly. They had to use the fake goat, seen above, as a stand-in because the kid was too damn friendly. And that is why you should NEVER OFFER UP GOATS even if you're possessed or haunted by Satanic spirits. Please don't kill them. They love you.)

So, there you have it: torment porn with an occasional Weekend at Bernie's sensibility, inventively repulsive imagery and an adorable goat. How could you possibly resist this thing?

Comments

[trixie]

I can't wait to see Drag Me To Hell since I missed it during its run in the theaters.

I have to disagree though, PG13 doesn't have to be the kiss of death (though I agree it often is). A horror movie can be incredibly scary and tense without a smidgeon of gore (you can argue with me all you want, but the original The Haunting made me need to sleep with the lights on). Unfortunately, the movies that are all PG13 rated horror movies now are not only watered down and made to appeal to the largest audience possible, but they are also completely devoid of imagination (hence all the asian remakes), skill (hence those movies that are filled with beautiful teenagers so you'll overlook the flaws) and any sort of interest in the genre (other than the return on investment).

So what Raimi did wasn't that incredible, but rather its a testament to how poor everyone else does it.

[Golden J]

Another interesting thing about the PG-13 rating is that it had exactly opposite its intended effect. It probably killed the movie's box office by turning away "real" horror fans who would see any dumb slasher-of-the-week but wouldn't go see something that looked "kiddie" to them. If it had actually been rated R (even with the same content) it could have done better, which is a shame.

[thefinalgirl]

I loved this movie. I was laughing hysterically in the theater when I saw it. I hope Raimi continues to make badass movies like this.

Also, I love that goat GIF.

[Laurie]

I bet Allison Harvard loves that nosebleed gif.

Also, I loved this movie. I screamed a lot when I saw it in the theaters.

[steele]

Goats are cute, even though they have freaky eyes. I want to see the cute goat footage.

[Sarah]

I <3 Goats. Don't ask me why.

[Skyler Harvey]

Bahahh! Laurie's comment about Allison Harvard loving that nosebleed = Gold.

Rich, if I was to ever ask a favor of you, it'd be to put Allison's smiling head on the boss. :)

[Sam]

Actually, regarding sound restrictions: Shyamalan had to remove a sound effect in order to achieve a PG-13 rating for The Village. And the movie “13 Ghosts” uses, in my opinion, the most pounding sound effects ever.

[Kim]

The ending was incredibly satisfying.

[Lisa]

THANK YOU RICH.

Definitely one of the most under appreciated movies this year. Hitting all the right notes in a horror comedy is a TOUGH thing to do because people often go more comedy than horror, but Raimi has always been a genius at figuring out where the line is.

[Retail jobs]

I already watched this movie with my husband 2 or 3 months ago. This movie is one of the horror movies that I will never forget of entire life because this movie really scares me. Honestly, I am a fan of horror stories and movies but I really am scared of them.

[Katie]

When I saw this in the theater, a bunch of kids who were too young to be familiar with Evil Dead were there, and they obviously didn't know what they were in for. They didn't get it. I think they should have marketed this movie more as a comedy than straight-up horror. That being said, you shouldn't have to see the Evil Dead movies to appreciate the genius of Drag Me to Hell. Haven't had that much fun watching a movie in a long time!

[Miss Lisa]

I too love goats. They're really personable and smart. This film got good reviews and it looks uh, refreshing...? Sam Raimi is such a clever fellow, isn't he?

[Faith]

i cant fucking wait to see this! My ex-hubs and I almost bought a goat once, a pygmy girl with horns...too cute. We were scared our dog would try to eat her though. *tear*

[Sarah]

I saw this with an aspiring film-maker friend who just hated it. He bitched and BITCHED about how 'stupid' the main character was. I think he just hated her because she killed a kitten.
What bothered ME about that was that she didn't finish reading the instructions for an animal sacrifice before she did it! No wonder it got all screwed up!

[Sharon]

Dude... What Lies Beneath was a fantastic PG-13 scary movie. So was The Exorcism of Emily Rose.... the part where the boyfriend wakes up in the night, looks down and she's frozen in a contorted, agonized shape on the floor? SO disturbing. But hey, she knew how to work her angles for the camera.

Additionally, goats are the best animals and I wish I could have a fainting goat for a pet. I even chose the Google Voice phone number 410-???-GOAT :)

[ElectrolGirl]

I overheard someone in the theatre complaining afterwards that the possessed handkerchief was the stupidest thing he's ever seen. But I was laughing so hard at that in a good was and was a little freaked out about it later!

[soulbrotha]

I. FUCKING. LOVE. THIS. MOVIE!!!

I saw it in the theaters with my friend who doesn't like scary movies and fought me the whole time until we literally had no other choice. Now mind you, I had no idea of the director and have never seen any of the Evil Dead movies. I was howling the moment the gypsy stepped into the bank. The audience was quiet except for me guffawing, so I'm sure they didn't understand what was so gotdam funny.

So anyway, by the time it gets to the parking lot scene, a real fight breaks out in the theater! And one of the guys picks up his Big Gulp soda and throws it at the other guy, which winds ups spraying the people nearby, including my friend, who had just gotten her hair done! Oh lawd, you do NOT fuck with a Black woman's new do! (place plug for Chris Rock's "Good Hair" right here.) She was like "oh hell no" and was wanting to jump into melee. And where was I? Peeing my pants with laughter because the fight in the theater was happening at the same time as the fight on the screen. My friend was cursing, the gypsy cursing, the audience was cursing and I was HIZ-ZOWLING! By the time the cops came and arrested the fighters (the projectionist never stopped the film), the audience had joined me and was hysterical until the end of the film. When the lights came up, the man in front of me turned around and said "You have the best laugh. Thank you." It was the best nite evah!

[Me]

The possessed goat was the best part of the movie for me. Otherwise it was pretty horrible, and I've seen some a lot of bad horror films.

[PJ]

Can we please talk about how awesome Allison Lohman is? She was perfectly cast in this role. I instantly connected with her character from the first moment I saw her. Ellen Paige was supposed to star in this but dropped out before filming. Thank god! I can't see her pulling the role off as well as Allison...

[www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=639902787]

I agree with the comment above about Ellen Paige. I think she is a good actor, but she would have been totally wrong for this part.

[Sports Grants]

I Thinks this movie was one of the best horror films of 09.

[Seneca]

I don't care if this movie was good or bad.
I have not screamed or had so much fun at a movie as when I saw Drag Me to Hell. Give him an Oscar!

[Poodle]

Bank Officers refusing an old woman an extension SHOULD be damned to hell. And for longer than three days

[Eric]

Still one of my favorite movies from this year. I heard someone bitching about how it wasn't scary, or the ending was obvious, and it made me sad for America. Miss the point much? Enjoy it for what it is: hilariously entertaining. I wish I could watch more films in which loan officers get tormented by demons and puked on for 90 minutes.